One-shots
by ehlymana
Summary: All Bloodlines pairings included. These one-shots will be full of fluff and based on your requests. If you want a chapter, PM me or write it in a review. I really hope you all like this! I update at least once per week :)
1. Have you ever really loved a woman?

_Okay, Ehlimana. Breathe. This is the first one-shot I'm doing and I'm so nervous._

_All of you who read my story, The Fiery Heart, probably know that I wanted to start this ever since I started the story itself. And you probably know that I'll still upload TFH daily, but I won't do this series as often. I'll try to do it weekly or more frequent, whenever I have time._

_So, okay. This one-shot series will be made exclusively out of your requests, so feel free to demand via PM or just write what you want to read in your reviews._

_This one is dedicated to __**HopperIvashkinator**__, my lovely sister who gave me a wonderful idea. It might be boring for those who just want steamy Sydrian, Jeddie, Trengeline, or Zeil, but for poets like HopperIvashkinator and myself, it will be very interesting. And since I'm trying to follow all pairings here, I'll try to do a 3rd person POV. Hope it works! :D_

_Enjoy, follow, review, PM, do anything you like! But remember, the sooner you ask for a one-shot, the sooner I'll update and write it! And I'm not lying when I say I'll write all of them, not just those I like._

_(and of course, all characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

„This is crazy," Angeline said, pacing the room.

And she was right. Being stuck in a hut with eleven other people was ridiculous. There was barely room to sit on the floor, let alone anything else.

„There's nothing we can do about the storm," Dimitri said, glancing through the window. „We'll just have to survive the night."

All girls, or rather, women, sighed in the room. And all boys, or rather, men, rolled their eyes at that.

„Well, we won't just sit and look at the ceiling," Rose said, slipping from the couch to the floor, „everyone, on the floor."

This was met by a raised eyebrow from Adrian and Christian, but they complied. Sydney started shaking her head, saying that she wanted to rest, but she stopped talking as soon as she saw Rose's serious face.

Lissa sat down next to Rose, grinning. „What did that brain of yours come up with this time?" she said gently, as Christian sat behind her.

Rose just winked at her. Everyone sat up in a circle, without Rose even having to say anything. And it was funny, the order in which they were sitting.

Lissa was next to Rose on the left, and Christian next to her. Next to him was Adrian, and beside him was Sydney. Zoe was snuggled up her sister's arm, and Neil was watching her with crossed arms and a cute grin. It was Trey who was sitting next to him, and Angeline was lying on the floor next to him. Those who noticed that just rolled their eyes.

Eddie was playfully touching Angeline's shoulder, while Jill was laughing. And next to Jill was Dimitri, pure contrast to that girl with blonde hair and a pale blue dress.

„Now," Rose said, grinning, „we are going to play a game." In her hand was suddenly a bottle, and she raised her eyebrows, met by blank looks of Sydney and Angeline. But of course, everyone played that game once in their lives, except if they were living in the woods, without electricity or Internet, or even soap, _or_ if they were too caught up in their jobs to even have a social life.

„Truth or dare?" Adrian asking, smirking. „I like that."

Rose shook her head. „As much as you'd love to take our clothes off, Ivashkov," she said, grinning, and Sydney furrowed her eyebrows, obviously not understanding what she meant, „no, we're not playing truth or dare. We're playing just truth."

Almost all men in the room groaned at that and now women rolled their eyes and laughed. Sydney was whispering something to Adrian, obviously unaware that 10 people in the room could hear her.

„What did Rose mean?" she whispered and Adrian grinned at her.

„You'll hear the rules, Sage, just be patient," Adrian said and Sydney sighed, turning towards Rose.

„Now, the rules," Rose said and looked pointedly to Sydney. „I'll roll the bottle and the bottle will choose a person. That person must answer one question about love, and honestly. But you can't ask about names and stuff, you'll probably be more relaxed if it's anonymus." She shrugged.

Adrian shook his head. „I'm waiting for the part where you say those who don't answer honestly must discard their clothes."

Christian nodded, but Lissa simply rolled her eyes. „If someone lies, Adrian and I will be able to see it from your auras," she said and Adrian started to protest, but she put one finger in front of her and continued, „and those who lie will must answer one question including a name."

„And what if they still decide not to say the truth?" Trey asked with a chraming smile and Angeline hit his arm.

„Then I'll throw them outside, in the storm, until they change their minds," Dimitri said in an outgoing voice, but everyone knew he was dead-serious. Seeing everyone's serious faces, he laughed and said, „I'm too old for this stuff."

Rose just rolled her eyes and spinned the bottle.

Sydney sighed when the bottle stopped, pointing at her. „Why does it always have to be me?" she said, putting her head in her hands.

Rose smiled wickedly and Dimitri touched her arm, telling her with his look not to be too hard on Sydney.

„Okay, Sydney," Rose said and Sydney glanced at her with her big, brown eyes, „tell me what is your definition of _love_."

Sydney scoffed. „Well, that's an easy one. I expected something scandalous." She smiled and glanced at Adrian. „I never believed in love. My parents never showed any affection," that was met by a nod from Zoe as Sydney continued, „and I thought it was like that for everyone else. I thought love existed just in books and movies."

Angeline laughed at that. „That's why I never read books," she said and everyone laughed.

The laughing trailed off as Sydney continued. „But I found love. And I think that it is being able to give, along with recieving. Love is actually _wanting_ to give. That's where I was wrong, because I thought love is when someone cares for you."

Adrian nodded at that, and Christian whistled. This resulted in Sydney blushing.

After a moment, people realised that Sydney wasn't going to spin the bottle, so Adrian touched her shoulder. „You spin now," he said, watching at her with affection and she blushed even deeper color.

The bottle ended pointing at Jill. She smiled. „Shoot, Sydney," she said, and Sydney nodded.

„I'd like to know when you realized you were in love, and by that I mean really in love, not just liking someone," Sydney said and Jill nodded. She knew Sydney wasn't referring to her involvement with Lee, but what happened later.

„There was a man, and he had a girlfriend," Jill said, deep in thought. „I never liked her just because of that fact. And one day, when they broke up, I looked at that man and _saw_ him for the first time. It was weird, you know, seeing how beautiful and handsome he was, when I saw him every day and never noticed it before. I also saw how fierce he was, how devoted to his job and loyal to his friends, and I asked myself, _God, how did I never notice him before?_ And when I closed my eyes and his face lingered in my mind, I realised I was in love with him." She was fiddling with the hem of her dress, her gaze on the floor, and she was blushing.

Eddie touched her arm, smiling at her, but nobody noticed that since Jill already started spinning the bottle.

And the bottle ended on Christian. He just raised his eyebrow as Jill grinned.

„If you could change one thing about the woman you love, what would that be?" Jill asked and now Christian smiled at her.

„Well, that's easy. I'd think about changing her habit of talking so much but..." he shook his head as everyone laughed and Lissa playfully hit his shoulder. „I'd change nothing about her." He shifted his gaze from Jill to Lissa then and the affection in his voice was evident. „I love how she's brave; not afraid to stand up for what she believes in, how she wraps up all her weaknesses somewhere and people think that she doesn't have any. And I know those weaknesses. I love how she was the first person to look at me and not see me how everyone else did. When she looked at me, she saw me, not my parents."

Lissa squealed after he said that and kissed his cheek. Christian was looking kind of embarrassed, probably because a man shouldn't speak so much of his emotions.

„My turn," he said with a smirk, after a moment. He spinned the bottle.

Adrian's eyebrows rose. „This is going to be interesting," he muttered and Sydney giggled.

„Is everything about physics for you?" Christian asked with a glint in his eyes. „I mean, could you be a woman without literally _being_ with her?"

Adrian chuckled at that. Nobody laughed – they probably would, but they were too interested in Adrian's response. And with everyone focused on Adrian, nobody noticed Sydney's blush.

„This is a shocking thing," Adrian said, grinning, „but I'm in a relationship for half a year already and we still haven't done the deed."

Gasps, whistles and giggles sounded through the room. Adrian tried to silence everyone by gesturing with his arms. „So yes, Christian, I am capable of being with a woman only on a mental scale."

„Impossible," Dimitri said and then seemed to think intently about something. „Actually, when i think about it, it is possible if the woman is under 5 years old."

People laughed again and Christian tried to silence them by speaking loudly. „But if it isn't physical, then what kind of a relationship is it?"

„And it seems to me that I'm the only person in this room that has no idea who is the girl?" Rose said angrily and everyone laughed.

„It is the best thing that happened in my life," Adrian said, his eyes looking at Sydney with adoration for a moment. „Being aknowledged, being worth something, being believed in. And just like Sydney said, that's not the best part – it's aknowledging, believing in, giving value to the other person. I've never had that before."

Before anyone could say anything, he spinned the bottle, and to everyone's surprise, it ended up on Christian again.

„I'm not answering this one," Christian said and spun the bottle again.

Adrian rolled his eyes. „You're just afraid of my question, and I had a pretty _physical_ one for you," he said with a wink and Lissa paled, while Christian just laughed.

After a moment, they noticed that the bottle was pointing at Zoe. She was shaking her head.

Adrian grinned. „Were you physical with the lucky guy?" he asked her.

Zoe continued frantically shaking her head. „I'm not playing."

Sydney gently touched her shoulder. „Oh, come on, Zoe, we're anonymus. Nothing bad can happen."

She gulped and looked at Adrian. After a moment, she said in a strong voice, „No. I wasn't phyiscal with anyone, and I never even had anyone."

Adrian's grin widened. „I was waiting for this moment," he said and then turned to the group. „Zoe didn't tell the truth," he said in a louder tone and Sydney gasped.

Lissa nodded. Everyone was already looking at her, not looking at Adrian. „Adrian's right. Her aura shifted when she said that."

„That means you have to say a name now," Adrian said, winking at Zoe.

Zoe was as pale as the wall by that moment. „I'm not lying," she said and then saw Dimitri start to stand up. He was trying to look big and scary, but he was smiling, obviously finding the moment amusing. Sydney was looking at her, her mouth half-open, her head shaking.

„I don't believe it, Zoe!" she said in a strained voice. „I don't know what I'm more upset about – you lying or what you're lying about."

Zoe gulped again. „I might have... done something... one time..." she said slowly, her voice thicker and more silent with every word.

Sydney shut her eyes tightly. She didn't see Neil's grin, but almost everyone else did. He didn't seem to care. „You know what?" Sydney said, her voice showing struggle for control, „Just spin the bottle."

Zoe nodded slightly and spinned the bottle. It pointed at Trey.

„You go, girl," he said and winked at her. She blushed, obviously more comfortable with Trey being human. Not that she was uncomfortable with dhampirs, judging by her words.

„How do you put up with Ang-„ and she stopped when everyone tsked at her, „with... the girl you love being different from you? Are you disgusted by that?"

This earned a look that said, 'Are you kidding me?' from Angeline and when she started to say something, Trey touched her hand and she kept silent.

„Look, Zoe," Trey said, amused, „only people that aren't in love can ask a question like that. When you love a person, you love the whole package – her crazy hair color, her addictions to things, her ability to kill you without even blinking, everything. You don't take one thing and love it, while you ditch the rest. It doesn't work that way. You can't be _disgusted_ because she's different. No matter what you're taught or what you believe, when you experience it, it's totally different."

Trey and Angeline ended up making out on the floor, while everyone rolled their eyes. Zoe glanced at Neil and he winked at her, but Sydney was too busy whispering about Zoe's earlier statement to notice.

„Trey, could you please spin the bottle?" Rose said and he cleared his throat, sitting up.

And, the bottle pointed out at Eddie.

Trey grinned. „I need advice – how to put up with a girlfriend that is capable of killing you?"

Eddie laughed. „Learn how to fight yourself. Now, the real question?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

„Is it hard for you, fighting for the person you love?" Trey asked thoughtfully.

Eddie's gaze moved to the floor. „It is, since I had to put up with her being with other persons," he said and then cleared his throat, looking at Trey. He was also uncomfortable, having to talk about his emotions in front of other people. He was a man, after all. „I was jealous at first, but I knew that she was happy and that was stronger. I let her be with others, not realising that nobody really cared about her and that everyone would hurt her except myself. I gave her up and I didn't fight for her, when in reality, she would've been the happiest if I fought for her. And in the end, she had to fight for me, since I was resigned that I could never have her."

Jill was smiling, but nobody noticed since she looked down, at the floor. Lissa spoke first. „And? What happened in the end?" she asked, almost melting by the love story Eddie told.

Eddie spinned the bottle, saying, „I answered the initial question, Lissa."

The bottle pointed at Sydney again. She smiled and said, „Thank God it's you, Eddie. I think I'd rather go out in the storm if Adrian was the one asking me the question." She was oblivious to the fact that she didn't need to answer another question and everyone found it cute, but nobody said anything. Hearing her answer another question was something everyone was curious about, especially Rose.

„If you could go back, would you do it all again?" Eddie asked with a slight smile.

Sydney looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. „Yes," she said finally. „If it didn't happen the way it did, not only that I wouldn't have love – I wouldn't have anything. I'd still be stuck as an Alchemist, being a puppet to others, not knowing the truth. Love opened my eyes."

Eddie nodded, satisfied by her answer.

The bottle ended up pointing at Zoe again.

„His name," Sydney said in a cold voice but Zoe shook her head.

„No. I don't have to answer second question until everyone answers at least one," she said and when she saw the look on Sydney's face, she added, „What? It's the rule!"

„Why didn't anyone say something to me?" Sydney asked, looking at Adrian. He just grinned at her.

The bottle was spinning again and it ended pointing at Dimitri. „A pleasant person to ask," Sydney said as Dimitri nodded at her politely.

„While you were a Strigoi, could you feel love?" Sydney said. „I know it's a personal and a prying question, but I can't help but ask."

Dimitri just nodded. Rose looked at him with fear and hope in her eyes, remembering the time in Russia. She knew the answer, but she still flinched when Dimitri said, „No. I couldn't feel anything except hunger. I was hungry for power, possessive and ruthless, without mercy or anything human in me, actually. And when Rose came to me, she was like an object for me. An object I wanted to claim and possess forever. I did feel like I wanted to turn her into Strigoi, but I didn't love her. I couldn't."

„It's okay," Rose said and hugged him. „I didn't mind. The important thing is that you're back." By now she was whispering and Dimitri kissed the top of her head.

Rose stayed in his embrace as he spinned the bottle again.

The bottle pointed at Lissa. Dimitri nodded at her, and without further delay, asked his own question. „I'm wondering if you ever get unsure or jealous. You're able to see auras and you always know how the person you love feels. But is it like that, always? Do you always know how he feels?"

Lissa shook her head, and answered in a pleasant tone while pulling her fingers through Christian's hair. He seemed to be enjoying that, his eyes closed and his mouth pulled up in a smile. „Most of the time, I don't know how he feels," Lissa said, furrowing her eyebrows, trying to explain. „Emotions are complicated, and I can't always look at auras. It's not as easy as it is for Adrian. I must concentrate really hard to be able to see them. I can read his current state of mind, but I mostly get it all wrong, because I didn't decipher every color yet. So yes, I do get unsure and jealous, but he assures me I'm beautiful all the time."

Christian grinned, not moving even for an inch, and Lissa just smiled, spinning the bottle.

It was Angeline's turn. Lissa kept her easy, pleasant tone as she asked her question. „Angeline, was coming to this, let me call it that way, modern world, hard for you? I mean, do the Keepers see and understand love differently?"

Trey was looking at Angeline intently, just like everyone else. It was always interesting to learn something about the Keepers and their weird traditions. Angeline sounded proud when she said, „The Keepers tend to keep love physical," and when giggles started to echo around the room, she rolled her eyes and continued. „_Physical_ as in _you need to fight to earn someone's love_. A woman that can't cook, hunt or defeat the man's family can't marry. Everything is about you being useful to the community. The weak never marry. Here, strength doesn't matter and that's what shocked me the most. But then again, other – for me unimportant – things do matter, like race or eye color or some minor thing that has nothing to do with surviving, or being able to find food, or important stuff. That's why I never changed my view of love. My man has to be strong, and if he wants to marry me, he needs to fight my brother and win."

Trey made a choking sound. „How strong is your brother?" he asked in a quiet voice.

„I guess you need to find out," Angeline said, grinning.

She spinned the bottle and it pointed at Neil.

He rolled his eyes. „Here it comes, an uncivilized question."

Angeline winked at him and Zoe snuggled up closer to him, shooting her a look she didn't notice. Or she did, but didn't care. „Did you find love?" Angeline said after a minute of thinking and everyone made disappointed sounds. They were expecting some cataclysmic question. „No, seriously. It's not the same as _finding a girlfriend_."

Neil nodded, but he was looking a bit annoyed. He could never quite belong to the group, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't even try. „I believe I did. And I found it at the most unexpected place, among people I was taught to despise."

Neil spinned the bottle and it ended pointing at Rose. Neil started to say something, but Dimitri shushed him.

Everyone looked at Rose – her head was in Dimitri's lap and her eyes were closed. She was sleeping, and Dimitri was gently touching her cheek with his hand. He was watching her and smiling.

Lissa squealed and buried her head in Christian's arm. „That is so cute!" she whispered.

Adrian moved to the gramophonone that was in the corner of the room, because the game was obviously over. He loved music and hoped that there was something he liked among thousands of grammys in the drawer.

He found a record and played it. The storm was still strong and they'd obviously have to spend the night where they were, but he didn't mind. He was among people he loved and cared about. He was among people that loved him and cared about him.

As the song started playing, he returned to his place close to Sydney. He noticed that Zoe fell asleep too, near Neil, who was watching her sleep, and he kissed Sydney in front of everyone. They all knew about their relationship anyway. Only Rose and Zoe didn't, and they were both asleep.

Everyone heard say Eddie whisper, „You're beautiful," in Jill's ear and she blushed as she hugged him. They were adorable – he was the strong one, protecting his princess from every possible threat. But in that moment, he was just a man in love, watching his princess with loving expression.

Trey and Angeline were in love too, but they tended to show it in a different way – on the floor, freely making out. Nobody paid attention to them, though, since everyone were too busy with thinking about the words of those they loved.

As the song „Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman" by _Bryan Adams _played, the lyrics _You've really got to love your woman _echoing in everyone's minds, Dimitri realised Rose was the only person that never got to say something about love.

And eventually, everyone fell asleep, in arms of those they loved, knowing that all the sacrifices they made for love were worth it.


	2. Guilty

_My reviewers: _**_Guest_**_ (I'll do the one-shot, for sure!), **Sydrian** (I don't know if I can do it, because this is rated T...), **Luucy** (All other one-shots will be in someone's POV, the first one was just too hard to do that way.), **Sam1405** (You still want me to do that one-shot?), **Totalbooknerd13** (You still didn't say your wish to me!), **Regina** (Of course I can, but I'd appreicate more details :D), **sheerio4ever** (You didn't request anything? :O), **Guest** (Glad you liked it!) and **Rachelalicexx** (Hope this update came soon enough). Thank you, everyone, for supporting this series and for loving me. Your words mean so much to me. HopperIvashkinator is the person you need to thank for, because nothing would be possible without her. I love you all, but I love her the most :D_

_I'll say it again - don't be shy, request anything! I'll really try hard to do every one-shot you request._

_This one is for **Bukwurm13**, a devoted reader of my other story. I really hope this is similar to what you had in your head, and I hope you all like it! :D_

_(all characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

* * *

"Adrian," I breathed and flung myself at him.

Adrian hugged me and chuckled. "Where's the fire, Sage?" he asked mockingly.

"I missed you," I said, snuggled in his chest. I breathed him in and though my heart started beating faster, I felt calmer. "I haven't seen you in a week."

Adrian laughed, and his chest vibrated. I liked the sound and the feel of it. It meant he was happy, happy because of me. "Five days isn't exactly a week, Sage," he said when he stopped laughing.

He was wearing a beautiful blue button-up shirt with red strips on it, the first two buttons undone. He was also wearing his denim jeans that were so ugly... I wanted to pull them apart every time I saw them. And in the same time, I wanted to undress us both completely.

Thankfully, Adrian wasn't a mind reader, so he couldn't know what I was thinking about. He pulled us both into his apartment and looked at me with those emerald eyes, melting me completely, and melting all my treacherous thoughts with it. "Did you miss me that much?" Adrian said with a raised eyebrow, smirking.

That broke the spell. "Not quite," I said, trying to sound uninterested. I moved away from him and turned towards the kitchen. "I'm hungry." I turned around and looked at him with a disappointed look.

The distraction worked. Adrian grinned and immediately entered the kitchen, opening the fridge. "Hopper's pie?" he asked as he glanced at me. I shook my head. No, thanks, I wasn't interested in dragon germs and God knows what more.

"Old cheese?" Adrian continued, shaking his head. "I suppose a can of beer wouldn't be too bad..." he murmured to himself and I gently hit him in the shoulder.

I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. "I told you I'd stay for a few hours, and you didn't prepare anything _eatable_?" I said with a grimace.

Adrian was obviously uncomfortable, scratching his neck and not looking at me. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what was going on. "Sage..." he started in an uncertain tone. "You don't usually come here to eat, you know. I thought today wasn't an exception."

I raised my eyebrows. "You thought we'd make out for _hours_?" I blinked, not understanding, but his face and a shrug said it all.

"You're unbelievable," I said, shaking my head and storming out of the kitchen.

Adrian, thinking I was going back to Amberwood, started running and saying, "We'll order or something, Sage! Just don't go!"

But that wasn't my plan. I hurried in Adrian's bedroom, slammed the door shut and locked them.

"And don't try to lure me out!" I yelled.

I started giggling and I hoped Adrian wouldn't hear me. I mean, he was right - I did come here just to make out with him. Food was the last thing on my mind, and even though I was a bit hungry (the consequence of Adrian's "Sydney discovers food" program), Adrian was too distracting. All I wanted was to grab him, throw him on the bed I was currently lying on and kiss him until we both died.

But he was getting me too easy for months already - I'd come here on Thursday and make out with him. We'd survive until the next Thursday, and then the same thing would happen over and over again.

Today Zoe had to stay at Clarence's with Rose and Eddie, discussing the matters about protecting Jill, and I managed to convince her I had a very big homework and that I'd come pick her up in a few hours.

Of course, homework was the last thing on my mind in that moment - I was thinking just _Oh my God, we'll have more than an hour, Oh my God_. Yeah, I was definitely in love and in puberty. I was 18, after all.

Adrian's excuse for this behavior was that he was a man. That explained it all.

So I just lied in the bed and closed my eyes. I'd wait a couple more minutes, get out of the bedroom silently and scare Adrian to death. And then things would go the way they always did with us, and we'd end up on the floor or on the couch, making out for hours.

Food would, of course, be forgotten.

Something - or someone - grabbed my wrists and put them above my head. I opened my eyes in panic, thinking I was being kidnapped by the Alchemists. I rolled them when I found myself staring into a smirking, emerald eyed, narcissistic, sneaking Moroi named Adrian Ivashkov. Zoe knew him as Jet Steele and he was the guy I always talked to on the phone.

Aka _my boyfriend_.

I tried to move away, but Adrian's grip on my hands remained firm. "How did you manage to break in without a sound?" I asked, giving up the fight. He was a Moroi, but he was stronger than I was.

Adrian's smirk widened. "Spare key," he said, rising an eyebrow.

"You have a spare key to your bedroom?" I asked, disbelieving.

He nodded. "I counted on cases like this," he said and I rolled my eyes again.

Only then I noticed what was really going on. Adrian was on top of me, making moving impossible with his weight, and I was underneath, wearing my white button-up shirt and a black skirt.

I also didn't fail to notice how the skirt wasn't below the knees, as it should've been.

Adrian obviously noticed it too. The spark in his eyes told me so.

Was I supposed to answer to that? Was I supposed to be angry, or scared, or something? Because all thoughts dissolved from my head.

Only one thought remained. "Kiss me," I whispered.

And in a moment, I was pressed between the soft bed and Adrian and we were kissing. My fingers wanted to tangle in his hair, but when I tried to move my hands, I couldn't.

Adrian smiled against my mouth and gently released my wrists from his grip. They hurt a little, but I didn't care anymore. All I cared about was Adrian, and he was everywhere - his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him; his other hand roaming down my side, pausing at the hem of my skirt and making me shiver; his lips, on my lips and then on my neck, making me moan; his whole body, embracing me, making me warm, making me even hungrier for him.

Adrian's shirt somehow found the floor after I unbuttoned it. My shirt soon joined it, but I wasn't cold. I was feeling even warmer - that's the impact Adrian's bare skin on mine had.

I tugged at his hair, making his lips leave my neck and bringing them down to my mouth again. I ran my hands over his bare back, while his hand was playing with one strap of my bra. It made me giggle.

Adrian smiled against my mouth again and his other hand was on my back now, undoing the clasp...

"Oh. My. God," came a horrified voice from somewhere above me. I opened my eyes. Adrian and I were both still, not moving or even breathing. I could only hear - and feel - our heartbeats.

Adrian's eyes were widened, because of lust or shock I wasn't exactly sure. He tilted his head to where the familiar voice came from, blocking me from view.

"I'm kind of in a situation, Rose..." he started in a calm voice, but Rose cut him off.

"She's blonde?" was all Rose said. I tried to hide myself in Adrian. God, why did his back seem so big moments ago, while now I felt too exposed?

Thankfully, my bra was still on. That's why I didn't totally freak out. This was just regular freaking out. Yeah. My boyfriend's ex just caught us in his bed, almost naked. Nothing to worry about.

"What's going on, guys? Zoe said Sydney's-" I heard Eddie say, and then he just added, "Jesus."

"Not here, if that's who you're asking for, even though women tell me I'm a miracle," Adrian said and I rolled my eyes.

"I guess it's time I finally meet that half-naked blonde girlfriend of yours," Rose said, ignoring him.

Adrian covered me even more, if possible. "Rose," he said it as a warning.

I quickly found the covers and tried to wrap myself in them. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping they'd just go away until I did the invisibility spell and hid at Amberwood until the end of time.

I didn't even try to think about what Eddie meant when he said 'Zoe.' If she was here, I was dead.

But in a second, Adrian was away from me, saying, "Hey!"

I heard Rose say, "You must be-" and then she trailed off. The room was silent, too silent, and I didn't even dare to breathe.

I opened my eyes after a moment and swallowed. Rose was looking at me, her mouth half-open, her hand on Adrian's arm. My crazy brain registered his bare chest and melted. Even in a situation like this, he managed to distract me.

"Compulsion," Rose said and turned towards Adrian. Meanwhile I tried to smile at Eddie and he awkwardly smiled back. Oh, God. This was beyond awful. Even if I became invisible, they'd still know who I was and what I did. And I'd be humiliated just by remembering this moment until I died.

That's when Rose punched Adrian. Adrian stumbled back, falling to the floor, saying, "Ouch!" while Rose tried to grab him. Eddie stopped her.

Adrian put his hand on his eye, saying, "What the hell, Rose?", while Rose tried to shake off Eddie. Thank God, Eddie was stronger.

I was shocked, and angry. How dare she touch Adrian? And why did she do it? Then I remembered that asking Rose for reasons was like talking to a wall.

Adrian was also looking shocked, but not as shocked as I expected him to be. He was acting as if this wasn't a big deal. As if seeing me, half-naked, in his bed with him, wasn't a big deal. As if seeing me, an Alchemist, with a Moroi... I decided to stop thinking at that moment.

"You compelled her," she choked out. "You compelled Sydney, you jerk!" I tried to look at Rose's face, but my gaze constantly shifted to Adrian. His tan was so pale, and he was looking so... manly and so hot, that I couldn't resist looking at him for longer than a second.

Adrian smirked. "I thought you knew better, Rose," he said. He surely was muscular for a Moroi...

Rose just shook her head and pointed at me. "Her eyes are glassy and she's looking at you as if you're a piece of meat," she said and Adrian looked at me, amused. I shifted my gaze so it rested on Rose, ignoring him. It came back to his chest again.

I wanted to defend myself, but I didn't know how. _Hey, Rose, he isn't compelling me, I'm making out with him because I want to?_ _And yeah, he's so hot, by the way_. She'd probably think I was crazy if I said that.

Adrian rolled his eyes. "She's shocked, and I'm infuriatingly handsome. Even Castile's looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat," he said and winked at the blushing Eddie.

Rose snorted at that. "You compelled her. Why would you compel her, Adrian? She's going to freak out when she snaps out of it!" she said, narrowing her eyes at Adrian and clenching her hands into fists. She was flushed, and I knew that it was only a question of moment when all her anger exploded.

"I'm here," I said dumbly, and everyone turned to look at me. "Don't talk about me as if I'm not."

Rose started speaking first. "You are going to lie down and rest while I kick his ass for taking advantage of you," she said with raised eyebrows.

I smiled, despite my brain's protests. "I think I was the one who took advantage of him, Rose," I said and Rose looked at me, blinking. I must've looked like a crazy woman, my gaze continuously returning to Adrian's chest.

"See?" Adrian said in his victorious tone. "She's not compelled."

Rose turned around, breathing hard. "What the hell, Sydney?" she asked, after studying my flushed face for a moment.

I shrugged. "Rose, we're together for-" I started and stopped when I heard a gasp.

Zoe stood in the doorway, looking from me to Adrian, and she crossed herself. "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name..." she said, her voice fading.

I shut my eyes tightly. Adrian started talking first. "Zoe, you surely wonder what's..."

"I know exactly what's going on," Zoe said and that made me open my eyes. "I thought Sydney was with her boyfriend Jet," she said and Adrian turned towards me, grinning.

"Because she'd already done all her homework yesterday," Zoe continued. "And I thought Lord Ivashkov was helping her to hide with the man. That's why I pursued the guardians to come with me to check his apartment, saying we 'needed to ask him something.' I expected to find Sydney here, but..." Zoe turned towards me, her face disgusted and shocked. "Are you out of your mind?"

Adrian got up. "Why does everyone consider me a bad influence?" he said, sounding like a child.

Eddie tried a different approach. "Look, Zoe, it's not that big of a deal..."

Zoe cut him off. "No, it's not. My sister is doing God knows what naked in bed with a Moroi. It's really not a big deal." She sounded like Jill. Like a horrified, freaked out Jill. "I'm going to call dad. He'll know what to do and how to deal with Sydney."

I started to get up. "He'll send me to Re-education, Zoe!" I said in a high-pitched voice. "You think he'd ever be able to understand what Adrian and I have?"

But Zoe was shaking her head and she was already out the door. "Nobody can understand what you two have," she whispered and left.

I got up, keeping the covers around myself. Adrian also started to run after Zoe, but Eddie and Rose were faster.

Rose caught Zoe by the shoulders, turned her around and punched her. Hard.

Actually, she punched her so hard that she collapsed on the floor.

I screamed and sank to the floor, the covers around me forgotten. I was touching Zoe's face, searching for broken bones or a concussion, but I found nothing. She was just unconscious, thank God.

"She's okay," I breathed, relieved and turned around to see an amused Adrian, a horrified Rose and an uncomfortable Eddie looking at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding what was going on, but when Adrian said, "Red, huh? My lucky color." I shrieked and quickly covered myself with the sheets again. My face was scarlet, I knew. I was so humiliated. No wonder Eddie couldn't look at me. I was just in a bra, for the God's sake.

Eddie swallowed. "Now, please go and dress yourself, Sydney," he said, clearing his throat, "and we'll discuss what to do with Zoe while you're gone."

Adrian nodded. "And get my shirt while you're at it, Sage," he said in a high-pitched voice and I rolled my eyes. Of course - he was even more dangerous without a shirt on than I was.

After a minute, dressed and taking a deep breath, I came out into the hallway.

Rose was saying, "... is definitely not going to agree with that."

Adrian shook his head. "There's no other way to do it," he said, making me panic.

"What's going on?" I said, entering the living room.

Eddie blushed, turning away from me. He obviously wasn't over what he saw a minute ago.

Rose narrowed her eyes at me. "What were you planning to do with Zoe?"

I shrugged. I saw that Zoe was on the couch now, sleeping and with a reddish spot on her forehead. "I'll try to talk her out of reporting me, and if I don't manage to do it, I'll go to Mexico with Marcus and break the tattoo."

"With Marcus?" Adrian said in disbelief. "What about me?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know, Adrian! I didn't have time to think about it."

That made Rose smirk. "Well, fortunately, I did and I have a solution."

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest, as if daring her to continue.

She, of course, did. "Adrian is going to compel her into forgetting what she saw."

Rose seemed proud with herself and Eddie muttered, "It's the easiest way," but Adrian was looking at me with knowing eyes.

I shook my head. "Thanks for the offer, but no."

"Why not?" Rose said.

"Because," I said, flunging my arms in the air, "I'm an Alchemist and I'm against using magic on people! And compelling is wrong-" I stopped, seeing the mortified look on Rose's face. "What?"

"You're against using magic on people? You're an Alchemist?" Rose's voice was rising with each word. "Do I need to remind you that a minute ago you were half-naked with a Moroi on top of you?"

I blushed and looked away. "It's a different thing," I said in a near-whisper. But how was it different, exactly?

"And how is it different, exactly?" Eddie said in a pleasant tone.

"I don't know," I said and sank to the couch beside Zoe, sighing. "I don't know."

Probably because of unexpected movements, Zoe started to wake up.

"Your call," Adrian said, and I knew that he wouldn't be angry at me, no matter what I decided. We'd make it out of this, somehow.

And what would a little magic be? It'd just make her think that she saw something else.

Zoe opened her eyes. "What happen-" she started and touched her forehead with her hand. Realisation hit her face. She turned towards Rose. "You! You hit me, unholy creature!"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay," I said and Adrian touched my hand with his fingers, making me feel warm once again.

"Zoe," he said gently and she turned her head towards him. Rose stopped talking, thankfully. She was in the middle of an "I'm not evil" sentence.

"You came here with Rose and Eddie and saw Sydney with her boyfriend, Jet," he said in that same, pleasant tone. Zoe's eyes became glassy and she nodded, saying, "Okay. I suppose she was with Jet." I tried not to freak out.

"You left them to do their thing, and now you're going to leave, satisfied with what you found out." Zoe nodded again and got up.

Adrian gently touched her forehead and I saw that he was healing her. "Rose didn't hit you," he said, not breaking eye contact for a second, and Zoe frowned.

"But the evil-" she started. Adrian cut her off.

"You dreamed that. You fell asleep on the couch," he said. Zoe looked at the couch and then nodded. Her eyes were still glassy.

"I supose I did," she whispered and got up, obviously still under previous command.

"Thank you for telling me Sydney's with Jet, Lord Ivashkov," Zoe said and nodded at him, turning around to leave.

"Yeah," Rose said in a fake tone. "Thanks, Adrian." She looked at me with a very narrow look, pointing at me with her index finger, but Eddie pushed her forward.

"Zoe?" Adrian gently asked and I frowned at him. He said all he had, what did he want from her now?

Zoe turned around, looking at him with her big, brown eyes. "Yes, Lord Ivashkov?"

Adrian smirked. "Remember that Jet is very, very handsome," he said and winked at her.

Zoe giggled, turned around and left. With a last look and a smile, Eddie followed Zoe and Rose out.

I immediately turned towards Adrian. "That was close," I said, smiling.

He just nodded, returning the smile, but it vanished, replaced by a concerned look. "Are you okay with what I just did to Zoe?"

I bit my lower lip. "Adrian, it was wrong. First I'm lying to her, and when she finally gets the courage to find out the truth, we compel her into forgetting about it." I shook my head. "You work your magic wonderfully, but it's not fair. I'd feel wful if someone did that to me, let alone my sister. I shouldn't hide things from her."

"She would've reported on you," Adrian said, still looking at me with that concerned look. Thanfully, he was wearing his shirt now and the only thing that was able to distract me were his beautiful eyes. "She was so scared, Sydney. And so shocked."

I sighed. "I'll try to redempt myself somehow. One day, when she finds out about us, I'll tell her we did this." I shut my eyes tightly. "But I still feel awful."

Adrian pulled me into an embrace. "Don't feel awful. I compelled her."

I shook my head. "But I let you do it."

"You had to," Adrian contradicted.

I just sighed. What I did was wrong, but at least it solved a problem. I didn't need to fight against Re-education with everything I already had on my plate.

"So, you think I work my magic wonderfully?" Adrian whispered near my ear, making me shiver.

"Maybe," I breathed. "But you're better on a more physical scale."

Adrian leaned back and grinned.

And the next thing I knew - I was pulled up into his embrace and he was kissing me, carrying me somewhere in the same time.

Maybe I could live with that guilt, I thought to myself. If it meant a few more hours with Adrian, I'd endure anything.


	3. Angry Greek Goddess

_My reviewers: __**Totalbooknerd13**__ (:D), __**sheerio4ever**__ (you're getting that one-shot too, it's number 4 on the list! And oh God, I know how intense PE feels...), __**Regina **__(your request is number 3), __**Crystal jaide **__(TFH version will be more scandalous ;D). Thank you so much for your kind words, and feel free to write more requests. Currently, there are 8._

_This one is dedicated to __**Guest**__, the first one to write a review. Hope you like it! :)_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

From the moment I woke up, I was happy. And not just _I'm feeling nice_ happy. No. I was _jumping around _happy. I was just lying there, in my bed, the whole morning, grinning and thinking how beautiful life was.

And why was I so happy?

It was because I knew Sydney would be in this bed, with me, in less than an hour. And she'd stay there the whole day. It was a chance we never had before – actually spending the whole day together.

Zoe had some special Alchemist assignment and would be away for the whole day. Sydney agreed to drive her to the airport, since she was going to another state, and then she'd go directly to my apartment. And we'd be together until Zoe called Sydney to pick her up.

So I got up, cleaned around a bit and even made us some breakfast. Sydney was starting to eat more, but she still wasn't used to eating a lot in the morning. I planned to change that, so I made us a chicken soup and sandwiches. I even made a salad.

Hopper was woken up by the smell of food and I told him to wait until Sydney was here. He sat on the table, near the soup, waiting for his mom with his big, brown eyes. He was a little dragon, but he looked like Sydney. And he obviously inherited his charming nature from his dad.

I was shaking my head, chuckling because of my thoughts, when I heard the bell ringing. I was even wearing an apron, but I didn't need it in order to stay clean. I put it on to throw Sydney out of her shoes. She definitely couldn't handle me, making breakfast in an apron.

I opened the door, grinning – and saw a drenched, soaking wet Sydney. I didn't even notice it was raining. Her aura was a nuclear explosion, just like the expression she wore. Perhaps I wouldn't throw her out of her shoes because she was already out of them.

"Move," she said bitterly and brushed past me. She passed by the dining table, by a squeaking Hopper, by me, without saying anything else. All she did was slamming the bedroom door after she went in.

I raised an eyebrow. Well, that went well. I wasn't planning on waiting for her to dry herself and decide to tell me what happened. Was Zoe's flight cancelled? Was everything okay?

I slowly opened the bedroom door, taking a peek inside. I gulped when I saw Sydney's bare back and entered the room.

I tried not to be distracted by the fact that she was half-naked, searching for something – probably a shirt – in my closet. She was searching in the _Trousers closet_, so she was probably just going to get angrier before she realized she wouldn't find any here.

I slowly approached her and touched her shoulder. "Sydney, the shirts are in -" I started, but I was cut off by Sydney's scream.

She tried to cover herself. "What the hell is wrong with you? I'm naked!" she said, or actually, it was more like shouting. I couldn't believe it – Sydney Sage, the ultimate nerd, just swore. The innocent Alchemist girl just swore. It was... shockingly hot.

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, it's not like I didn't see you in a bra ever before..." I stopped myself when I saw her face. "I'm trying to help, Sage. You're looking in the wrong closet and if I hadn't come in, you would've just been more pissed off." I came to the other closet and slowly opened it. I grabbed the first shirt in it – it was a blue one – and offered it to her. "Here," I said gently.

She just grabbed the shirt, without thanking me. What happened? She rarely acted like this. The only I other time she was this cold was when I told her I scratched the Ivashkinator. She didn't talk to me for five days after that happened.

But this time, I didn't do anything. Why was she taking it out on me?

"What happened, Sydney?" I asked gently as I threw myself on the bed. Sydney was actually pulling her skirt down at the time, and I was certain that if I watched her for another second, she'd end up on the bed, naked, with me on top of her. She probably didn't have that in mind.

"First Zoe puts her make up on for an hour and makes me drive 80 miles per hour to get us to the airport on time," Sydney said, dressing herself in my trousers, sounding like someone who tried very hard to keep calm, "then we have to wait the flight, and when she's finally gone, it starts raining and I have to run to my car without an umbrella!"

I finally got the strength to look at her. She was dressed in my blue T-shirt and my black shorts, and with her wet hair, she was looking so hot that I had to fight the urge to press her up a wall.

Sydney had other ideas. "Now get out of that bed and let me sleep in it the whole day," she said as she threw herself on the bed too.

I raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you were so big that we couldn't both fit in the bed."

Sydney narrowed her eyes at me. "Are you implying that I'm fat?"

I rolled my eyes. She couldn't be serious. "Yeah, you're as fat as Jill."

Sydney threw a pillow at me. "Now get out and let me sleep."

I stood up and pulled at her arm. "I made us breakfast. Come on, Hopper's waiting for us."

"I don't want to eat, Adrian," Sydney said, her voice rising. What was wrong with her? I quickly looked at her aura – it was even worse than before, full of annoyance and irritation. I unnerved her? What the hell? "Now leave me alone." She tried to remove her hand from my grip, but I didn't release her. It took two to play the game.

Sydney looked at me, and she immediately stopped trying to move. It was as if she saw a ghost – in this case a ridiculously handsome one.

I just grinned and pulled her with me. She didn't protest.

The breakfast started fine – Sydney kissed the top of Hopper's head and ate the soup. She wasn't able to finish off a single sandwich, so she gave it to me. I already ate three, but I didn't protest.

All hell broke loose when Hopper finished the soup. He started running towards me and accidentally pushed a glass with his tail. Of course, it fell and the water spilled.

On Sydney, who was studying the salad. She didn't even notice until her (or actually, mine) trousers were soaking wet. She shrieked and got up, looking at herself horrified.

Hopper curled himself into my lap. Sydney looked at me, and then at Hopper, and then she put a finger in front of her, pointing at our son.

"You," she said in a cold voice, "are grounded."

Hopper turned around so that he was facing me and gently squealed. I gently touched his head, trying to protect him.

Sydney was looking like a Greek goddess, her hands on her hips. I gulped, knowing that I didn't want to be on the opposite side of the battlefield. And I was doing exactly that.

But I couldn't leave my son. I turned around, practically ran to the bedroom, put him inside and closed the door. Sydney was still standing beside the dining table, looking at me with narrowed eyes. I didn't know what was wrong with her, but I was planning to find out.

"Don't you dare defend him!" Sydney started shouting. I mentally rolled my eyes. Yeah, such a scandalous event – Hopper spilled some water on her. Wow. "I'm soaking wet!" Sydney continued.

"Take them off," I commanded. "The shirt is long enough anyway."

Sydney raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. I was trying not to grin as I finally got a good look at her – now bare – legs. And I lied - my shirt was long, but not long enough.

I loved my son.

"Did you plan this?" Sydney asked. "Because I can imagine Hopper did it on purpose."

I had many answers to that one, but I decided to just let it go.

I sighed. "What's wrong with you, Sage? Your aura is full of so many angry emotions. What did I do?"

"Who said you did anything?" Sydney said in an uncontrolled voice. I raised both eyebrows, telling her that she was just proving the point with that tone.

Sydney shrugged. "I don't know what's going on with me," she said, trying to calm down. "I'm angry, but I have no idea why. And when I try _not_ to be angry, I just end up being angrier. What do you care, anyway?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm your boyfriend, Sage. Messing with things like this is in the job description." I crossed my arms over my chest, as if daring her to contradict me.

She did. "So you do this only because you think you have to? Because I'll immediately say – you don't have to do anything. If you think I'm messed up, just leave me alone."

"You're doing it again. Why are you doing it again?"

Sydney crossed her arms over her chest and turned around, away from me. "I don't know. That's why I want to be alone – I'll just end up hurting those I love the most. I already hurt Hopper." Her voice was half-whisper by the time she was done. And by the time I reached her, my breath on her neck, my hands moving up her sides, she was trembling.

"Hopper understands," I whispered and kissed her neck gently. "And I don't mind. I just don't know what's wrong with you and it's killing me. Your aura is…"

Sydney suddenly looked uncomfortable. "It's…" she started, paused and took another deep breath. "It's PMS."

That certainly wasn't what I expected. "What?" I asked, not able to take it in. But Sage… she never acted like this. I thought she was one of those women that were able to defeat it.

"I know," she whispered, "It is totally new to me too. I've never felt this way… before. Being unable to control myself."

I pulled away. "But I thought…"

Sydney bit her lip and then looked at me, her beautiful brown eyes shining. I gasped when I saw her, realizing once more how beautiful she was. "I'll… I'll just leave," she said and started to turn away.

I caught her wrist. "Don't be crazy, Sage," I whispered.

"You shouldn't be seeing me like this," Sydney whispered back, her head turned away from me. "And especially now. We were supposed to be together the whole day. And now I ruined it."

"Sydney," I breathed. That was all it took. Sydney turned around and she was crying and I pulled her to me. I touched her cheek with my fingers, tracing the lily pattern. "Don't cry," I whispered. "It's nothing. You didn't ruin anything. You're here, and you're with me. But even if it was a big deal, you shouldn't be crying."

Sydney looked up into my eyes, confused. That gaze killed all defenses. It killed everything in me, except desire. My whole body was burning with it. "Why not?" she asked, new tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Because I can't resist you when you're vulnerable," was all I managed to say before I pulled her up, tilted her head and started kissing her. The whole world dissolved – all that was left were shaky breaths, tears, her fingers, pulling my hair, and my hands on her cheeks, wiping her tears.

All that was left were our emotions – a desperate hunger that was becoming bigger and bigger through the months without her. We were both there, but we never had the chance to actually show each other how we felt. I didn't know if she felt the same as that day in Malibu, I didn't know if she still thought I was her man.

And she was my everything. As our lips kept meeting, with fierceness and gentleness, I tried to pour everything I felt out of me – my fears, my hopes, my desires.

Sydney wrapped her arms around my neck and we started moving towards that wall. PMS or not, she was still able to make me go crazy with her touch. And when I pressed her up the wall our bodies found while moving on autopilot, her legs wrapped around my waist and I was lost.

Sydney was lifted and taken to my bedroom. When she ended up on the bed, my shirt was already gone from her, leaving her practically naked. I kept her busy so that she wouldn't notice.

I was on top of Sydney, kissing her hungrily, not able to control myself anymore. We had the whole day for ourselves, and she was away for too long.

The spell – or rather, the making out session – ended when we heard a loud squeal. Sydney and I were immediately locked in space, not moving, the only sound coming from our hearts and lungs. We were both breathing hard, looking at each other. I tried to focus on the familiar sound, and not on Sydney's body. I've actually never seen so much of it before, and I wasn't in any state to protest.

The sound was there again and Sydney rolled away, revealing a brown monster underneath her.

I rolled my eyes. I forgot about Hopper.

Sydney groaned. "I told you – you are grounded, Hopper!"

"Oh God, here it comes again," I said, but I was laughing.

And who wouldn't be laughing, really? My girlfriend was almost naked, on my bed, and our son was looking at us with those big brown eyes, confused and shrieking.

Sydney put Hopper in her palm. "Mom and dad have some serious business to do," she said to him.

I raised an eyebrow. We had some serious business to do? What was she planning?

Sydney was smiling and wisely avoiding my gaze. She got up and I had to close my eyes. Even Adrian Ivashkov had his limits.

After a moment, I heard Sydney whisper to Hopper, "I'm sorry, baby. You're not grounded. Eat what's left from the breakfast and I'll come clean up when you're done. Okay? Good Hopper."

I looked up at the ceiling. If she wanted to find out how much control I had over myself, she'd find out I had none left soon enough.

"Okay, Ivashkov," came a voice from somewhere above me. "You're wearing far too much clothes for my taste." I raised an eyebrow at Sydney. I was wearing too much clothes for my taste too, but she never asked for my opinion.

And I realized I was probably going to get lucky. A thought crossed my mind – Zoe had no idea what her sister was doing, what she was wearing, and with who she was. I liked that thought. It made this whole thing that much more dangerous.

But thoughts soon dissolved from my mind. I groaned. "I love your PMS, Sage," I said and wanted to add something, but Sydney kept me too busy for words.


	4. Zeil: Irresistable

**Author's note:** _Okay, guys, I certainly hope you like this. I really enjoyed writing it._

_My reviewers: __**TheHappyLol**__ (oh God, that is a crazy thought. Your one-shot coming tomorrow!), __**Rachelalicexx**__ (so glad you liked it!), __**Totalbooknerd13**__ (you didn't expect less, right? :P), __**Guest**__ (you're going to get that one-shot too!), __**sheerio4ever**__ (you are crazy and I love you :D), __**iheartfillintheblank**__ (well, that's left to you… no problem, Jeddie is coming soon and it will be beautiful!), __**Sam1405**__ (awwwwwwh, thanks so much!). _

_I love you all and your reviews._

_This one is for __**Regina**__. Hope I did Zoe right?_

_And yes, I am doing a one-shot about characters that we know almost nothing about, so I bet we'll laugh when TFH is out! :D_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

I was frustrated, angry, desperate, tired, sad… There were so many emotions inside of me, and they all wanted to come out in one moment.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my emotions in check.

I was an Alchemist, today was my birthday, and my sister had forgotten about it.

But that's not why I was feeling all these emotions. My problems were much, much bigger.

First of all, my parents were getting divorced. Sydney, Carly and I were at the trial and I testified in dad's favor. Sydney and Carly didn't.

I wanted to be under dad's custody, but they ruined it all. They presented mom like the perfect person and while dad got all money, he lost the most important thing – me.

The trial was, actually two days ago and mom didn't let me be an Alchemist anymore. She talked to my superior, Donna Stanton, and she agreed to let me go. After all, I was underage and the law protected mom's wishes.

That certainly wasn't my plan. I was planning to either remain an Alchemist, because this was the job I dreamed of, or to tell dad to hide me somewhere until I was 18. Mom wasn't going to keep me away from this life in any way.

My other great problem was my sister, Sydney. Since I became an Alchemist, I realized how different she was – she wasn't the big, perfect sister I remembered. She was an entirely different, cold person that kept pushing me away.

I mean, I knew she had a boyfriend (I found out not too long ago), but she never let me meet him. She was acting very strangely – when he called and I was in the room, she wouldn't answer. When I said I wanted to go somewhere with her, she'd be sad and annoyed. When I didn't know how to do something, she'd immediately say I wasn't a good Alchemist.

It was as if she wanted me to go away. She wanted all glory for herself – she wanted dad to be proud of her, she wanted to be the best Alchemist, she wanted everything. I refused to go away, wanting to get at least a part of what she wanted… No, I didn't want the glory. I just wanted my sister back, and I wanted to be with my dad.

Sydney told me harsh things a while ago. She told me I was incompetent, threatening me with calling Stanton to take me home and everything. I saw the relief in her eyes when they said mom got the custody, in court.

I hated mom. She was a wonderful woman, but dad told me everything about her. He told me how she wanted to take me for herself, how she already claimed the other two girls and turned them against him. I was all that was left for him, and she just took it away.

Sydney reminded me of her. She took everything away – my dreams, my memories, my feelings – bit by bit, day by day. I'd catch her murmuring something in her dreams, I'd catch her crying at night, I'd catch her being vulnerable, but I never knew what was wrong with her. When I asked, she either played stupid or said it wasn't my business.

And she hated the fact that I loved Keith. She hated the fact that I thought she set him up for Re-education. And I did think that she was so blinded with power to notice anything else.

I could live with all of this. It wouldn't break me down – not after I saw vampires, not after I became an Alchemist.

But another fact… it did break me down. And I sobbed hard, because I couldn't do anything about it.

You see, I fell in love with someone. And not just with _someone_. I fell in love with a British handsome guy, two years older than me. And he was so hot, with that short hair and those gorgeous brown eyes… I couldn't resist him, even if I wanted. And I willingly let myself go a long time ago.

It wouldn't be a problem if he was just a regular guy from my school. Yeah, it'd be a bit awkward, asking an older guy out, and Sydney would probably shift into overly-protective mode, but I wouldn't care.

I had to care. Why? Because he wasn't a regular guy from my school. Actually, he finished school long ago. His mission was to protect princess Jillian. He was her guardian, and he was a dhampir.

Being with a dhampir, even thinking of him this way, would be considered a treason. I'd be shipped to Re-education, and I'd forget all about his lean back and muscles on his chest and I wouldn't even remember the way my stomach shifted when he smiled at me.

The golden lily on my cheek should've been able to prevent this. It didn't, and I just couldn't resist him.

Neil was always there, always somewhere around me, always lurking in the shadows, trying to find a threat there. I was afraid of Strigoi. I'll be honest, I hated that uncivilized dhampir Angeline – partially because she pretended to be in love with Neil, and I hated that uptight princess everyone called Jill. I mean, she had a nice face and she was skinny, so what? Everyone fell to their knees when they saw her. It was irritating, since all she did was cry when that other guardian Edison dumped her.

But the way that they all acted – as if they were human, as if they weren't vampires, it astonished me. Dad always taught me that vampires couldn't feel. These guys… they were talented actors.

Or at least, I thought so. I wasn't so sure now. The way they were acting was too human, too _normal_.

My head was spinning with so many thoughts, so I didn't even hear when the door of the room opened and someone entered. When I felt someone's breath on my neck, I wasn't afraid – I thought it was Sydney.

But when strong arms caught my waist and turned me around, I couldn't help but gasp.

"What the hell?" I shouted. In front of me materialized the most handsome man I've ever seen. My half-open mouth immediately shut and I started chewing my lower lip.

Neil was smirking at me, his arms still on my waist. "Did I frighten you, Miss?"

The way he was talking… I wanted to rip his clothes off of him when he called me 'Miss.'

I shrugged, playing cool. "Nah, I was just thinking."

Neil looked at me, the smile vanishing from his face. He scanned me, seeming concerned, and probably saw my ruined make-up and mascara. I looked like a clown, I knew, and I felt embarrassed. I untangled myself from him and turned away. "What are you doing here, Neil?" I asked, forgetting formalities.

Neil wouldn't buy that. When he walked to my side of the bed, one side of me was on the seventh heaven. The other part of me… it felt like crying even more. I forced the tears down, not wanting to embarrass myself further in front of Neil.

Neil brushed an escaped tear from my cheek. His hand felt so warm, and left a tingling sensation that spread through my whole face. "What happened?" he gently said.

"I'm… I'm being sent away," I said, fighting tears. I wasn't weak – I was strong, and I was going to show it to Neil. Only small girls cried. With that thought, I took a deep breath, looked at his big, brown eyes and continued. "Dad lost custody and mom is forcing me out of the Alchemists. I'm going to be hidden in a hole somewhere until I turn 18."

Neil smiled. "It's not so bad, miss Zoe. Think about the life you'll have with your mom – you'll have a family, friends, a normal school; you won't be worrying about vampires and secret business…"

"I don't want that life!" I snapped. "Sydney wanted that life. She wanted it so much, but dad never gave her the chance. She was the older one, and she was so busy with sulking because she couldn't study architecture that she didn't see the honor she was given." I shook my head, trying to control my rage. "I got all she wanted, but dad never gave me the chance to become what I was born to be – an Alchemist. I wanted this so much, and when I finally got it, mom has to come and ruin it."

Neil looked shocked. "You always wanted this? Not being able to have a normal boyfriend, not being able to have a family, always living on the road, alone, with a bunch of vampires on your back…" he trailed off, frowning.

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, who'd want that? Who'd want to keep the human race safe? Who'd consider this a holy mission? Sydney only wanted freedom. I wanted to be chained."

"Zoe, I don't think you know what you're saying…" Neil started, but I cut him off.

"Get out," I said harshly. "I didn't ask for your opinion. Get out, and let me alone."

Neil raised his hands and nodded, but didn't stand up. When I realized he was going to kneel there, beside my bed, I simply shrugged and lied down.

After a couple of minutes, I realized how much the tension in the room increased. I could hear Neil's breathing, and it was only a couple of inches away. If I reached out with my hand, perhaps I could touch him…

The breathing was louder now, and I realized Neil shifted closer. Like, really close. I struggled to keep my breathing in check, when all I wanted was to pant. But I needed to see what he was trying to do, so I pretended I was asleep.

Neil touched my face with his fingers again, making me shiver slightly. Thankfully, he didn't notice or if he did, he didn't show it.

"Don't worry, Miss Zoe," he whispered near my ear, "I'll keep you safe."

My eyes shot open. "And how exactly do you intend on doing that?"

Neil smirked at me. His eyes were so close, but that wasn't what was bothering me. It was the fact that if I leaned in just an inch more, my lips would brush his. It made my heart beat faster.

What the hell was wrong with me? This guy was a dhampir. He wasn't human, at least not completely. I couldn't let myself react this way to him.

Neil spoke softly. "I will protect you from anyone who tries to take you away. I'm a guardian, remember? And if you decide to hide in a hole, I hope there's place for the two of us."

I gasped. "But Neil, why would you do th-" I started, but he cut me off.

"I ran away from England," he said in a too calm voice. "I ran away for a girl. I was sixteen at the time, like you are now. And it was stupid, because I just thought I was in love. She left me after a couple of months. But you, you are willing to run away because of what you believe in. You believe in the Alchemists, and you are loyal to them. Only because of that, you'll succeed."

I was speechless. Was I supposed to say 'I'm sorry' or 'Thank you?' I wasn't sure, so I said nothing. I just nodded o acknowledge that I heard him.

"But the system you believe in is wrong," he continued, looking at the space above me. "They believe that we are monsters; they put us in the same league as Strigoi, when we're anything but. Their ultimate goal is to wipe us all off from the Earth, and they won't stop until they do it." He moved his gaze to my eyes. "Do you believe in that? Do you believe that Moroi and dhampirs are equally evil as Strigoi?"

I turned away. "I don't know what to believe," I whispered. "My own sister doesn't believe it, but she made a lot of mistakes during the years. She could be wrong about you. She believes that you're not evil, but when I see Jill and Angeline, it's hard for me to believe otherwise."

Neil laughed behind me, his breath stirring my neck. "Why? Because they act like girls?" he said in a conversational tone.

"Because they pretend they're in love with you," I said before I could stop myself and put my hand over my mouth. _Stupid, stupid,_ I told to myself. Now I humiliated myself even more.

Neil was silent for a couple of moments. "I guess that makes sense," he finally said.

I turned towards him, not understanding what he said. "Why would it make sense?" I asked in a quiet voice.

He grinned. "Because it'd explain why I'm so helplessly in love with you. I tend to fall in love with jealous girls," he said and my eyes widened.

I didn't have time to respond, to comprehend what he just said, or anything, actually. I just knew that in the next moment, his mouth was on mine and I was responding to his moves and we were kissing. And I was completely lost.

Tears, mascara and hunger – that's how my first kiss tasted. I'd expected it to be with one of the boys from my school, my old school. I'd expected it to be prepared, to be romantic, to be breathtaking and dizzying and cataclysmic.

Well, the kiss Neil and I shared was definitely dizzying and breathtaking, but it wasn't prepared or romantic. I wasn't thinking – my hands had a mind of their own and soon they were in his short hair, tugging at it. Neil smiled against my mouth and kissed me with more strength, pinning me to the bed.

It felt wonderful, being crushed by someone's weight. I could feel his muscles beneath his shirt. There were far too many clothes between us – that was the only actual thought that crossed my mind.

And then my hands were unbuttoning the shirt urgently, and Neil was taking it off, and he was _gorgeous._ I groaned against his mouth and pushed him to me.

Okay, perhaps this was cataclysmic after all. I bet Sydney's boyfriend jet wasn't as hot or as strong as Neil was.

I don't know when Neil's mouth left mine, but they just shifted onto my neck and I couldn't suppress a moan. It felt so good – too good. I didn't want him to stop.

My hands roamed to his bare back, my finger tracing the curve of his spine, urging him forward. He kissed my neck with such intensity that I sighed from pleasure. I just closed my eyes and made embarrassing sounds – but it was okay, right? I've never actually done any of that before.

All too soon, Neil pulled back. His pupils were dilated – probably from hunger and lust. He was smirking, and I pulled him down on top of me again.

"You're definitely going to remain an Alchemist, Miss Zoe," was the last thing he managed to say before we started kissing once again.

After a while, I was lying on my back on the bed that smelled like Neil, my shirt probably somewhere on the floor, and the ceiling was looking o interesting. My skin was still warm from where he touched it, and I was feeling light-headed. _Man,_ I thought. _If I knew making out felt this good, I would've started doing it a long time ago._

And no, I wasn't feeling guilty because Neil was a dhampir. In the contrary, I allowed myself to think that only dhampirs could kiss with such passion and intensity.

I was definitely starting to like dhampirs. A thought crossed my mind – did Sydney ever experience something like this? Was that what made her go rogue on the Alchemists? Because it certainly made sense to me.

A reasonable part of me was saying that Neil was just preparing me for being a bloodwhore or something, but I rolled my eyes at it. That was ridiculous. Dhampirs didn't even bite.

I heard someone gasp. I looked up and saw Sydney.

"What's up, sis?" I said, grinning.

"You… you have a hickey, Zoe," she said, horrified. "I don't suppose you'll tell me who gave it to you?"

I smirked, noticing something about her. "You have a hickey too," I whispered and winked at her, seeing her horrified face.


	5. Into The Sunset

**Author's note:** _I really put a lot of hard work into this one. I'm writing since 10:30 AM and today is a sad, annoying day for me, but that encouraged me to do a good job._

_My reviewers: **Rachelalicexx** (don't worry, there will be more Zeil!), **iheartfillintheblank** (No problem! I'm glad you think that way!), **sheerio4ever** (I am going to ask you so many things about Ireland... prepare yourself! :D), **Totalbooknerd13** ( just :D), **KyKat** (I am so glad you think that way!), **Regina** (so glad you loved it! don't worry, Zeil will continue being important). I love you all, thank you for your reviews and encouraging words._

_As __soon as I'm done with this one-shot, I'm going to start writing the one for **TheHappyLol**. She's been waiting for two days already and is the next person on the list, so why not? ;D_

_This one is for **sheerio4ever**, the girl that gave me a wonderful idea. I really hope you like this._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

* * *

Sydney.

Keep breathing. Slowly. In, and out.

If you keep breathing, you won't die. If you keep breathing, you'll still be alive.

But in reality, I wanted to die. I think I was the happiest bride ever.

Now, what is wrong with me? Why am I wishing that I was dead on my wedding day?

You see, Palm Springs mission ended ages ago. To be exact (not that I'm counting), it ended a year, seven months, two weeks and three days ago.

Since that day, I wanted to die.

Jill almost died. Eddie almost died. Angeline almost died. I almost died. Zoe and Neil ran away, and they were in South America, last time I checked. And Adrian…

Uh. Why does every sentence have to end with him? Anyway. The Alchemists almost murdered Jill, wanting to start a civil war. Eddie almost died saving her. Angeline did a similar thing, but not for Jill – she was saving Trey, because the Warriors wanted to murder him for treason.

I was too busy to know any of that until the whole situation was over. I was taken to Re-education and spent two weeks there. I was practically gone when Rose, Dimitri and Christian came to save me. I couldn't remember my own name, let alone them.

But I recovered, somehow. Adrian was there for me, every step of the way, but I kept pushing him away. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and by the time I realized they did something to me at Re-education, Adrian already gave up and left.

That hurt. It hurt so much that I came back to dad, crying, telling him he was right. I came back and became a part of them once again. Dad is still checking on me sometimes, thinking I'm hiding vampires in my closet.

I decided to stay in Palm Springs. Nobody else wanted the position, anyway. Angeline came back home, to the Keepers, and she took Trey with her. I was sad – he was my only true human friend in here. Jill is a princess, and she is living in Court now. She isn't romantically involved with Eddie – he is still just her guardian, watching her silently with passion, hoping to get something from her one day. She's, unfortunately, too busy with Moroi to notice.

Jill doesn't like me anymore. She became my mortal enemy ever since I came back, half-dead, mentally altered. We had a lot of fights and she finally decided to leave, to go where she belonged.

And where did I belong? Alone, living in the place that was once Adrian's apartment, drowning myself in memories, crying on Clarence's shoulder and fading away? Because that's exactly what I was doing for a little over a year.

I left the coven, the magic and Ms. Terwilliger. I haven't seen her for quite a while, but I know that she didn't take the information well. But she understood, in her way. She did.

The only person, beside Clarence, that actually still cares about me is Carly. She comes here sometimes, we go out and I forget everything for a while. But then she leaves, and I'm left alone among the paperwork, the sun and the heat.

It never snows in Palm Springs. All I wanted for a long time was to go out in the winter and freeze to death. That'd be the best way to end this.

Rose hates me. Dimitri does, too, even though he's too polite to say it. They saved me from Re-education, and I broke all their hearts. Rose never found out about Adrian and me being romantically involved, but she knew we were very close and that I broke him by pushing him away. Christian couldn't get himself to hate me – he understood, in a way. And he understood when I told him I hated myself and that I couldn't talk to him anymore. He left me alone, like everyone else did.

I checked up on Adrian for a while, the stalker I am with the Alchemist technology. I found out that he lives in Court now, and last time I checked, he was still in a relationship with some Moroi girl named Alice. I hate her.

This is all awful, right? There's no work here. No Strigoi, no supernatural crimes, one Moroi, a desert, and me. I usually spend my days reading poetry, Shakespeare or listening to the records Adrian left here. It's the only part of him I still allow myself to have.

I never stopped wearing the cross he gave me. At Re-education, screaming in delirium, in his arms, crying for him to let me go, or walking down the street, it's there. It reminds me, somehow, of the way I cured him from spirit darkness. probably because Adrian painted on it in silver.

I often cry. Adrian gave up on me, and when he left, I started collecting the pieces of myself again. I didn't remember many things, but when I came to his dusty apartment and saw the yellow walls, I gasped, remembering how many times I've been pressed up them. I often found myself going through the apartment, remembering all the happy moments we shared – the movies we watched, the music we listened to. I'd often remember how I threw a bowl full of popcorn at him. I've never heard him laugh that much, never before or after.

And I'd often remember the dance. I was wearing a black dress back then, and he was in a suit, and we just stood there, dancing in the living room. The occasion was our one-year-anniversary, and I've never felt as happy as I did that night. Whenever I remembered that night, I'd find myself on the floor, sobbing and crying like a baby.

Clarence was my father now. He held me while I cried, he told me it was okay, he nodded when I told him why I did what I did, and he understood. He told me Adrian would come back one day, and I found myself believing him. A year later, I realized I didn't believe in it anymore.

I've been hoping that he'd come back one day. I've been hoping for so long. I called him, and actually talked to him once, but he was cold and distant. He told me not to call him ever again, or he'd report it to the Alchemists.

I was broken for too long. I had no idea what to do, where to go to make this better. I tried going away from the memories and everything, but always found myself coming back to this small apartment, my eyes shining with tears.

I was alone. The only thing I had left was the Ivashkinator. I don't know why, but Adrian left it here, and it was the only thing that after a year, still smelled like him. I slept in the car sometimes, when I couldn't sleep.

Adrian left one more thing. It was the last picture he ever painted, since he isn't painting anymore. The last picture he ever painted was something he said he couldn't ever quite capture – me. He always told me he couldn't paint my eyes, so he never painted me.

And that picture was hanging in the bedroom, above the bed, and I always avoided it. It was the most beautiful painting I've ever seen, and it never failed to make me cry.

After six months of sulking, I found someone that started collecting the pieces of me and throwing them to trash. It was Brayden. I saw him almost every morning for the first six months, since he was still working at Spencer's and I needed a lot of coffee to get through a single day. He knew something was wrong with me, but decided to leave me alone.

When he found a better job, he decided to approach me. I just told him a guy I loved left me, and he nodded along. He wasn't the emotional type, and I found that perfect.

We went out a lot. It was easy for me to lose myself in the things we talked about. I never let him kiss me, or even touch me romantically, but he didn't mind. He was actually relieved when I told him I wanted to keep it that way.

And thirteen months later, he proposed. He told me he was going to New York, to work at his dad's office, and that he wanted to take me with him.

I was shocked. That meant I was going to leave Palm Springs, leave everything I had here, to live with a man I didn't really love. But perhaps it'd be better – to finally move on, to finally go somewhere, to finally try to forget?

Dad wasn't pleased when I told him I was going to leave for good after I get married. He let me go, though, since he loved Brayden. He considered him the perfect untrained Alchemist, with sufficient knowledge and wealth. I think that the 'wealth' part was the most important one.

My real dad, though, hated that decision. He panicked at first, telling me I shouldn't do it, but when I asked him how I'd move on if I lived in the place where Adrian once lived, expecting to see him in the other room all the time? I could actually hear him sometimes, saying stupid things to me, commenting on my decisions, and hating me for what I did to him.

I was going crazy, and Clarence knew it. That's why he just nodded, pressed a kiss to my forehead and blessed me. I tried to keep myself in check until I came home, but I started crying long before I even started the engine.

So, the wedding was today. Brayden agreed to a small wedding in Palm SpringsThe only person that actually came to the wedding was Jared. Carly didn't like Brayden – he was too nerdy for her, and she decided not to come, saying "her best friend's house burned down and they had to clean up afterwards." Brayden's family came too, but I didn't like them. They were too… insignificant, somehow.

That's why I wanted to die on the day of my wedding. The only person that came to my wedding was the man I hated, and I was marrying the man I didn't love.

I couldn't stand the pressure. In my white wedding dress, with my hair pulled up, I sneaked out through the window to get some air.

I was standing in a beautiful garden, on the opposite side of where I was supposed to be. Don't get me wrong – Brayden was a nice, polite gentleman. He loved me, in his own way. But he wasn't the person I wanted and expected to be there, he wasn't the man I wanted to marry.

The man I loved was marrying in a week. Alice, the black-haired, blue-eyed Moroi was obviously the one for him. Guess her surname Dashkov had something to do with his decision.

I couldn't take it anymore. I sank in the grass, starting to cry once again. I knew I'd be married in less than an hour, so I finally allowed myself to remember.

I remembered the way he always looked at me, so full of love. I remembered how he kept saying he loved me, how I never actually cared. He kept saying I was beautiful, but he ended up with a girl that didn't even look like me.

I remembered his beautiful voice, the words he kept saying. I remembered how good he sang. I remembered the way he smelled – I could almost feel his cologne, mixed with his natural scent and pines.

I remembered the way he fought for me, and I finally allowed myself to remember what happened after Re-education. I remembered his tired face, the way he flinched when I begged him to leave me alone because he was a vampire. I remembered his strong arms that went limp when I said he was evil, the hurt in his eyes when I told him I didn't – couldn't – love him anymore.

And it was a mistake. A horrible, horrible mistake. I'd always love him, I knew. No one could ever touch me, hold me the way he did. No one could make my heart speed up the way it did when I saw him. Nobody could ever, ever love me the way he did, with such strength and passion.

And I threw it all away. I threw it all away, because I was still under effects of Re-education, and he gave up before I remembered who I was.

I finally remembered one last thing. I remembered that night, that dance and the way he held me. the way he kissed me, for the last time, passion burning in both of us. I remembered how I looked up at him and saw happiness reflected in his eyes. I've never seen him as happy as he was then. I've never been as happy as I was that night.

And then… then they came and took it all away from me. they kidnapped me while I was sleeping beside Adrian. As far as I knew, he was drugged and couldn't do anything. He didn't even know what happened.

That happiness was taken away from me, by the very man that was there, waiting for me to lead me along the aisle now. He was the one that planned all of that.

If all brides felt like this before their weddings, my daughter would never marry.

I couldn't breathe anymore. Tears were everywhere, and no matter how hard I tried, all I could do was keep sobbing. I didn't care if someone heard me anymore. I welcomed death, hoping it'd claim me.

"Sydney," someone whispered behind me.

I sobbed harder. It was there now – the moment when I'd say goodbye to the life I loved, no matter how miserable it was. Everything that had Adrian in it was beautiful to me.

I could still smell him. It was as if he was here, and I smiled despite the state I was in – sprawled on the grass, sobbing in the ground.

"Sydney," a familiar voice said louder. There was noise in my ears – I was probably going to collapse because of crying so hard, so I couldn't actually hear who it was.

I didn't care. "Just leave me alone for a minute, Brayden," I said harshly, through sobs. "I need to say goodbye."

The voice was much closer now. "Then say goodbye while looking me in the eyes."

I stopped in track. Brayden was never that straightforward. I started laughing hysterically. "Oh, good," I said bitterly. "You finally realized I'm too broken. I'm beyond repair. Go, please, and leave me in my misery. I want to mourn."

I wasn't sure if Brayden left, but I didn't care. I remembered the way Adrian touched me again, and I started crying again.

"Could you just turn around for a moment?" the voice said, sounding annoyed.

"I told you to leave me alone!" I snapped. "Just let me go!"

"No," the voice said, too close now. Brayden never came this close, and my eyes widened. Did he loved me that much, that he was willing to put the pieces of me together once again? "I've listened to you once, and look what that did to you."

"Please," I whispered, closing my eyes. "Just go away. I don't want you to see me in this state, Brayden."

"Good," the voice said, and strong arms caught my waist. "Because he isn't here."

A second later, I was lifted off the ground, screaming. I struggled to break free, but it only made me fall on my captor.

I looked up, my eyes wide, any my heart stopped.

I wasn't hallucinating. I did smell Adrian. He was there, and he was looking at me, smiling. His arms immediately went around me, but otherwise, he didn't move.

I was crazy, and I was hallucinating, and I was probably in an asylum somewhere. His eyes were too green, too bright, his face was the same, with the same structure, his hair was the same, everything about him was still breathtaking. And he was so warm, God, that I gasped.

"You're still stubborn," he said as I went limp in his hands. "I can make you do something only by force."

I just looked at him, not believing my eyes. I was starting to shudder, too afraid to move, to breathe, to do anything. I could just hear my heart beating, and watch. Watch the depts. Of his eyes, remember the last time I saw them, remember the way they always looked at me with passion.

He still looked at me that way. The memory of him was fresh, and he did look more… mature, but otherwise, he was just more handsome than how I remembered him.

When I didn't say or do anything after a couple of minutes, Adrian moved his hands to my face. He started tracing the golden lily on my left cheek. It was still golden, still fresh, and I was still desperate to break the spell without re-inking myself. So far, I didn't manage to do it. I actually stopped trying months ago.

"Talk to me, Sydney," he whispered. The way he said my name… I closed my eyes and new tears spilled. I just shook my head.

Adrian stopped moving his hand. It just lingered on my cheek. "I suppose you're crying because you're happy?" he said, uncertain.

_Of course I'm happy_, I wanted to say. _I was wishing to die minutes ago. And now, now I realize I've never felt as alive as I'm feeling right now, in your arms._

I was afraid to open my eyes. If I did, he'd see everything in them and I'd start talking and crying again. He was getting married. He was probably here just to wish me happiness or something. I couldn't allow myself to feel something. I felt it anyway, but he didn't have to know that.

"Sydney," he tried again and I shuddered. "I know what I did can't be forgiven, but please, just…"

"What you did?" I whispered. "You did nothing. I'm the one that ruined everything."

He relaxed underneath me, probably relieved that I actually could talk. I don't even know how he could breathe underneath this enormous dress, and it almost made me smile.

I didn't smile since the day he left, I realized. And here he was, doing it like that year never happened.

"I gave up on you," Adrian whispered. "When you begged me to let you go, the look in your eyes… it broke me. You were suffering because I was near, so I decided to just go away and never come back."

I nodded at that. "You should've gone away. I would've just hurt you more if you stayed."

"And when you called, after all that time, and I realized you were still an Alchemist, I knew I'd just be a problem for you. I wanted to give you a chance to be happy. You cut all ties and you seemed to be doing well." I nodded at that too, but otherwise decided not to say anything.

"I was also trying to move on. I picked the woman that looked nothing like you, because I couldn't bear it if it was otherwise. If she was a human, I saw you in her. If she had brown eyes, I kept comparing yours to hers. If she was blonde, I kept thinking how your hair was more beautiful. So I found a Moroi that looked nothing like you, hoping I'd forget you if I kept looking at her." He shook his head. "Nathan made me promise I was going to marry her, but to hell with that. I don't love her. She doesn't know anything about cars, and she can't talk for hours and make something boring into something interesting. She's not you. Nobody is you."

I gasped, forcing myself to open my eyes. "But..."

"And I know, Sydney," he continued, "I know that I've been a jerk and that I pushed you away when you needed me. I'm not asking for anything. But please, just answer one question."

I nodded, too shocked to say anything else. "I came here fifteen minutes ago and found you crying on the floor. You're still crying." He wiped the tears that I didn't even know were on my cheeks. "What made you cry on your wedding day?"

I turned my head away from him, not daring to move any other part of my body. If I did, he'd release me and I'd lose his warmth. And then I'd break down in tears again.

"It's nothing," I heard myself whisper, but my mind wanted to say, _It's because I'm not marrying you._ I knew that if I said that, he'd go away. Just a minute more. Just a minute more, and I could somehow get on with my life. But just hold me for a minute longer.

Adrian touched my chin and turned my face towards his. "It's not nothing," he firmly said. "You weren't just crying. You totally broke down. Did Brayden say or do something? What happened?"

I closed my eyes, feeling more tears on my cheeks. God, why was I so emotional? I didn't even know it was possible for a person to cry this much.

"Sydney," Adrian whispered and I shuddered again. "Open your eyes."

Everything in me screamed in protest, but my eyes opened. He was so beautiful, so handsome, so... perfect.

And I found myself speaking on auto-pilot. The words just came, an avalanche of them, without me even knowing or comprehending what was happening.

"I wanted to die," I whispered. "I wanted to die because there was nothing left to live for. I don't want to marry him, I don't want to be there with my father being happy. He doesn't deserve this. I don't want to marry Brayden because I don't love him."

_No!_ my mind screamed. But the words were out, and the only thing I could do was close my eyes. "I don't want to marry Brayden because I love you. And I was a fool for even thinking that I could forget you. I destroyed everything I ever loved, and now I'm paying the price. So it's the right time for you to let me go and destroy myself completely. And then, God have mercy on me, I'll die somehow."

Adrian gasped. This was it, I knew. This was the moment his arms left my waist, the moment when he pushed me away and disappeared forever. This was it, and I couldn't bear to live anymore. Everything in me was in pain, and I don't mean just mentally. I was in physical pain, and it was the hardest on the left side of my chest. I studied about people that had heart-attacks because they were in too much emotional pain. I certainly wished I was one of them in that moment.

But nothing happened. I was silently crying, and Adrian was there, not doing anything. I kept expecting from him to get up and leave me, but that moment wouldn't come. He smelled like fresh grass, like rain and pines, and that made me cry harder.

"Sydney," he said in the gentlest whisper. "Please, open your eyes."

I found myself obeying once again. His expression was softer now, and he started wiping my tears once again.

"No bride should be crying at her wedding," he whispered. "If you still want to do it, I'll let you go." I nodded and started to get up, but his hands tightened around me.

"But," he said louder, "if you'd rather stay here with me, I wouldn't mind."

I looked at him, confused. What did he mean by that? "If you think an hour here will make me happy, you're wrong," I whispered.

Adrian smiled. "What about whole life, then? Is that long enough to make you happy?"

My eyes widened and I leaned back. "You don't..." I started.

Adrian cut me off. "Sydney, we're madly in love with each other. We're both supposed to be marrying other people, but I came here to see if you're really happy. Guess not," he said, frowning.

"Anyway, I think we've been trying to live without each other long enough," he continued. "And I'm done with that. I'll either run away into the sunset with you or watch you marry that jerk and say that I object when you say your vows. But I'm not going to let you marry him and destroy yourself. Not after what you said."

I stopped breathing again. I was totally crazy, hallucinating and hearing what I wanted to hear. But when I looked into his eyes, I knew I wasn't dreaming. But how could this be true?

"So, what is your decision, Sage? Do you want to be Mrs. Boring or Miss Sage?"

That was it. If I was dreaming, then what I was going to do didn't matter. I leaned into him and we started kissing.

Adrian smiled against my mouth, so I tugged at his hair, hurting him a bit in the process.

That wasn't a very good decision. He rolled us until he was on top of me and his arms immediately started roaming along my sides.

"Don't get it wrong," he murmured between the kisses, "but I hate this dress."

I laughed. The first time after almost two years, Sydney Sage laughed. "It's definitely because it covers too much," I said and a moment later, he was kissing me more hungrily than ever before.

In those two minutes, everything that was in both of us decided to come out. We cared about each other enough to let the other one go. That didn't work out. We loved each other enough to let the other one marry someone else. That was impossible.

And we loved each other enough to forgive each other. The hard part wasn't forgiving Adrian for giving me a chance for a normal life. The hard part was forgiving myself.

But we both suffered enough. That's why I stopped thinking and focused on untucking and unbuttoning his shirt.

"Sydney," Adrian whispered near my ear, kissing the skin below it. "If you don't want your father to kill me, I'm afraid we'll have to go now. They're starting to wonder what's taking you so long."

I just nodded, my arms never leaving his neck. He winked at me as he picked me up, bridal style, appropriate for this occasion. I rolled my eyes at him.

"I always thought brides that ran away from their weddings were stupid," I said, kissing his neck and making him shiver as he walked down the garden and somewhere down the street afterwards. "But now that I'm experiencing it first hand, I kind of like it."

Adrian grinned. People were pausing on the street to look at us, and a few men patted Adrian's shoulder, saying things like, "Way to go, amigo!"

I blushed and hid my head in his neck. Adrian stopped walking for a moment, tugging at the buckle that kept my hair in check and the veil in place.

A moment later, my hair was free and the veil was on the street, and I was laughing.

But more important than that was the fact that I was happy. I knew I wasn't going to cry for a long, long time.

So I snuggled up in Adrian's chest and let him carry me in the sunset, imagining my father's face when he realized I was gone.


	6. An Accident

_This one is for **TheHappyLol**, my popcorn girl. And I won't do the ending you wanted - that one is going to be a separate one-shot (the next one)!_

* * *

"Truth," Sydney said, and I rolled my eyes. Rose didn't even have to ask - she'd never, ever choose _dare_. I, on the other time, chose it all the time.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Rose asked, narrowing her eyes.

Sydney sighed. "Yes, Rose, I have a boyfriend. I think everyone else know about him."

Rose murmured a, "I'm going to make her tell me his name," to Dimitri and she just chuckled.

"Dare," Mia said, winking at me. I gulped and pretended I didn't see it.

I mean, I loved flirting with girls but there were three problems with Mia. First of all, I didn't like her. She looked lika a barbie doll. Second, I was in love with my girlfriend, so others didn't interest me. And third, the most important, Sydney had a very big problem with jealousy.

Sydney scratched the top of her head. "Uh..." she started, then turned towards me. "What should I say?" she whispered and I couldn't help but smile. She was so, so bad at this. And she was so cute, being all confused and unexperienced in social events.

"No team-up," Rose said, a knife in her hand, pointing at us. She was actually slicing an apple and even though she knew how to slice people, she wasn't very good with other things.

I raised my hands, but still whispered, "Ask her to go to the bathroom and take her make-up off."

Christian heard that and he started chuckling. I shot him a knowing look and he winked.

Sydney was, meanwhile, looking even more confused, if possible. "Um... I dare you to go to the bathroom and take your make-up off," she said with a raised eyebrow.

Mia gasped, shaking her head. "No," she firmly said.

Dimitri raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, you know the rules, Mia," he said. "Even though I'm not very comfortable with it, you need to take a piece of clothing off."

Oh, the Russian was lying. It was evident from his aura, but if Rose was my girlfriend, I'd be acting like that too.

Now, why was Dimitri uncomfortable? Probably because Mia was wearing as few clothes as possible, and her shoes were already off.

She looked down at herself and gulped. "Okay, then. I'll go to the bathroom."

Sydney looked at me, obviously not understanding why it was such a big deal, but I knew.

I winked at her. "You'll understand when she comes back," I said and Sydney shrugged.

Dimitri decided not to wait for Miss Barbie to come back and he spinned the bottle. Eddie groaned when it pointed at him.

"Now what?" he said, sighing. Last time the bottle pointed at him, he had to take Christian's underwear to the washing room. It was quite unpleasant, but Christian was thankful that someone decided to actually wash something of his. I loved that guy.

Dimitri narrowed his eyes at Eddie. "Truth or dare?" he carefully said.

Eddie rolled his eyes. "You're actually asking me that? After that, I'll never choose dare again."

Almost everyone in the room giggled. Only two persons were looking at Eddie as if he was a cute little puppy - Jill and Sydney.

"Did you ever fall in love with the Moroi you were assigned to?" Dimitri asked and shrugged, obviously thinking this question was as easy as possible.

Jill blushed and looked away, while Eddie scratched his neck. He swallowed. "Yeah," he quickly said. "It happened once."

Lissa started saying, "Oooh," but Rose hit her in the arm and she fell silent. The guardians surely watched their companions and cared for them, no matter what it was about.

Eddie spinned the bottle. It ended on Zoe. "Dare," she said with a grin.

Neil rolled his eyes. That dhampir irritated me. It was so obvious that he was in love with Zoe! He was always behind her, where ever she went. I wondered if he even followed her to the bathroom? He'd love that, that's for sure.

"Okay, Zoe," Eddie said and locked eyes with her. "I dare you to... hug Angeline."

Angeline raised an eyebrow at that. "She ain't gonna hug me, that's for sure," she said firmly.

Zoe looked shocked. "_Hug_ her?" she said, her voice full of disgust. "I'd much rather strip all my clothes."

Eddie grinned, earning a jealous look from Jailbait. "Well, you're free to go then," he said, putting his hands in front of him.

Zoe rolled her eyes and... she went for the shirt. Sydney quickly put her hand over my eyes, and I found myself groaning in protest.

A moment later, she pulled her hand away. It appeared that Zoe, thankfully, had something underneath her shirt, after all, and Sydney sighed in relief.

Zoe winked at Eddie, who was looking a bit disappointed. "Got you," she said. I realized that she was much more comfortable around Moroi now. Neil surely had something to do with it.

Zoe spinned the bottle and it pointed at... me. I raised both eyebrows, looking at Zoe.

"Dare, of course," I said, a smirk on my face. I never chose _truth_. Sydney and I were so boring, actually.

A very evil smile showed up on her face. _Don't you dare be scared, Adrian,_ I told to myself. Aside from Sydney, I was the only one fully dressed. I never took down an offer, and I was not going to start doing it now.

Besides, what could a 15-year-old-girl ask me to do? It's not as if she was the smartest.

"I dare you," Zoe said, and she pointed at Sydney, "to turn towards my sister and make out with her for 10 minutes."

Sydney gasped. The whole room was silent, and everyone were looking at me.

I was planning to say 'No,' of course, but Zoe's grin widened and she said, "Guess it is possible to make you undress, too."

I just raised an eyebrow. Sydney didn't even know what was going to happen, but I was determined.

"Start the clock," I said in a cold voice and turned towards Sydney.

Sydney was shocked, of course, and probably every single alarm went off in her head. My mind was also saying, _Her sister is there! What the hell are you_ doing?

But I silenced it, telling we just had to pretend for 10 minutes. 10 minutes. Kissing someone for two whole years should've meant you had a routine, but it wasn't like that with Sydney. Not at all.

Her body automatically responded, but I kept my cool. I tried not to touch her more than necesarry, but my hands kept returning to her waist.

Somewhere in the distance, someone gasped and I was certain it was Zoe. I smiled - nobody could make Adrian Ivashkov lose in _Truth or Dare_.

But the problem was, I couldn't quite keep my cool. Not when Sydney was obviously acting as if this was a normal make-out session. Her hands went around my neck and she pushed herself closer to me, making me groan.

When she touched my hair with her fingers, I lost it.

I pushed forward until Sydney's back touched the floor, and trust me, I didn't do it gently. I kissed her harder and my hands roamed on her sides, her stomach, her arms. I tried to avoid her chest the best I could.

Sydney's arms wrapped around my back and her hands left my hair, finding their way under my shirt and touching my bare back.

I was burning - it happened as it always did with Sydney. We'd always end up half-naked on the floor, breathing hard. My body was telling me that I needed more of her, and I didn't care for the part of my brain that was telling me this was wrong.

Kissing Sydney was never wrong.

My lips left her mouth and I trailed kisses to her neck, making her moan in response. She was shuddering underneath me, but I was pressing her to the ground with my weight. God, I loved how good it felt to just be able to touch her.

We've been hiding for two years now. A year of ordinary weekly make-out sessions, but after she left school and Zoe followed her to her apartment, we didn't even have that. We'd go to dinners with the whole gang and mysteriously slip away, making out in the bathroom or something.

I was hungry, my body was aching with the need to have her, and I wasn't going to miss this chance.

Sydney started unbuttoning my shirt, so my lips slipped to her shoulder, moving her hair away as I went. That made her gasp and unbutton my shirt faster, with more urgency.

I also started unbuttoning her shirt. I didn't see her bras for too long. One hand in her hair, my mouth on hers, I tried to distract her while I got rid of our clothes.

"Oh my God," a terrified Rose said suddenly. "They are going to do it. Right here, and right now, in front of us."

That made me stop. What the hell? And then I remembered. Zoe, the gang, the game. It all disappeared the moment Sydney touched me, but they were still there. And they saw what happened.

Sydney also stopped. I looked at her and her eyes were wide, a blush creeping up to her cheeks.

We were in some serious trouble.

I gulped and turned around. The scene un front of us was... hilarious.

Rose was on her feet, her hands on her eyes, and Dimitri was still sitting, but his arms were in Rose's. He was the only one except for Christian and Jill that didn't look totally shocked.

Angeline's eyebrow was raised, and Trey was looking at us, horrified.

Eddie's mouth was half-open and his arms were around Jill, who was looking at him and smiling.

Lissa's hands were over her mouth, and Christian's arms were across his chest. He was grinning.

Neil's face was similar to Angeline's - his eyebrows were raised, but he kept his guardian mask on.

And the look on Zoe's face... priceless. Her mouth were open, her eyes were wide and she was blinking rapidly, obviously trying to compose herself.

"Hey, guys, I finally managed to clean the mess..." Mia said from the doorway, but trailed off when she saw the scene in the room.

And I was on top of Sydney, locked in a passionate embrace, our shirts half-open.

"That's one hell of a dare," she said as she sat down.

"You bet," Zoe said quietly as she forced herself to calm down.

Rose was standing, and she started to walk towards us, that knife still in her hand. She shook Dimitri off her. "What the hell, you two? Aren't you supposed to be disgusted or something?" she said, her emotions all over the room.

"Roza," Dimitri said as he stood up, "Calm down, they're-" he tried, but Rose turned towards him, the knife now pointed at him.

"Don't you dare defend them!" she yelled.

Christian rolled his eyes. "It's not that big of a deal," he said and shrugged. Lissa just nodded, even though she was looking horrified.

"It's not that big of a deal?" Zoe echoed, her voice weak but high-pitched. "It's a huge deal! Like, the hugest ever! My sister is all over a Moroi-"

Trey cut her off. "He's all over her, technically," he said.

Zoe shook her head, deciding to ignore him. "and they were starting to do God knows what in front of us!" Her voice broke after she finished the sentence. She put her head in her hands.

I looked at Sydney, not sure what was going on and if Zoe was having a nervous breakdown. She just shrugged, as clueless as I was.

"Was that a part of the dare?" Mia asked cheerfully.

Everyone looked at her with looks that said, 'Will you shut up?' She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"How long are you involved?" Rose said, turning towards us again.

"And did the involvement involve..." Trey started but stopped when Sydney shot him a look.

Neil was in the corner, trying to soothe Zoe.

Eddie blinked, composing himself. "I'd like to know that too," he said and when everyone gave him horrified looks and Trey a wink, he shook his head. "How long you're involved, I mean. I knew you were close, but I didn't know you were _that_ close."

I rolled my eyes. "Two years," I said calmly. "Ever since..."

"Ever since Sydney was supposed to go to Mexico and she said goodbye to everyone, and then she showed up the next morning as if it never happened," Eddie finished, nodding. "I suspected you were the reason."

I grinned. Rose was, meanwhile, coming closer to me with that knife. "You're telling me that you two are together for _two years_ and I don't know about it?" She then turned towards the others. "Who knew?" she said angrily.

Their faces told everything. "Christian," she identified. "Angeline, Jill, Trey, Neil?" she said, frowning. "And... oh no. Not you, Lissa. You would've told me."

"You never asked," Lissa said, offering a apologetic smile.

Rose finally turned towards Dimitri and gasped. "Not you too, comrade," she whispered. "Not you too."

Dimitri pulled her into his arms and she sighed heavily.

It was time for us to untangle. I slowly lifted myself off Sydney and buttoned her shirt, fast. She, meanwhile, buttoned my shirt and I found myself wondering why couldn't we just do it for ourselves.

In a few moments, we sat down, and Sydney was still trying to fix her hair, but it was as messy as a hair can be. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair, checking if everything was okay.

"So," Rose started, secured in Dimitri's lap, "How did this happen, anyway? You're the party boy, and she'd the nerd, and you found yourself - where? Are there any connecting points?"

I looked at Sydney and found her hand. I noticed that Zoe was silent, not saying anything. I might as well do this well, if I was going to do it at all.

"We both have jerks as fathers," I said and Zoe's face darkened.

Okay, maybe that wasn't a good thing to say after all. I gulped and continued. "And Sydney was the only one to ever listen to me, and not treat me like a helpless child. She told me I could do something, pushed me forward and I found myself doing it. I found myself being the person she believed me to be."

I looked at Sydney again. She was blushing. "He never believed in himself," she said quietly, looking at me. "But I did. And by the time I realized I was in love with him, I was on my way to Mexico."

I smiled at that. "You fought so hard against it," I said, "but you couldn't resist me."

Something was burning in my pocket. Something that was there for almost a month, something that was waiting for the right occasion.

I was suddenly very, very scared.

"Awww," Jill squealed and I smiled nervously. I knew she was reacting to my thoughts, and she started nodding. I shot her a scared look.

Everyone were watching the two of us lead a silent conversation, and everyone was confused.

_Now?_ I asked through the bond. _Are you sure?_

Jill nodded. My palms started sweating, my heart started beating faster. What if she refused? I'd die, surely.

I cleared my throat, shooting another panicked look at Jill, and she just grinned.

"Okay. So people," I started, turning towards Sydney, "I am in love with this beautiful woman for over two years now. We've been through hell together and she still proved that she loved me, every single time."

Sydney smiled and looked at the floor. I took her hand in mine. Zoe was starting to say something like, "Oh, cut the crap," but Jill shushed her.

_Way to go, Jailbait,_ I said and she winked.

"And I'm certain that I've found what I was looking for my whole life. I found a person that loves me for who I am, and that loves every single part of me. She isn't disgusted by the fact that I need blood to survive, and she isn't terrified by the fact that I can heal people. In the contrary, she adores it."

Everyone was looking confused, and Sydney was watching me with a strange look. She had no idea where I was heading with this.

To be honest, neither did I.

I gulped. "So I found love, and I'm not going to let it go ever again. I love her and if someone has something against it, I'll gladly move you out of our way."

I turned towards Sydney. "And I've never felt this way before. You woke me up. You made me realize that I existed and that I was important."

Sydney smiled. She was nervous too, I could feel it. It was so silent in the room, that all we could hear was our fast breathing.

"Marry me?" I simply said, my heart in my throat. What if she refused? What if she left me?

"The ring, stupid," Christian said.

I was lost, so I just shook my head while everyone laughed.

"What ring?" Angeline asked. "Why does he need a ring?"

That initiated another laughing session, and I felt heat rise into my cheeks. I was blushing, I realized.

Sydney let me put the ring on her finger. She looked at it, biting her lower lip, but she didn't say anything.

Why wasn't she reacting? Was it bad? Was it too cheap?

"If you say no, I am personally going to kill you," Jill growled and Eddie smiled.

We were all quiet for a few moments, Sydney looking at me, her mouth slowly turning up into a smile.

"This is the part where you're supposed to say yes," Zoe finally said. I looked up at her and when she met my gaze, she winked.

Okay, so I wasn't in danger of Zoe killing me.

"Well... yes?" Sydney said, her eyebrows rising.

It was all I needed. We were on the floor again and I was kissing her, while everyone were saying "awww."

Rose snorted. "Just don't end up naked, guys, and I can forgive you."

The room erupted in laughter once again.

My life was complete.


	7. Jeddie: Heaven And Hell

**Author's note:** _I HATE MY LAPTOP. I wrote around 2k words (I've been writing for almost three hours) and I accidentally erased everything. Yay, now I have to start all over again and it's almost 11 PM! But I'm not going to give up until I write this one-shot._

_So, this one is for __**Holly**__ and __**SoZina.**__ But let me tell you a secret – everyone wants this chapter secretly! We are ALL into Jeddie. Don't lie to yourselves and write fangirling reviews! :D_

_My reviewers (there are a lot of them, so skip if you're not one of them!):_

_1. __**nira avalon**__: I'm so sorry that I made you cry! Thank you for the compliments :)_

_2. __**Rachelalicexx**__: I'm glad that you liked it. Thank you so much! Of course, Zeil coming soon. Just please, choose one of those scenarios. ;D_

_3. __**Totalbooknerd13**__: You are next! Are you excited? :D_

_4. __**TheHappyLol**__: Ah, your reactions are always hilarious. The knife was added just for you ;D And you'd like that, wouldn't you? Okay, I'm so glad you loved your chapter. Thank you, my epic popcorn girl! :)_

_5. __**Smurvelmurvelsmurfen**__: You are awesome!_

_6. __**sheerio4ever**__: Phew. You loved your one-shot. And as soon as my hand is better, I'll PM you about Ireland – I'm warning you, prepare yourself! And the problem with Mia's face is too much make-up :D Thank you, buddy!_

_7. __**Guest**__: Follow-up is the next chapter. Thanks for the review, though! :)_

_8. __**SoZina**__: You wrote a wonderful review that made me smile. First of all, you're not stupid – I'm kind of confusing with my author's notes (not that anyone even reads them :D). I'm sorry that I made you cry and that I frustrated you, but I'm glad that you loved the ending. And the other chapters, of course. I love this review and I'm honored to have someone write such beautiful words to me. You warmed my heart, thank you! :)_

_9. __**Bukwurm13**__: Yay! I made you laugh! I am so happy. Shortly, I LOVE YOU!_

_I love you all, guys, and I'm not as frustrated as I was when everything erased. Guess today's not my lucky day – I wrote 5k words and started all over… Sigh. At least the new versions are better._

_(all characters belong to Richjelle Mead)_

One, two, three, four, five.

Okay. Let's count again.

One, two, three…

I sighed. I was going to end up in a mental hospital by the time this was all over.

I was lying on my back, on the stone floor, and I was cold. And I was counting the little cracks on the ceiling, over and over again. It kept me away from realizing where I was, why I was where I was, and what was happening.

Let's do it again. One, two, three, four, five.

Eddie's face flashed in my mind, and I closed my eyes. "You're going to forget counting, princess," he'd say if he was here. "But at least you'll know the first five numbers."

I smiled, despite the state I was in. I allowed myself to look at my arms – my wrists were bloody and purple from where I was chained, my arms were cut in various places, my veins were visible because they drugged me several times, and I was as white as a wall.

Ah, well, at least I didn't have to worry about my fingernails. They were either broken, bitten or bloody.

Eddie would be proud if he knew how hard I fought. I scratched them, I kicked them in those places where it'd hurt them the most, I took out every drop of water and I tried to suffocate them with it. I fought hard, but it wasn't enough.

Eddie would still be proud, though, I just knew he would. He'd say I was still a girl and that I couldn't fight of 8 strong grown-ups. At least that's how many men attacked me.

But all those things happened ages ago. I remembered, faintly, how Lissa somehow offended me and that I got out of the house without guardians noticing me. they grabbed me, I fought, they won and I was drugged, losing consciousness.

Hmm. Did it happen a year, a month or a day ago? I had no idea. All I knew about was this windowless dark room, five little cracks on the ceiling, and the coldness.

My biological clock told me I was here for at least three weeks. They fed me three times, and I almost died every single time. I knew the stories of Moroi being able to survive for a week without blood. I was now one of the heroes.

Eddie would laugh if I told him I was a hero. He'd say, "No, you're not a hero. You're a princess," and then he'd ruffle my hair and kiss me.

I was going crazy. Thinking about what would Eddie say or do kept me sane somehow, but because of it I was losing my sanity more rapidly.

And every single day, they came. Sometimes two or three men would come, sometimes a man alone, and they kept insulting me, telling me how evil I was. They smelled and looked like humans did, but I wasn't sure if they were vampire hunters or not. If they were, I'd be dead by now, right?

I wasn't sure about anything. I didn't even have the energy to think. I was thirsty – I needed blood. Desperately. They've been keeping me on old bread, a glass of water daily, and a feeding weekly. And they enjoyed when I screamed, begged and cried. They loved to see me in pain.

Those damn sadists. Eddie was going to kill them all.

You see, I kept thinking someone would walk through those big metallic door one day, Eddie on the front, in his guardian attire, and he'd scoop me up into his arms and everything would be okay.

After almost four weeks? I stopped daydreaming.

I stopped dreaming, too – sometimes these sadists would come in and give me some sedative that'd either keep me awake or keep me in deep sleep for a very long time. I hated them.

I was too weak for anything. All I could do was lie here, maybe move an inch or two, or jump my daily dose of food, and that was it. I had a lot of time for thinking, but it all ended up on a single thought:

One, two, three, four, five.

Let's go again. One, two, three, four…

The ground started shaking, and I thought it was an earthquake. I moved myself until my back was facing the far corner of the room. If the walls were going to collapse, I might as well be hidden somewhere. I wouldn't like to be crushed by that door.

The ground shook again. I closed my eyes, knowing something would be different today. I knew it from the moment I woke up, but I wasn't predicting an earthquake.

Today was the feeding day. I thought, maybe they wouldn't bother with feeding me and they'd just leave me here to die. I thought, maybe I'd die today from their blades, guns, knives, bare hands. But an earthquake? Something as banal as that? It was ironic, really.

The door opened, and I opened one eye. Perhaps they'd evacuate me with everyone else too.

Or, perhaps not. The man who entered the room was bloody, and he was as angry as hell. I gulped, seeing the knife in his hand, and I tried to appear as small as possible.

In a moment, he tugged at my hair and something cold touched my neck. I screamed, or rather, _I tried to scream_. All that came out was a gasp. I didn't use my voice for almost three weeks now. They didn't try to talk to me, so I didn't bother.

"We'll all die," the man said in a cold voice, "but you're coming with us, bloodsucker."

This was it, I knew. The moment I've been expecting for weeks, the moment in which I closed my eyes and in which I started to pray to God or something. The moment when everything ended and I died, but I made confessions a second before.

I expected mom's picture to flash before my eyes. They said that your whole life did, moments before you died, and I expected to see dad or Adrian or days at St. Vladimir's…

But all I saw with my eyes closed was Eddie, grinning at me, the wind rustling his hair. My last thought was, _I love you, Eddie,_ and then I felt the knife slice through my skin.

Moments later, the man was gone and I was on the floor, life leaving me. I could feel blood pouring from the wound on my neck and I wondered when death would come. I was cold, so cold – Gosh, I just wanted to be out in the sun, no matter how many burns that'd get me.

I didn't have the strength to open my eyes, or to do anything, actually. The time slowed down and I knew I was dying, and Eddie was with me. Did he know how I felt about him? Did he know much I loved him? Did he know that he was the only thing that got me through all of this, that he was the one that gave me the strength? And did he know, did he know that his was the last face that flashed in my mind before I died?

"Jill," someone said, gasping, somewhere far away. I willed myself to open my eyes.

Light was pouring into the room. Everything was white, and I saw someone in all that light.

When the man approached me, I was sure that I was dying and I smiled. If Eddie was going to lead me, I'd be glad to die. Perhaps, in some other world, we could be together. Perhaps, in some other world, it didn't matter if you were a dhampir, a Moroi or a human.

But Eddie wasn't smiling. His mouth was half-open and he ran towards me, but I lot focus and watched it all through a mist.

"Oh my God, Jill," he said and took my body into his arms.

Yes. It was proper to die this way, leaving the world in the arms of someone I loved. I tried to say something, but my mouth was full of blood.

Eddie shushed me, rocking my body gently. "Don't try to talk," he gently said. "It'll only make it worse."

I didn't listen to him, and I tried to talk again. What did it matter, anyway, when I knew I was dying? I might as well tell him what I wanted to for a long time.

"Love-" I finally managed to say.

Eddie hugged me to his chest, breathing in my hair. It probably smelled like hell, seeing that I didn't take a shower for almost a month. "I know," he whispered. "I know, Jill. Just don't leave me, please. Stay with me."

"Cold-" I whispered through all that blood and found myself unable to say anything else.

Eddie got up and started running with me in his hands. "Don't fall asleep, no matter what." He was running and he managed to cover me with his jacket, that's how awesome he was.

"Goodby-" was the last word I said before I started fading away. I wanted to let go, I wanted to let go so hard, but I was under Eddie's command. He said not to fall asleep, but I was so tired. So tired of this pain, so tired of everything. I knew that if only I closed my eyes, everything would be alright.

"Jill," Eddie yelled from a distance. "Stay with me!"

_I'm sorry, Eddie,_ I tried to say, but I was already gone. _I'm not strong enough._

So I closed my eyes and everything disappeared, except for smell of Eddie, blood and his warmth against my cold body.

You know, I thought it'd be like in movies. I'd see my body from a height and I'd see my dead relatives calling me from somewhere. And I'd join them in heaven, and I'd wait for Eddie.

No. Death wasn't anything like that. It was just darkness, and it was so cold. I still smelled Eddie and blood. It still hurt. I cried out, calling for him, trying to find anyone or anything, but all I saw was endless dark.

And then I woke up.

I gasped, reflexively touching my neck with my hand. It was wrapped into something, and I had the urge to scratch it.

My throat burned. I still felt blood in it, but I wasn't suffocating in it, thankfully.

But where was I? I was dead, I knew. Nobody could've survived with so much blood loss.

I was probably in an alternate universe, or in my own mind, or in hell, or somewhere. I just knew that if I was in heaven, it wouldn't hurt this much.

I tried to cry out, call someone, but all that came out was a groan. Then I realized my eyes were closed and that maybe, just maybe, if I opened them, I wouldn't be in dark.

I was right. I wasn't in the dark anymore. I was in a…

Hospital room. Perhaps hell was inside of my mind? Perhaps now I was living through an alternative ending to all of this?

A warm hand caught mine and gently took it away from my throat. "Jill, don't touch it," I heard Eddie say. "You'll hurt yourself."

Perhaps hell really was mental torture? Because blinking and seeing a zombie-like Eddie definitely hurt.

He was as pale as a Moroi, with bags under his eyes. His eyes were reddish, bloodshot, and his pupils were dilated. Perhaps in this world, he was a Moroi? My fate was so ironic. The greatest torture for me was seeing the man I loved as one of my own kind?

I tried to ask him if he was a Moroi, but all that came out was a strange growl-like noise.

Eddie shook his head, his face serious. "Don't try to talk, please," he said.

Okay. It kind of made sense. In hell, I definitely wouldn't be able to talk. That was, like, the greatest torture.

I made another of those sounds in protest, and Eddie smiled. It was an honest smile, I realized. "Please, don't," he said in a near-whisper. "You'll open the wound up again."

I shook my head, trying to say that it didn't matter. What would happen if I died in hell? I'd be sent into another department?

I made another sound, and Eddie finally touched me. I ached for that touch. But it wasn't supposed to feel so… real, so warm. My eyes widened briefly. "Jillian Mastrano," he said in a serious voice, looking at me with those brown eyes I loved more than anything, "if you try to say another word, I'm going to silence you with a kiss."

I loved that sentence. I immediately made that sound again, and Eddie shook his head. "You're impossible," he said, but he was smiling.

And then he kissed me, and I wasn't sure if I was in hell or in heaven, after all. I remembered our previous kisses, and this one was better, deeper and hungrier than them all – Eddie struggled to be careful, but I kept pushing him further. He made a low noise in his throat and leaned into me further, making me gasp against his mouth, but he wasn't giving up. His hands were keeping my face in place, and my hands were weakly pulling at his shirt. In overall, he was very gentle, but it was more fierce than any of the kisses I ever experienced. He was holding me like a porcelain doll, but he was touching me as if I was as strong as a rock, too.

And I liked that.

I think we would've kissed for much, much longer, and it'd mean something, even though I was dead, but a voice cut in, interrupting us.

"I don't think she's well enough to be doing that," I heard Rose say.

Eddie immediately pulled away, but I kept tugging at his shirt weakly – I'm surprised he even noticed – so he stayed close.

Rose was standing in the doorway, her hands on her hips, and she was grinning. "Should I remind you that she's underage, and that she almost died two days ago?" she said, looking at Eddie.

Eddie gulped. "Well, at least I'm not her teacher," he said, trying to compose himself.

"Is that supposed to be a joke?" Dimitri said, poking his head in to look at us. His hands were around Rose's waist and they were both looking so… fierce, all in black.

This was all too intense for me. I was dead, I knew, and these people weren't really here. I was buried somewhere, and perhaps someone did come to the funeral.

But I was dead, and I was never going to see Eddie again. The real Eddie.

Everyone stopped smiling. "You're upsetting her," Eddie quietly said, obviously forgetting that I was a Moroi. "I'll come out in a minute."

Rose and Dimitri just nodded and left. I didn't understand why Eddie thought they were upsetting me – this was probably hell's way of saying I wasn't supposed to be happy. I was supposed to be in pain.

Eddie sat at the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving mine. I moved an inch, and he gently lifted me and moved me to the other side of the bed. He then lied down next to me, taking my hand in his, interlacing our fingers. Oh, God, why couldn't this be true? Why did I have to die? Why couldn't I have him and my life back?

Eddie's other hand moved to my face. He wiped something from my cheeks – I realized I was crying.

"Why are you crying, Jill?" Eddie gently whispered, his face an inch from mine. Somehow, it made me cry harder.

I tried to tell him, _I'm in hell, of course I'm crying!_ but all that came out of my throat were unarticulated noises.

Eddie put a finger to my lips, shushing me. "Just nod for yes, and shake your head for no. No more talking. Okay?" he said, his honest eyes boring into my soul.

I nodded slowly. I mean, what was I supposed to be doing here? I could just pretend this was real.

"Is it because you're in pain?" Eddie started. I shook my head.

"Is it because you don't like the fact that Rose and Dimitri showed up?" I shook my head again.

Eddie sighed. "Let's see. No reason?" he said with a slight smile. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"You miss something?" he tried again. I nodded. Perhaps I could make him understand.

"Adrian?" he immediately said. I rolled my eyes, knowing he'd never guess on his own. I moved his hand so that it rested on the bed with the palm up. I started slowly – and weakly – drawing letters.

"L," Eddie said slowly, "I," he narrowed his eyes, "F," and he looked at me, "E? Life? Why would you miss life?"

I closed my eyes. _Because I'm dead, stupid,_ I wanted to say. As if it wasn't obvious. The hell version of Eddie was as smart (as dumb) as the real one. That made me start crying again.

"Okay, okay, I'll figure it out," he said, his hand brushing away my tears again. "Just don't cry."

"So, you miss life. Why would someone miss life? Because he's dead?"

I nodded frantically. Maybe my Eddie wasn't that dumb after all.

Eddie's hand stopped moving and he looked at me with a serious look. "You're not dead, Jill," he said firmly.

Oh, how I wished I could believe him. How I wished I could lean into his touch and forget about everything. But I couldn't, I knew. I was going to be in here, living through different alternate endings forever. I just never thought hell would be so sophisticated. I thought people would be frying in fire, and that's all. This was mental torture.

I rolled my eyes and smiled, trying to say, _Yeah, right_.

Eddie took my face into his hands again. "You almost died," he whispered. "I ran with you, trying to find Adrian or a spirit user or anyone else to save you, but you were dying so I had to take care of you myself. I wrapped you up, slowed the blood loss, and ran to the nearest hospital. It was a human one, but they could save you and that was enough for me, so I didn't care. I insisted to be at the operation, though. You actually did die for a few seconds, but your heart started beating again as soon as I touched you." He smiled. "You scared me there for a second."

My eyes widened. This couldn't be true. It'd be too good to be the truth. I shook my head in panic, knowing this was hell's way of punishing me. By forgetting I was actually dead.

"Hell," Eddie said after I quickly drew the letters on his hand. I also wrote a broken heart, and he frowned.

"I don't get it," he said. "You feel said and like hell?"

I rolled my eyes. Yes, Eddie was dumb after all. I wrote "Hell" on his arm again.

Realization hit him. "You're not in hell, Jill," he said and leaned into me. "You're home."

And I started crying again as he kissed me, because I actually believed him. I believed that I was home, because I was with him. Hell couldn't be this beautiful. Nothing could.

"You're my hero," he whispered, kissing my cheek. "Now rest. You'll go crazy if you don't speak for another five minutes." I snuggled into his chest, closed my eyes and fell asleep.

And when I opened my eyes, I knew I'd be somewhere entirely else. I'd be in that torture room again, maybe, or in Amberwood. I'd be somewhere where hell could beat me, deceive me. But I could bear it, if Eddie was there.

"Hey," a gentle voice said into my ear. "Wake up, princess."

I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in Eddie's arms, and I frowned.

"No hell?" I wrote on his arm. He shook his head.

"You're alive," he said and kissed my forehead. "There's someone here to see you."

He tried to get up, but I forced him down with my hands. When I saw who was in front of us, my eyes widened.

My brother was there, and he was looking like hell.

I wrote, "Sage?" on Eddie's arm. He looked at me with sympathy.

"She's out of Re-education, but she's not fine," he quietly said.

Adrian's face darkened after that sentence. He smiled again when he caught my gaze.

He started to pull me into an embrace, but I put a hand in front of me. I closed my eyes and tried to get into Adrian's mind, wanting to shuffle through his memories and see it all for myself.

But the bond wasn't working. It wasn't blocked or hard to access or numb… it was dead, as if it never existed.

I frowned and wrote, "Bond?" on Eddie's arm.

"Broken," Eddie immediately said. "Just like with Rose. When she died again, it broke, but she came back to life. You did, too."

I felt new tears rise up in my eyes. No bond? I couldn't watch the world through Adrian's eyes anymore? I couldn't get away from my own life anymore? I was trapped in myself now, and Adrian was going to stop being my best friends, now that I don't know his thoughts.

Adrian saw my sad look and came closer. "It's okay, Jailbait," he gently said, tucking my hair behind my ear. "We'll get used to it."

I nodded. I tried to ask him about Sydney with my eyes, but he avoided my gaze. He just gave me a tight hug and kissed my cheek. "It'll be okay," he said again, and I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or himself.

And a minute later, Adrian was gone. I was worried about Sydney and what happened to her, but I couldn't exactly do anything to make it better.

I just turned towards Eddie, and wrote one word on his arm.

He smiled, and leaned into me again. "You can stop counting them," he said as his lips brushed mine. "Because I'll be giving you a lot."

And so I found out that I was very much alive, finally with the man I loved, finally where I wanted to be.

I was home.


	8. Afraid

**Author's note:** _You haven't forgotten about the one-shot? Because you'll be reading a lot of them in the next 8 days :D_

_Okay, let's mention everyone who reviewed:_

_1. __**rose**__: Thank you so much, I love you and your reviews too! :)_

_2. __**Rachelalicexx**__: Oh, I am so sorry for making you sad! But I'm also glad that I managed to trick you into believing Jill was dead ;D Love you, and thanks! :)_

_3. __**TheHappyLol**__: Don't cry! :(_

_4. __**sheerio4ever**__: Imagine me and an evil grin. I like the sound of that :D And I knew you'd love Jeddie! :) Love you very much, and thank you._

_5. __**Bloodlines-Addict**__: Your request is on the list, and for the other – just wow. Thank you so much for those words. :)_

_6. __**Holly**__: So glad you liked the one-shot! :D And yeah, you can easily connect the dots, but I'll be doing disconnectable one-shots (like this one) all the time! :D Thank you very much, Holly! :)_

_7. __**Jane**__: Hmm, again I must say that this is a T-rated story, but there'll be more Zeil one-shots, of course! Thank you for the review and kind words :)_

_8. __**Totalbooknerd13**__: Ooh, I won't say anything. It could happen :D And enjoy this! Love you, and thanks :)_

_9. __**rebelde09**__: Of course, I think I already have something like that one the list. I'll put the other one on the list too, I already have an idea! ;D Thank you so much for your support. :)_

_10. __**bukwurm13**__: You'll probably like the next one-shot :D Thank you so much, love you! :)_

_11. __**Sam1405**__: Your reviews are always… special. I am so glad I made you laugh! That is my purpose :D You feel bad for Brayden? :O I was always like, ohhh get the hell out of the story and let them get together! And then, when he kissed her, when he ruined her first kiss for Adrian, I was so, so infinitively angry! Okay, enough of raging :D Yeah, now that I think about it, it's completely true – Rose always brings up compulsion! (rolling my eyes) And yeah, this was a fluffy one. :D I love the "hmmmm" comment! I think I'm silently killing you all. Love you so much, Sam, and thank you for everything! :)_

_12. __**Percabethlvrknowsall**__: Spill it out already! :D_

_13. __**Guest**__: You confused me with this request, since I'm not really sure what you want exactly. Could you elaborate, please? Ad thank you for the review! :)_

_14. __**Lilietje99**__: God, you reviewed every single chapter :D Awwwwwh, that first review is so beautiful. Thank you so much for it! :D You can't imagine Adrian wearing ugly pants? I think that every pants Adrian wears are ugly, he's better off without them :D Yay! You love Zeil too! :D Aww, why do I keep making people cry? I mean, I also cried because of Sydney and her destiny :( You are awesome in every single language on Earth, but I am going to use the most beautiful language (my native) to tell you: TI SI FENOMENALNA! Thank you so infinitively much, you are so nice and beautiful and wonderful, and I don't even know what else. These reviews are really… they made me smile. :)_

_15. __**Guest**__: Hope you're happier now! ;D_

_Everyone can demand a one-shot, and I'll make sure to write it (the list is getting longer and longer, but I'll do it) :)_

_So, this one is for __**Totalbooknerd13**__, __**Guest**__ and __**Rose**__, and is probably the first one from Adrian's POV. Enjoy!_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

Oh my God.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

I was _so_ not supposed to freak out. Not today. Any day, but not today.

"Breathe," I heard a voice behind me say.

I turned around, and saw Eddie. His arms were crossed on his chest, and he was looking as if he was trying hard not to laugh. And I?

I was certain that I looked like a red potato that was struggling to breathe. And yeah, potatoes didn't breathe. Did that mean I was allowed to die?

I turned around, suddenly angry and embarrassed. I mean, I was Adrian Ivashkov. Adrian Ivashkov was never scared, he was never embarrassed, and he was never, ever made fun of.

"We'll see you when the day comes, Castile," I said angrily. He was _so_ not fair. He knew what was going on in my head, and he still decided to mock me.

I was feeling like a two-year-old, when in reality, I wasn't even 25.

Eddie touched my shoulder gently with his hand. It was supposed to be a soothing motion. All it managed to do was remind me of where I was, who I was and what I was supposed to do.

And I said another _Oh my God_. I was certain that the tie I was wearing was going to disintegrate, because I was practically tearing it off with my hands.

And suddenly, someone showed up, giggling. Why were people laughing at me? Did I look that bad, that desperate?

I wanted Sydney.

"First, you need to calm down," Jill said, still laughing. "Second, you need to put your hands off this tie," she said as she hit my hands and made me release it, "And third, you need to _breathe_, Adrian."

I was gasping for air. "The tie… it's too tight."

Jill looked up at me, smiling. "We both know it's not, and that you just don't like its color, but it's a gift from Abe, so wear it."

"But it's purple, Jill! It's the most girly color," I said and frowned, "I've ever worn."

Jill giggled again. "Are you filming this, Eddie?"

Eddie chuckled behind me. I started to turn around, certain that I was going to kill him.

"If there is a camera in your hand, Castile…"

My voice trailed off as I heard something.

Oh.

My.

God.

"I'm going to faint," I said in panic.

Jill just shushed me and went to stand on her place.

The music started, and I wasn't able to blink anymore. Not until I saw her. I couldn't tear my gaze off the door. I think my heart stopped beating. Everything and everyone stopped, except for the music.

Sydney chose the song, and I had no idea what it was, but it was beautiful. The fact that it was played on a regular piano was probably the reason.

Or maybe it was just this day and the fact that everything should look perfect.

And then it happened.

She was suddenly there, and I was seeing her, and my heart started beating crazily. I tried to take a deep breath, but all I managed was to gasp.

I thought she was beautiful, but now… now _beautiful_ took a very different meaning.

Sydney was a Catholic Christian. I was supposed to be an Orthodox, but I wasn't really the religious type. I knew how much it'd mean for her if she could be in a church today, so I let her do things her way.

Rose told me she just gave the responsibility to Abe, and that he organized everything.

Now, looking at her, hand-in-hand with Ibrahim Mazur, I realized I loved him.

The tie he gave me, with the black suit, matched her dress perfectly. It was purple, of course, and it had streaks of black here and there. It also matched her aura perfectly – the gold, reflected in her hair, her eyes and her skin tone, matched the purple that was everywhere else. I remembered a time when that purple was practically invisible.

Sydney's hair was pulled up behind her, but a golden lock escaped, and I had the incredible urge to tuck it behind her ear. She was beautiful, her face flushed, and while Abe whispered something to her, she smiled. I smiled too.

It was obvious that she was as nervous as I was, and it kind of made things easier for me. So this was normal, after all. I never freaked out, I never felt nervous or like I was going to faint. This was totally new to me.

She looked up at me, and I mentally said another _Oh my God_. It was followed by _How the hell did I get so lucky?_

Eddie chuckled behind me, and I realized I said it out loud. "You deserve to be happy too," he said, and I turned my head to see him.

Eddie was glowing, like everything else in the world, and I wasn't sure if I was drugged or something really wasn't normal here. I felt… safe and like I belonged somewhere, for the first time in my life. "Thank you, Castile," I heard myself say. "It means to me, hearing something like that."

Eddie just shook his head and turned me so that I was looking at my Sydney, at the purpose of my life, again.

Abe was in harmony with everything else, of course. He was wearing a purple jacket, and a black shirt beneath. What was supposed to make him disgusting was a pink scarf, but it actually looked nice on him.

Everything looked nice on him.

What happened next was kind of in fast-motion: Abe put Sydney's warm hand in mine, and he murmured, "You know what I'm capable of, Ivashkov. If she isn't happy in the morning, I'll be hunting you." I realized I wasn't scared of that threat, and I had many reasons.

And then I smiled and Abe winked at me and Sydney's hand was tight in mine, and it started.

And we were going to be married in an hour, at most. Oh my God.

But I wasn't freaking out anymore, and I was freaking out more than I ever did before. Sydney was here, she was beside me, and Eddie and Jill were behind us, and everything was going to be okay. Somehow. I just had to survive until the ceremony was over to be able to throw this tie away.

"Do you, Adrian Ivashkov, accept Sydney Katherine Sage…" I suddenly heard the priest say. He was saying something else, but all I could hear were our names, over and over again.

Everything stopped. I looked at Sydney – a doubt was on her face. Was she actually thinking I didn't want to marry her?

I smiled, and everything I ever did in my life disappeared. All that was left were her eyes, haunting me, making me feel like I never did before.

"Of course," I said loudly and Sydney smiled. I wasn't going to mock her, not today. So there was finally something Sydney and I both never did before.

Sydney didn't even blink; she was just looking at me, my hand burning where she touched it. The priest was asking her the same question, but I couldn't bring myself to actually listen. He was probably asking something normal, not knowing what Sydney and I already went through for our love.

He didn't know what we both endured for each other, and what we had to endure to be able to get to this day. He had no idea how Abe wasn't her real father, and how even now, even after everything Jared did to Sydney, it still hurt her because he wasn't the one that was leading her down the aisle.

I don't even know what the priest said next, but Eddie suddenly came forward with the rings. It was easy to distinct them, and I knew this was something Abe did.

He had style, I had to admit.

The ring Sydney was going to wear for the rest of her life, hopefully, was silver, and it had a green pattern on it. My ring was half-yellow, half-purple, and the pattern on it was brown.

I was sure nobody ever wore rings like those two, and I was suddenly very happy. Sydney and I were unique.

It all went too fast. I couldn't understand what the priest was saying, and I couldn't remember what I was saying, though I repeated it many times already, in my head.

And then came the moment I was waiting for. The crucial moment. "You may kiss the bride," I heard the priest say.

I never, ever, kissed Sydney like that. Never before, and never after. It was a unique kiss, and I tried to repeat it many times, but I never managed to do it. It was the most passionate, most breathless, most beautiful kiss we ever shared. It was full of nervousness and honesty, love and trust, and it meant Sydney was my wife now.

I murmured, "Sydney Ivashkov," against her mouth.

Sydney just giggled and hit me in the arm.

Rose also told me Abe wanted to make it a very big wedding, with at least 200 people, neither Sydney nor I knew, attending. Rose told me Sydney just rolled her eyes and said she'd invite only those we loved – that meant Jill, Eddie, Rose, Dimitri, Lissa, Christian, Zoe, Neil, Trey, Angeline, Carly, her husband Josh, her mom, my mom, her new boyfriend I didn't want to know about, Abe, Janine and Rowena. That meant 18 people, plus Sydney and I, twenty. Ten times less than what Abe wanted.

Dimitri and Eddie immediately pulled me into a hug that was anything, except manly. And they started telling me things I already knew, things that were hilarious. Things about Sydney and the way I should treat her on our wedding night.

Things that made me laugh, roll my eyes and tell them to go away. We were all dressed the same, except that, thankfully, only my tie wasn't pink. Eddie's and Dimitri's, unfortunately, were.

Jill, Lissa, Rose… all girls were also dressed the same, in pink-and-black dresses. Only Sydney's dress had purple in it, and I kind of liked what Abe did.

"I designed the dresses," I heard someone whisper behind me.

It was Jill, of course. I found myself hugging her, picking her up from the ground and spinning her in circles. By the time I was done, she was laughing like crazy.

"I won't tell you anything, because I know you already know and it'd be awkward," Jill said, rolling her eyes.

I couldn't resist the urge to ruin her hairstyle, and she screamed, backing away. We were all laughing like crazy.

Everyone congratulated me, and Sydney somehow managed to come back to me. "If I hear another word about tonight, I think I'm going to commit a murder," she said, rolling her eyes.

We were all laughing – even Dimitri, Russia's oldest stone, couldn't resist it. Everyone was glowing, everything was light and happy, and there was no spirit darkness. No Moroi, no dhampirs, Alchemists. Nothing. All that existed were those people Sydney and I loved - those people that cared about us, not our races.

Other people, like, for example, Nathan Ivashkov and Jared Sage, were a bit different and all they cared about was the fact that Sydney was a human, and I a Moroi. They refused to come to the wedding, and even though they knew this was something that was permanent, they were still acting disgusted.

My dad should've married Sydney's, that's for sure. They were, like, the perfect couple. They could both drown in their superstition while Sydney and I were happy.

"Hey," Sydney whispered, touching my face gently. We were out of the crowd, alone, and Sydney was the driver. And she was driving my Mustang. I didn't even remember when we left.

"What are you thinking about?" she said, glancing at me again. She was probably thinking spirit was torturing me again.

I shook my head. "I'm just… I'm just thinking about how our fathers should marry. They're perfect for each other. Their wives left them; they are both strong individuals…"

Sydney laughed. "That is definitely a good idea," she said. I could practically feel the tension between us. I didn't like it. Sydney and I were never tense, we were never under pressure, and we were never nervous about each other.

I sighed. "Sydney…" I started, not even knowing what I was about to say, but she cut me off.

"It's okay, really. I know that this is crazy and that it's just going to get more and more awkward if we keep talking. So let me drive, and we'll talk later. I want to bond with my baby – today is a special day."

I laughed. "I married a crazy woman that loves our car more than me. Should I be jealous or something?"

Sydney just looked at me and grinned.

The drive actually went fine. I kept starting to laugh, seeing Sydney close her eyes when she heard the engine purr, seeing her gently touch the wheel,, say something like, "I love you," to the car and completely ignore me.

Her tactic was fine, I thought. She wasn't going to talk about it, and we were going to be fine. It wasn't awkward, at all.

So when the car stopped, Sydney was immediately out, and I didn't even have the chance to say, "It's raining," to her. I knew she didn't notice, because she was so caught up in "bonding" with the Ivashkinator.

I got out, rolling my eyes. Sydney was standing in the rain, she was soaking wet, and she was grinning at me.

I raised an eyebrow. "Why are you smiling?"

Sydney started walking towards me. We were in front of my apartment, and instead of going in, she decided to ruin her wedding dress. "I like this tie," she whispered, and touched it.

"I hate it," I said truthfully. "I feel like I can't breathe in it."

Sydney's grin widened. "Then I should take it off, right?"

I raised an eyebrow again. "Are you aware that it's raining?"

Sydney's face was a breath away. "Maybe," she whispered and gently kissed me.

Damn, she was hot. And she was able to put me in her command within a second.

But then she disappeared, and my tie was gone with her. I actually growled and went after her. She couldn't do this to me.

Sydney was waiting for me in the doorway. I didn't even bother with words – I was pressing her up a wall and kissing her, and she was cold, and it was raining outside, and the car's engine was still running, and I couldn't bring myself to care.

Sydney obviously couldn't, neither. That's why I needed to be responsible and pull away. "The car-" I gasped, but Sydney caught my face with her hands and pulled me towards her again. We were both gasping for air, but I decided not to break the kiss.

My hands were in Sydney's hair, and I was trying – and failing – to free it from pins and whatever else Jill put on to make it look neat. I actually stabbed myself with something – probably a needle, and I had to move away.

"Is Jailbait trying to kill me?" I said, breathing hard. Sydney grinned at me, but she was looking as out of composure as I felt.

"We're married," she suddenly said.

I nodded and smiled.

Then I noticed she was shivering. "Sage, I appreciate this, really, but you're going to catch a cold…" I started, and I really was feeling worried. I mean, we were standing in the rain for minutes.

Sydney shushed me, rolling her eyes. "I'm not going to catch a cold, Adrian. And you realize I'm not Sage anymore?" she said, raising an eyebrow, as if she was challenging me.

"You are always going to be my Sage," I whispered.

Sydney giggled and went out again. She was playing with fire, and she knew it. Thankfully, I had more experience in this department - I knew she was nervous like hell, though she wasn't acting like it.

So when she came back with the car keys and closed the door, I started mocking her. "You are a virgin on your wedding night," I said, leaning against the wall, my arms crossing my chest.

Sydney rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you're stating the obvious," she said and she went into the living room, passing me as if I was made of air.

I pouted. "That is so…. nerdy," I said.

"Do you mind?" Sydney said, turning around to face me, and she was looking so hot in that wet dress of hers, that I had to resist the urge to throw her down and kiss her on the floor. "I can come back when I'm not a virgin anymore, if you mind."

I raised an eyebrow. "So you'd actually do it with someone else?"

"Well, you did," she said, frowning. This was moving into awkward territory, so I had to move it back into wedding-night territory as soon as possible.

I started walking towards her, and I didn't stop until she was as close as possible and I could practically feel her fear and embarrassment and everything. I clasped her hands and pulled her into my chest. She smelled like roses, like rain and spring, and she was as beautiful as a person could possibly be.

"It's okay, Sage," I whispered as I pulled my fingers through her hair. It always soothed her. "We're married. That's the only thing that matters. We'll get through everything together. You and I."

Sydney laughed, but she was trembling and I wasn't sure if that was because she was afraid or because she was cold. "I wasn't planning it differently," she gently said.

I started humming a meaningless melody, moving us through the living room. After all, we didn't even get the chance to dance – Sydney wanted to keep it as short, as straightforward and as business-like as possible. She was an Alchemist, after all.

Sydney giggled. I knew she was comfortable in my arms – I was feeling the same. Like she said, we were married, after all.

We kept dancing for what felt like eternity, not saying anything, in the silence, with me humming. And Sydney finally looked into my eyes – there was no fear in them. Only happiness, the infinitive happiness I was sure she could see in my eyes, too.


	9. Chrissa: Complications

**Author's note:** _I'm going to answer the 3 reviews I got, and then I'm moving onto the next one. I'm very productive today, 2 one-shots and it's only 1 PM! Hope it makes up for all those days without any updates. :)_

_Now, moving onto people who managed to review in such a short time:_

_1. __**Rachelalicexxx**__: Thank you, thank you! I'm not a fan of purple, or pink, or any girlish color, but I kind of can imagine Jill designing something like that. And when I remembered Adrian's aura was silver, I immediately had to write about these special rings. Thank you again, I'm so glad you realized what I wanted to do! :D_

_2. __**DoughnutsForever**__: Yay, I didn't want it to be cheesy with crying and, I don't know, cheesy lines, and throwing the bouquet, or those regular things. I've actually never been to a wedding, so I had no idea how it'd be, but I'm glad you think it was okay! :D And I definitely can't imagine a traditional Sydrian wedding. It'd be hilarious :D Thank you so much! :)_

_3. __**spaztronaut**__: Oh my God (I'm starting to sound like Adrian :D), I am so honored! Thank you for this beautiful review, coming from someone as awesome and as experienced as you, it means so much! Like I said, you gave me the idea to start these one-shots, and I am glad you like it. :D_

_So, this one is for __**sheerio4ever,**__ and everyone else who read my other story, TFH. I hope you all enjoy this one-shot._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

I was in so much trouble.

First of all, I was the Moroi queen. There was a target on my head, I had many political enemies, I was supposed to lead my people to a better life and I recently found out I had a sister.

No pressure there. I talked to the Royal council and they told me several disturbing things – they wanted me to marry. A Moroi, of course. Luckily, I was in love with a Moroi, but getting him to settle down and marry me wasn't going to be an easy job. They told me to see if my sister had the same opinion, because it wasn't possible for her to marry a dhampir.

They also told me that it could take a while to get everyone to vote for the hereditary laws. That meant Jill had to hide in the desert for a while longer, and I really wasn't comfortable with it. She was a Moroi and she was living amongst humans, in that heat. The thought made me shudder.

I was also away from Court, the place I was supposed to live. I came to Palm Springs to check up on my sister and how she was doing. I ended up checking on my friend Adrian instead, and I found out some shocking things about him.

I didn't want to think about his affair with a human now. I had problems of my own.

As if these things weren't enough, something else was wrong. There was something seriously wrong with me – I was dizzy, weak, and I even threw up once. I felt as if I was sick, but my temperature wasn't raised or anything. I kept telling myself it was spirit darkness manifesting on a new way.

I didn't want to worry Christian or Rose with my problems. Christian was too busy with playing Dr. Love for Sydney and Adrian, and Rose had problems of her own. She was emotional and depressed, realizing she was almost 19 and she still wasn't married.

Rose had a different way of thinking. Dhampir guardians didn't get to live until 80 or 90. They all usually died young, so they tended to do everything early. Her boyfriend Dimitri already asked her to marry him, like, a million times, but she kept saying no.

I asked her why she refused him. She said it was because he was a dhampir. I didn't understand. Then she told me how if she married him, she'd have to accept the fact that she could never have kids. She wanted to have children.

It was unlike Rose to think this way, but I figured out that she was upset by the fact that Adrian wasn't in love with her anymore. She didn't know that her friend, Sydney, was Adrian's girlfriend, so they had a couple of fights, and it probably wasn't going to end any time soon.

I had too many things to worry about. Court and the Royal council; Christian and telling him we had to get married soon; Jill and many groups wanting to hunt her down; Rose and her emotional problems; Adrian and his affair with a human; spirit darkness.

The fact that I was feeling weak again didn't help anything. One of my guardians, Jenny, helped me sit down when I suddenly got dizzy. She was a nice woman, her blonde hair and soft face a contrast to her guardian attire. She was loyal to me, I knew.

She smiled at me. "My queen, may I ask you a question?" she gently said.

I nodded. "Of course, Jenny. What is it?"

She looked a little uncomfortable. "Did you consider the fact that you might be pregnant? My sister felt like that in the first few weeks of her pregnancy."

I froze. "But that's impossible," I whispered. "I'm taking the pills and every single time we're-"

Jenny interrupted, and she was scared if I'd react. I didn't. "I don't want to be annoying, but take a test, my queen. It can't hurt to take that option off the list. I mean, it's obvious that there's something wrong with you."

I nodded. "Please, go and buy a test. I'll be waiting in the room."

Jenny nodded, smiled at me and got up. Before she left, she said, "Don't worry, my queen. Either way, you'll handle it with grace."

I smiled, not feeling happy at all. What if she was right? I should be freaking out. I was 18, for the God's sake. A baby? How could I have a baby so young? But it kind of made sense now that I thought about it…

No. There was no baby, and Jenny was just a crazy woman, and in a couple minutes I was going to see it for myself. Everything was okay.

But that still didn't solve one matter. What about marrying Christian? What would I even say to him when I saw him? _Hey baby, you know, the Royal council told me I need to get married, so go buy a suit and we'll do it tomorrow_. He'd freak out, I knew. I mean, getting married at this age… it was scary.

I was deep in thought, so I didn't notice when Jenny came back, a little box in her hand. "Plus for positive, minus for negative," she said as he handed the box to me. "Good luck."

So now I was standing in the bathroom, looking at that tiny test that had the ability to change my life. And Christian's, of course.

It said on the box that I had to wait a couple minutes, but the screen was still blank.

_Please show me a minus,_ I thought. _Just a tiny little minus_.

The screen blinked. My heart stopped.

A plus.

I was pregnant.

I was 18, I was the Moroi queen (not to even mention that I wasn't even married), and I was pregnant.

Christian was totally going to freak out.

Speaking of the devil… "Lissa, I'm back," I heard him say. "Where are you?"

"In the bathroom," I answered in what I considered was a calm voice.

"Well, get out," he said in a cheerful tone.

I cleared my throat and hid the test in my purse. "Just a moment, honey," I said, but I wasn't able to control my voice anymore.

Damn it. I didn't even start faking my feelings, and I was already broken. When he saw me, he'd immediately know something was wrong.

"Liss?" I heard him whisper. "Are you okay?"

Then I started sobbing. I was in the bathroom, in my finest dress, and I was crying like a baby. And I was supposed to lie to Christian.

"Liss!" Christian said as he entered the bathroom and saw me on the floor. I really had no idea how much of this was the darkness, how much the pressure, and how much the newest information.

He sat on the floor next to me, and took my hands in his. "What happened?" he said, turning my hands so that he could see my wrists.

I knew he was searching for cuts. I shook my head. "I didn't…" I tried, but found myself unable to say anything else.

"Oh, Liss," Christian said and pulled me into his arms. "Just tell me what's wrong, baby."

The selfish person I am, I found comfort in his arms. It was safe and warm there, and I didn't want to leave him. Ever.

Christian left me do my thing, pulling his hands through my hair and whispering soothing words in my ear. "It's going to be okay, honey," he whispered. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

After a minute or so of sobbing, I pulled back and dried my tears. My dress was ruined, of course, but I wasn't feeling bad because of it. It was the least of my problems.

Christian was watching me with evident concern on his face, and he was still holding my hands. We would go through this together. We would go through everything together.

"Christian, I…" I tried, but no words came out. How would I say it? How would he take it?

Christian touched my cheek with his nose. I opened my eyes and saw him smiling. "What, Liss? Just tell me."

I smiled too. "We need to get married," I suddenly said. Well, it wasn't the complete truth, but it was a good start.

Christian leaned back. "What? But why?"

I shook my head. I tried to get it all out as soon as possible. "The Royal council says a queen can't be alone for too long. They want me to have…" I gulped and continued, "children as soon as possible, and they want me to marry a Moroi soon. It'd be a sign of good will, of me following tradition, and it'd probably make the hereditary laws pass earlier."

Christian sat there, watching into my eyes for a moment. He was thinking hard, it was obvious, and his eyebrows were furrowed.

"And that's why you were crying?" he said, frowning. My Christian was smart, after all. I hated that brain of his in that moment. "Is it so awful, having to marry me?"

I gasped. Perhaps he wasn't as smart as I thought. "Are you crazy?" I snapped. "It's not the fact that it's you, it's the fact that I'm 18, Christian! I graduated a year ago, and I became the queen, and now I'm going to marry? This is all going way too fast!" _And now I'm pregnant too!_ I wanted to add, but I swallowed the words.

Christian touched my cheek with his fingers. "But it's how it is, and we'll deal with it. Okay." He started to get up, pulling me with him. "I'm going to buy the ring, and you… calm down, rest, lie down on the bed, something. Just don't freak out anymore, Liss. Okay?" He smiled at me, and I nodded, smiling back.

He started to move away, but I wasn't done with him yet. I had the best boyfriend in the whole universe – I mean, who'd take this as good as he did? Who'd just say _Okay, I'm going to buy the ring_?

I kissed him passionately, touching his hair with my fingers, knowing he loved the sensation. He started shivering underneath me, and I had to giggle. "Liss, if you don't want to end up naked on that bed, you're going to let me go," Christian growled.

I rolled my eyes. Oh God, I was thinking about the baby again. It was okay, it was okay. I was going to say it to him and we were going to work it out somehow.

"Go," I whispered, hoping he didn't hear my voice break. He looked at me strangely, but didn't comment. He probably thought it was the darkness.

So, hormones and everything, I snapped at my sister, and now she was kidnapped. I really managed to screw it up. I thought how people in schools a hundred years from now would study about my rulership, and they'd laugh like crazy, saying, "Who gave the power to a stupid blonde!"

And I couldn't agree with them more.

So now there was only one thing left to screw up – my relationship with Christian.

He opened the door gently, hoping I wouldn't hear. He knew something was wrong with me, but he didn't know what. Well, he was going to find out now.

"Chris," I said in the same time when he said, "Liss."

I turned on the bed, looking at him. We were both smiling. We were so synchronized sometimes, knowing what the other thought.

Christian joined me on the bed. He put his arms around me and when I sighed, preparing myself to tell him the big news, he said, "It's okay, baby. It's not your fault. It would've been something else. They would've killed Eddie or something."

I shook my head. "It's not… it's not that. It's something else," I said in a thick voice.

Christian leaned back to look at me. "Well, what is it, then? Are you okay? Did something happen?"

I looked at him, at the honesty in those beautiful, blue eyes, and I prayed to God that our child has his eyes. I fell in love with them every single day. "Chris, I… I…" I tried, but failed to tell him.

Christian furrowed his eyebrows. I took a deep breath. "I'm…" but the words wouldn't get out of me.

I finally took his hand and put it on my stomach. I looked into his face as he was first confused, then as realization hit his face.

"Oh no," he said, his eyes widening. "You can't be…" he said, searching for an answer in my face.

I nodded and closed my eyes. "I have no idea how it happened, Chris, but it did," I whispered.

"You're…" Christian tried. "Pregnant?" he whispered it with much, much effort, as if it was a curse.

I opened my eyes. "Yes. I am," I whispered.

Christian pulled me into his arms, but they still rested on my stomach. "Oh my God," he whispered, as if he was afraid someone would hear us. "What are we going to do now?"

"I have no idea," I said truthfully. "I have no idea, Christian."

"We'll work it out," he said firmly. "But with Jill kidnapped, and the trial, and the laws, and the assassins, Liss…"

I just nodded, hoping he'd never move away, hoping we'd stay locked up in this embrace forever, and hoping I'd always feel safe.

I'd protect our child with everything I had. Our years, surnames, races, nothing mattered anymore. Only the fact that I was pregnant, and that this child was going to be half-Christian and half-me.

"I'm going to be a dad," Christian whispered.

And suddenly, we were both laughing, thinking about how our lives were going to change drastically.


	10. Surprises

**Author's note:** _In the spirit of the last one-shot, I am going to do another one with the same theme :)_

_People who managed to review until now:_

_1. __**Rachelalicexx**__: Thank you so much! I'm going to read your chapter now (I finally have time, yay!) and I hope you got your doze of one-shots for today! ;D_

_2. __**Jocasta Silver**__: I am going to do both, partially because I need a specific Zeil shot, and partially because nobody asked about Trengeline yet. Thank you very much! :)_

_3. __**Lilietje99**__: I'm glad we agree about Adrian's clothes ;D Thank you so much for your wonderful words! :)_

_4. __**sheerio4ever**__: It's not bad, I'm laughing at my one-shots all the time! And Adrian said "Oh my God" at least 10 times :P And Pyro will be an awesome dad! I really wish this happens in TFH, though I know it won't and I'm just fantasizing :( Love you so much! :D_

_This is another one for __**Totalbooknerd13**__. Enjoy!_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

"What is wrong with you, Sydney?" I asked her. "You aren't supposed to be sick. You have the tattoo, remember? So what the hell is wrong with you?" I snapped.

I was starting to pace the room, and her concerned face was irritating me. If Adrian saw me, he'd immediately know something wasn't right and he'd force me into going to every single doctor on Earth.

I hated doctors. That's why I welcomed the tattoo and its effects.

Or he'd simply heal me. I didn't want him to use more spirit than necessary, but I knew he'd insist.

So what was wrong with me, then? The face in the mirror I was looking for hours said nothing to me. And yet, something in me told me it was obvious.

Okay, let's analyze things. I got married a little over a month ago, and since then I've been the happiest person on this planet. Marrying Adrian was definitely a good thing to do, and I didn't care about my father's opinion anymore – or anyone else's, for that matter.

All that mattered was my Adrian. He was as happy as I was, and spirit wasn't bothering him anymore. I was used to getting up early, and I'd often find myself in his arms, warm and safe, and I'd look at him for hours, watching him in his peaceful state. And then he'd wake up, look into my eyes and see all my love in them.

We were happy, we really were. I wasn't an Alchemist anymore, at least not an active one. My father tried to put me on Re-education, but it didn't work and his explanation was that I was too tainted. He practically disowned me, saying he was leaving me to indulge in the evil.

Well, I could only thank him. Since he left me alone, my life has been better and better. I managed to save Zoe… Okay, it wasn't me; it was that crazy boyfriend of hers, Neil. She was very happy when we finally had a talk about our feelings, and we realized we were much alike. She was, like, the less scandalous version of me – I was with a Moroi, after all, fangs included.

I didn't care about that anymore. Adrian refused to bite me, though we both wanted it so much, and we both knew it. He was afraid I'd become addicted, and it'd have a bad effect on my brain cells. I was very disappointed, but I had to agree.

So that left the two of us to live in Adrian's apartment. It was enough for us – we had the kitchen, in which we both often cooked, we had our bedroom, in which we slept and… did other things, and we had enough space not to bother the other one. I also had a lot of money, but I decided to apply to Carlton in September. Adrian almost graduated, so he could secure us financially with his paintings until I graduated architecture and tried to find a job in a school somewhere.

I didn't tell him, but I didn't want to go to Carlton anymore. My big dream was to work as a mechanic, fixing cars the whole day. I didn't have any bigger ambitions, since I wasn't in a need for money and I could become whatever I wanted.

Adrian would freak out, saying I just wanted for guys to look at me, all dirty and stained with motor oil. Even now, in my worried state, I had to roll my eyes. His jealousy was so cute, and so funny… I didn't have a comment anymore.

There was Jill, too, of course. She was still bonded with Adrian, and the hereditary laws were passed, so she gladly stopped being a princess. She stayed here, in Palm Springs, with us, and she was living at Clarence's currently, since the school was out for the summer. Eddie was with her, of course – he was her guardian, her best friend, and her boyfriend. So yes, they were finally together and they were happy.

My sister, Zoe, she lived a little further away. She was in Utah, with mom and Carly, and they both gladly accepted Neil. She said she wanted to be like me, and that she'd marry him as soon as she turned 18. Neil almost choked with the Thanksgiving turkey when he heard that.

My dear Angeline was still here, too. The Warriors were scattered all across the country, so Trey wasn't in any danger anymore and they didn't have to flee anywhere. They were living in Trey's house, and I was very happy to know everything was okay with them too.

Christian and Lissa were a different story. Lissa was eight months pregnant, and many people still wanted to hurt her, so Christian was very worried, but they were fine, surrounded by all those guardians. And yes, they were married now. Rose and Dimitri were married too, and Rose wasn't unhappy anymore. They'd adopt children soon, was the last thought Rose decided to share with me. And I envied them and their strength.

I don't know what I'd do if I was unable to have children with Adrian. It' be very sad, knowing you'd have to be alone for the rest of your life.

Okay. Wait a second. Children.

I got married a little over a month ago.

Eight months pregnant.

Month.

But… no way. I mean, I wasn't taking pills or anything, but this soon? Was it even possible?

I knew it was, but I was just searching for a reason why it might not be. It made perfect sense, really. Adrian and I were married, and we weren't using protection or even thinking about that…

My thoughts were interrupted by my handsome husband. His head was poking through the door, and he was grinning. "Good morning, my beautiful wife," he said cheerfully. I smiled back faintly.

"I didn't want to wake you, so I just got up and headed for my classes," he said as he got into the room. "Hope you didn't miss me too much."

I rolled my eyes. "I got up, like, twenty minutes ago." I sighed, not wanting to stall this any further. "And I threw up in the bathroom."

Adrian's eyebrows furthered and he inspected my face. "You don't look sick," he said, as if he was a doctor. "Those eggs you ate yesterday might've been too much for your stomach."

I shook my head. "I don't… I don't think it's that," I said, barely above a whisper.

"Are you sick?" Adrian said, his face concerned. "If you want me, I can heal you, but you're definitely going to see a doctor. I can make an appointment with a…"

I put a finger in front of me. "Shut up for a moment, okay?" I said harshly, and Adrian smiled.

I rolled my eyes. "Adrian, we're married for a month, right?" I started, leading him to the logical answer.

He nodded. "A month and two days, to be exact," he said.

"And we've been… consuming our marriage, right?" I asked.

He was obviously confused, not knowing where I was heading with this, so he just said shortly, "Yeah."

"And we weren't using any protection, right?" I continued.

Adrian was a _very_ patient person. "Okay, where are you heading with this, Sage? I mean, it's wonderful to talk about our sex life, but I don't see the reason…"

I interrupted him. "Adrian, I think I'm pregnant," I said.

Adrian's eyes widened. "Are you sure?" he said in an uneven voice.

I smiled faintly. "The thought came to me, like, a minute ago, so no; I'm not sure, Adrian."

Adrian smiled back, taking my cheeks in his hands. "Please, don't make me hope for nothing," he said in a strong whisper. "Because I'm hoping you are."

I raised an eyebrow. "You're hoping?"

Adrian grinned. It was obvious he was happy. He started spinning me around. "Of course I am! It's my biggest wish, ever since I fell in love with you. I always wondered how our children would – will – look like. They'll be strikingly handsome, that's for sure."

I laughed. "Not if they look anything like me," I murmured.

Adrian looked at me with an, 'Are you kidding me?' look.

"If they look anything like you, I'll be the happiest man alive," he said simply. "How sure are you?"

I was doing the math, trying to piece the things together. "I'm about 70 percent sure," I said, "but I'll confirm it right away with the Alchemist technology."

Now Adrian raised an eyebrow. "No regular tests for my wife, huh?"

"They're not 100 percent accurate. What I have is, so back away and let me do my thing, Ivashkov," I said and freed myself from his grip.

Well, that went better than expected. I kind of expected him to freak out and get out of the apartment screaming. It'd be hilarious, actually.

I made the Alchemist compound and put it into water. Adrian was still fully dressed, and he was watching me from the doorway, smiling. He was like a mad man, and I was feeling the same internally.

"So, what does it do?" Adrian obviously couldn't wait and see it for himself.

I rolled my eyes again and looked at him. "So, I made a compound of various things, and now I'm going to drink it. If I'm pregnant, morning sickness is going to trigger and I'll throw up. If not, I'm just going to be extra hungry. Not that I'm not hungry already."

Adrian came behind me as I drank the substance, and he wrapped his arms around my stomach, so that he was touching it.

"You understand that I'm going to lock you up in this room for the next nine months if you're really pregnant, right?" he whispered into my ear, making me shiver. "No lifting heavy things, no drinking and eating unhealthy food, but eating a lot…" he started saying, and I had to laugh.

"You are crazy," I said through a laugh. "I'm not going to sit here all day, doing nothing. I'm going to do… something."

Adrian laughed and kissed my left cheek. "Oh my God, I'm so happy," he said in a very cute tone.

"But what if it's not that? It could be a variety of things, really. This is just a possibility…" I trailed off as I felt something in my stomach.

Adrian felt it too. "What does that mean?" he said, his voice a step away from panicking.

"The bathroom," I said and started to walk but I was already lifted from the ground and Adrian was carrying me.

I could barely hold the contents of my stomach inside of me and not puke all over Adrian. The thought was striking me as hilarious, so I balanced between throwing up and laughing.

Adrian held my hair in check as I threw up, and I was thankful for it. I was thankful because I wasn't alone in this. We were going through all of this together.

We both didn't say a single word until I almost cleaned myself. I was washing my hands, and Adrian was behind me, careful not to touch me. I suddenly stopped…

And started crying. Adrian stopped the running water, took a washcloth and dried my hands. I was still crying when he took my hands, led me out of the room and sat us both on our bed.

He turned me towards him. "Okay. Why are you crying, Sage?" he gently said.

I shook my head. "I… I don't know," I said lamely. "I'm so happy and I'm so scared and you didn't say anything after I confirmed that I was pregnant and I thought that maybe you weren't happy about it after all…"

Adrian chuckled. "Wrong reasons," he said.

And then I found myself on the bed, not crying anymore. I was too focused on kissing Adrian back.

"This kid is going to be the most handsome guy ever," Adrian said between kisses.

I pulled back. "How do you know it's a boy?" I asked, laughing.

"I just… I just have a feeling about it," he said and kissed me again, with more passion.

I giggled. "Well, I have a feeling that it's a girl," I said, though I wasn't feeling anything.

"Well, it doesn't matter," Adrian said against my neck, making me sigh, "our dhampir is going to be amazing, and that is a fact."

I froze. I never actually thought about that one, little, tiny thing…

I was starting to freak out, and Adrian knew it. His hands were instantly on my cheeks, and he was whispering, "Open your eyes, Sydney."

"There's a dhampir inside of me," I whispered back. I opened my eyes slowly and saw him looking at me with those gorgeous, hypnotizing eyes of his.

He wasn't offering a smile to reassure me, though. "You must've known this would happen sooner or later," he said firmly. "I mean, I'm a Moroi, after all."

I sighed. "I never thought about it in such a… short notice of time. I'm not even twenty yet, Adrian, and it's okay that I agreed to marry you, but… a child? And a dhampir, at that? It's a bit much for me to endure."

Adrian traced the lily pattern on my cheek. As crazy as it was, it managed to soothe me. "You can always… kill it… if you don't want it," he said in a near-whisper.

He was crazy. I gasped. "Are you crazy?" I practically screamed. "Of course I want to keep it! I just didn't expect it so soon! How can you think I'd want something like that?"

Adrian shrugged. "You were raised as an Alchemist, Sage. I just let you know that I'd do anything you wanted. Even if it was…" he gulped and shook his head. "Damn it, of course I wouldn't let you do something like that."

I smiled and pulled at the collar of his shirt, making him come closer to me. "So is this normal? I mean, are dhampir babies stronger than humans? Nothing's going to happen to me, right? Because I'm picturing the scene from the third part of _Twilight_ right now, where Bella nearly dies and all," I said with a frown.

Adrian shut his eyes tightly. "Don't remind me of that torture I had to watch for nearly five minutes," he said and we both started to laugh.

"Yeah, I suppose that was disgusting," I said, rolling my eyes. "It's just the first thing that came to my mind."

Adrian put his hands on my hips, glancing down at my stomach. "I just know that dhampirs are stronger and bigger and they need a lot more food," he said. "That means you're going to be a rolling ball by the time that baby gets out of you, but I'm not sure if the baby tears its way out of you or something that could hurt you."

Seeing my blank look and mistaking it for fear, he quickly added, "But don't worry, I'll be there the whole time and I'll heal you immediately, just in case."

I hit him in the arm and started laughing hysterically. "You are completely crazy," I said through a laugh.

"Yeah?" Adrian said in a low voice, leaning towards me, his hands roaming down my sides. "You think? Because I'm a spirit user, madam."

I giggled. His lips were a breath away. "I'm a lucky madam, then, having my own crazy Moroi and all," I said.

Adrian laughed breathlessly and his lips were on mine then, kissing me to reassure me, to tell me how much he loved me and the fact I was bearing his child, the fact that I actually wanted it, the fact that it was a dhampir and that I wasn't disgusted, wanting to kill it. I shuddered at the thought.

Adrian was also more careful with me now, kissing me as gently as he could, touching my stomach all the time. Nine very long and very happy months were waiting for us, I knew. And the apartment we were living in was going to be too small for all of us too soon. Perhaps we could buy the apartment next to it and make this a big one; big enough for Adrian, me and our family.

I was really surprised by the fact that I actually saw myself here, getting older, having children, being a mother, being with this crazy man I loved.

But, of course, was there a moment where Adrian and I weren't interrupted? The bedroom door opened and revealed Jill. She was grinning, and she wasn't at all surprised by seeing me half-naked with a half-naked Adrian, on our bed. The bond must be working wonderfully today.

Adrian groaned and moved away from me, so I just rolled my eyes. "Hey, Jill," I said, sitting up and fixing my clothes. Jill totally ignored Adrian; she jumped on the bed in her long, blue dress, and hugged me.

"Oh my God, congratulations! Adrian managed to pull me in when you told him, and it didn't happen for at least an year! I'm so happy, Sydney! This is amazing! I am going to be an aunt," she practically screamed.

"Yeah, Jailbait, hello to you too," Adrian said from behind me.

"Okay, is someone finally going to tell me what's going on? She practically ran all the way here, not telling me what was wrong. I thought it was a Strigoi attack," I heard Eddie say. He was standing in the doorway, frowning.

"Sydney is pregnant," Adrian and Jill said in the same time, and then looked at each other, grinning evily.

"Oh," Eddie said, scratching the back of his neck. He slowly approached Adrian, and put his hand in front of him for Adrian to shake it. "Well, congratulations, man," he said.

It was so funny, and Jill poking my stomach gently just made me giggle more. Adrian raised an eyebrow and then pulled Eddie into a hug. "Thanks, Castile," he said cheerfully. "I'm waiting for the moment when Jill announces the same thing."

Eddie froze. "I think it's a bit too… early for that," he said, a blush creeping up to his cheeks. Jill giggled and turned away from him.

"Oh, Sydney, I'm so infinitively happy," she said and squealed, touching my stomach again. "And is it going to come out already? I want to see the baby! I want to see if it'll have blonde or black hair, if it'll have green or brown eyes, if it'll be tall or short…"

I laughed. "I'm going to quote Eddie – I think it's a bit too early for that, Jill."

Jill rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. I'll ask you in nine months if it's too early. And I'm going to… kill that child with presents! Let me call Angeline. I didn't have time to do anything." She moved away from me and started typing something on her phone with her long, pink nails.

I decided to do the same. Adrian and Eddie were having a conversation about… Jill getting pregnant soon, as it seemed?, so I took my phone out and dialed Zoe. She was going to freak out.

"Yup," she answered immediately. I had to roll my eyes, and I started laughing.

"Sydney?" Zoe said warily. "Are you… drunk?" That just made me laugh harder.

"I'm… Zoe, I'm pregnant," I said simply.

A long silence on the line, and then, "Oh my God."

"Is that a good or a bad reaction?" I asked, frowning.

"A good one, believe me!" she screamed. "Oh my God, Sydney! But you married a couple of days ago!"

I giggled. "A month and two days, Zoe."

"Whatever," she answered. "Let me call mom."

I heard her say "Mom!" in a muffled voice. "Something happened to Sydney!"

I rolled my eyes. Mom was going to get a heart attack, thinking a Strigoi killed me or something.

"Is she okay, Zoe?" I heard mom ask. Then she obviously took the phone from her, because it made strange sounds. "Sydney? Honey, are you okay?"

I giggled again. "I'm okay, mom, Zoe is just crazy. I'm just… pregnant." God, why was it so awkward to say this? I couldn't get used to it.

"What?" mom shouted. "Are you a hundred percent sure? Is it the vampire's?"

"Who else's would it be?" I asked, slightly offended.

"Just checking," mom said. "Let me talk to Adrian, please."

I sighed. "Don't say anything inappropriate, mom," I warned her and gave the phone to Adrian. He looked at it with a confused face.

"Yes, Miss Sage?" he asked. He started grinning. Jill was squeaking in the background, pointing at my belly and making Eddie laugh and look at her adoringly. "Of course, miss Sage. I won't let her work as a mechanic… or lift heavy things," and he looked at me with a knowing look, "and I'll lock her in the apartment until the baby's here. Sydney and I already discussed it and she's fine with it."

I started to get up, and suddenly got dizzy. Adrian was there in an instant, preventing me from falling. "Gotta go, Miss Sage," he said and shut the phone off.

He gently pulled me back onto the bed and pointed a finger at me. "If I need to, I'll tie you to this bed," he said. "And make you eat at least ten times daily."

I rolled my eyes. "It's because I was lying in bed for so long, not because I'm pregnant," I said.

"Yes? Of course, Angeline, I'll give her to you immediately," Jill said cheerfully, handing the phone to me.

"Yeah, you're all happy for me, I know," I said with a sigh.

Angeline was screaming in the background. "That is so cool! I'm actually taking Trey to my family next month, and he'll ask my brother for my hand! Isn't that awesome?"

I rolled my eyes for the millionth time today. "Just call me, I want to be there and watch," I said, laughing.

I glanced at Adrian and his happy, warm face. His feelings were reflected in Jill, and Eddie was watching her with passion and love.

"Are we going to try soon?" he asked Jill. She just looked at him, grinning, and started to cry. "I'm so happy for all of us," she said as Eddie pulled her into his chest.

I caught Adrian's hand, feeling as happy as I never did before. I realized I was where I belonged, with who I belonged, and I knew whatever happened, Adrian and I could get through it together, with those we loved.

"Jillian, if it's a girl," I whispered.

"And Edison, if it's a boy," Adrian whispered back.


	11. His Blondes

**Author's note:** _So today I was focused on TFH, and I'm finally back to one-shots. It's easier for me to write them, but I spent so much time in stalling with the real story so… don't be too mad. _

_So, my lovely reviewers:_

_1. __**Percabethlvrknowsall**__: Awwh, that is so cute! I am so glad I can make you feel these things. :) _

_2. __**bukwurm13**__: Christian makes us all feel that way ;D I really tried to see things from her perspective, since people just tend to think she's the queen and everything's perfect for her. I'll actually make a one-shot of that character for you, trying to solve it. As I probably mentioned before, I solved almost all the other perspectives from TFH (Zoe: check; Lissa: check; Angeline-that one coming soon), so it only leaves Rose and she has major problems. And that, your other wish, will certainly come true too! ;D And it was just a thought gone wrong, for Jared and Nathan to marry (I'm blushing!). I also think we have many one-shots centered on what other people's reactions are, while nobody actually copes with the real feelings. I just saw Adrian as nervous, and tried to pull it off. I'm glad I managed to do it! :) I'm done with pregnancies for good :D I don't know, I tried to think how he'd react, and just didn't see him running away, but I did see him happy. Yeah, I also wanted to do a scenario where everyone ends up happy, it is possible after all! Thank you for everything, my loyal buddy :)_

_3. __**Totalbooknerd13**__: You certainly had to, since it was your request… both of them :P And I really am glad you loved it :)_

_4. __**TheHappyLol**__: I hope your head doesn't hurt anymore, right? Don't hurt yourself (I tell you that all the time!) :D Thank you so much :)_

_5. __**marcy503**__: Thank you so much, I'm so glad you liked it! :)_

_6. __**Rachelalicexx**__: I'm awful, I still haven't read your one-shots :( I laughed so hard, imagining Jill poking Sydney in the stomach :D Thank you so much, and a weird question – is your name Rachel, or Alice? :D_

_7. __**sheerio4ever**__: It's the point ;D It'd be such a crazy scenario – imagine Adrian, backing up slowly, saying he needed to be somewhere and running as far away as possible! Go crazy imagination give me a high five :D And that, about Twilight, was also a thought gone wrong :D Love you, and thank you very much! :)_

_8. __**DoughnutsForever**__: We all need fluff in our lives :D Thank you so much for those words! I am so glad you liked it! And hey, do you want a one-shot? :D Thank you again, you're so nice! :)_

_9. __**jpitt**__: I put your request on the list, just be patient :) Thank you for the review! :D_

_9. __**Lilietje99**__: Oh, my faithful reviewer! I felt like I owed this to them, since it's a wonderful occasion and it certainly complicates things. I'm so glad you loved the chapters! I wrote 3 one-shots + TFH chapter yesterday. Today I wrote a chapter of Pain and Torment, TFH regular and now a one-shot. Productive days ahead! :D Aww, she'd be beautiful. And be careful – your wishes just might become the truth… sooner than you expect. I just got an idea, and I can't resist it. ;D_

_This one is for __**Totalbooknerd13**__.And I'm totally positive __**Lilietje99**__ is going to start screaming after several sentences. Enjoy! ;D_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

"You are driving me crazy!" I snapped.

I was feeling like my head was going to explode. But I wasn't unhappy, or even angry, though. It was the complete opposite actually.

A whirlwind of golden hair passed by me again. I was getting tired of this.

"You are _so_ dead," I said, after I heard something falling to the floor. "First you mess up my painting of Hopper and now the paint is all over the floor!"

I heard a familiar giggle and I started running, arms stretched in front of me, trying to catch her. She was as fast as a person could possibly be, that was for sure.

Of course, paint was sticky and when someone stepped on it, he fell. That was exactly what happened to me.

"Ouch!" I said, pretending my back was badly hurt in the fall. "Now daddy can't play anymore."

My little devil gasped and ran towards me. "Daddy? Daddy, are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" she said, panic evident in her voice.

I laughed, catching her waist. Her summer dress was all sticky with paint, and it didn't get any better when I touched her with my hands. I started tickling her and within a second she was laughing like crazy, on the floor, and her hair was smeared in red paint.

"Mom is going to kill us both if she sees this," I said, dead serious.

"But dad, can we play a bit more and clean afterwards? It isn't even 2 PM and mom's due 4," my daughter said, looking at me with puppy eyes. I understood how Sydney couldn't resist that look now that I was experiencing it first-hand. "Please, daddy?" she whined.

"Okay, Jillian," I said, rolling my eyes and I started tickling her again.

Of course, cleaning was the last thing on our minds, so after two hours of running around, tickling and painting, the room was still as dirty as it can possibly be.

I watched Jillian as she tried – and failed – to paint Hopper. He was her favorite pet, probably because they were close in age (Hopper was only two years older), and she constantly tried to paint him, but all she managed so far was to make a big, brown smudge on the canvas.

Jillian was beautiful. She was three years old, and she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Born in winter, her favorite color blue, she really looked a lot like my sister Jill. Sydney and I agreed a long time ago to name the child after Jill or Eddie.

Well, baby Eddie was on his way right now, or at least that was what Sydney said. She said she "had a feeling," and I didn't want to fight her about it. Sydney was a bit on the edge these days and I understood her, in a way. I'd be angry if I was a ball too.

Back to my daughter. She had long, blonde hair, just like her mother's. The same shade, the same curliness, everything. When they both turned their backs on me, I really couldn't find a difference between their hairs.

Then again, Sydney said she couldn't find difference in Jillian's and my eyes. She'd make us both look at her sometimes, and she'd just sit there, her gaze going from her to my eyes. It was hilarious every single time.

I really saw us both in her – I saw Sydney's nerdiness, my handsomeness, and our stubbornness in her. She was an artist, as talented in painting as her father was, and she already knew the periodical system of chemical elements by heart.

Jillian was a very wonderful person. As a dhampir, she was taller, stronger and faster, and as our child, she was caring and lovable and happy. She loved playing around, which reminded me of me when I was a kid, and I could never guess of who she reminded me when I found her reading a book with a flashlight at 2 AM.

Sydney and I were very happy since Jillian came along. Jill and Eddie had a child, too, and I was honored when the girl was named Adrianna. Jill was always crazy in these things, and I hid how happy I was, but Jill could see right through me.

Yes, after five years, the bond was still working and it was like a Twitter profile. _Oh, the child was born and they called her Jillian! Oh, Jillian just spoke her first words! Oh, Jillian is walking! Oh, Jillian is doing this, or that!_ Jill knew everything, and I really didn't mind. It just made us feel… closer, like a real brother and a sister.

Adrianna and Jillian always fought about who got to play with their cousin Ivan. Now, I never understood why Christian and Lissa named their son like that, and she said to me a million times the Royal council asked for it to be a Russian name, since he was the Moroi prince, but it was still beyond my comprehension.

I was named Adrian, after all.

Ivan was older only a year than Jillian, and three years than Adrianna, but it didn't stop them from fighting. _All the time_. We had to stop visiting in the same time Jill and Eddie were, because the girls were acting so… girly.

Rose and Dimitri – no, they weren't sulking because they can't have children – they adopted a child quite a while ago, and Abe handled it. The boy actually looked like a Dimitri a bit, and I kept asking myself if it was a child from Dimitri's sister or something. Abe always refused to say anything, though, and as a way of thanks, Rose named the child a Muslim name (since her father was Ibrahim) – Ismail.

Who's left? The married birdies, Trey and Angeline, who were still too afraid to try to have a child, since they had no idea what the offspring of humans and dhampirs was. I was quite interested in it myself, hoping it was at least something normal.

Sydney almost had a heart attack, and it still happened once in a while. Zoe never married Neil, but they were together for five years now and talking about children. Now, Sydney was a Catholic that followed every single rule from the Bible, but her sister wasn't as innocent. I didn't judge her – she didn't even turn twenty yet, after all.

And we were all connected to the vampire world somehow. I was out of everything for quite a while, letting my wife work in the shop as a mechanic, and designing the nursery and painting the walls. Our lives were really wonderful, and here, in Palm Springs, everything was perfect.

My daughter giggled, her warm eyes, that matched mine, shining. "Why are you looking at me like that, daddy?" she asked in her high-pitched voice. She was so like Sydney sometimes.

I ruffled her hair. "Because I love you, and because I'm thinking how important you are to me."

She grinned. "So I am important, right? And mom thinks that, too?"

I nodded. "Of course, baby. Mom would love you even more than I do, but it's impossible, so we settled on being equal."

Jillian giggled again. I heard footsteps – she did, too, and I was once again fascinated with her dhampir abilities.

"Brace yourself, the storm is coming," I said, and we laughed together.

What's so funny?" Sydney said as she opened the door. We let her slowly take in the dirty room, everything – including us – smeared with paint.

And Sydney was looking like a ball – a very shocked ball – but she was as cute as someone could possibly be.

"Oh my God," Sydney said in a near-whisper. "This is worse than when we found out I was pregnant," she said and I had to laugh.

We actually trashed the whole apartment back then, making out in every single corner of our apartment. It was now much, much bigger, since we bought the one next to it and now had three more rooms for our future children, and Jillian. The thought made me smile. I had a home, and people I loved were living in it.

"Don't be angry, mommy," Jillian said as she got up. "Daddy and I will clean it up. And I'd hug you now, but I'll ruin your dress."

Sydney rolled her eyes and touched her daughter's cheek. "It's okay," she said, looking at her with an adoring look, "but you're going to clean it up now while I make lunch."

Jillian nodded, and immediately started closing tubes of paint, arranging it on the table by colors. She actually knew the order – black, grey, brown, green, blue, purple, pink, orange, red, yellow, white.

"Wow," I said in disbelief. "Just like her mother."

"It's actually red, and then orange, honey," Sydney said and she laughed, obviously realizing how ridiculous this was.

"Of course, mom," Jillian said as she put the colors in the right order. "I accidentally put the orange before red."

I rolled my eyes and got up.

Cleaning up took us an hour and taking a shower twenty more minutes. Sydney managed to make lunch during that time.

Jillian was having trouble picking between her purple and blue dress, so I took the chance and slowly approached my wife from behind.

I wrapped my arms around her stomach, feeling the heartbeat there. "How is our little Ivashkov boy?" I asked, kissing the skin below her neck.

Sydney laughed, moving away from the counter. "He's calmer, now that you're here," she said and shuddered as I kissed her neck.

"Two more months, right?" I whispered. Sydney nodded, closing her eyes.

"Mommy!" Jillian said, and we both turned around to see what was going on. "Is this one better or should I go change into the blue one?"

She was really beautiful – almost like her mom, all in gold and purple. Her aura was also the same – yellow and purple, the most beautiful combination on this Earth.

Sydney dried her hands and put her silver wedding ring on her finger. It made me smile. I had a crazy aura, but Sydney loved it.

We ate pretty quickly, but then again, it was always that way. Sydney ate because she was pregnant, I ate because I needed energy and Jillian ate because she was a dhampir. Sydney had to make food for five to satisfy her hunger – it freaked her out at first, but after talking with Rose, Eddie and Dimitri, she realized it was perfectly normal. And it was crazy, how all our children were dhampirs.

"Dad, do you think I'd be a good astronaut?" Jillian said as she finished her lunch.

I rolled my eyes. "You watched that documentary on National Geographic again, didn't you?"

Jillian grinned, but she shook her head. "Nah, it's just something mom showed me."

I raised an eyebrow, looking at Sydney, but she was just grinning and looking at her plate. It took a big amount of effort to get her to eat, so she always kept herself focused on food.

"Baby, whatever you become, you'll be the best," I said honestly. "But how would you be away from us for so long? Astronauts are in the Space all the time, so they can't be with their parents."

Jillian sighed. Every single conversation about her future profession ended like this. "I don't know," she said lamely. "I'll think about it."

I rolled my eyes again, and Sydney finally spoke. "I showed her a documentary about dangerous professions," she said, almost giggling. "Now she wants to be a firefighter, a policeman, and a…"

Jillian jumped in. "A lumberjack! I want to cut trees down."

I had to laugh. I stood up and scooped my daughter into my arms. "Oh, baby," I said, still laughing, "You'd be an amazing lumberjack. They'd call you _The Lumberjill_."

Sydney and Jillian both giggled. "Come here," I said to Sydney, and she rolled her eyes, standing up. I gently hugged her too, and now it was the four of us – my wife, my daughter, my son and me.

My whole world. My happiness, my purpose, my everything.


	12. A Misunderstanding

**Author's note:** _Good morning, people! It's 9 AM and I'm writing :)_

_My lovely reviewers:_

_1. __**TheHappyLol**__: Well, of course it's adorable! Thank you :)_

_2. __**Rachelalicexx**__: Well I really want to, but somehow it always slips up. That is so cool (I mean, in my country there aren't middle names) :D And who are you talking to? My username is so, so inventive :D Thank you so much! :)_

_3. __**sheerio4ever**__: Another thought gone bad! And it turned out as lumberjill… Love you, and thanks! :D_

_4. __**jpitt**__: He's an awesome everything. Boyfriend, husband, dad, grandpa… okay, grandpa Adrian would be crazy :D Thank you so much! :)_

_5. __**Guest**__: Oooooh, I love that idea! It's on the list ;D Thank you do much! :)_

_6. __**Percabethlvrknowsall**__: So I'm doing something then – yay! Thank you :)_

_7. __**DoughnutsForever**__: Of course! I already have a request like that, so we'll see if that's what you like, and remember – you can always ask for anything you want! And thank you so much, I'm so glad you liked this! :)_

_8. __**SoZina**__: I am so glad you loved it! :D Of course, Zeil is actually coming pretty soon ;D Thank you so much! :)_

_9. __**Totalbooknerd13**__: So, there it is. I promised to do three one-shots for you and I did it. And it was exactly like I wanted it to be – you liked it! Yay! I am so happy. Thank you, for every single word you ever wrote :)_

_10. __**marcy503**__: Glad you liked it, and thank you! :D_

_11. __**bukwurm13**__: Yup, we all wish we had an Adrian for ourselves :D Thank you so much, I'm so glad you loved it! And you gave me an idea, you'll see what it is soon! ;D Love you :)_

_This one is for __**ranDomXx**__. You waited quite a while, but I hope it was worth it. Enjoy! :)_

_And really, I wanted to do this from Adrian's POV, but Sydney (and her hilarious thoughts) deserves a chapter! :D_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

So.

This was it.

Our relationship ended right here, right now, and without him even saying anything to me.

He didn't even try to say that he was sorry – even though I knew I'd immediately forgive him. He didn't bother with trying to explain, with… doing anything, actually.

He was just there, making that stupid breakfast in front of me, and no matter what I said, he wouldn't turn around or say anything.

"So?" I echoed my thoughts. "This is it?"

Adrian turned around, and he wasn't looking the least bit upset. Seeing him look at me with those big green eyes made me feel calmer, somehow. In the same time, it made me want to kill him.

"Yes," Adrian said calmly, putting something on the table, "This is it. The breakfast is served."

I blinked a few times, not sure if I was hearing well. "What?" I practically screamed. "I don't want to eat now! Did you hear anything of what I said in the past ten minutes?"

Adrian sat at the table and started eating food. There was chicken, a salad, and spaghetti on the table. "You should," he said absently, "Food is good for you. Especially what I make."

He purposely ignored the last question, and started mixing the chicken with spaghetti. I frowned. "You are going to make yourself sick," I said, forgetting my anger for a moment.

"You should try it," Adrian said, smiling at me and making my heart skip a beat… or two. "It's really good."

And yes, we were breaking up and I was as angry as a person could be, but I still sat there and did what he asked, because he was smiling like that at me, blinking with those long eyelashes of his. It was irresistible.

The food was actually really good, no matter how weird having spaghetti for breakfast could be.

Long after I finished what was on my plate, I sat there, thinking how life was unfair and how this was pointless.

Adrian touched my hand. "You're still upset," he exclaimed. "So the food was that bad?"

I moved my hand away, no matter how hard it was to do that. I didn't look up at him, though. "The food was amazing, but it only made things worse." I sighed, getting up from the table. "This is all pointless, Adrian," I said, calmer than I expected. "I'm just going to… go and never come back."

"Whoa, whoa," Adrian said, putting his hands in front of him, "when did it escalate that much?"

I turned around, again angry. I thought we could end this like civilized people did, but he obviously wanted to intimidate me further. "I think it escalated when you _cheated_ on me, Adrian!" I shouted. "What, you expected me to just shake your hand and say, 'It's okay, baby, we'll get through this together' or something? Well, you should've expected me to get angry!"

Adrian raised an eyebrow. "I don't think that going to an art gallery for half an hour counts as cheating, Sage," he said calmly.

"First of all, it wasn't half an hour," I said with as much poison in my voice as possible, "And _going to an art gallery with a girl_ counts as an excuse. Now you're lying to me too. How would you react if I went to a… textile museum for _four hours_ with Brayden, or Marcus, or someone?"

I was breathing hard, but I didn't care. I had to get it all out of me. "And you know what's the worst thing about you? You wouldn't even care, because you know I'd never cheat on you with anyone, and because I…" I paused, taking a deep breath, "because I don't even have anyone to cheat you with! I couldn't do it, even if I wanted! And you, you've had so many girls before me…"

I shook my head, trying to actually breathe, but I couldn't. I was suddenly feeling dizzy, and everything was misty, and Adrian was coming towards me, and I was trying to push him away…

And then it all went black for a moment. "Adrian?" I asked, my voice shaking, but there was no answer.

I gasped, opening my eyes. I was on the floor, and Adrian was in front of me, with an empty glass in his hand. I felt cold and I realized he…

"You spilled the glass on me?" I screamed, touching my wet face, and noticing that my shirt was wet, too. "Are you crazy?"

"You might've overreacted a bit," Adrian said, his voice serious. "And I might've found that amusing."

My eyes widened. "So now you're laughing at me, too? You're a…." I frowned, trying to find an adequate word, "A jerk."

Adrian laughed, but when he saw the look on my face, he tried – and failed – to compose himself. "Okay, let's see," he said, sitting on the floor across from me. "You think I cheated on you with Rowena because I was gone for four hours and because "art gallery" sounds like a cheap excuse, right?"

I nodded frantically. That's exactly what I thought. "And you're offended because you think I lied to you, because you think I don't care and because you think now I'm mocking you?"

I nodded again. The good part of this was the fact that he could voice my thoughts better than I could myself. "So the only thing that's true is that I'm mocking you," he said, grinning, and when he saw my serious face, he rolled his eyes. "You have no idea how incredibly cute and hilarious you are when you're jealous."

I nodded again. "Okay, Adrian, you proved your point. I'm out of here, and don't you dare call me ever again. Good luck with Rowena. Hope she's not so _hilarious_." I got up and started to go away, my dignity dead and tears welling up in my eyes, but strong arms caught my hands.

"This has gone too far," Adrian said in a serious voice. "I'm sorry, okay? You know I don't have limits when I'm mocking."

I shook my head, trying to stop the tears. "Just let me go," I said, thinking about everything we went through together and that stupid… girl that had to ruin it all. But perhaps it was better this way – Adrian couldn't keep himself loyal to one person. Sooner, or later, a Moroi or a dhampir, or a human; someone would make him cheat on me and that'd be it.

Adrian didn't let my hands go. He pulled me to him, and I let him do whatever he wanted, all protests dying in me.

He sighed when he turned me around to face me. "Okay, so now I made you cry," he obviously said to himself. "Good job, Adrian. This is a really good development of events."

I sniffed, not daring to look up at me. "Can I just go?" I whispered. I wasn't used to showing any kind of emotions in front of others, and crying in front of the man who was breaking up with you was, well… embarrassing. I just wanted to go away and bury myself somewhere. Earth, swallow me.

"And now she's crying harder because you're just standing there and not saying anything," he said to himself. In a louder voice, he said, "Let's go, Sydney."

I finally looked up at him and he bit his lower lip. Was I really that ugly when I was crying? He smiled and led me to the couch.

Wow. A perfect place to break up with your boyfriend. Wonderful.

I knew what was going to happen next – Adrian was going to say that he was sorry and that he did lie to me, that he did cheat on me, and that this couldn't work anymore. We didn't even come to that part yet, and I was already crying like a baby.

My body was doing me so many favors today. First I collapse, and then I cry, what was next? My head was going to explode?

Adrian and I both sat down, and he kept his distance – as much as he possibly could on this small couch. It made me feel sadder. "Sydney," he said in the gentlest voice I've ever heard, and I could imagine his next words: _I'm sorry, but this can't work anymore_.

"You are absolutely crazy, and you're my adorable, beautiful girlfriend," he said, and I looked up in surprise. I didn't say anything, though, wondering where he was going with this.

"So I was in that art gallery with Rowena yesterday, but only for half an hour, as I promised to be," he said, watching me warily. He was lying, then. I knew it already, but it still hurt.

"And then I asked her to help me with something," he continued. Could he at least skip the details? "And that something was… okay, don't freak out. I didn't know how to ask you to marry me, and she, well, she gave me advice on how to do it properly."

I froze. All thoughts left my body – only his words were echoing through my mind: _I didn't know how to ask you to marry me_. Was he serious, or was he lying to me again?

"You're freaking out," Adrian said, moving to touch my hand. I moved it away, and I saw hurt in his eyes. He leaned back to look at me, not saying anything.

I was still shocked. He wanted to _marry_ me? Me? He wanted to marry Sydney Katherine Sage?

Oh my God, this wasn't really happening.

"Say something, Sydney. Anything," Adrian said, pleading.

I shook my head. "But… but…" I tried, not managing to voice my thoughts. I didn't even know what my thoughts were.

"I wouldn't have asked you now. I would've waited for a year or two, maybe, but I made the decision and wanted to be ready, when the moment came." Adrian said it quickly, as if he was afraid those were my fears. I would've rolled my eyes, if I wasn't so shocked.

I was looking at him, my mouth half-open, and my mind spinning. "So you haven't been cheating on me?" I asked the stupidest question.

Adrian smiled slightly. "That's what I've been trying to tell you all morning, but I couldn't without revealing what really happened," he said, looking down at his hands.

I shook my head again. It was the only reasonable thing I could do.

"So?" Adrian asked in a near-whisper.

"I… I need a moment," I said truthfully.

Adrian nodded, getting up. "Of course. I'll be in the kitchen."

I caught his hand. "Don't go," I whispered. "Just let me think for a second."

Adrian's eyes widened, but he obeyed and sat down. I couldn't focus with him watching me intently with those eyes of his, so I closed my eyes.

Okay. So Adrian wasn't cheating on me with Rowena. He was still mine, completely mine, and we weren't on the verge of a breakup.

And then there was that – the… the proposal. I still couldn't understand why he wanted to marry me. There were so many women, so many women prettier, less annoying or more experienced in this department. What did he see in me?

I opened my eyes. Adrian was watching me, barely blinking, and he was afraid. But of what?

"You don't actually think I'm going to leave you, right?" I asked slowly.

Adrian didn't smile. "It's a… possible scenario," he said nervously. "This could scare you away, seeing you're not even 20 and all." He suddenly looked into the ceiling, saying, "Damn it, I should've asked Belikov for advice. He's obviously more experienced in this department."

I giggled. Even now, even in this crazy situation, he could still make me smile. Adrian looked at me seriously, and I rolled my eyes. "Adrian, I don't get it," I said truthfully. "Why would you want to marry me? You've been with so many women, so many prettier women. I'm not beautiful, I don't wear make-up, I'm curvy, I'm annoying when I start talking about random facts from history, and I'm a human. I mean, I don't see any reason, anything at all, that would make you want to do that."

Adrian immediately said, "But I love you. And I know we don't talk about my past with women, but if you want, I can elaborate."

I nodded, watching him intently. I knew about his past, but I tended not to ask him about it. It made me feel uncomfortable. We had to have this talk if we wanted to do anything right, I knew, so I let him do his thing. Confess, or whatever he wanted to do.

"I've been with more women than probably the whole country," Adrian started. "But it wasn't what I thought it'd be. There was no love, no anything; just the moment, the physical need, and the emptiness later. I've never felt…" he paused, searching for words, "I've never felt this complete, this peaceful ever, ever before. I've been with pretty girls, but when I saw them without make-up, I'd run away as fast and as far as I could, believe me."

That made me smile. Talking with Adrian was never uncomfortable, I realized. "I've been with dumb girls, and they weren't of much use for anything," Adrian continued. "Not even dad supported those relationships. I was with most royal Moroi, but they were all uptight, acting as if they were better than everyone else. But when I found you, I found real, pure beauty, I found real smartness, and I found modesty. Those things, I… I never had them with anyone. And you remind me of Aunt Tatiana, you have no idea how much." His voice broke after that, and I gasped.

I moved closer to him, and I saw his eyes were reddish and glassy. Whenever we talked about his Aunt, he acted this way. "Oh, Adrian," I gently said, touching his face with my hands. "That's the most beautiful thing anyone ever said to me," I whispered.

Adrian looked at me, honesty in his eyes. "I want to stay with you, Sydney," he said firmly. "That's a fact. I decided that a long time ago. I was too afraid you'd go away if you knew, so I never said anything, but it's what I want."

I buried my head in the crook of his neck, breathing him in. It always calmed me down, and I was blushing like crazy right now.

He wanted to stay with me? My stomach fluttered and I felt warmer.

"Nobody ever wanted me," I heard myself whisper. "Nobody ever loved me."

Adrian hugged me tightly, and I felt myself calm down slowly. But where would we go on from now? Was I supposed to say something? I wasn't the girl from a movie, who jumped around screaming, _Yes!_ When her boyfriend asked her to marry him.

It was far too complicated for that. One, I was 19. Adrian already proved that point. I was free from the Alchemists, but they could still come banging on my door if they found out I married a Moroi. Adrian was from a royal family, after all, and this wouldn't go by unnoticed.

But I found myself thinking something else, too: _I never wanted anything this much, in my whole life._

And I was scared. I was really, really scared. But Adrian and I could go through everything together, right? As long as we had each other, everything would be okay. And I was kind of in a shock – a few minutes ago I thought we were breaking up, and now we were… engaged?

This world was totally crazy.

"You don't have to say anything," Adrian said, kissing the top of my head. He always knew my thoughts. "I didn't ask you, anyway. But I just wanted you to know that I'm waiting. And I'll wait for as long as you want me to. If you say no, it's okay. It really is. I'm pretty comfortable with where we are right now. Just don't leave me, and I'll be happy."

I had to laugh, and I pushed myself up to kiss him. He was the perfect boyfriend. He knew I'd want to wait, and he was actually okay with it?

He probably knew my fears, too. As we kissed – more passionately than I intended – I couldn't help but think about how it'd be to tie myself with someone. I was so scared…

Adrian broke the kiss. "You're trembling," he whispered gently, kissing my cheek. I realized I was practically in his lap now, and I was trembling. "And you're… _afraid_," he said, frowning. He probably saw it in my aura. "You aren't afraid of me, right?"

I shook my head. "It's just this whole… thing," I said, trying to explain it somehow. "My parents were married for almost twenty years and their marriage was awful. I can't help but expect the same." I knew what I said made no sense, since Adrian was nothing like my father, but at least I was honest.

"I'd, never, ever, force you or our children into anything, no much how much I wanted it," Adrian said, looking me in the eyes. "I have my father – who ordered around to mom and me – as the perfect example."

I closed my eyes, knowing he was right. What was I afraid of? Marriage in general? The obligations it'd make? Because I wasn't afraid of being with Adrian, even if we were on the Antarctic. As long as we were together, I could go through everything.

"I just never thought I'd marry," I whispered as Adrian gently pulled his fingers through my hair, holding me as if I was a child, my head on his shoulder. "I never believed in love. I thought it existed only in books and movies."

Adrian kissed the top of my head. "I'm glad that I changed that," he said, chuckling and I resisted the urge to slap him. He was so irritating sometimes. "But as I said, you don't have to answer now. I won't ask you ever again, and I'll wait as much as it takes for you to make this decision. But I'll ask you now: Do you want to marry me, Sydney Sage?"

I answered without thinking. "Of course I want to," I said, and I heard him gasp. "That's not the problem here, Adrian. The problem is actually doing it – the Alchemists, the Moroi, they'll be shocked and we don't know what they might do."

Adrian pulled me up so that our noses were touching. "Wait a moment – so the problem isn't you, the problem are other people?" He frowned, seeing me nod. "But why didn't you say it immediately? I thought you didn't want to… but you didn't know how to say it without hurting me…"

I rolled my eyes. "The great Adrian Ivashkov, seeing things nobody else sees."

Adrian grinned. "And the beautiful Sydney Sage, seeing her boyfriend cheating on her when he just wants to marry her and doesn't know how to ask her how," he said, laughing.

"You can't blame me," I said, trying to be serious. "You are handsome, she's 10 times prettier than me, and you were gone for _four hours_ with her…"

Adrian then laughed, a real laugh, and it made me smile. I loved Adrian's laugh. It was so honest, and I never heard him laugh that way when someone else was around. It was like he kept that laugh just for me, just like he kept many things. "Rowena isn't interested in guys," he said, and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"She likes… girls?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, so I think I'm the one who should be jealous," he said with a wink.

And then we were both laughing, with me thinking how ridiculous I was acting. But I loved Adrian, and I didn't want to lose him.

And then we were kissing, and I was on top of Adrian, curling my fingers around his shirt. His hands were around my neck, and he was letting me control the whole situation.

I might as well take advantage of him, then.


	13. Romitri: The Miracle

**Author's note:** _Oh, I'm so excited for this one. As I already announced, I wanted to do this for a long time, and I'm a little ahead of schedule, but I believe I'll be doing a lot more one-shots throughout the next few days :)_

_There's a catch for __**sheerio4ever**__ here, I hope she finds it ;D I told you I love mythology and history ;D_

_This one is for __**bookwurm13**__, and the poor girl didn't even request this, but she gave me a crazy idea, so here it is! :D_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

I remembered a time when my life wasn't perfect. I didn't want to remember Russia and all things that happened back then, but the thought alone made me shudder. My beautiful Russian, his eyes ringed in red…

It happened such a long time ago.

I decided to remember the crazy, depressing part of my life. It was back when Jill was hiding in Palm Springs, back when I had no idea about Sydney and Adrian being in a relationship. Now that I thought about it, it seemed so obvious, but it never even crossed my mind. Not until I caught them making out in the kitchen, with very few clothing items actually on them.

It was a long time ago, when Lissa was pregnant with her first child. And I had no idea about it.

The memory came back like it happened moments ago.

"Dimitri," I whined, "just leave me alone. We'll end up fighting again, and I'm tired of fighting you." I was covered in blankets like a mummy, lying in bed.

The bed creaked as Dimitri sat on it, his shadow looming over me. He looked enormous, and so incredibly tall, in that moment.

"Roza," he gently said, "but you have to get up. You can't just lie here and not do anything for the rest of your life."

I humphed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Well, that's exactly what I was planning to do."

Dimitri sighed, lying down next to me. Now that he was close, I felt warmer and safer. And his eyes – God, those brown eyes. Back then I was so burdened with being fascinated how they weren't red anymore, that I could easily lose myself while looking into them.

"So, will you finally tell me what's wrong?" he asked me patiently, intertwining our fingers beneath the covers. He was so handsome, and with all honor to Adrian and his pretty Moroi face, I made the right choice when I chose my Dimitri.

My Dimka, who wasn't a Strigoi anymore. "I can't tell you," I whispered, not wanting to fight him again. The same thing happened every single morning – we'd wake up, he'd ask me to marry him and I'd do something – lock myself in the bathroom, skip breakfast, lie in the bed like a mummy, something abnormal.

It was hilarious, now that I thought about it. I was such a crazy person while I was in puberty. I never understood how Dimitri put up with me. "Of course you can tell me," he said calmly. "You can tell me anything."

"It'll upset you," I countered, closing my eyes not to look at him anymore. He was always so distracting, and images of him naked were already occupying my thoughts. It was hard to focus on anything when we were together in the bed and alone in a room.

Yeah, I was a very crazy person while I was in puberty. I think that Dimitri gladly put up with that part, though. "It doesn't matter, Roza," he said, pulling his fingers down the length of my bare arm, making me shudder. "You're already upset, so let's be upset together."

I rolled my eyes. "That doesn't make any sense," I said, and when I saw that Dimitri was smiling, I had to smile, too.

Damn it, why was my body betraying me in moments like this one? I was supposed to be… angry at myself, and not talking to him.

"I can't marry you," I decided to say in defeat.

Dimitri raised an eyebrow. "And that's supposed to be upsetting? You already told me, at least a hundred times."

I sighed. "But you don't know why," I told him, deciding to finally tell him. He'd either let me alone, or wrap himself up in blankets and act like a mummy with me. No third option.

"Because you're not twenty yet? Because your mother never married? Because you'd feel obliged?" Dimitri tried.

"No," I said firmly, sounding like a two-year-old. "It's because we're both dhampirs."

"But what does that have to do with anything?" Dimitri asked incredulously. I didn't say anything, but just looked at him with raised eyebrows.

Dimitri was smart – the wheels would spin in his head and… "Oh," he finally said. "It's because we're both guardians, right? And we can't be together all the time."

Okay, maybe not that smart. I decided to stop being a mummy for a second. I took his face in my hands. "Dhampirs can't have children," I said, exasperated.

Dimitri's face changed expressions, and I was again distracted by how handsome he was and how much I wanted to kiss him.

First he was disbelieving, then he was confused, and finally he just raised an eyebrow. "And that's it? That's why you've been like this every single day for months? Because we can't have children?"

Why was he making it look like something unimportant? "Well, yeah," I said, annoyed. "You don't think it's important?"

Dimitri laughed and kissed my forehead. "You are 19, and you're thinking about children? Wow, Roza. I wasn't expecting that. Children didn't even cross my mind."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, right, it's not like you don't have sisters and they don't have children," I said.

He gulped. "Well, it might've come up a time or two, but I never actually thought about it as if it was something that should happen soon," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "We're guardians, after all, and what would happen with them if one of us – or both – died?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "That thought never crossed my mind," I said truthfully.

"So that's the only reason?" Dimitri asked again. I nodded, not sure what he wanted to say with that.

He kissed me – and believe me, it wasn't a gentle kiss. It was the kind of kiss that made me happy we were in a bed. "So we're marrying, then," he murmured against my mouth.

I pulled back. "What? But I just explained-"

Dimitri shook his head, smiling. He was so cute when he was smiling, that I couldn't even stay angry at him for long. "We'll think about it when the time comes," he said.

Well, he had a point, or at least I thought so. I actually didn't want to talk about it anymore, and Dimitri was so distracting, so I decided to comply with his wishes.

And then I found out Lissa was pregnant. It was like a knife in the back – first, she didn't tell me first, but decided to tell Christian; second, I found it out from Christian, not her; and third, didn't she know it'd upset me?

Because I was sure as hell upset. I went outside, and I started hitting things with my feet. When I got tired, I started punching the wall, because I was so angry.

It wasn't fair. Lissa got to be the queen, and she got to have children. And what did I have? I was a guardian, my boyfriend – future husband, as it seemed – was also a guardian, we were probably going to die within the next year or so, and we couldn't even marry because our kind couldn't have offspring.

Just like I said – hilarious. Imagine a short dhampir girl hitting the wall with her hands, angry at mother nature.

I heard a sigh. "Roza, you're going to hurt yourself," Dimitri said from behind me.

"I don't care," I said. "I'm angry. I need to take it out on something."

"Well, fight me, then," Dimitri said, taking my hands in his. "I could use a practice."

I sighed, sinking into his chest. He was hugging me from behind and it was a little hard to do because I was so much smaller than him, but I found comfort in his chest. "It's not fair," I heard myself say, sounding like a two-year-old for the millionth time in an hour. "Why can she have children, and we can't?"

Dimitri leaned down and kissed my cheek. "She's the queen, after all. If she couldn't have children, it'd be a problem. Remember Tatiana. We're just guardians."

"Why are you always so reasonable?" I whined.

Dimitri laughed. "Because you're not, and someone has to be," he said, kissing my neck and making me shiver. Damn it, he actually knew how to calm me down. I didn't want to calm down – I wanted to kill someone. But again, he was so distracting. "But you're awfully cute for an unreasonable person," Dimitri continued.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please," I said, grinning, "You just want me naked."

Dimitri groaned. "And how come you know my evil plan?"

I turned around, and whispered into his ear, "Because I have an evil plan, too."

Yeah, we were always the cutest couple. And you may deceive yourselves, but you love us.

So I sat here, laughing, thinking about how wise Dimka was. _We'll think about it when the time comes_, he said.

And he was right – we did think about it when the time came.

"Mom," my son whined, interrupting my thoughts, "I think something's burning in the kitchen."

Something's burning? But I wasn't cooking anything today…

"Oh!" I said, remembering how I put milk on the stove. I jumped up and ran towards the kitchen. "Move back, Josh," I said warningly.

Yeah. He was his mother's son. He proved it by _not_ doing what I told him. I rolled my eyes. "At least get water, or something that can put the fire out," I said, and Josh immediately nodded. I forgot how tall he was sometimes – he's almost taller than me. As if that's hard to be, for a 9-year-old.

I entered the kitchen slowly, and of course, the milk was all over the floor, and what was left on the stove was making black smoke.

I've always been a good cook.

"You might need to call your father, Josh," I called out, "He's cutting the grass in the yard."

"Okay, mom," Josh said, handing a bottle of water to me. I slowly approached the burning stove, and threw the water at it.

The smoke hit me, and I screamed, but it didn't hurt. _Oh, God, I just hope my face doesn't melt off_, I thought.

But thankfully, I put the fire out. The kitchen was messy, covered in milk and water and smoke, and God knows what else, but who cared? The fire was put out – my mission was accomplished.

I turned around just as my husband and my son – a mini version of him – entered the kitchen. "I put it out," I proudly said, "and now you two are going to clean up."

Well, they didn't react like I expected them to. Dimitri put a hand over his mouth, trying to suppress a laugh, and Josh was imitating him.

I raised my eyebrows. "Never thought I'd live to see the day when you're happy you're cleaning up after me," I said.

"It's your face, mom," Josh said, now fully laughing. Dimitri glanced at him and then started laughing, too.

I touched my face with my hands – okay, my nose didn't fall off, the skin was still there, and all that was left on my hands was black smoke. Why were they laughing?

"What's wrong with my face?" I said, frowning.

Dimitri shook his head and took my hands, pulling me into the hallway. "Get a washcloth, Josh," he said, and they were both still giggling.

I had no idea what was going on, but seeing the purposes of my life laugh and look so alike while doing it, made me feel happy.

Dimitri led me to the mirror and I had to suppress a laugh myself. My eyebrows were… burned, gone, and my face was looking like I painted it with black crayon or something.

"Here, mom," Josh said as he handed a washcloth to me.

"Thanks, sweetie," I said, still laughing. I quickly cleaned my face and when I looked in the mirror, I laughed even more. "Oh my God, I'm going to have to draw eyebrows until they grow back," I said.

Dimitri and Josh both laughed. "You're still the prettiest, mom," Josh said and I smiled at him honestly.

Sydney was… she was the reason why I was happy, actually. She was the reason why Josh existed – and even though you couldn't see me in him, I was there somewhere, in his genes.

Yes, that's right – Josh is half-Dimitri, and half-me. He's our son, our biological son. But how? Don't ask me, because even I can't explain it exactly and make it understandable.

Sydney and I were trying to kill each other for a long time back then – I was Adrian's ex, after all, and she was his new girlfriend. Slaps, punches, inappropriate words were involved, but when we summed it all up, Sydney and I loved each other.

And then she told me how troubled she felt because Dimitri and I were alone. I mean, all our other friends were either pregnant, they already had kids or they were talking about it – Lissa and Christian had Ivan, Sydney was pregnant, Jill and Eddie were getting married in a month, Angeline got married with Trey a month ago, and it really was kind of frustrating.

Sydney told me she talked with her coven called _Stelle_ – I didn't ask, and she didn't elaborate – and that they have a spell that helps women who can't have children.

I raised my eyebrows, but I didn't say anything – I mean, it wouldn't hurt to try, right?

First she made me eat pomegranate, which I hate, by the way, saying it'd prepare my body for what was about to happen. I ate two, and if I knew what was going to happen, I would've eaten twenty.

So Sydney killed my dignity by making me dress as some Roman woman from the third century – in a white dress (white is obviously a symbol of fertility, and all these symbols were unnerving me), with a coronet of flowers on my head. Sydney said it was made of lotus flowers, and they were very, _very, very _important. Yes, I rolled my eyes at that.

She gave me some kind of a necklace made of hazelnuts, and according to her, hazelnuts were supposed to help me, and people wore them all the time in Ireland thousands of years ago. I let her do her thing, though it was starting to look very creepy.

Dimitri laughed like crazy, and I was kind of terrified because I was standing in a circle with witches around me, and I knew girls that were sacrificed were always wearing white (okay, that was a bit paranoid, but I watched a lot of horror movies, so don't blame me), but it wasn't scary, at all.

They forced Dimitri into taking his duster off and he freaked out, but did it for Sydney and me. You have no idea how cute he was, wearing blue (which was another symbol and a very important part for the spell to work, according to Sydney).

A creepy woman started playing flute, and they said some incantation in Latin. I was trembling like crazy, and Dimitri was, too, but we were holding our hands, so it didn't matter. We were together in this.

Sydney made a big problem out of the next part, while neither Dimitri nor I even blinked – we were supposed to cut ourselves and make a sign of a fish, and then bind the spell with a kiss.

We didn't hesitate.

Then the witches giggled and told us to go home and do our thing. I thought they were all crazy.

And then Sydney became the… best woman in the world. Somehow, I became pregnant and that's how Josh came along.

Nine years later, Dimitri and I were still too afraid to ask Sydney to do the spell again, though we both wanted to have another child. But we were both feeling like we were pushing our luck, so we were content with where we are.

More than content – we were more happy than they all were, because we appreciated Josh more. We knew he was a miracle, a very much Dimitri-like miracle, wearing a black duster all the time and all.

I just didn't let him wear his hair the way his father did, since he was still too young and I didn't want all the girls jumping him on the street. He had to cut his hair, and he didn't like it, but it just made us laugh at him further – you didn't get to see a short-haired Dimitri every day.

"What are you thinking about?" Dimitri whispered into my ear, making me shiver.

I scratched the fish-like scar on my arm. Dimitri and I both had them, and they never healed. I didn't want them to – they reminded us how Josh wasn't something normal. He was more than that. _Our miracle_.

"I'm thinking about how happy we are, and how Josh wasn't supposed to exist," I said truthfully.

"But aunt Sydney made it possible," Josh suddenly said from behind us.

I smiled, stretching out my hands for Josh to take them. "Yes, baby," I said as I pulled him up into an embrace, "Yes, she did."

I closed my eyes, embracing and being embraced by the two men I loved more than anything else in the world.


	14. My Bad Boy

**Author's note:** _Good evening. One-shot number fifteen delayed for tomorrow morning, because believe me, it's important and I don't want to write it for 20 minutes. I want to really… get into it, and be afraid. It'll be painful._

_This is the first AU (alternate universe, all-human in this case) I've ever tried writing or even thinking about, so if it's weird or OOC (out of character), please don't mind. A lovely reviewer named __**Guest**__ (I suppose it's a girl) requested this one-shot and I couldn't not comply. :)_

_I guess I'll see you tomorrow then! ;D_

_Reviewers:_

_1. __**Percabethlvrknowsall**__: It was intended! Thank you for the support :)_

_2. __**bukwurm13**__: The proposal kind of just happened without my intention, and I was like, "Woah, woah, when did this happen?" :D And believe me, if Adrian was my boyfriend, I'd be insecure too. You gave me the idea for #13 and I simply wanted to do it, so here it is :) And mini-Dimitri, it would be so, so, so cute! The ideas, they're from ancient cultures. __I noticed other people asked for #13 symbols too, so I'll try explaining it__: blue and white are colors that symbolize fertility in several cultures; fishes are very fertile animals so they're often a symbol of fertility too; hazelnuts were used by the Celts in Ireland, UK and around the Europe as charms to increase fertility; lotus flower was very popular in Egypt; flutes were considered to initiate pregnancy in several cultures, native Americans among them, and I think that's all. As I already said, I love mythology and I love using it! :D I am really glad you liked these one-shots, it means so much! Thank you :)_

_3. __**Totalbooknerd13**__: Ah, I always start with heartbreaking with no intention. Thank you! :) _

_4. __**Guest**__: I'd appreciate if you elaborated that request, but I'll do it anyway. I'm glad you liked it, so thanks! :)_

_5. __**jpitt**__: Oh, you have no idea what idea just formed in my mind, and judging by previous one-shots, my ideas always go wrong :D Thanks for acknowledging me and telling me those things! :)_

_6. __**marcy503**__: Thanks! :D_

_7. __**Daisy**__: Ooh, I like that request, because I can keep it in T and still make it seem… I don't know, the way you want to :D Thanks! ;D_

_8. __**sheerio4ever**__: Of course! I'm a bit Sydney-ish, when I find out something new, I want to really, really get to know it! :D Yay! I'm so glad you liked it. And I'm sorry for the delay in PMs, but I think my dad is going to throw my phone out the window if he hears me typing tonight. :(_

_9. __**Rachelalicexx**__: Yay! Thank you so much! I'm really, really glad you loved it! :D_

_10. __**Lilietje99**__: I loved your reaction, it was so cute :D And let's just roll our eyes at Sydney, thinking Adrian cheated on her. I'm totally new to even thinking about Romitri, but I'm glad I managed to pull it off! :D Oh my God, so many people don't do their homework because of me! And psst, let me tell you a secret: I've been skipping my homework because of this too! ;D I'll have to start doing it tomorrow, though :( Thank you for all amazing reviews! :D_

_11. __**DoughnutsForever**__: For the fish, look at those underlined sentences :D Thank you so much, I already told you how I love your reviews! :)_

_12. __**Rebelde09**__: Please, be patient just a little while longer. You are due very soon, I might do you tomorrow, and I really hope the wait is going to pay off. Thank you for all those amazing reviews! :)_

_13. __**A-love**__: Of course I can! You might wait a little while, since the list is long, but I'll try my best! Thank you for reviewing :)_

_I love you all, and thank you._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

"I hate you," I said bitterly, crossing my arms over my chest, "And there's no other way to explain my emotions."

Adrian actually had the dignity to roll his eyes. "You have no idea what you're saying, Sage," he said calmly. He put a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it with a lighter. "You'll be feeling fine tomorrow. It's just those hormones."

Every single time he blamed it on hormones. I hated him, and his age, and how he thought I was still a child.

I hated the fact that I actually loved him.

Adrian walked over to me and kissed me. I moved away – I hated when he kissed me in these moments. Partially because he tasted like coal, and partially because I was supposed to be angry at him. "Come on, Sage," he said with a sigh. "Just let go of it, please?"

Let go? He wanted me to let go?

But how could I let go? Adrian and I were dating for almost three months now. All my friends – Jill, Angeline, Trey, Eddie, even my sister Zoe, thought he was my boyfriend. Like, _a real boyfriend_. Not just _the guy I sometimes go out and make out with_.

I shook my head. "I won't let go of this. I'm new to this, and I might be a nerd, but I heard about guys like you."

Adrian laughed – that laugh always melted me – and sat down next to me. Within a moment, I was in his lap and he was kissing my neck, making me shiver. "You didn't hear about guys like me, because guys like me don't exist. But you might've _read_ about them," he said, his breath stirring my neck.

It was hard to think when he was doing this to me. "Adrian… just prove it to me – prove that you really love me and that I'm not just another medal for you."

Adrian moved upwards, until he was kissing my ear. "You're the hardest girl in the whole school," he whispered, "but that's not why I'm with you."

Oh, how I wished I could believe him. "So you thought I wouldn't hear about your date with Kristin? She's, like, the complete opposite of me. If she wasn't rich, she wouldn't even be in this school."

Adrian didn't laugh, and I took it as a bad sign. He loved to joke. "It wasn't a real date," Adrian said softly. "You know that she doesn't mean anything to me, Sydney. She's not you."

I closed my eyes. "But you're not ready to be in a serious relationship with me," I exclaimed. It wasn't a question.

In the past three months, he went out with many girls. I wasn't afraid at first, but I slowly became jealous. I couldn't help but feel like I was just an entertainment for him, like he'd dump me sooner or later.

I mean, who'd want to be in a relationship with an overweight straight-A student who loved to read? Who'd want to be with the girl who rather stayed home, reading Shakespeare, than go out and party?

And Adrian… he was the complete opposite. He was two years older than me, and he was the most popular guy in the whole school. He went out all the time, he smoked and drank alcohol sometimes, and he was the kind of guy your father wanted to shoot with a gun or burn on a stake.

Thankfully, my parents had no idea I was with him.

He started to act differently ever since we accidentally ran into each other one day. I fell on the ground, unconscious, because I hit my head hard, and he ran with me to the ambulance.

He stayed long after the nurse said I only had a concussion.

And he apologized long after I said it was okay.

He carried my books for me long after I stopped wearing bandages.

And he kissed me long after he should've gone back to his buddies, and girlfriends.

I really loved him, and the personality hidden behind the party boy. He had problems at home, and he tried to drown them in alcohol and cigarettes. He was insecure and self-conscious, so he tried to hide it underneath the bad boy figure. He was afraid of showing his talents, so he stopped taking art classes.

And now he was afraid of tying himself to me, committing himself to this relationship. I knew he'd get bored of me, sooner or later, but it'd break my heart anyway. I loved his smell, his looks, his careful arms, his tender kisses, and his whole personality.

I loved his eyes. I could easily lose myself in them and think that he was my prince, the prince I read about in novels.

"Hey," Adrian said, watching me with those big, honest, green eyes. "What's wrong?" He touched my cheek with his fingers, tracing the golden lily tattoo that was on it.

I hated that tattoo. Dad forced it on me, and it was one of many things that connected Adrian and me – we both hated the families we came from.

"Nothing," I said, my voice shaking.

Adrian leaned in, until our foreheads were touching. I could hear him breathing, and God, I loved that sound.

But the thought came back: _Who'd want to be with the invisible nerd?_

Other girls were so much easier, prettier, and they didn't ask from him what I did. They were satisfied with having him for a night, because he was just a trophy for them too. _Hey, girls, can you imagine who I spent the night with yesterday? Adrian Ivashkov, the bad boy!_ I heard girls say that sometimes – mostly cheerleaders, sometimes spoiled rich girls. But nerds? Oh no.

And I, the fool, actually loved him.

"I love you," Adrian then whispered, startling me out of my thoughts. "And I want to be in a real, exclusive relationship with you."

I gasped, my eyes widening. "But I can't." he whispered firmly.

I closed my eyes, feeling tears in the backs of my eyes. So this was it, he was going to dump me and go find Kristen or Julie or someone else. I'd be just a name for him, a girl he conquered once.

_Veni, vidi, vici_. Oh, Caesar, don't laugh at me.

"You didn't ask why," Adrian continued, and I immediately shook my head.

"I don't want to know. It's because I'm not pretty, popular, or even as old as you, actually. I'm out of your league, and I'm not like your buddies. Of course you wouldn't want to be with me."

Adrian laughed a soft, short laugh that made my stomach flutter. "I didn't say I don't want to, Sage," he said, "I said I can't. And all those reasons, they are crazy and have nothing to do with the truth."

I sighed. "Don't lie to me. I appreciate it, but I can take the truth, Adrian. I prefer honesty."

He touched my cheek again, calming me down. "It's because of my father," he whispered. "Nathan would kill me if he knew I was in love with you. You're a Sage, and he hates Jared Sage. He is obsessed with him. That's why I have to keep going out with other girls – at least until I'm 18, and after that, I'll have access to my money account. But if he finds out about us now, he'll take all money from me and probably send me to an English military school."

My eyes widened. "Your father – Nathan… he hates Jared? But why? I mean, I understand why people hate him, but why would he be _obsessed _with him?" I frowned, not understanding.

"Jared stole the woman dad loved," Adrian said in a cold voice. "Back in college, they were best friends and both in love with your mom, so Jared got to her first. Nathan never, ever forgave him for that. And now, Jared has three daughters while Nathan only has a son, and it's like destiny's playing some sick game."

I was shocked. Nathan – he loved my mom? And she actually chose Jared? I mean, both men were awful, cold and creepy, but Nathan was more handsome than Jared was. Jared's hair was curly and blondish (light brown), while Nathan had a very dark brown hair, almost black, like Adrian did. And while Jared had boring brown eyes and average height, Nathan's eyes were green and he was very tall.

I was in love with mini-Nathan, after all, so I knew what choice I'd make. But perhaps Jared wasn't always cold; perhaps he was a good guy once. I just couldn't imagine him in college, fighting over a girl. It sounded too _normal_. Imagining him in a war camp, though, was much, much easier for me.

You know why? Because he worked in a war camp once.

"So you must do it for one more year?" I asked, my voice thick. "One more year of parallel dating?"

Adrian nodded, but his hands were on my face, as if he was afraid to let go. "Just one more year. That's why I avoided talking about this – I knew you'd be upset."

"I'm not upset," I whispered, afraid how my voice might sound if I dared to talk any louder.

"Then why are you whispering?" Adrian asked, smirking. He just knew me too well.

I shook my head, not able to say anything else. This was all so… messed up. I had a boyfriend, but he had to date other girls and act like I was just an entertainment for him because his father had some kind of a revenge going against my father?

So he both had to suffer because of our father's sins.

"I'm just jealous, and scared," I whispered. "I'm jealous because they get to have you, they get to kiss you in public, they get to be with you, while we have to hide. And I'm scared because I'm not anything like them, and you might realize that one day and decide to dump me."

Adrian was silent, but his hands were still on my face, his fingers tracing various patterns – my lips, my nose, my cheeks, that stupid tattoo, my eyelids, everything. It was so, so distracting, and it made me sigh contently. He always beat me, because he had so much more experience.

As if having more experience than me was hard, when I had none at all.

That wasn't true, actually – I had a boyfriend once. We read Shakespeare together and went to textile museums and danced to slow songs, and he actually kissed me once.

But it was disgusting. No emotions in that kiss, no passion, no burning fire, no electricity. Nothing I experienced with Adrian.

"It's not fair," I finally whined, leaning into Adrian's touch. He could make me feel like I was flying just by… touching me. It undid me completely.

I opened my eyes when Adrian said nothing after a minute. I could feel his breath on my face, so I knew he was there and he was alive, but he didn't say anything. Was I actually right? Was he deciding whether to dump me and leave me here, crying and broken? Or was he too nice to do that to me?

I looked into his green eyes. They held all the secrets of this world, and I needed answers. His eyes weren't strange – they were warm, familiar, and they made me lose myself. I forgot who I was, where and why I was… there was just Adrian. Always, it was just him.

"Say something," I whispered, afraid that my voice would break. I could feel my heart, beating like crazy in my chest. I could hear my breathing, uneven and shaky. And I could feel my words, slicing through the tension in the air.

Adrian smiled, and my stomach made a turn. That smile – he never smiled at anyone like that. Never. That smile made me think I indeed was special.

And then he was leaning down and pushing my face up.

And we were kissing.

But not as before – I could feel his love for me in this kiss, and I could feel mine too. With this kiss he promised me we'd stay together, we'd get through this, we'd somehow manage to cope with our problems, everything. He didn't say a word, but he told me everything. And I didn't say a word, but he knew this was enough and I was reassured.

Wrapped up into his arms, breathing hard, and smiling to myself, I finally felt safe with my head in the crook of his neck.

God, I loved his heartbeat. It reminded me Adrian wasn't a dream but a very much alive fantasy.

I mean, what nerd didn't dream of being in love with a bad boy?


	15. Goodbye

**Author's note:** _8:10 AM, a laptop and Ehlimana :D I know I'm crazy, but I want to do at least two one-shots and TFH today! :)_

_I won't say anything, but if it'll make it easier for you, wait for the new TFH chapter to read this. Seriously, you'll feel a bit better. ;D I was crying while writing the last part, so… take it seriously, since I don't cry easily. _

_**Bloodlines-Addict**__ actually asked for something like this, so I hope you like it! And those who read TFH… No, you'll just want to kill me after this._

_Reviewers:_

_1.__** TheHappyLol**__: Thank you, thank you, and I know the feel…_

2. _**sheerio4ever**__: We all have our bad boys :D I'm new to AU and I was so worried that it'd be OOC, so I tried putting as much characteristics as I could to make it believable… guess it worked, huh? ;D And be excited, because I'm planning to do it until 12 AM :) And… I don't know, if I told my dad about this, he'd ask me why I'm doing it when it's pointless. My mom, my brother and sister know about this – up to a certain extent, of course, so there isn't really anyone who understands me, yet when I say I have to go write reviews, my brother gives me the laptop. Love you! :)_

_3. __**Percabethlvrknowsall**__: I love that reaction :D_

_4. __**DoughnutsForever**__: I felt a bit like Jill yesterday, sorry. I'm somehow glad, and somehow sad because I put you through all those emotions! Thank you so much, it means very much to me :)_

_5. __**Totalbooknerd13**__: I'm so glad you liked it! :)_

_6. __**happygirl0987**__: No problem, I like the new username. Thank you! :)_

_7. __**Guest**__: Oh my, I love that idea! Please, please bombard me with requests! :D And thank you! I'm really glad you loved it :)_

_8. __**bukwurm13**__: Awww, I'm so sorry I made you cry! Thank you so much! :)_

_I love you all, and thank you._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

I failed.

I failed her, I failed myself, and I failed everyone else. I failed our relationship, our promises, our agreements, our plans… I failed everything.

And now I lost her because of that.

I punched the wall with my fist hard, and when I didn't feel anything, I did it again. Nothing. No pain. I wanted pain so badly.

I wanted to strangle myself, I wanted to do something awful – but I didn't do it, because what was happening was enough of a punishment for me, somehow. I'd prefer being strangled over this.

Sydney didn't forget. She didn't lose her memories, or her mind, or anything else we all thought would happen.

But she lost something. And because of that, I lost her.

First of all, I was too late. Sydney was there for nine whole days, on lobotomy, on mental and physical torture… at least so I thought.

But you know what they did there? They put all Alchemists in one room and let them watch while a Strigoi drained someone. They let them watch while a Moroi became Strigoi.

And they let them watch magic users – Spirit users, mostly, torture people.

So they all sat at their desks and wrote reports. They weren't tortured by force, or by lobotomy, but they were very much _tortured_ by my definition.

How could I live with myself now that I knew what she was put through? What I hadn't protected her from, when I should have?

I punched the wall again. Damn you, Adrian, damn you and the mother who brought you to this world.

Sydney was right when she said that sentence months ago: _You've done nothing except hurt me for months_.

You see, I wasn't too proud to make up with her. I wasn't, at all, so when she called me on my cell phone – I had no idea why – I came into her room.

And her room was empty. Cold, frozen, but empty. My Sydney was nowhere to be seen, and the window was open.

So yes, blame me as much as you want to. I am guilty. I lost her, I let her be taken, it took a second too long for me to comply with her wishes, I was this or that, but the torture I was going through later… believe me, it was one hell of a punishment.

"Adrian," she whispered for the thousandth time, "Please, let me go. Please, just leave the room. Just go away." It still echoes in my head, those words.

I tried to touch her at first, but it just made her more afraid. And imagine me – I had no idea what they were doing to her in there, so I didn't know how to help. She kept begging me to go away. That part hurt as hell. My Sage couldn't bear the site of me before her, just because I was born with fangs. The fact that I didn't choose it, or even want it, didn't matter. Nothing did, anymore.

You see, the rescue wasn't really how you'd expect it, or how actually happened with Jill – door opening, the knight in the shining armor entering, putting the princess from the torturing room in his arms and carrying her away into… sunset, into something. I didn't know that part – I'd have to ask Eddie later how he felt.

And not that I was jealous of them or anything – it overshadowed the relief, the love, all other feelings. The fact was that Jill and Eddie had their happy ending. Sydney and I didn't, because they did something to her. At first I had no idea what.

So the rescue wasn't as… fairytale-ish like you surely expect. Rose, Dimitri, Zoe and I were prisoned by Jared Sage, the ultimate jerk – and many other words ladies shouldn't hear – and the man I hated even more than my own father. He was apparently very smart, putting us in the same building where a Re-education centre was.

But oh, he was smart. I had no idea how, but he knew Sydney and I were in love. That bastard.

So he led me into a room where I fed from a feeder. Regular feeding, two minutes long, but very important for me since I was almost dead from not being fed for so long.

Sydney was, apparently, watching that and it made some chip in her head break. She lost it. And when we finally defeated Jared and went for her, she was having a dinner with other zombies.

My Sydney, a zombie. Not completely, thank God, since she hated the Alchemists and was still a part of the resistance, but zombie enough. My Sydney, eating an apple at her table, flinching and screaming when I touched her. Imagine me, I had no idea why she was acting like that – I thought I hurt her somehow.

Or… she was still angry because of that stupid fight months ago. The fight in which everything ended. Just as I was afraid, it was a breakup. Sydney never touched me, never kissed me, again. I, the… the animal, the beast, the stupid Moroi, I left it on that. I was too late, so we never had the chance to kiss for the last time, to whisper loving words, to say goodbye. My Sydney, the Sydney I loved, she was gone before we had the chance to do anything. And I never had the chance to tell her.

I had my memories, but they hurt so much that I chose to shut them out. The funny thing was, Sydney and I never got to Inez and we had a promise.

I'm still on anti-depressants, believe it or not. It's been months since Keith and the rush of magic. I didn't mind – I promised her, and I kept my promise, no matter the circumstances.

So Sydney screamed and pushed me away, but I caught her and carried her, thinking she was just angry at me. When she kept screaming, crying and sobbing long after she was out of the Re-education centre, I started wondering if it was something else.

She pushed me away. She didn't want me to touch her, didn't want to even see me ever again. She called me a monster, an evil creature of the night, a filthy Moroi. She told me she saw me feed on an innocent woman, and then the wheels in my head started spinning.

I'm very sad because Jared is dead. I'd kill him over and over again if I could. He died, but he screwed everything up in the long shot. I really went to his grave sometimes, when I felt like I couldn't stand the pressure anymore, and insulted his soul.

Sydney pushed me away for months.

But I was always there, with her, no matter how much she begged. No matter how much she said she remembered me and how she was disgusted with her actions. How she wished she'd gone to Mexico. How she hated the Alchemists, but she hated me more.

What would have you done if you were me? I was waiting for the wonderful moment where she woke up and touched me. Whispered my name, but not as a curse. I waited for the moment when she gave me her lips, her face, her hair, her hands, her body, everything. I waited for the triumphal moment when she woke up and said, "Oh my God, guys, you saved Jill! Yeah, she almost died, but it doesn't matter! And she's with Eddie! Yay! And my sisters are safe! And my dad is dead! And I'm out of Re-education! And I'm not an Alchemist anymore, and I'm with Adrian!"

She, my Sydney, she had so many reasons to be happy. She'd be jumping around in happiness, lightning candles with her magic.

This Sydney, she hated herself because she was a witch.

I found her in the bathroom once, when I went to buy the groceries, and she was…

I sat next to her on the bloody floor, and we both cried. I cried because she was messed up, because she wasn't well, because I couldn't heal her wounds, because I was powerless, because I couldn't even hug her and make the pain go away.

She was crying because… because I was there, because she was living with a Moroi, because she cut herself, because she was a witch, because she yielded magic and she hated it, because she believed her soul to be tainted, because we won, but we lost.

We won the war, but we lost each other.

So that's when a crazy plan started forming in my head. First I called Trey to do the first aid thing on her, since she didn't let me touch her. Then I… then I lay down on the couch, like I usually did, and closed my eyes. I closed my eyes and started thinking about leaving.

I made the decision when I heard her scream in the middle of the night. I ran into her room, thinking the Alchemists were there to take her away again, but she was just having a nightmare.

She was still sleeping, and crying in her sleep. She was whispering, "It can't be him," over and over again, and I dared to get into the bed and soothe her.

So I rocked her, hummed a song, kissed her temples, pulled my fingers through her hair, and she turned towards my chest and sighed when she smelled me, when she felt it was me. Her soul may be messed up somehow, but her body still loved me.

I thought this was it – I thought she was fine, she was finally waking up from the nightmare the Alchemists put her into, the nightmare in which she thought I was evil. I thought just being there was enough.

My mistake was falling asleep. But can you blame me, really? Felling her beside me for the first time in months, hearing her steady breathing, and thinking she was going to wake up and kiss my cheek, saying "Good morning…"

I was overwhelmed.

So I fell asleep next to her, and woke up next to a scream.

Sydney was on my chest, and she obviously just woke up, because her eyes were wide and her scream was deafening.

When she saw me wake up, she quickly tried to get up and get away from me. But no, I had enough of that. If she wasn't going to realize it herself, I was going to make her. Somehow.

So I tightened my hold on her and Sydney's eyes widened even more.

And then I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I kissed her.

The kiss was wonderful, really, mostly because she was kissing me back. I didn't know it in that moment, but it was just instinct, the instinct to please me back. It wasn't her will, and she was too shocked to fight herself. Like I said, her body still loved me – it was made for loving me. It responded to me in the way nobody else did, in the way it didn't to anyone else. God, I was going to miss that.

After I finally moved my lips from hers to let her breathe, I realized Sydney was crying. No sound, just tears. Thousands of them, killing me by falling down her cheeks.

"Please, Adrian, go away from me," Sydney whispered. "Stop hurting me. You are evil, because you're a Moroi and nothing can make it different. I can't be with a Moroi. I can't be with someone who… who drinks blood."

So my arms released her, and she moved away, and I realized I was crying too.

I was still crying, actually. Minutes ago, a very angry Jill left from the house. Her throat still didn't heal completely, but she talked anyway.

She screamed at Sydney for being like she was, and she screamed at me for deciding to do what I was about to.

But she couldn't change my decision. I made it, and I was going to do it.

I sat there, crying, and Sydney was watching me from the doorway, probably wondering why vampires were able to cry. They were tainted, after all.

I slowly got up, wiping at my tears. A long time ago I thought this house would be our house. I thought this house would be full of little dhampirs, our dhampirs.

Stupid dreams.

I came closer to Sydney, and she wasn't afraid. Not anymore, not now when she knew what I was about to do. I noticed her hands were shaking and I couldn't help thinking she was upset, after all.

I was selfish, but I was praying this would hurt her. I was praying she was finally going to feel something – other than repulsion and fear – towards me. She was going to kick my chest over and over again, telling me not to go.

But I'd go, and I wouldn't come back. No. I wouldn't come back until she was my Sydney again.

Well, Adrian, you might as well say goodbye to this place, then. You might as well say goodbye to her and your life.

And you might as well make yourself comfortable in misery, alcohol and pain, because they aren't going away any time soon.

I was standing in front of her now, and I noticed how I was so much taller. She was beautiful, and I wanted to memorize her like that – in simply a shirt and shorts, her long hair framing her face, her eyes fiery.

She was my flame in the dark, but other people made her stop shining for me. She was someone else now, and I had to let her go. No matter how much it hurt me to do so.

The golden lily tattoo was laughing at me, but it was as beautiful as always. I couldn't help myself – my hand was tracing the pattern before I even realized it.

Sydney was still, letting me do my thing. She was probably just thinking in her head, _Let him say goodbye, Sydney, he'll be away soon enough so that you can finally go on with your life_.

My hand was on her other cheek, and then on her lips. I looked into her eyes, silently asking for permission to feel her for the last time, to say goodbye to her body. It belonged to me, after all, and she couldn't deny that.

Her steady gaze told me so. There was no fear in her eyes, just pure determination. I couldn't see auras anymore, but I wished I could see her aura one last time. It was better this way, though, since I knew her aura was different now.

But she was warm, and my hallucinating mind saw her aura anyway. It saw purple, and yellow, and then I was kissing her.

And I was crying again. I've tried to pour it all out through that kiss, to get rid of these emotions, but it just made them burn stronger, because I knew this was the last kiss. I'd never kiss Sydney, ever again.

So I wasn't gentle, and I didn't care if it scared her. She was ready for my fierce lips, and she answered with the same strength. _She's just letting you do your thing_, I kept saying. She didn't feel that way anymore, but I needed to believe she did for my own sanity, or rather, insanity.

I remembered, I remembered how it felt to kiss her before. The first kiss we ever shared – the one led by instincts and confusing feelings, the one that opened my eyes – I knew I belonged to her, I knew I could never love anyone else again. Rose hurt, but this, what I was feeling now, it made our breakup seem like a joke.

I remembered kissing her for the second time, so long ago, when we were searching for those girls to protect them from Alicia. I was watching her for quite a while, I was watching her be happy. She didn't know it, but her aura was filling the room with light. And when I looked at her, she was smiling at me. She was happy because of me. That's why, when I kissed her that time, I knew I was totally in love with her.

Then came that bunny suite and just brushing her lips with mine. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was more than enough in the same time – knowing she initiated that kiss, knowing she wanted to kiss me, not just respond to my body.

And then the spirit dream. That damn, damn happy memory of us on a table, not thinking about anything except about each other.

With Malibu fresh in my memory, I was crying like a baby. When she decided to love me, when she decided to give me a chance. When she decided I was worth something, when she decided to make me the happiest man on Earth.

Memories kept unfolding before me – thousands of memories in my – _our_ – apartment in Palm Springs. I suddenly knew where I'd go first. I suddenly knew where my heart could be crushed forever, where I'd bury myself after I broke this last kiss.

I remembered my paintings, the look in her eyes, the whispers, the words, the kisses, the touches, everything, and I poured it out through that one kiss. Finally, I remembered a very stupid thing – me, opening the door and thinking she was a saleswoman. That jerk Keith freezing beside her, and me expecting her to do the same.

But no, she just smiled and said my name. Even then, I loved the way she pronounced it.

And then it was over. I was running, a bag on my shoulder, until I closed the door behind me. Until there was a barrier between us now. Until I couldn't see her, until it was finally over. Then I fell to the floor, my back on the door.

I thought I imagined it, but I heard her sob. So I smiled, put my head in my hands, and cried. Sydney was finally free, and I didn't even have the strength to say the word.

So I thought it.

_Goodbye_.

My love, my life, my purpose, my flame in the dark, my light, my everything. I'll never forget you. I'll never love anyone else. You might be dead, or simply gone, but you're still burning inside of me. And one day, we'll be together again. I have to believe that.

I'll never betray our promises, our expectations, our dreams. I'll never forget the way you loved me, the way you showed me how to love. I'll never forget how with you I felt strong, how with you I felt like I was worth something, like I finally belonged somewhere.

I'll never forgive myself the fact that I lost you, the fact that I killed you.

I'll never forget how brightly you shone. I'll never forget how you'll always be the brightest star on the whole sky, taking my breath away just by looking at me, smiling at me.

Nobody can ever replace you. Nobody can kiss me, kill me, overwhelm me, like you knew. Nobody can ever make me feel like you did. Nobody will ever again make me want to marry and have children.

I'll never love again.

So now I was in our apartment in Palm Springs, saying goodbye. I left the Mustang, I left the records – they reminded me too much of her. Everything reminded me of her. It was hard to breathe, hard to turn the lights off and leave that yellow heaven. Leave her smell, leave the memories, leave everything.

She made me feel alive, and she made me feel like I was dead. It was only fair that way – her, the gentlest creature in the universe, being my life and my death.

_Goodbye, Sydney Sage,_ my mind thought, though I never said it aloud. _You'll always be an Ivashkov, though you don't love me anymore._

_Goodbye._


	16. On Raglan Road

**Author's note:** _The last chapter was, like I said, hurtful. And what shocked me more was the fact that the way I really did it in TFH was literally the opposite of this. _

_Reviewers:_

_1.__** spaztronaut**__: I can't believe that you guessed! I actually read The Host again yesterday (the 11__th__ time since 2009, and I know, I'm crazy), and it obviously had influence :D If I close my eyes and not think about the movie, I remember just how awesome The Host is! It was actually the first love story I read, and it's kind of special for me. I'm going to have to read that fan-fic, then! ;D Thank you so, so much for finding time to read and review! Your support just means so much! :)_

_2. __**Guest**__: I am so sorry! But I warned you :D Thank you for the review! :)_

_3. __**Percabethlvrknowsall**__: Oh my God, why is everyone crying? I mean, you know what comes next – it's chapter 5! And I hope the new chapter of TFH will be able to soothe you somehow since it took a very, very different path. Thank you for reviewing! :)_

_4. __**DoughnutsForever**__: No, no, no! Like I said, continuation of this is one-shot #5! Adrian doesn't die, he just leaves! And oh my God, I'm so sorry :( Thank you for reviewing!_

_5. __**happygirl0987**__: I'm so sorry! And thank you for the review!_

_6. __**TheHappyLol**__: Oh my God, oh my God, but I warned you, you crazy girl! Why did you read it while you were in school? :O OH MY GOD! Stop crying right now! I really hope this one-shot will cheer you up, but let me give you a mental hug! Love you, my crazy crying popcorn girl!_

_7. __**Guest**__: There is, and I hope you like this one too! I'm glad I'm able to help people :)_

_8. __**Bloodlines-Addict**__: I'm so glad you liked it! :) I'm really honored to be among these wonderful girls, though I don't think I'm that good :D Of course, I'm putting it on the list right now! We'll have more Jeddie soon, though the request wasn't about that (and I'll tell you a secret – I love continuing these one-shots, so I might do your first ;D). I don't believe in writer's block, because I'm always in the mood to write, except when it's 11PM and I can't even see on my eyes, let alone have actual thoughts. I never experienced that – that I sat down, intending to write something, and didn't have inspiration. I can always write, my only problem is that I don't have enough time for it, because I need to do my homework, clean the house, have some family time, eat, sleep… but if I could, I'd write my whole life. This is a way of satisfying that need. I believe that people can overcome those problems by reading poetry (it definitely inspires me), having a nice chat with someone you love, or, in my case, going out into the nature and listening to the wind ruffle the tree's branches. That is definitely the thing that helps most for me. And if you're too tired, lay down and sleep – you'll definitely feel more inspired later. I mentioned already that I often have headaches, but it looks like I write my best chapters while my head hurts, so there has to be something about that too! And I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm a leftie :D Thank you so much, this review is beautiful and it means so much to me! :)_

_This one is for __**sheerio4ever**__, and you certainly deserved this punishment for advertising me! I did a thorough research to make this, and please don't mind if the song's lyrics aren't broken in the right time. I don't have a way to go to YouTube and actually listen to the song, so I had to do it blindly. You know how much these details mean to me. __**DoughnutsForever**__ asked for a honeymoon one, so I hope you like it too. If not, I'll do another one! :)_

_Let's dry those tears, guys, since Sydrian is back! :D And a note – the next is a Zeil one ;D_

_I love you all, and thank you._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

"Adrian!" I screamed. "Put me down!"

Adrian just laughed, ignoring my cries. He was torturing me.

"We are married for four days and you still insist on carrying me over the threshold? _Every single time_?" I screamed, hoping to put some sense into him.

"We're in Ireland, Sage," he said calmly, stating the obvious, and calling me by my old nickname which, technically, wasn't correct anymore, "You've got to let yourself go a bit."

I sighed, crossed my hands on my chest and let him do his manly thing. I heard children giggling behind us. We were acting like a freshly married couple.

And the fact that he made me dress-up all the time didn't make the better. I didn't want to leave the bedroom at all, but Adrian – he obviously had enough of our bedroom activities, or he just wanted to tease me. He chose dresses, mostly green, explaining that "they go with his eyes," and making me roll my eyes a thousand times.

And he made me get out of our apartment, rented for a whole month. It was really expense and we already fought a thousand times about it, but Adrian just wouldn't give in to the reasonable person in this marriage – _me_.

Ireland was beautiful. People would say that it's the same like England, but the atmosphere is much, much different. In its own way, Ireland is… warmer. Adrian chose it to tease me, of course, because Ireland is one of the rare countries I can't talk for hours about.

We both had a problem, though, because US and Irish version of English isn't exactly the same.

Adrian and I didn't go to Dublin – he couldn't bear my plan to visit the Whitefriar church and scream because St. Valentine's remains are there (is there anything more romantic to do on our honeymoon, really?), and I couldn't bear his plan to go from pub to pub and try every single kind of beer in this crazy country. That's why we settled for a small town on the seaside.

Adrian loved Irish football, and the football players – I took it as something abnormal you found about your partner when you married. I didn't even know he liked football.

What was killing me was the fact that I didn't know when the building were built, who built them, why, and what they are now.

Adrian's plan was actually working – we were both having a good time, discovering these things. Storming into a church while people were praying, and Adrian whispering to me how he couldn't enter holy ground and then going to the altar and praying dramatically.

Yes, I wanted to bang my head on the wall a million times already.

And I wanted to drown myself when Adrian said he actually chose this place for our honeymoon just because he thought nobody drank as much as Irish people. That statement was so romantic, that it hurt.

When we weren't joking or in the bedroom, Adrian and I simply loved to walk on the beaches, hearing the waves crashing on the cliffs and seeing the wind ruffle the grass.

Yes, we were here for four days and I was already in love with Ireland. I saw many castles – castles I never heard of, and I was dying to just knock on the door and ask people to tell me everything about the building's history. Adrian didn't let me, though, so I wasn't as enthusiastic.

We were walking down an old path yesterday when a group of people passed by us. An older woman saw our intertwined hands and loving, caring looks, so she decided to stop and give us something.

A necklace.

I raised an eyebrow, seeing a necklace with a hazelnut in the middle. It was weird and kind of beautiful, too, but I wanted to know what it symbolized.

The woman just winked at Adrian and left.

I was restless the whole day, fiddling with that necklace in my hands, not knowing what to do with it. What did it symbolize? What did it mean? Why was hazelnut important?

I could talk about hazelnut for an hour, but I had no idea what it symbolized in Ireland. I would've let it go, saying it was a symbol of love, if it wasn't for that wink.

Perhaps the woman was a witch, too. I never heard of a spell in which hazelnut was used.

Adrian went to take a shower, and I decided to call someone and calm myself down.

"Melbourne," Ms. Terwilliger said pleasantly, "I thought you were on your honeymoon?"

"Ms. Terwilliger," I said, insisting not to call her _Jackie_, "I need your help. Quickly."

"I can teleport in a minute, but what are we dealing with?" Ms. Terwilliger said warily.

I immediately said, "No, no! I just need to ask you something."

Ms. T. chuckled. "I'll answer everything that isn't connected to you and Adrian in bed."

"What does hazelnut symbolize?" I asked, rolling my eyes. Of course it had nothing to do with that. I called my mom for those things. Still, I couldn't help but blush.

"I won't answer that," she said simply. "I told you not to ask me those things."

I was shocked. "But- but- a woman gave us a hazelnut necklace and winked and Adrian and I was wondering what it meant, and I had no idea it had something to do with that! How can a necklace have something to do with _that_?" I tried to keep myself silent, but I wasn't doing a very job at it. I just kept thinking, Oh my God, oh my God, what did that witch give to us?

Ms. Terwilliger laughed then, making me even more nervous. "Calm down, Melbourne. I thought you knew a bit about Irish culture – I am a history teacher, after all."

I released the breath I didn't know I was holding. "Adrian… he surprised me. And Ireland isn't really France or Russia or England."

"Well, when someone gives you a hazelnut necklace in Ireland, it's supposed to help you get pregnant," Ms. T. suddenly said.

"What?" I couldn't help but say too loudly. "But we're married for four days!"

Ms. T. chuckled. She was making me want to punch her in the face right now. "It's up to you whether you'll decide to wear it or not, Melbourne," she said, "but just know that there really is magic in it. Hazelnut really is helpful in those situations."

"I think I have to go and lose consciousness now, Ms. Terwilliger," I said, feeling dizzy.

"Have good time on your honeymoon!" she managed to say before I shut her off.

I put my head in my hands. Oh. My. God.

"Hey, I heard you shouting. What's wrong?" Adrian asked, fresh from his shower, wearing only a towel around his waist. It made me smile up at him.

Days later, I decided to take things into my own hand and find out about Ireland's mythology myself. I told Adrian that no, he wasn't allowed to go to pubs and drown in alcohol with Irishmen he didn't know, and he countered with saying that no, I wasn't allowed to go to historical buildings and find out about Ireland's history.

"Okay, let's go to a pub," I said suddenly, making Adrian start laughing.

"You'd sacrifice that much for knowledge, huh?" he said, tickling my stomach.

"I can't take it anymore," I said through a laugh. "I want to get to know this country."

Adrian smirked. "Okay, get up, and dress nicely," he said with a wink.

I simply rolled my eyes. He'd be drunk in the blink of an eye so he wouldn't even see what I was wearing, but I still decided to put on a white dress and put my hair up. Adrian smiled when he saw the dress. I loved making him smile.

As we walked down the path, Adrian started talking. I found it strange, but didn't say anything. "You know," he started nervously, "in Irish mythology, when a man refused to be with a woman, she'd do a spell to force him to fall in love with her," he said. "There is this story of a king named Conchobar, and he wanted to marry a woman called Deirdre, but Noisiu, another woman, made him go away with her. That proved fatal for him and his brothers Ardan and Ainnie."

"And how do you know that?" I asked warily, though I was very curious.

Adrian grinned. "I've just been researching about the country we were going in for our honeymoon, and I found many interesting things. I thought you'd love to hear them."

I nodded enthusiastically, and Adrian laughed. "Okay. So there is this story about a man called Oisin, who fell in love with a woman called Niamh Chinn Oir." He started laughing like crazy, and I stopped walking.

"I'm sorry," he said through a laugh, "It's just… these names, they're hilarious, and I actually memorized them."

I laughed for a second, but there was definitely something wrong here. Why was he saying me these things? Yes, I was very interested but I just didn't understand. I let him continue, when he calmed down.

"So he decided to go to Tir-na-Nog, and I suppose you know what that is, right?"

I nodded. "Of course. It's considered to be the legendary land of ever-young people, and comes from ancient Mesopotamian legends. It was mentioned in the epos of Gilgamesh, and is supposed to be near his town, Uruk."

Adrian nodded. "So they lived there happily for 300 years, and he wanted to go home, so they gave him a white horse. He came back to Ireland and realized that everyone were dead. So he saw people lift a large stone and tried to help them, and broke the spell of youth in the process. The horse returned to Tir-na-Nog without him, and he transformed into an old man."

I furrowed my eyebrows, not quite liking the story, but mostly just because I had no idea where he was heading with this. I felt charmed, though, and I couldn't turn my eyes away from his face as he continued.

"There is also this myth about a man called Cuchulan," Adrian continued. "He fell in love with a woman called Emer the moment he saw her, but her father, Forgall, hated him and made him train to be a warrior. He actually survived that hard training, and asked for Emer's hand, but Forgall still wouldn't let him have her, so he became her knight in the shining armor and they rode off into the sunset together."

I smiled. "That story is beautiful," I said, squeezing Adrian's hand. I remembered how he did the same thing to my father – my father took me away from him, to Re-education, and he showed up as my knight in the shining armor and saved me.

Adrian squeezed back and smiled. He wasn't looking at me, though; he was looking at something in front of us, and I gasped when I saw it.

I wasn't a romantic woman, I was far from that, but watching the sun set from a very, very high cliff… it was unique experience. I could see the sea below us, the sky above, and the sun, amazingly beautiful. Even the wind was in harmony with everything – it wasn't uncomfortable or anything.

And the sun couldn't hurt Adrian, since it was already late.

"Oh my God," I said, turning towards him. I realized I was crying.

Adrian pulled me into his chest, and I instantly felt better. I was just so touched that someone actually did something like this for me. All my life, I've been denied things I wanted, and now Adrian gave me anything. And everything.

Before I had the chance to say anything, Adrian started moving with me still in his embrace. His hands were on my waist and I realized we were… dancing.

"On Raglan Road, on an autumn day, I met her first and knew," Adrian sang with his beautiful voice, "That her blond hair would weave a snare that I might one day rue…"

I tried to pull away to look at him while he sang, knowing how much he enjoyed it, but Adrian didn't let me. I actually realized we met in autumn… "I saw the danger, yet I walked long the enchanted way, and I said – let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of the day…"

We moved slowly, and he sang slowly, but there still was a pace, and I was really enjoying it. "On Grafton Street in November, we tripped lightly along the ledge, of the deep ravine where can be seen the worth of passion's pledge," he continued singing.

I closed my eyes, just listening to his heartbeat and his wonderful voice. I had no idea what the song was, but it was obviously connected to Ireland. "The Queen of Hearts still making tarts and I not making hay, oh, I loved too much and by such and such is happiness thrown away."

Adrian kept singing, and though I knew the sun sat a long time ago, I was still warm in his embrace. "I gave her gifts of the mind, I gave her the secret sign that's known, to the artists who have known the true gods of sound and stone," Adrian sang and I completely let myself go, moving along with him.

"And word and tint, I did not stint, for I gave her poems to say, with her own name there, and her own blond hair, like clouds over fields of May," Adrian continued.

"But that doesn't make any sense," I protested. "How can blond hair be like clouded fields?"

Adrian completely ignored me, and I started being suspicious. This started sounding like something he made up himself. "On a quiet street where old ghosts meet, I see her walking now," he sang, "Away from me so hurriedly, my reason must allow, that I had wooed not as I should a creature made of clay."

He stopped suddenly, leaning in to whisper in my ear, "When the angel woos the clay, he'd lose his wings at the dawn of day…"

It ended with us kissing, still dancing, and then with Adrian singing it again and again, until I memorized the words myself. The song was beautiful, but it had nothing to do with us, and I think that's exactly why we both loved it so much.

We were there, dancing and singing, long after the sun had sat and the stars shone brightly upon us.

When we finally returned home, I put the hazelnut necklace on.


	17. Zeil: Caught

**Author's note:** _Okay, you've been anxious for this one and I'm starting it at 10 PM, so don't be angry if there are any silly mistakes. I was very busy today, with that stupid headache and cleaning the kitchen, so Rebelde09 is left for tomorrow :(_

_1. __**Ilakkiya**__: I'm so sorry! :(_

_2. __**TheHappyLol**__: I want to STRANGLE you! Why didn't you read TFH first? It would've soothed you! And now you have to have consequences :( I'm glad the Irish one-shot made you happier, and I'm peaceful now that I know you're not crying anymore :P I'm giving you mental hugs and tissues and I'm ruffling your head and saying, "Crazy popcorn girl, why did you read it while you were in school?" Love you and thank you! :)_

_3. __**sheerio4ever**__: I'm proud! I was thinking about regular football – soccer, because my brother is crazy for Irish players ;D He just wasn't there so that I can ask him about their names… But I wanted to put it in the story (I might add it in a week, when I finally get Internet?) :( Love you too! :) And don't you dare cry at #15! :(_

_4. __**DoughnutsForever**__: My supporter, let me give you a hug! :D I was done at the paragraph before, with those stars, and it was, like, perfect. And then I thought, "Hmm, what about if we add this sentence?" and it just happened :D I'm really glad you liked it. Thank you! :)_

_5. __**Totalbooknerd13**__: I'm so sorry people, it wasn't my intention! :(_

_6. __**Rachelalicexx**__: Thank you so much, hope you didn't wait too long! :)_

_7. __**bukwurm13**__: I'm really proud because you said I'm improving! That's a big deal. I think that the best improvement is how I can now make my own sentences in English class, though my accent still sucks, kinda like a mix of Russian and Scottish :D And again, you noticed a detail! ;) Thank you so much :)_

_8. __**Lilietje99**__: Oh, so you read TFH first too. I can imagine that it was very sad ;D Don't read chapter 15 if you're not mentally prepared for prequel of one-shot number five. It's not chickenish, it's not being as emotional as other people. Love you, and thank you so much! :)_

_9. __**spaztronaut**__: Can I thank you again? And squeal of joy because you like my one-shots? :D The movie, it was (like my best friend said) supposed to be called, "The Seeker." She's in the whole movie and everything revolves around her, and instead of actually following the events from the book they just cut them! And Jamie, oh Jamie as a 8-year-old, it broke my heart. (Btw, that scene with two black men in a van that crashed into that highway, I was like, What the hell?) But it's just me, because I know the book by heart and then I start quoting when the actors say it and they just… don't say half of it and I'm left sniffing :( But the book… it's probably the best book (that's not a part of series) I've ever read, hand-in-hand with Vergilius' Eneide. :D_

_10. __**Sam1405**__: My dear friend, I've missed you so much. I understand the school thing, everything is going to be upside down when I get going in Monday, with assignments and a thousand other things, but I'll be carrying the laptop with me and sneaking 500 words when nobody's watching ;D I might abandon one-shots for 5 days, though, so I'm trying to do as much as I can now. The sequel to one-shot #15 is one-shot #5, it's all connected! I don't understand how nobody seemed to connect the dots :D Love you and I can't wait to hear your thoughts too! :)_

_11. __**jpitt**__: Thank you so much, it means the world to me! :)_

_12. __**Guest**__: Yup, I put it on the list. There are 13 requests currently, so feel free to add something but you might wait 2 to 3 weeks for that, because of school. I need to move back to my apartment and then I'll start doing regularly – a one-shot and TFH chapter daily. Just a week more, we need to endure just that. _

_13. __**lalala**__: I'm excited, a new reviewer! :D Thank you so so much! I'm sorry for breaking your heart though :(_

_Zeil incoming! Are you excited? I surely am! :D _

_So, this one is for __**Rachelalicexx**__, __**SoZina**__, __**Alicella Ivashkov**__, __**Jane**__ and __**KyKat**__. Yes, you all asked for the same thing so here it comes! Enjoy! :)_

_I love you all, and thank you._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

My regular Friday started nicely.

Ms. Terwilliger let me go to Adrian's with an eyeroll and, "Of course, Melbourne." She usually laughed at me and told me to take care or not to get pregnant or something really embarrassing that had nothing to do with the truth.

So yeah, today was a good day. I also had an extra hour because Zoe went out with her classmates – I couldn't believe my ears when I heard she was actually going out. It was suspicious, now that I think about it – all she cared about was her career as an Alchemist, she always said she wanted to make "no ties" because she'd live somewhere else when the mission was over and so.

But I haven't given it much thought – I just thanked God for letting me stay a while longer with Adrian. Seeing him once in a week was frustrating, and I had so many things to tell him, like, for example, how Jill told me she was going to ask Eddie out. Or how Angeline made a problem again – I caught her in the library in a very inappropriate state. Yeah, with Trey.

Okay, okay, I won't make up excuses – I just wanted to kiss him and to have him half-naked on that ugly couch of his. The easy part of it all was the fact that he wanted it as much, if not even more than me. Thankfully, he still didn't memorize every single piece of underwear I had.

I came to my dorm a while earlier, knowing Zoe liked to be back before the limit, and hoping to be alone for a while and think about everything. The mission was okay, though I had some reports to do, but I wanted to think about Adrian and me and the fact that I always disappointed him by not letting him get past my bra.

I slowly unlocked my room door, hoping to find it empty and tidy, but the door was stuck.

Strange. I tried it again, and again, and simply gave up trying to unlock it – I applied that Alchemist compound and the lock disintegrated.

The room was… in a catastrophic state, and it made me gasp. The lamp was on the floor, the sheets on the beds were crumpled, one of them on the floor, the pillows were also on the floor, the curtains were closed and some were actually ripped off? The bathroom door were open and the light was on and my books were on the floor and my laptop was upside down…

I quickly reached underneath my bed – and phew. Thank God, my Alchemist bag was there. I quickly entered the code – nothing was missing. Another phew.

But there was nothing worthwhile of stealing. Nothing interesting. Other than my laptop, that is, but it was right in front of me.

And why did I smell shaving cream?

First I opened the closets – they were neat. So the thief didn't bother checking the closets but he bothered to close the curtains?

Something wasn't right.

And if the door was locked – and the key that fell on the floor when the lock dissolved proved it – the thief was still in the room, since the windows were closed.

The bathroom.

I leaned down and took the knife from the inside of my leg – don't ask, it was Adrian's idea and he obviously had a dream to become a SWAT team member.

Not that I'd ever use the knife. I couldn't, even if it was Keith behind that shower curtain, jumping to strangle me. It was just meant to scare people, Adrian said.

Well, it sure scared me. And the fact that something dark was under the curtain was even worse.

I noticed Zoe's blue button-up shirt on the floor – how did it end up there? Wasn't she in that shirt today? She probably just changed after school and left it on the bed, I thought.

But when I saw her trousers, I knew something was definitely wrong.

And another, unidentified trousers that belonged to a man. I knew that because I compared it to Adrian's.

I gulped. Okay, Sydney, you might want to use that knife.

Rule number one, Adrian said: never say anything when you think someone's in the house. That's what all blondes do in horror movies and they end up dead.

Rule number two: don't let them see you're afraid. Narrow your eyes, bend down a little, point the knife forward and make them think you want to kill them, though your hands are shaking.

Rule number three: Don't scream. It won't help you anything, it'll just make your ears hurt.

Rule number four: Call Adrian.

Well, I might skip that last one, since my phone was in my purse on the floor beside my bed, and I was already in the bathroom, inches from that curtain.

The biggest mistake of my life was opening that curtain.

Someone screamed.

I didn't break the rule. It was my sister, my half-naked sister, hiding behind a half-naked man.

I really had an inner fight about whether to use the knife or not.

"Hello, miss Sage," Neil said, smiling nervously, and he was only in his boxers…

I quickly looked behind him, at Zoe – she was hiding and thank God, I couldn't she what she was – or wasn't wearing – but I could see that her cheeks were as red as a fire.

Good. "What the hell are you doing here in that state, Neil Raymonds?" I said, imitating Stanton's voice. I was the authority here.

Neil gulped, scratching the back of his neck. "Well, miss Sage, Zoe and I were studying and I got stung by a bee and I had to take my shirt off so that Zoe can examine the wound on my chest…" he started mumbling, and it was such an obvious – and hilarious lie.

I didn't laugh, though. "I suppose a bee stung your leg, too?" I asked, disgusted by what I saw. Adrian was so much more handsome… and he was so much paler.

Neil just nodded, probably seeing that his lying was as obvious as it was.

"And may I ask you what are you doing in the shower?" I continued, and I would continue until he told me for exactly how long was he harassing my sister. And I was going to kill her. I seriously was. She wasn't even 16!

Neil looked around him. "Well, you know how they say that the sting hurts less if you put it under water? So I decided to, you know, chill." I narrowed my eyes. That was so fake. Everyone knew that water just made it hurt worse.

I just shook my head. I put my head in my hands, trying to control myself. The knife was already back in its place, thank God, or I would've cut Neil's throat. "Neil, out," I said in a very cold voice, "And Zoe, go dress yourself and wait for me on your bed."

Neil turned around. "Zoe…" he started, but I cut him off.

"Immediately."

Neil was gone in a flash – he was a dhampir, after all, but Zoe was slower. I tried not to scream internally when I saw that she was just in her underwear.

Thank God I came earlier. God knows what would've been here if I came ten minutes later.

I pushed the thought away. I came back on time, and that was the only thing that mattered.

Ten minutes later, Zoe was looking at her hands in her lap, and she was dressed in winter's clothes – though it was almost summer – because I insisted on her covering as much of herself as she could.

I was pacing the room like a madwoman. "Do you know what would've happened if he stayed another five minutes longer?" I almost yelled.

Zoe shook her head. Of course she didn't know. Did she know anything? "He would've taken advantage of you, that's what would've happened," I said, mostly to myself. "And he would've used you and left you and you would've felt cheap and you would've cried when he sent you a message in which he said he was breaking up."

Zoe finally looked up at me, gasping. "But- no- no! Neil, he'd never do something like that!" she settled on saying.

I smiled a very cold smile that told her, _Yeah, good try._ "He is three years older than you, Zoe. Three whole years."

"So what?" Zoe answered, her voice full of poison. "Adrian is four years older than you, and you don't seem to mind."

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped –Zoe put her hand on her mouth. She shook her head. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Adrian?" I yelled. "What does Adrian have to do with anything?" Internally, a voice was chanting a mantra: _Re-education, re-education, re-education_. Even my heart was beating in the rhythm.

Zoe rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Sydney, I've seen how you look at him. It's obvious you like him. It's just sad that he has a girlfriend, you know? And that you aren't his type."

I blinked, trying to comprehend what Zoe just said. "What? Adrian – he has a girlfriend?"

Zoe nodded, looking at me with sympathy. "Yeah, Jill told me. It's some blonde from LA called Taylor." She frowned.

Oh, Zoe, I thought, if only you knew. "I certainly don't like Adrian," I tried. "It's just that he has that look, like Jet, and I can't help but think of him whenever I see him."

I almost wanted to laugh. If I wasn't so shocked and worked up, I probably should've. I mean, wasn't it obvious that I was lying? And I wasn't much of an actor.

"Oh," Zoe said. "So you are upset because of Neil, after all?" she asked, her head falling down again. "Because he's a dhampir?" she whispered.

I wasn't sure how to react – saying it was okay or that it wasn't.

"Of course I'm upset," I settled on saying. "But not because he's a dhampir. It doesn't matter. What matters is the fact that he is older than you and that he's perfectly capable of taking advantage of you."

"Oh, come on!" Zoe interrupted.

"And that he was doing exactly that when I found you," I finished, completely ignoring her.

"It wasn't like that," Zoe finally whined. "We got carried away."

"He was taking advantage of you," I firmly said.

Zoe just sighed. "But I love him," she countered.

"And that's exactly why he was taking advantage of you," I said again. I wasn't going to give in – Neil was from England, he was a dhampir, he was weird, a bit creepy and he was older than my sister. I wasn't going to tolerate that.

Thank God that Carly wasn't here to do the same for me, I thought. But Zoe was an underage, after all.

Zoe sighed again, put off her sweater and lied down on the bed, underneath the sheets. "Just let me be depressed," she said in a low voice. "We'll talk tomorrow, when I sort out my thoughts."

"I'm going, and you need to clean up this mess," I said firmly, surprising myself. Where was I going?

When Zoe didn't say anything, my legs simply carried me away to the parking lot. I still had a few hours until curfew, my brain informed me. The location still wasn't coming into my brain…

My hands turned the engine on and I drove off in my car.

And suddenly, I was in front of Adrian's apartment, wondering what I was doing there.

Oh, yeah. I remembered now. I was angry and I needed to take it out on someone.

I opened and closed the door without making a sound – music was playing in the bedroom, and I could hear Adrian singing.

"You were my one more chance, I never thought I'd find," I heard him sing and I rolled my eyes. He was always the romantic type.

"You were the one romance I've always known in my mind," he continued as I got closer, moving slowly in an attempt not to make a sound.

"And no one will ever touch me more," Adrian sang, and thankfully, the door of the bedroom were slightly open.

"I only hope that in return I might've saved the best of me for you," he sang as I peeked through the gap.

I gasped, and he turned around immediately, his green eyes wary. They lightened up when he saw me.

"Sage," he said cheerfully, but I wasn't looking at him.

I was looking at what he painted – a beautiful picture of me, holding Hopper in my hands. I was looking down at him, and I was smiling, and Hopper was trying to touch my face with his claw.

I remembered the exact day when this happened. But it was such a long time ago – it wasn't even spring yet, and my memory was confirmed by the sweater on the painting.

How did he remember it? And how did he manage to capture it, more importantly?

I didn't even notice Adrian was in front of me until his breath tickled my neck. "So do you like it?"

"No," I said immediately. "I love it!" I squeaked as I hugged him, and he laughed.

I kissed him passionately on the lips, as a way of thanking him. It wasn't nearly enough, though. When he pictured me like that, I actually believed I was beautiful.

"Not that I mind you being here, Sage," Adrian said, "But what are you doing here? I don't suppose Jackie gave you more free time?"

His eyes were hopeful, and they darkened when I shook my head. "No," I said firmly. "Zoe did."

Adrian raised an eyebrow and let me lead him to the bed. There was a bit of brown paint in his hair, and I found it adorable.

"My sister was in the shower curtain in her underwear with Neil," I simply said. There was no other way to say it.

"With the shower running?" Adrian asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"No," I answered seriously. "The action was playing in the bed, or on the floor, or somewhere, and they hid in the shower when I returned."

Adrian laughed. "Your sister's really got it going," he said through a laugh.

I hit him in the arm. "She's fifteen, Adrian! And he's- he's nineteen! That's huge!"

He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms across his chest. "And we're the same age, right," he said sarcastically.

I sighed, turning away from him. Why was he always right?

Adrian touched my arm, making me look back up at him. "Your sister's not a baby anymore, Sage," he said gently. "She can take care of herself."

"Carly couldn't," I said in a thick voice. "And the guy wasn't even a dhampir."

"But Neil isn't Keith," Adrian continued gently. "He's a gentleman. And he loves her, too – I've seen it in their auras."

"And you didn't tell me?" I yelled, my eyes widening.

"Because I knew this is how you'd react," he said.

I sighed and he pulled me into his chest. "I'm scared," I said, my voice muffled.

"I know, Sage, I know," Adrian said, pulling his hands through my hair.

But the truth was, I was already thinking about how to spend the rest of my free time with him.

Maybe it was in the family, after all.


	18. Jealousy

**Author's note:** _Like I said, this chapter and another one, and you probably won't be hearing from me until next Saturday. The school is starting and I really have work to do, so I hope you understand. I tried to write as much as I could during the last 5 days, and I hope it's enough to get you through the week. _

_My reviewers:_

_1. __**Sam1405**__: I'm so glad you liked it! I will, don't worry, there are many Zeil requests and I love connecting one-shots, so of course I'll do a sequel! :) I'm also glad that you liked how #15-#5 connection turned out. It just came to me in the middle of the night and I wrote it the next morning :D Thank you so much, and love you! :)_

_2. __**Lilietje99**__: No, it won't happen like this. It definitely won't, but I had fun being evil and having people drama when c64 was the last one they read and then they panicked after this :D I'm sorry I made you cry, though, I still can't believe I have that influence on people and that I make them emotional! And maybe, we'll find out one day ;D Love you, and thank you! (And I'm sorry for making you sad again)_

_3. __**TheHappyLol**__: Oh my God, your thoughts are hilarious. Awww, don't cry, please! I can make Adrian come there and hug you! Lots of hugs from me too, and thanks! :)_

_4. __**sheerio4ever**__: yup, I wanted to have fun with remembering that stupid bee sting (it's still visible on my hand, after 14 days!) and when Neil started to say something, I thought to myself, "Why not say a bee stung him? I know the feel!" :D Love you, and glad you loved this chapter! :D_

_5. __**happygirl0987**__: Yay! I'm so glad! Thank you :)_

_6. __**DoughnutsForever**__: Yup, that's going to happen also ;D Well as far as my thoughts go, I thought Sydney and Zoe were sharing a room? My thoughts are really messed up, I'll have to read the whole series before TFH comes out so that I can know what happened and what not :D I know that Richelle described Hopper as brown and small and that he looks like a dragon – but it's not enough for me neither! Hope she describes him properly in TFH, though. Thank you, and that about Hopper is hilarious! :D And yeah, love you :)_

_7. __**sksai**__: Believe me, people are hot for Zeil and that didn't even happen yet. We don't even know the characters yet. Is that what makes it so interesting? I had many requests for Zeil, so you'll be happy there! :D And thank you so much :)_

_8. __**guest**__: Oh come on, it's her sister after all, and she's 15 after all. It was funny, though, you have to agree on that! And don't worry, more Zeil will happen soon :) Thank you!_

_9. __**Percabethlvrknowsall**__: Yay, I managed to make you happy! Thank you so much, and sorry for that emotional chapter again :(_

_10. __**Rachelalicexx**__: I'm glad you liked how your request turned out :) And hope this update came soon enough ;D Thank you!_

_11. __**bukwurm13**__: Last school year (which ended in May), I had a seminary work in English and when my teacher asked me a question, I just started saying, Umm… you know… Ahh… That, how do you say the word in English? So yeah, I've come a long, long way since then. I knew how to form sentences, the grammar, the tenses, everything, and my vocabulary was fine, but I just didn't know how to do it on spot. Now? Now I talk to my teacher in English all the time! :D My best friend and I, we always laugh at our accents because they're so funny, but we can't change them so we rather laugh at them then cry because we can't sound like Americans! :D I'm siding with Sydney here too, I'm the young sister and if my mom or brother caught me like that, they'd be right to be furious. They'd be really, really right to be furious. I also tried to make Neil be embarrassed but not quite understanding what the situation was. And oh, you chose the right moment to ask for the one-shot! I'm afraid to try Dimitri's POV so if you don't like this, I'll rewrite the chapter in his POV. I just feel… safer when I'm writing Sydney's thoughts. Dimitri's going to be important here, though! ;D Seriously, if you don't like it I'll write a new chapter. Thank you and love you! :)_

_12. __**SoZina**__: I'm really glad you liked it! And congratulations for the baby! :) Yeah, it was awkward but it's over now :D And nobody listened to my warnings, I was enraged! Sighing, I want Adrian or Christian too (and I also think they are very similar, trying to hide their real personalities under the mask of sarcasm). I decided to do it from Sydney's POV just because her reactions are always the funniest. I feel your pain about cleaning the house :( thank you so much, and have a nice night! (Though it's almost noon here :D)_

_This one is for __**Rebelde09**__ (sorry to keep you waiting for so long) and partially for __**bukwurm13**__ (I'm not sure if you'll like it, though). Enjoy! And yeah, it's 10AM and I already wrote 4k words. My productive days! :D_

_Oh to hell with it, I'll try Dimitri._

_I love you all, and thank you._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

Being Christian's guardian was easy. I had many reasons to think so – first of all, we were always together, and Christian was pleasant company. He'd keep his thoughts for himself and leave me to read my books and we'd enjoy the silence.

Sometimes we'd talk about Lissa and Rose and various problems we had – Lissa being pregnant, Rose not being able to be pregnant and then being enraged at Lissa simply because it hurt. Then the hereditary laws, Jill and the pressure with Lissa forcing her to find a Moroi as her partner, Adrian and his relationship with an Alchemist, and the constant threat of Moroi assassins, vampire hunters and the Alchemists looming above us all.

Thankfully, today wasn't one of those days when we admitted we didn't know how to deal with Lissa and Rose. Today was a day when Christian and I both lay on our beds and read books in silence.

And then a scream rang through the house and I recognized it as Sydney's. I was immediately up, out of the room and my stake was in my hand. I was ready for Strigoi or the Alchemists, ready to take her to Re-education. I was ready for anything. She was a human, but I'd protect her as if she was a Moroi.

My codex didn't have a way of dealing with my soon-to-be-wife strangling the poor girl. I relaxed, though not completely, because Rose's eyes were shining in a weird way.

I sighed, putting the stake away and coming closer. What did Sydney do this time? They fought like cats every single day, and I'd soon be forced to tell Sydney to avoid this place while Rose was around if it continued like this.

"Rose," I said warningly, approaching her and touching her shoulder. Her death-grip was already making Sydney breathless and I'd soon had to intervene, if Rose didn't see reason. "Rose, you're hurting her."

Rose didn't understand how I was always so calm, but after being a Strigoi and not being able to be calm, it was almost too easy. On the inside, I was panicking and shouting at Rose and telling her she was out of her mind and many things, but I refrained myself on the outside because I knew I'd hurt her with my words. She listened only to me.

Adrian actually joked once, telling me she was my fierce cat and I her master, keeping her on leash. He didn't understand the concept of loving a strong, independent woman, so much younger than me, lacking in experience and simply in the ability of reading people. She worked and operated on instinct, and that was her mistake – instead of thinking with her brain, she was thinking with her heart.

But in the end, I had to admit I was wrong – operating on instinct and thinking with her heart brought me back. She broke the rule and hesitated, almost died, got turned into a Strigoi or got framed as queen Tatiana's murderer, but we managed to get out of it all. Thinking with her heart brought me back to her. That's why I didn't always mind when she got angry over things about which I stayed calm.

This was crossing the line, though. Sydney was much, much weaker than Rose – at least physically, and she couldn't take much of Rose's anger. She had her magical powers, but thankfully, she wasn't trying to use them now.

Adrian joked once, and then the joke came around and hit him in the same intensity – his Sydney is his fierce cat, and he's her master, keeping her on leash. She is a strong, independent woman, so much younger than him, lacing in experience and simply in the ability of reading people. She works and operates on instinct – an instinct the Alchemists made her have, an instinct that made her be loyal to them and think of vampires and dhampirs as if we were evil.

She got angry once, and I was impressed how quickly she calmed down when Adrian asked her to. I was also impressed by how quickly Adrian became protective and aggressive when Sydney was in danger. I saw it a long time ago, much earlier than Adrian or Sydney. I knew they'd be a good couple, and though human-Moroi relationships are frowned upon, I thought it was the right thing to do.

That's why I told Rose to release her, and she immediately did. Sydney slowly fell until she was on the floor, gasping for air, and Rose was pacing the room – looking into anything, except into her.

I wondered if this was something else. And I was right to do so. "I find her and Adrian in her room, and they are kissing," Rose said, mostly to herself, but I listened intently. I knew what I fell in love with – with her being so small, but so fierce and strong. And determined.

"And when I ask them what's going on, that jerk tries to compel me!" Rose yelled, hitting the air with her fist. "Thank God, I managed to get out before he compelled me into believing I saw flowers and rainbows. And then Sydney comes out of the room and asks me why I'm so angry? Why I'm so angry?" she continued, and I was starting to shake my head.

"Why are you angry?" I ask her calmly, hoping that getting it all out of her was going to make her calm down and feel better.

"Because I'm jealous!" Rose snapped, turning around to look at me. It made her stop yelling, and I stepped forward. I knew she was mine, only mine, and that she loved no one else, but I couldn't help but feel the doubt creeping into my bones. _She was jealous_. Of course she was jealous, when Adrian was so handsome and she spun him around her fingers. Then I remembered how jealous she was when she thought I was going to be Tasha's partner and I calmed down.

Rose's face softened, as if she knew how I felt. "And I'm angry because they didn't tell me. Why didn't they tell me?" she asked no one in particular.

"Because they knew this is how you'd react," I continued slowly, giving Sydney time to recover from Rose's power and giving myself time to bring my heartbeat back to normal.

Before Rose had the chance to say anything, I hear Lissa say, "Rose? What's going on? What's Sydney doing on the floor?"

I sighed. I didn't need two angry people in one room, especially with Lissa being pregnant. If she got angry, it could affect the baby in a bad way and I still felt protective towards her. I'd always feel like that, I knew. I was partially sad for not being able to be her guardian, but Lissa insisted on men being with men and women with women.

I didn't argue with the queen, no matter how much I disagreed. "Everything is okay, Lissa, please go back to your room," I said gently, hoping it'd work.

But did it ever work? I was just happy since Adrian wasn't in the room – they'd take it all out on him. And believe me, Rose and Lissa were both frustrated and they had a lot to take out on someone.

"Did you know about Sydney and Adrian being in a relationship?" Rose asked, and I resisted the urge to let emotions pass through my face. I kept my guardian mask on, though I wanted to shut my eyes tightly and hit my head on the wall.

When Lissa said nothing, I really contemplated going to the wall and banging my head on it. She knew this'd just result in further fights, but she couldn't pretend she was surprised. It wasn't even that hard, really, with Rose all worked up and just wanting to see her reaction.

"You knew it!" Rose yelled. "You knew it and you didn't tell me! What kind of a friend are you, Liss?"

I caught her hand and she tried to shake it off, moving towards Lissa. I knew she totally forgot Lissa was the queen and she was pregnant and everything – she just wanted to strangle her, like she tried with Sydney. This was dangerous, and I had to protect them – all three of them.

"Can you calm down, Rose?" Lissa said coldly. "We all knew this is how you'd react and that's why we kept it from you. It's not like you can change anything by trying to kill us all – except if you succeed."

"Lissa, stop intimidating," I said calmly, and I turned towards Rose, "and Rose, calm down."

Rose was looking at Lissa with a hurt, angry look, but she didn't fight me anymore. Thank God, she listened to reason.

Sydney slowly got up. "You could've killed me," she said in a very shaky voice, her hand on her throat.

Rose didn't turn around. "I should've," she whispered, and I was thankful that Sydney's hearing wasn't as good as mine or it would've resulted in another fight.

"You two should really stop being so obvious," Lissa said, her gentle voice contradicting her words, "Not everyone are supportive of your relationship."

Sydney looked at her, her eyes blazing with fire and I knew another fight was going to happen within ten seconds. Rose spoke before that, though. "And I suppose you're among those who abandon friends, Liss? You seem to be very good in doing that."

I resisted the urge to start screaming. Rose was too strong for me to drag her to her room, Sydney was half-unconscious and Lissa was pregnant, so all I could do is just stand there and wait for them to stop trying to rip their heads off. I didn't understand why they were acting this way – were they jealous of each other? But they all had their men, they were all in scandalous relationships, and they were all frustrated.

I had my mother and my sisters, but I could never understand women.

"And you seem to be very good in acting like a 2-year-old," Lissa said, narrowing her eyes. "And now you're jumping to her side just because you have some confusing feelings for Adrian. Thank God Dimitri is who he is."

I gulped, trying not to think about it. Lissa could see auras – did she see those feelings in Rose? Did Rose really have those feelings? And most of all, did Rose regret choosing me instead of Adrian? It was possible.

"Adrian is my friend," Rose answered, though I registered hurt in her eyes, "and so is Sydney. This is shocking and I want to kill them both, but not because they're together – at least, I'm not fully disgusted. On the other hand, you are and that's what changed since you became the queen – you think you're better than everyone else."

Lissa gasped. Sydney, meanwhile, tried to make them stop fighting by saying, "You should be yelling at me, not at each other."

Well, she certainly managed to do it since they both turned towards her and said, "Shut up."

Sydney shook her head, seeing that she couldn't do anything about them.

I sighed. "Roza, let's go to our room," I said, hoping she'd do what I said. "We can talk there."

Rose shook her head. "Not until she apologizes and until Sydney tells us how the hell did she end up with Adrian? Because a nerd and the party boy – it doesn't seem like the combination of the year to me."

Lissa rolled her eyes. "Leave them alone, Rose," she said. "It's not their fault that they fell in love. And stop being so obviously jealous."

Rose balled her hands into fists. "I'm not jealous anymore," she said through gritted teeth. "But I'm contemplating killing you without thinking about the fact that you're pregnant."

That was my sign to try dragging her away after all. They weren't going to see sense until either somebody died or somebody ended up compelled.

Just as I started working on my plan and started picking Rose up from the ground by her waist, I heard a new voice say, "Oh my God, Sydney, what happened?"

Rose, Lissa and I all froze, seeing Adrian approach Sydney, who was on the floor again, her eyes shining with tears. She just shook her head and he quickly sat down on the floor, putting his hands around her neck.

"Don't, Adrian, I'm okay. You'll just bring up more spirit darkness if you heal me," Sydney whined, but Adrian was already healing her, obviously not caring about what she said. If I was him, I wouldn't either – the marks on her neck looked very painful for a human. Rose's strength was unnatural, after all.

He didn't move his hands away when the purplish marks on her neck disappeared. As if we weren't there, watching them, he bent down and kissed her neck. "There you go. It's okay now."

Sydney smiled, putting her hand in his hair, her eyes still shining, and I realized once more just how perfect they were for each other. I wondered if people saw it in Rose and me, too. I hoped they did.

"Thank you," Sydney whispered, blushing a little.

"You know I'd do anything for you," Adrian whispered back and then they started kissing. I gave them their moment of privacy and picked Rose up from the ground once more, turning around quickly and heading towards one of the rooms. Rose didn't fight me, and Lissa was behind us.

I closed the door. Lissa and Rose were both sitting on the bed, and Lissa had her hands on her cheeks. "That was so sweet," she said, grinning.

"Okay, I'm an idiot," Rose said, crossing her arms over her chest.

I raised an eyebrow. I could never understand women. Minutes ago, they wanted to kill each other, and now they were sitting there and apologizing – just because Adrian showed up?

"Did you see how he kissed her neck gently?" Lissa said, turning towards Rose. "And she was concerned about spirit darkness, instead of her health! That is so, so…" she trailed off, leaning back so that she lied down on her back, looking into the ceiling. "So romantic."

Rose bit her lower lip. "They might be… cute. But just a little bit. And a great bit disgusting."

I rolled my eyes, walking until I was in front of her. I kneeled so that she was finally on a greater height than me. She started ruffling my hair with her hands. "But you're more handsome," she muttered to herself, and I had to smile.

Rose leaned in until our foreheads were touching. She was smiling, I realized. "And I love that smile."

And then she finally kissed me, chasing all the doubts away, and I realized I did understand her.

She was in love. And that made her do crazy things. The same was with Lissa, with Sydney, with my sisters, with everyone I knew. The only way of understanding their actions was to be in love yourself and do crazy things for love.

Like, for example, calming your fierce girl down and forcing her to marry you, even though you both know you can have no offspring.


	19. Destiny

**Author's note:** _Okay, seriously, don't look at me with those puppy eyes. I told my sister to do my homework while I write this. JUST this today, and ONE for TheHappyLol tomorrow. And then we'll see. Guys, I need to read a 400-page-book and you know how many pages I read? Yeah, that's right, 0!_

_My reviewers:_

_1. __**DoughnutsForever**__: Yay! I'm so glad I pulled Dimitri off :) I'm so anxious about those trailers too! If Hopper was in them, that'd be just too cool :D And I could finally imagine him properly! I'm totally going to get kicked out of my school, I have a day for 3 assignments and that whole book and I'm just sitting here writing. Love you too, and thank you! :)_

_2. __**Sam1405**__: I was so confused about that too, I hoped Dimitri would solve the situation and then Adrian just showed up :D Hmm, I might write a sequel if you want me to! Thank you so much, and love you :)_

_3. __**bukwurm13**__: Yay, I'm so glad. You just jump into the new chapter and I integrate your thoughts immediately (and that's awesome). Now I'm too tired for school work, you're not going to hear from me tomorrow (probably) because I'll be too busy writing those assignments :( Thank you and love you! _

_4. __**Alicella Ivashkov**__: Adding it to one-shots. And that, that first thought is a summary of me-my sister relation :D Thank you! :) _

_5. __**happygirl0987**__: Thank you so much, and I'm going to need it in school :(_

_6. __**sparklycookies18**__: Is that a new reviewer I see? ;D Thank you so much, I'm so glad you liked it! :)_

_7. __**Rachelalicexx**__: Just be patient, there'll be Zeil and Jeddie and Trengeline, I just don't have enough time to write it all :( Thank you so much! :)_

_This one is for __**Rebelde09**__. You better like it, sine it's the longest I've ever written (6,737 words)! ;D Enjoy :)_

_And you're probably asking yourselves – why is almost every one-shot starting with numbers? Why is everyone counting something? Well, my favorite subject is math (and no, I don't wear glasses :D), so there's your answer! :)_

_I love you all, and thank you._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

Six months.

How did I survive that long without him?

Six months and a day.

How was I still alive?

Six months and two days.

How was my heart still beat- oh, no, Crystal was going to kill me. I was going to be late.

It turned out, I wasn't late, because I remembered to be there on time. Thank God. Today was a special day for her, and I wasn't going to ruin it by my weeping and depression.

You see, Crystal was a Moroi and she was my best friend. If dad heard this, he'd be turning in his grave.

Good. I hated him, and what he did to me, and what happened because of him.

But he wasn't the person I hated the most. More than him, I hated myself.

Trying to shake those thoughts, I entered the shop. Crystal, thankfully, wasn't there yet, so I sat down on a chair and continued with remembering the past.

So, as you can guess, something awful happened six months and two days ago, and my dad was guilty for it.

The story begins with a shy Alchemist girl and a Moroi party boy. Yes, you can guess that too. They fall in love and… be in love for a while.

But then their friend Jill is kidnapped and in trying to save her, the girl gets caught and her dad does lobotomy to her. Literally.

Thank God, I didn't even remember half of the things they did to me there. Sometimes I went to the mirror and examined round purple scars on my temples. The doctors said they'd heal, but that I needed to be patient. And every time I examined them, I was proud because they were fading.

But the pain… it couldn't really fade. I had nightmares in which they did things to me – Keith and Jared. Sometimes they sliced me, and I woke up and found scars on my legs and arms. Sometimes they put me on some device and my head hurt like hell. That's when I went to the mirror and examined the scars. Sometimes they electrocuted me, and I found black marks on my abdomen.

And sometimes, I dreamed about other things. Things I couldn't confirm, things that scared me and because of them I cried for hours. Sometimes it was a Strigoi, trying to drain me and failing, and sometimes it was a magic user, compelling me into believing I'm stung by a thousand bees or bitten by a shark.

And sometimes, sometimes I heard dad say how he was just trying to help my by removing magical cells from me, sometimes he said Keith was pure, and I was tainted, and sometimes I could hear my bones crack.

Thankfully, the wounds mostly healed – at least physically. But after all of that, I was in a… zombie-like shape. I don't remember you-know-who or Eddie or how they got me out, or what happened after they got me out.

I just remembered a scene – probably a hallucination, but something carved into my memory. I remembered a door opening, light pouring in, and I remembered myself starting to cry, thinking I finally died and that God gave me access to heaven.

Perhaps I really died for a moment, I didn't know. I never had the chance to ask anyone, and nobody said anything.

First real memory after Re-education, in which I was fully conscious and myself, was a memory of a house. It was a beautiful house, really, even though I wasn't living in it for months already.

I remembered myself falling on the ground, sobbing and crying like a baby, even though I had no idea why that was happening. It was like someone threw a bucket of cold water over my face – I was suddenly aware of everything.

I was suddenly aware of the fact that you-know-who was gone.

Memories of what happened before that returned slowly – I mostly dreamed things and wondered if they were the truth afterwards. Jill wouldn't talk to me, Eddie kept his distance, and in overall, I had no one to ask what really happened after they got me out of Re-education.

But I wasn't an Alchemist anymore - that much I knew for sure. I was in that house alone, and I had no idea where to go from there – all possible futures were now open for me, but there was only one future I wanted.

But no. I didn't want to know where you-know-who was or what he was doing. He left me. I knew I was the reason for all of that, but it still hurt me, somehow.

I tried to enroll into Architecture College, but something was wrong with me. Memories of my knowledge, they were weak and I couldn't study anymore. Lobotomy certainly did something bad to a part of my brain, or maybe it was the constant electro-shocking I received.

So I decided to go back to a place I once called home. Utah.

Mom hated me, to a certain extent, blaming me for Zoe going away. I had no idea what she was talking about, and then Carly decided to have mercy and she told me Zoe was living her happily ever after with Neil, in South America.

I was a mechanic now, because I knew no amount of lobotomy could ever erase knowledge about cars from my brain. I was happy, at least in that field, because I was doing what I loved.

I met a guy once. His name was James and he brought a yellow Mustang for reparations. My heart beat so fast when I saw the car that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He thought it was _cute_, but he didn't have any idea of a Mustang in my garage. The Mustang that still smelled like you-know-who and which I'd taken with me all the way to Utah. I never drove it afterwards.

I went out with him for once, more because I was polite than because I liked him. He was very rich, and his father owned a car shop. He asked me if I'd work there, but I politely said no.

More than anything, I said no because I kept comparing him with… you-know-who. When he said I was beautiful and tried to kiss me, I snapped and slapped him.

I never saw him after that.

You wonder what Crystal had to do with any of this? She was an important part. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be in my mom's house, crying over my destiny.

I met Crystal accidentally – we bumped into each other on Carlton. I was having an awful day – I just realized I could never go to college and I wanted to go back home, into you-know-who's – mine – apartment to cry my soul out and hopefully die. I instantly knew she was a Moroi so I reacted a bit… jumpy. Crystal, an Earth user, instantly recognized my magic and she wouldn't give up until I accepted her invite to a coffee.

Crystal told me she was from Salt Lake City, and that her boyfriend went to Carlton for a little over than a year. She wanted to tell me all about him, and his years there, but I… I didn't want to know. I didn't care. She wanted to make a collage of his college years, and I only said it was nice of her.

Crystal never pursued me to tell her what was wrong with me, but she knew something definitely was wrong. I was living in Palm Springs at the time, and I surely would've stayed there if it wasn't for her. She asked me if I had a boyfriend once, and I just stood up and left. I thought it was the end of our friendship.

But Crystal was really nice. She promised not to ask me about it ever again, or to talk about guys, and we developed a very good friendship afterwards. I told her about magic and the Alchemists, and she told me about her life in Salt Lake City, how she wanted to become a famous artist and how her life was perfect. Despite our differences, Crystal kept me away from the depression and I thanked her for it.

She was fascinated by the fact that I was a witch, but I didn't practice magic anymore. I was too afraid of what powers – dark powers – might arise from deep inside of me if I ever tried. I was still afraid, and I disappointed Crystal every single time she asked.

So now, six months later, she asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes. I didn't even remember what she told me about her boyfriend, and I wasn't particularly interested – I just wanted to get it over with. I would've refused, but I knew it'd hurt her and perhaps it was time for me to try and go on.

Nobody knew about you-know-who. Mom never wanted to know, Carly never asked since she was always away, and Zoe was in South America, so her reasons were obvious. Jill… she would've listened once, but she hated me too much. I didn't see her since… well, since forever.

"Hey, babe," I heard her say, startling me out of my thoughts.

Crystal was beautiful in a way I – or any human – could never be. She was tall and skinny (like every Moroi), her long black hair was as straight as mine could never be, and her eyes were as blue as Christian's.

When I looked into the mirror, I saw purple scars on my temples, I saw long, wavy blonde hair, I saw ribs and bones that could never be covered with meat. Finally, I really saw what Adrian always saw – I saw a zombie, I saw scars, I saw a woman with dilated pupils that craved vampire endorphins, I saw shaky hands from electro-shocks, I saw her wearing long sleeves in a desert, I saw a ruined life and a very, very unhappy person.

What did Crystal see when she looks into the mirror? She saw perfection, and she saw a woman that was getting married in a week. Everything I could never see.

"Hey," I answered, faking a smile. I faked smiles all the time – I never really smiled ever since I was re-educated.

"You ready?" Crystal asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling. I think she knew I was faking smiles, I think she knew I was just pretending to be happy for her sake. I think she believed I was going to succeed in deceiving us all once. And somehow, I hoped that too.

I nodded, not even as enthusiastic as I made myself seem. _This is for your friend,_ I kept telling myself. _She is your only friend and no matter how awful this is for you, you're going to do it with a smile on your face_.

So I stood there while she put her dress on and while they did the fitting. The dress was beautiful, and I found myself thinking of what I would've chosen if I was to get married.

I knew I'd never choose something even similar to what she did – a rich, lacy white dress in layers, like one of those you see on balls from the nineteenth century.

And then a thought hit me – I'd never, ever get married. That was a fact, and it wasn't going to change. I was destined to live my life alone, and it was all my father's fault.

Mom couldn't bear the sight of me because I wasn't really her daughter. I was the signature of her husband's betrayal, and the fact that she raised me and thought I was her daughter for eighteen years didn't matter anymore.

"Oh my God, Sydney, why are you crying?" Crystal asked, her face horrified, and I knew she'd gladly step out of the dress and hug me.

_Stupid, stupid, _I thought. _You have to think about that today and ruin the day. Way to go._

I shook my head and smiled. "I'm just so happy for you," I managed to say somehow and Crystal seemed suspicious, but she didn't say anything. She didn't want to think about my problems, and I didn't blame her.

"Well, the dress is fine, and I'm going to change," Crystal said, smiling again.

I nodded and returned to my thoughts. I tried not to think about you-know-who, but it was too hard now that I already thought about everything else. I asked myself where he was, with whom he was, and I dared to think that he was happy. That thought hurt like hell.

I got up, wanting to go to the bathroom, because I was already wiping at my eyes and I didn't want to ruin Crystal's day. I already made her suspicious, and she wouldn't let go until I told her everything.

And I hit something – or rather, someone. I fell to the floor with a loud, "Ouch!"

"Lady, I'm so sorry-" the voice started while I rubbed my temples with my palms. They started to hurt in waves, and I was afraid I got a concussion or something.

"I might need to go to the ambulance," I said, blinking, but I didn't see anything. Oh my God, it was happening all over again.

"Sage?" the voice asked, and I realized I knew that voice from somewhere. I blinked again, but I still didn't see anything.

"I- I don't see," I said, hoping that whoever this was would help me. "I have pills in my purse, so if you could get them, I'll be fine."

Silence. I was now blinking furiously, hoping it wasn't my dead father in front of me, or worse, Keith. Or even worse, Marcus… I cut all ties with him as soon as he contacted him, no matter how cruel it was. I just couldn't bear to be with anyone from my past life, not even if the person was my brother. He was doing quite fine before I found out about him.

The man put something in my hands – the pills, obviously – and we both tried to get them out of the bottle, so our hands and fingers touched.

The bottle fell out of our hands and the pills spilled to the ground and the man said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said just as Crystal said, "Honey!" and just as I said, "It's okay."

I froze. But how did I know the man if he was marrying Crystal? Was I hallucinating?

I finally found a pill and swallowed it without water or anything. I couldn't take this anymore – my hands were still tingling from where he touched me.

I blinked again, waiting for the pill to work, praying for it to work as fast as possible.

When my sight finally started returning, I looked down, towards the man, and the sight in front of me made me fall to the ground again.

I gasped, because in front of me were dozens of spilled pills for my head and Crystal, kissing Adrian. His eyes were open and his hands were halfway to her neck, but not quite touching it.

I lived through those memories all over again – my father and Keith, torturing me, the door opening, light spilling in and Adrian smiling when he saw me, him carrying me away and I, crying and sobbing and screaming for him to let him go.

Not days, but months of my life were forgotten – Adrian crying, I crying, I cutting myself with shards of a broken mirror, screams, nightmares, vision of Adrian biting an innocent woman, more screams, waking up in his arms, a kiss, being disgusted, being kissed again, Adrian leaving, Adrian crying, Adrian kissing me again, and finally, me, falling to the ground and crying, knowing in my subconsciousness what I lost.

And now I was on the ground, looking into the ceiling, and I was dizzy. I saw Crystal leaning over me and shouting "Sydney!" from somewhere far away. I closed my eyes, and realized they were full of tears, because I lost…

My head hurt, and I was in the darkness, but I was still half-conscious. I felt someone pick me up from the ground and carry me somewhere. New tears spilled because the scene of that kiss was replaying in my mind, over and over again, and my heart was stabbed and broken and it fell into the darkness…

I was late. I was late, and I lost, and now it was all happening again.

Finally, I saw my father's face again. He was winking at me, saying how I was finally pure, how he finally managed to get magic out of me.

I screamed.

The first thing I felt were his arms, pushing my shoulders down.

Then came the pain, and it was awful. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't open my eyes, and I couldn't move; all I could do was scream, willing my father's face away.

"Sydney, wake up," the beautiful voice said, "Please, wake up. It's just a nightmare. You're dreaming."

I gasped, and I opened my eyes. Light hurt, my eyes hurt, everything hurt. I gasped again – I still couldn't get myself to breathe.

"She's having an attack!" I heard him shout. Then another pair of strong – but not gentle – arms caught me and I felt something sting my arm.

They were putting me under sedatives. They were drugging me.

"No!" I screamed, shaking them off. My eyes were closed again, and all I could see was darkness.

I fell into it. Darkness was better than anything. It was better than Jared electrocuting me. Anything was better than that.

I felt pain shot up the length of my arm, and I was suddenly in Keith's embrace, in that torturing room, while he was cutting me deep with a knife. "This is what you get for being impure," he whispered in my ear and I screamed again.

"Sydney!" someone shouted from far away and Keith disappeared. "Please, wake up, Sydney. Just wake up."

"Adrian," I whispered, searching around the darkness. I couldn't see anything. "Adrian, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

When he said his next words, his voice was much closer. "There's nothing to be sorry for," he whispered back. "Just come back to me."

I closed my eyes, hoping this torturing would stop-

And when I opened again, I was crying, and Adrian's face was inches from mine. "Sydney," he whispered again. "Oh, Sydney." He kissed my cheek and hugged me to himself, and it made me cry harder.

Adrian was here, and he was marrying my best – and only – friend Crystal. And yes, he was happy.

I started sobbing, and Adrian pulled me even closer. He was so gentle that it hurt worse than Keith's slices.

Adrian shushed me. "It's okay, it was just a nightmare, you're here now," he said, kissing my cheek again.

He thought I was crying because of the nightmare… he had no idea how many times I lived through those moments.

Adrian didn't say anything – he just pulled his fingers through my hair as I cried.

I pushed him away. I pushed him away and when he left, I was myself again.

I lost months of my life. I hurt him for months, I screamed for months, and I was in a deep sleep for months.

And when I woke up, it was too late.

_Too late._

I cried for a while longer, and as soon as I stopped, Adrian moved away. He was… gorgeous.

Adrian looked at me with concern in his eyes. He was the same as I remembered him – able to make my heart beat faster in a second. His hair wasn't full of hair gel, though, and I wondered if Crystal minded.

Crystal. He was her boyfriend now, and they were getting married, and I had nothing to do with it. Not anymore. As soon as my head stopped spinning, I was going to get into the Ivashkinator and go away to live in Canada.

So we just sat there, not saying anything, while I was contemplating what articles of clothes to bring with me. Should I bring the red dress from the Halloween dance? It stirred up many memories…

"Are you going to tell me about it?" Adrian finally asked. His voice was as beautiful as I remembered it.

I looked at him, confused. "About what?"

"About Re-education, about those nightmares and about those scars," he said warily. "You had 6 months to get used to the fact that I'm a Moroi, and don't even pretend that you're disgusted. Crystal told me all about you and your friendship."

I gulped. I wasn't going to get away easy – it has always been hard to trick Adrian. "What do you want to know?" I whispered, feeling smaller than ever before. I didn't want to tell him about Re-education, and yet I knew that I wanted to, badly.

"For example, how did you get those scars on your head," Adrian said.

I nodded and closed my eyes. It all came rushing back. "Jared… he put me on a device that drilled through my skull and into my brain," I whispered. "He damaged a few parts of it, like, for example, my memory, my knowledge, my ability to learn… and it's dangerously close to the sight center, so when I fall I lose sight. That's what the pills are for. They can't cure the headache, though."

Adrian nodded. "That's exactly what the doctor said. And the black scars?"

I smiled, though nothing was funny. "Electro-shocks. My hands still can't stop shaking, and they said I could easily have a heart attack."

Adrian nodded again. He was acting like a doctor, all serious and professional. "Jared, I suppose?"

I shook my head at that. "No. Keith," I said in a bitter voice.

Adrian's eyes widened and for a moment he just watched me, not saying anything. Then he swallowed, and continued. "The doctors said the scars on your arms and legs were from knives – deep wounds, but I knew that already." He glanced at my hand where Keith sliced me, and I tried to hide it under the sheets, but Adrian's hand was gripping my wrist. My head still hurt.

"Don't ever be embarrassed in front of me," he said, dead-serious, and I was sure I'd cry if I had any tears left. I just felt more empty now.

After a moment, he looked up at me again. "Why?" he whispered.

He needed to be more precise. Why what? Why did I tell him to go away? Why did I fail him by forgetting? Why didn't I call him after I remembered? Why did I let him leave? Why did we stumble into each other after so long? Why did I befriend Crystal?

I decided to answer a different question. "Because he thought I was impure, and he wanted to purify me," I whispered.

Adrian's hand released my wrist and it started roaming down the length of my arm. He paused to touch the deep scar there. "And did he do it?" he whispered.

I closed my eyes. "No," I settled on saying. "I'm still a magic user, thank God."

Adrian's hand froze. Did I say something wrong? Was he going to say I disgusted him now? Was he going to punish me again?

But he just whispered, "Thank God?"

I didn't answer. What, he thought I couldn't say "God" anymore or something?

He looked up at me, his eyes widened and his mouth half-open. "You love the fact that you're a magic user? That he didn't succeed in… purifying you?"

I nodded. "Of course," I said, not understanding what he meant.

Then his hand touched a scar on my wrist and the memory of me, cutting into it with a shard as deep as I could came back to me. I moved my hand away. "That wasn't…" I trailed off. That wasn't what? Me? Because it was, but I was just too far gone for me to see anything. I was scared and confused and my head hurt all the time and I just wanted the pain to go away.

Adrian breathed, "Sydney?"

I looked up at him. His eyes, his expression, his face, it all reminded me of the day when he said my eyes were like molten gold. The day when he saw _me_ for the first time. What was he seeing now? A messed up blonde that he once loved?

I turned away, knowing I looked awful and wanting to cry more, but being unable to. My father destroyed my life – every single part of it.

I wanted to tell him to go away, but I knew it'd just hurt him more. So we sat there, in silence, with me trying to cry and Adrian doing nothing.

"I'm trying to see your aura," he finally said, "To really confirm it. But is this you, Sydney? The real you?"

I didn't move, or breathe, or say anything. I didn't dare to do it. Was he actually happy that I wasn't so repulsed by the sight of him anymore? Was he actually happy that I was Sydney again?

I shook the thought away, knowing I was giving myself false hope. Adrian was getting married in a week. Adrian was getting married in a week. Crystal was beautiful in a way I could never be, and I realized I was jealous. Now I finally had the reason to be. She took the only man I ever loved from me…

No. She didn't take anything away. I told Adrian to go, and he did. So this was okay.

Still, I found myself starting to cry and sob once again. I had no tears, I had no strength, and my head hurt more than ever before, but I still cried.

Adrian tried to pull me close to him away, but I whispered, "I'll just hurt you more if you stay."

Adrian ignored my protests and pulled me up, into his chest, making me dizzy once again. It didn't matter, though – I could feel him, I could touch him, and I did.

I was surprised when he did the same. I knew every single inch of his body, yet I found myself discovering it again, as if I never touched him before. Adrian's hand was in my hair, and the other one was on my face, touching my cheek gently. I leaned into the touch.

"Oh my God, Sydney, it's you," he whispered, inhaling the smell of my hair. It was probably awful, but he didn't show disgust in any way. "You even smell the same."

I felt myself smile for the first time in months – I couldn't help myself. "So do you," I whispered, not allowing myself to hope further.

Adrian pulled away to look at me. "But- when- how-" he started, obviously full of questions.

I gulped. "I found myself crying on the floor in a house. I didn't remember anything that happened before, thinking it was just days since they took me to Re-education. I was alone in the house, you weren't there, and when I went to Jill she simply closed the door, saying she didn't want to see me ever again. So I left, realizing something very bad happened. First I came to Palm Springs, and I applied to Carlton." I suddenly stopped, remembering how it felt when my mind betrayed me.

"And?" Adrian asked gently, urging me to continue.

I took a deep breath, embarrassed. "I… I tried, but I couldn't remember things anymore. And every time I tried to study, I got a major headache that wouldn't pass for days. So I got kicked out, and I bumped into Crystal there."

Adrian nodded. "She told me how you just sat into the Mustang and went to live with your mom in Utah," he said, smiling at me. "And how she felt magic in you."

I turned my head away. "You know the rest," I whispered.

Adrian traced the lily pattern on my cheek. "So you're you again?" he asked hopefully.

I just nodded. I wasn't able to say, or do anything else. Al I could focus on was his hand on my cheek. After so long…

But he said goodbye, and he was just trying to soothe me. Nothing more.

"When Crystal…" Adrian cleared his throat. "When you saw that, you fell back to the ground and started shaking and crying. I ran with you to the ambulance and there you kind of woke up, and you had some kind of an attack. You couldn't breathe, and when they put you on sedatives, you screamed, and then you fell asleep. And minutes before you woke up you whispered how you were sorry, and then you… then you opened your eyes and started crying."

I nodded. "It happened a few times, when I'm overwhelmed with memories," I said in a near-whisper.

"So Keith tortured you too? Not just your father? Because I'm going to track that bastard down and torture him until he begs me to kill him," Adrian growled.

I looked at him, biting my lower lip. "Why would you do that?"

Adrian moved his gaze on me. "Because he hurt you, and because he enjoyed it. Nobody gets away with that. I would've killed him a long time ago, but I didn't know it was him…"

I shook my head. "It's okay. I'm okay now, so it doesn't matter anymore."

"Of course it matters!" Adrian said, looking into my eyes intently.

And then words were useless. He did it again – he pulled me into his eyes, he relieved all memories back, and they hit me like a shockwave, making me gasp.

Him, his lips, salty taste of tears, his hand tracing the lily pattern, a bag on his shoulder, me falling on the ground and crying… it all came back.

When I finally came back to myself, Adrian was close, too close.

"So, you're marrying, huh?" I asked suddenly, startling us both. Adrian moved away.

"Yeah, in a week," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "Crystal is a nice girl. She paints, like I do, and she can understand what I'm trying to picture."

_She can understand him. She's a nice girl. She paints._ A wave of jealousy hit me.

"And she's beautiful," I heard myself whisper and I immediately wanted to bang my head on the wall. Why did I have to say that? Of course she was beautiful, even blind people could see that!

"You're beautiful, too," Adrian said, touching my face again.

"Beautiful?" I whispered. "I'm messed up, Adrian. I have scars that can never heal, scars that not a million years of healing can wash away. If someone killed me, the Earth would be a better place to live."

Adrian's face tightened. "Don't say that," he said. "You didn't choose this. It's not your fault."

I felt myself get angry. Not at Adrian, but at myself. "And whose fault is it, then? My father's? I went to his grave a dozen times and I screamed at him, but you know what that got me? Just a headache! And Keith, he's in a worse state than I am! He's a drug addict now. So tell me, to whose door should I knock when I look myself in the mirror and see what I am? Who can I blame?"

Adrian's eyes widened again. "You don't need to blame anyone," he said, gently touching the scar on my temple. "You need to learn to live with this and see yourself for what you really are, not what people made you become. And then you'll see how beautiful you really are."

I closed my eyes. "You have no idea how much I wish that was true, Adrian," I whispered. "But I can't. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live on pills and wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying and calling out your-" I stopped immediately, shutting my eyes tightly. _Please, don't let him hear that, God_, I prayed. It'd just complicate things.

But Adrian, of course, heard what I said. His hand was under my chin, and I felt myself start to tremble. Why wouldn't he go away already? Didn't he see how much he was hurting me?

"Open your eyes, Sydney," he said, knowing which card to play. I opened my eyes involuntarily, barely having the chance to register just how close he was…

And then he was kissing me. It felt unreal, and I had to close my eyes again. All thoughts vanished from my mind and my body took over – my hands were pulling at his hair, I was kissing him harder, wanting more.

Adrian's hands were on my neck, and he was pulling me closer. My head hurt again, but I wouldn't let it show – not when my fantasy was becoming reality.

But of course, I wasn't living in a fantasy so I heard someone gasp. Adrian and I immediately sprang apart.

Crystal was standing in the doorway, and the bouquet of fresh lilies fell on the ground from her hands. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was wide open and the three of us just looked at each other, not saying anything.

Crystal recovered first. She just turned around and left the room, the door slamming behind her. Adrian, of course, was up in an instant, and he was shouting her name, running after her.

Of course. He just got carried away because I wasn't disgusted anymore. He was with Crystal now. I was disgusted by myself, though, because I probably just destroyed my best friend's life.

Way to go, Sydney.

But did he really still love me? I touched my lips with my fingers. The way he kissed me… it wasn't a regular kiss. It was a kiss of longing and desperation and hope and…

I shut my eyes, not wanting to think about anything, because my head hurt like never before – partly because of the kiss and partly because of me thinking hard.

And before I knew it, I fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of Adrian's voice. "… not her fault," he was saying.

"But she should've told me, Adrian! You should've told me!" Crystal answered.

"I didn't know, I thought she was done with me, and she didn't know you were with me," Adrian continued.

"Oh my God, what are we going to do now? I can't… I can't be in your way," she said.

"But what can you do, Crys? We're marrying in a week and now you're just going to move away because Sydney and I stumbled into each other?"

"You didn't see her," Crystal said in a cold voice. "You didn't have to watch her act like a zombie for 6 whole months. You didn't have to see her pretend she was fine when her eyes were full of tears. And I kept wondering, What jerk could leave her? I actually thought she was from some weirdo family and that they tortured her. I mean, she wore long sleeves while I was in shorts, and I saw her wrists once. And then it turns out it was… you."

Adrian sighed. "I didn't know. I didn't know what to do so I simply left her. If I stayed a minute longer, I would've seen she was back – the kiss brought her back to me."

"That's why I have to go," Crystal whispered. "I can't stand in the way of such an epic love. You just found yourselves, and who am I to ruin that?"

"But Crys-" Adrian started, and I slowly opened my eyes.

Crystal was touching Adrian's cheek, smiling. Her eyes were filled with tears. "You look happier, Adrian," she whispered. "Like you never did with me. I thought it was because your mother was in Tarasov, but now… I can't, I can't stay. It'll hurt you both. I'll go, no matter how much it hurts. And no matter how much I love you."

"Crystal, don't," I said in a sleepy voice. "I won't be able to live with myself if you go. I'm ruining your life."

Crystal turned towards me. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "You deserve to have a life, too," she whispered. "I won't take your happiness away from you. I need to go and find someone else. You two are…" she sighed. "I can't stand in your way," she repeated.

I blinked, trying to comprehend what was happening. Crystal was suddenly hugging me, and saying, "Good luck," and I was hugging her back, without even being aware why.

Crystal turned towards Adrian and his arms were stretched out, but she just shook her head, got up and left. She closed the door behind her.

Adrian and I immediately did the same thing – we put our heads in our hands. I thought how all I did my whole life was hurt people I loved, and how I was surely going to hate myself for the rest of my life.

"Go," I whispered. "Go and get her back here. I just destroyed her life."

Adrian looked at me. "But perhaps it's for the best…"

"Go!" I yelled. "I don't care what you want, just go!"

And he did. He left, and I realized that now I finally lost him, I lost him forever.

But it was okay. If it meant Crystal would be happy, I could survive. I could survive having Adrian for another moment and then letting him slip out of my hands again.

I was probably just going to die.

Adrian came back a while later, shaking his head. He was breathing hard. "I… I couldn't find her anywhere. It's as if she disappeared."

I shook my head. "I don't care. You're going to find her somehow and you two are going to marry and be happy," I said.

Adrian looked at me, honesty in his eyes. "Sage… she was right. I, I wasn't happy with her. She was just a substitute for you. She just proved that I loved only you, and nobody else."

I froze. "But…" I trailed off, words betraying me.

Adrian came closer. "I know. I feel bad about her, too, but this is for the best. I can't go back to my life, now that I know you're Sydney again. I can be yours, but only if you want me, of course."

"Am I hallucinating?" I whispered, afraid my mind was playing games with me. "Or dreaming?"

Adrian smiled a real smile, and shook his head. Then he was finally close, close enough, and I let him hold me and touch me and kiss me and murmur my name.

I did the same.

I was still feeling bad, though. Adrian and I bought a new house in Ohio, we married and we were soon expecting our first child, but I was still thinking about Crystal.

After days of searching, I managed to find her – she was living in New York now, and she was a very successful artist. Her paintings really were beautiful.

She married a royal Moroi, and in the photo I held in my hands they both looked genuinely happy. Perhaps we all found our happy endings after all.

"What are you doing, Sage?" Adrian said as he stepped closer. "You're making that 'My head hurts' face again."

I touched my temple absently. "I was just wondering if Crystal was happy," I said, showing the picture to him. Adrian narrowed his eyes, and then grinned.

"Perhaps she really is happy now," he said, kissing my forehead.

He put his hands on my temples and I felt the magic flow through my head again. He was doing this every single day – he started with scars on my legs and hands first, then with those black scars from electro-shocks, and he managed to heal them all except for those on my temples.

He lifted his hands and kissed the scars. "They're fading," he whispered. "You might enroll into Carrlton one day, after all," he said, chuckling.

I shook my head. "It's just not my destiny," I said, rubbing my stomach.

But Adrian, he was my destiny. And no matter the pain, the nightmares, the guilt, the fear, the disgust, we'd go through it all together.


	20. She'll Be Cold

**Author's note:** _Hey guys! School was crazy, my days were crazy and will continue to be that for the next 5 days or so, but as soon as everything's back to normal I'll start writing again. I didn't abandon this story, and I have 20 requests, so don't worry. You'll wait for a while, but you'll get your one-shots._

_Okay, so I'm moving back on Sunday and until then I want to write as much TFH as possible, because I want you secured for the whole next week._

_My reviewers:_

_1. __**Totalbooknerd13**__: Poor Zoe still thinks Sydney has a boyfriend named Jet :D Thank you, my wonderful friend! :)_

_2. __**Guest**__: Well, then you won't like this one! :P But believe me, the next one-shots are hilarious, so don't worry :D Thank you for everything!_

_3. __**TheHappyLol**__: No, no, no, don't cry again! I'll tell FanFiction not to let you read any more of my sad one-shots! What will happen on this one, then? ;D Love you, and thanks! :)_

_4. __**DoughnutsForever**__: Yup, it was my reaction too. I was just sitting there, writing, and then I stopped, thinking, "But how is this possible?" Yay, glad you liked Dimitri! It was very awkward for me, trying to think as if I was him! :D Love you, and thank you! :)_

_5. __**Alicella Ivashkov**__: Ah, it's all so complicated, but if it makes it easier, I wasn't too sad or worried for her neither. I was like, "Oh come on, find someone else, these two are destined to be together!" :) Thank you for everything!_

_6. __**Lilietje99**__: Yup, that about Christian and Adrian is all true. Christian is my favorite VA character, after all, so there has to be some connection, right? ;D I really hope this week wasn't horrible for you, because it definitely was for me. No sleep, no rest, studying, reading, making mistakes in class (and I'm getting a grade for that), headaches, and then me giving up and telling mom to give me 2 days off. People, stop crying, you know it all ends happily in my stories! :D And nope, this is not going to happen, though it is funny, all this possible endings. Love you, and thank you for everything :)_

_7. __**rebelde09**__: You've been busy reviewing! ;D I don't see Rose reacting nicely neither, though the part in TIS where she makes Sydney confused makes me suspicious, thinking Richelle is going to make Rose reasonable. Phew, you liked both one-shots. And I totally agree – as soon as Adrian shows up, forget everything! :D Oh come on, 19 wasn't that good, just free time and a crazy girl with a laptop. Hugging you back definitely! And I wasn't that creative, you gave me everything! :D (Btw, everyone claim I have zero creativity) I also can't picture a small Dimitri… okay, I can, and it's hilarious! And that's what I always say when someone can't have children! What difference does it make if you simply adopt? (Okay, I get it, genes and chromosomes and all but isn't a child better than an empty house?) Still, this is a vampire-witch world and Sydney made it happen! ;D And the superstition? I don't believe in it, though I've heard of crazy things such as special "baby blankets" and so. Having a child would be a major responsibility and since the college I want to take is 6 years, I often ask myself how I'd be able to handle a baby if I was on year 5? I'd just quit college or give the baby to my mom! :D I know that people ship Zeil and I do, too, but the age difference is really something we can't just ignore. I know, it just makes them more appealing and dangerous and forbidden and all, but 15-19? Really? Love you, and I'm so glad I did my job well! :D Thanks._

_8. __**Sam1405**__: Well, Crystal got her happy ending because Adrian wasn't "the one," "the true love" and so for her. This version of Re-education is a mix of so many stories about it I read and my imagination :D And yup, bit by bit! I'm glad you'll have something to do on a rainy day, then! :P I put it on the list, it won't be written soon but it will be written :D Love you, and thank you! :)_

_9. __**nira avalon**__: Yay! I'm so glad you liked it :) Thank you for everything!_

_10. __**Guest**__: No, it's not annoying! I just keep putting your requests on the list, so go ahead and ask for whatever you want! :) Thank you for everything!_

_11. __**bukwurm13**__: Ah, I don't know. I asked myself that too – did he just pretend he was looking for Crystal? In one moment, I actually thought he was going to bring her back, but then it'd just complicate things more and the one-shot was already 6k words long :D We'll have grey hair before we're 30! I took your advice and still, I was too busy for anything. Now let's go on those extended weekends, we both earned rest! :) Love you, and of course, thank you so much! :)_

_12. __**Holly**__: Don't worry, it's on the list but I'll need your help with that one-shot: in my country a college is like regular school, you just go there, have classes and come back home so I don't know how living there would look like (not to mention that our school system is totally different), and I've never been to a party so I have no idea how to write that :D And the fraternity thing, I just know it from the movies. Yes, I have no life but still! :) Thank you for everything!_

_13. __**Regina**__: Hey, thanks for reminding me! Your one-shot is on the list, you'll wait for a while and I'm really sorry but it's how it is. Thank you for reading, no problem for not reviewing! :)_

_14. __**Annie**__: Both are on the list :) Thank you for everything!_

_15. __**jam**__: Was that a good, or a bad review? :D Thank you for everything!_

_16. __**Jo**__: Thank you! I don't know how to reward you all for all these reviews! It really means so much for me! I just hope you all don't forget me until I finally move back and have time to write every day. :) Thank you for everything!_

_8. __**sheerio4ever**__: I can't understand women too. When I'm angry, I sit down, cross my arms over my chest and turn towards the wall. Or shout at people :D Glad you liked 19 too! And love you too! :)_

_I'm writing this weird, crazy and fluffy one-shot for __**TheHappyLol**__. I promised I would, and for those who aren't comfortable with Hoppy, I must say that the next is Jeddie, so be excited! :D And I'm WARNING you again: Don't you dare cry on this chapter, it has a happy ending!_

_I love you all, and thank you._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

Alicia.

We all thought the Alchemists or the Warriors were the reason Jill disappeared, but in reality, it was her the whole time.

I called Ms. Terwilliger immediately and she told me that she still didn't drain her „fourth," wanting it to be me. It didn't calm me, mostly because I had no idea how to beat her. Yes, I was stronger now but I knew I wasn't nearly strong enough. Luck helped me get away last time, but I was certain I wasn't going to get lucky this time. She wasn't going to allow mistakes – she had a goal and she wanted to accomplish it.

So she kidnapped my dear friend Jill. Only when I got a vision in which she told me she was waiting for me in Palm Springs with her as a hostage, I realized I wasn't fighting against the Alchemists anymore. This was different, and we were foolish because we thought we were fighting against one thing.

As if my father wasn't enough, now I had to deal with this too.

After I mentioned Lily, Alicia's callistanna, Ms. Terwilliger told me that we could beat her easily – her callistanna was the key to solving everything. Apparently, a part of her magic was stored in Lily and if we got her close enough to Alicia and let Lily drain her powers, it'd all be over in a minute.

It looked too easy to me, but it was our only chance and I decided to take it.

Adrian protested, but I didn't let him return with me, just to find him on the plane – and not in the first class. I was very angry, because he was putting himself in danger, but after everything we went through, I knew I'd need his help and support. After all, Ms. Terwilliger said our powers intertwined beautifully.

I didn't want to borrow Adrian's powers, but he did have something I wanted. Spirit darkness. If only I could take it from him, everything would be fine.

So I simply sighed, curled up into his arms and fell asleep.

I didn't want to think about the fact that my sister was probably curled in a 19-year-old-dhampir's arms, that Angeline was probably making out with Trey despite the staff's warnings and that Rose was talking about the plan with Dimitri.

Not that we really had a plan.

Everything was fine – at least until now, that is. We arrived home, we went to Adrian's apartment, took Lily and a squealing Hopper with us, I tried not to pay attention on Zoe and Neil's arm around her shoulders, I tried not to panic and Adrian was beside me, helping with his presence.

We also managed to take Jill out of there... No, not we. Zoe, Neil, Angeline, Trey, Rose and Dimitri did – she was waiting for us in a parking lot and we all hurried out to help her.

And then everything fell apart. I froze in place, not able to move or do anything, with Hopper and Lily in my purse. Everyone came to a halt and then Rose made a decision – a good decision – she took Adrian by his shoulders and dragged him away.

"I'm not going to leave her, Rose!" Adrian shouted, but she was stronger than him.

There were tears in my eyes when I looked at him for the last time. _Goodbye, my love_, I tried to say. _Rose decided well. At least you're safe._

I really wished I could turn around and make Alicia stop laughing so... awfully. She was like Doctor Frankenstein, and I wasn't too far from the truth – she was creepy, she was crazy and she was evil.

But I couldn't. She obviously used an advanced spell, because I chanted Latin and tried all spells I knew, but I didn't manage to unfreeze myself. All those bracelets and charms and necklaces were for nothing. She was stronger than me, and we both knew it.

„Oh, don't waste your breath, my dear," Alicia said from behind me, touching my hair with her filthy hands. "You're too weak to free yourself from the spell."

If I had the ability to talk, I would've told her something very inappropriate. But I didn't, and all I could do was stand there and blink.

"Too bad that the pretty boy managed to get away – what was his name? Jet?" Alicia continued, making me throw her a killer look. Thank God, Adrian was safe. She couldn't hurt him, or anyone else anymore.

Well, she was still able to hurt me and she was going to drain all my powers. She was going to take my magic, my youth and my whole life. How would Adrian react when he saw me, turned into an old woman? Would he be sad?

Or would I just die? I didn't know what exactly would happen with me, but I knew it wasn't going to be good.

"Goodbye, my dear," she whispered in my ear.

She started chanting something in Latin, touching my neck with her hands, and I felt weaker by the seconds. This was it – she was going to drain me.

And then something happened. I heard a familiar squeal, and Hopper jumped from my purse. I couldn't see what exactly he did, but Alicia let out a cry of pain and her hands left my neck.

"What the hell?" she shouted. I saw and felt Lily get out of my purse too, and I saw her bite Alicia's neck.

Ouch, that definitely hurt.

Alicia was crying out in pain, she was shouting and trying to hit them, but Hopper and Lily were too fast for her. Hopper hit her with his little tail in the knee, Lily clawed her already scarred face with her claws, and Alicia was soon bloody and breathing hard.

But then she started chanting something in Greek. As I translated the words, I realized it was a spell for banishing a callistanna.

And Alicia's hands were turned towards my baby. My Hopper.

_No!_ I tried to say, but it was useless. Hopper didn't understand what was happening – he just stood there, as if Alicia somehow hypnotized him.

But then I noticed Lily do something. She was looking at Alicia intently, and she was obviously focused on something. The wheels started spinning in my mind and I realized she was doing exactly what she was here for – draining Alicia's power.

But when she saw the spell and a wall of dark light shoot towards Hopper, she squealed and ran towards him.

_No!_ I wanted to scream again, knowing it'd just kill them both.

But Lily wasn't trying to move Hopper away. She was shining more and more, and she was throwing herself in front of her.

Everything moved in slow-motion: Hopper squealing, moving towards Lily; Lily proudly standing in the line of the spell and looking into Alicia seriously; Alicia, smiling evilly, her hands in front of her and black light coming out of her hands.

In that moment, all I could think about was Lily, biting Hopper's tail and then giggling. The image haunted me.

And then the black light hit Lily and everything exploded.

At least, it looked like that.

I had to close my eyes because it was just so bright in the room. The room was silent, too silent and when I finally opened my eyes, I realized I could move again.

I immediately ran towards the place where I last saw Alicia and Lily fight. Alicia was on the ground, and she was looking… old. Her hair was grey and white, her eyes were silver, her mouth was half-open and her skin was wrinkled. When I touched her neck and searched for pulse, I realized she had none. She was dead.

I realized this was what she prepared for me, and I realized that just a minute ago, I was prepared for this. I thought I was going to die and that my body was going to look… this way.

I shook my head, trying to will the thought away. It was okay. Alicia was dead, and everything was okay.

But then I realized that the room wasn't silent. Loud squeals were echoing through the room, and they made me turn around.

Hopper was on the ground, and Lily was next to him. The wall above them was bloody, and I realized there was blood on the floor, too. I gasped, stood up and crossed the room until I was next to them.

Hopper was touching Lily's body with his head, trying to get her to wake up. I immediately knew that she wasn't okay, since neither his cries or his movements made her open her eyes or even move an inch.

I shushed Hopper, taking him in my arms. "It's okay, baby," I whispered. "She'll be okay. Don't be upset." I wasn't sure if I was telling it to him or to myself, because tears were making it hard for me to see.

"She's just asleep," I said as I gently picked her up. A sob escaped me. This wonderful being turned against its master to save me, to save my callistanna, and this is what happened. I could easily see that her torso had a big, bloody wound that couldn't heal.

Heal.

Adrian.

I put Lily and Hopper down as gently as I could. Hopper was silent, thank God, but seeing him curl up into a ball next to her dead body was making another sob escape my lips.

_God, please make this work_, I thought as I tried to find my phone in my purse. _Please make them be a minute away._

I don't even know how I managed to type Adrian's number – my hands were shaking badly. "Sage?" he responded after a moment. "I just compelled Rose. I'll be there in a moment."

I wasn't able to say anything – I just sobbed and cried as he continued to talk. "Are you hurt?" he said, breathless. "Sage, did she do something to you?"

"No- Adrian- it's not-" I tried, and then just broke down once again. Images of Lily flashed in my mind – finding her in that park, having pie fights with her, locking her and Hopper into the bedroom, screaming at her after she smashed a vase, laughing with her, taking her for granted. And now she was gone.

Another sob escaped me and then I felt strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me up from the ground. My phone fell on the ground and broke, and Adrian turned me around in his hands.

"Sage, tell me where she hurt you," he said fiercely, but I simply shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"It's not- not me," I said somehow, and I felt relief wash through his body.

"But who?" he said in a near-whisper, making me cry harder.

I opened my eyes and saw him through the tears – the relief, confusion and concern in his eyes. I remembered him singing a lullaby to Lily once, and new tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Lily," I whispered, picking her small bloody body from the ground. "Tell me that you can heal her, Adrian," I continued.

Adrian started, "Sydney, I'm not sure- she's not human-"

"Try!" I shouted, and his hands were immediately on her. I felt magic flow through Lily's body, and all I could think of was, _Please, God, let him heal her. Just this one time._

But nothing happened. Adrian held his hands on her for over a minute, and nothing happened. She didn't start breathing, she didn't open her eyes, she didn't do anything. She was simply there; a lifeless form between our hands.

Lily was dead, and it was all because of me. I sank to the ground, hugging her to me, not caring that her blood was going to end up on my shirt. I closed my eyes and cried, because I lost my child, and it was the worst feeling in the whole world. Hopper was beside me, and he was gently squealing – mourning, too.

"Sydney…" Adrian whispered after a while, touching my back. "Sydney, let's go. It's freezing here."

I shook my head and remained in my position, with Hopper attached to my arm. Adrian sighed and picked me up, and I knew that he was crying, too. We lost our child, because of Alicia, because of destiny, because we were stupid, because of everything.

"Damn it, Adrian, you did not just compel me!" I heard Rose shout at Adrian from somewhere far away, and I just put my head in his chest. Lily was there, in my arms, and I could feel her getting colder by the seconds.

_We'll keep her warm_, I thought to myself.

The problem was, as much as I was aware of the fact that Lily was dead, that much I desperately tried to convince myself she wasn't. I was thinking about where we'd bury her, and then I told myself she'd be uncomfortable in a coffin. It was like going crazy and not being able to do anything about it.

"Is she okay?" Rose whispered, and Adrian probably just nodded, because I didn't hear him say anything.

So he carried us, carried our broken hearts, and we both knew we'd be unhappy for a long, long time.

The next thing Adrian did – I was like a zombie, walking on autopilot, my mind somewhere else – was get me in the Ivashkinator and drive us home. I wasn't crying anymore, but Lily was still curled in my bloody shirt. I couldn't think about anyone else – Jill, Zoe, Rose, Eddie, Neil, Dimitri – I was too caught up in mourning to even remember seeing them.

When we arrived in Palm Springs, Adrian opened the car door and tried to take my hands away from her. "Sydney," he gently whispered, making me become aware of the situation, "you can let go now."

I shook my head. "She'll be cold," I whispered back.

I saw Adrian's eyes shine with tears. "She won't. She can't feel the pain or the cold anymore. She's in a better place now."

That made me break down and Adrian pulled me into his chest. "Our baby's dead, Adrian," I said through the sobs.

"I know, I know," he answered, hugging me tightly. "We'll get through this together."

So we cried for another couple of minutes, Lily's lifeless body between us. She wasn't a real baby, but I felt as if it was my own child I lost. And seeing Adrian cry… I never saw him cry before. This had to be hard for him, too.

"We need to bury her," Adrian finally whispered. We were both whispering – as if we were afraid that we were going to wake Lily up. I reminded myself Lily was dead once again, and something in my chest hurt.

"Can we do it in the park, where I found her?" I asked, and Adrian nodded, wearing a gentle expression.

He took my hand and pulled me up with him. He found a small shovel in his apartment's storage room and we started walking slowly. I didn't say goodbye to her yet. I had to memorize every single inch of her body before we buried her.

Then I heard a small squeak and turned around. Hopper was behind me, and as soon as I bent down to pick him up, he tried to take Lily away from me.

"Hopper, what are you doing?" I said, furrowing my eyebrows and trying to shake him off. He started squealing even louder.

"You don't want us to bury her in the park?" Adrian asked, and when I looked up at him, I saw that his eyes were unfocused. He was looking at Hopper's aura.

Hopper squealed again, and I looked at Adrian, frowning. "What does he want?" I asked him.

Adrian shrugged. "I'm not the dragon whisperer, Sydney, I can just see that he's excited."

I shook my head. "I'm going to call Ms. Terwilliger, perhaps she knows."

Ms. T. answered on the first ring. "Did you beat her?" she asked immediately.

"Yes, Alicia is dead," I said with a sigh. "But Lily died, too. She chanted a spell for banishing Hopper and Lily jumped in front of him. We were just going to bury her when Hopper started squealing. Adrian says his aura tells he's excited."

Hopper squealed again. "Bury her?" Ms. Terwilliger asked.

"Yeah, you know, that's what you do when someone dies," I answered, a thought forming in my head – perhaps callistannas weren't buried. Perhaps they were burned or something.

"When a callistanna dies, it disappears," Ms. Terwilliger said. "Lily isn't dead."

"What?" I asked, glancing at Lily's body in my shirt. Adrian was already there, his eyebrows furrowed, and he was checking for pulse. "But-" I tried, not able to say anything more. Was I that stupid that I couldn't see Lily was alive? I was scared of hope, but I was also scared that we were too late.

Ms. Terwilliger laughed. "You forgot that callistannas are magical beings. She was Alicia's callistanna, after all. She might need a while to recover from her master's death."

"But she'll live?" I asked, my voice breaking.

"Well, that's up to you and your boyfriend. If he decides to heal her, she'll be all right."

I turned towards Adrian, but he just nodded at me, showing he heard. He was focused on Lily, and he was obviously trying to heal her.

I quickly said, "Thank you," and shut Ms. Terwilliger off, coming toward Lily, Hopper and Adrian.

"Just give me a second, Sydney," he said when he saw me approach him, but I still touched his arm.

"Take my magic," I whispered. "Just help her."

Adrian and I locked eyes – he was asking for permission, I was giving it, he was thanking me, I was saying it was okay, he was scared, I was scared, but Lily was more important…

And then he did it. I felt magic being pulled away from my body while he intertwined our fingers. His eyes were closed and his other hand was on Lily. Hopper was watching the whole scene with big eyes, and I realized we might've finished Lily off if it wasn't for him and his excitement. Was it because he realized Lily wasn't dead yet? Or was he excited because we weren't going to bury her in the park?

Well, whatever the reason, he saved Lily. And then Adrian healed her – over 10 minutes, but we were all patient – and Lily squeaked, opening her eyes.

Hopper squeaked back and they started hitting each other, their tails swinging, while Adrian and I laughed, hugging each other. Once again, I realized I was crying.

But Alicia was gone, and Jill was safe, and I could face my father now. I had Adrian, Hopper and Lily to help me with that.


	21. The Voice Of An Angel

**Author's note:** _I was vacuum-cleaning. And then I started humming the song "So Far Gone" by James Blunt and I got an idea. And then I remembered another song that fits the idea more, and I ran to my laptop to write it._

_No time for chatting, but I really hope you like this one!_

_I love you all, and thank you._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

I sat down on a chair… A chair I've been sitting in for nights and nights, even though I had no idea why.

Why was I in a bar filled with smoke of nicotine, among people I didn't even know? There was a beggar there, a drunken man there, a woman wearing indecent clothes on the other side of the room…

I don't really remember how I ended up here in the first place. One night, I felt something, an urge to go out, to find something, and I went to take a walk. When I passed by this bar, I heard a voice that made me shiver, a voice I shouldn't have heard because it's owner wasn't shouting or anything, and it made me gasp, stop and enter the place.

Since then, I've been coming here and sitting in the same chair, the only seat that wasn't occupied that night, every single night. And every single night, he was there.

When I entered the bar for the first time, my whole body told me to turn around and leave, but my heart was telling me I had to see who the voice's owner was. You see, he was singing a song, a beautiful song, and just as I looked up, he started to sing in a soft voice, "You're beautiful, it's true, I saw your face in a crowded place…"

I gasped, putting my hand on my heart because his wonderful, heavenly voice suited his handsome face and beautiful body perfectly, and it made him look at me. I didn't understand how he heard my gasp, and when we locked eyes – his amazing emerald ones looking into my regular, boring brown ones and seeing straight into my very soul – I realized I was in love with him.

But apparently, I wasn't the only one. He stopped singing then, but quickly recollected himself and continued the song. He probably had to stop because I was looking horrible – I didn't comb my hair or put make-up on, I just got out of my apartment with a feeling that I was missing something, something important.

And it led to this.

I found out the next day that his name was Jet Steele and that he wasn't famous or anything, but that girls loved him because he was just so handsome.

I didn't fall for handsome guys.

I also found out that there was no record about him existing until before two months, when he mysteriously appeared with a guitar and started singing in a bar.

I didn't fall for criminals.

But somehow, my legs carried me to that same bar every single night for months, and I enjoyed every single moment when he was on the stage. With my memory lost because of that car crash in which I lost my parents and my sisters, it was hard to forget about all of that, all the pain and loss and grief, but with Jet, I managed to forget about everything.

But he made me start remembering those weird dreams I had, weird dreams of my father torturing me and him, screaming my name.

Sydney.

Not wanting to think about it further, I closed my eyes and started to drink the alcoholic drink in front of me. Somehow, I felt better after a glass of this. Somehow, I didn't feel like I was lost and alone while I drank and listened to Jet and his singing.

I really couldn't figure him out. I mean, he was handsome and he obviously broke some law and decided to become a singer in a bar to hide from the police, but I couldn't understand his songs. Or, to be more accurate, the songs he chose to sing, because he always sang either Coldplay or James Blunt.

Perfect for the mood I was in tonight.

I also couldn't understand why a girl would leave him. His voice and his songs were so sad that it was hard to believe that he didn't dedicate them all to someone. One night, there was a light-brown-haired girl, and when he started to sing "I'm watching you breathing for the last time…" she sighed and put her head in her hands. I suspected he was the mysterious girl, but she never showed up after that night, so I supposed he either scared her off or she was just his friend.

But Jet kept singing, and he kept entrancing me with his voice. It was so easy to close my eyes and just listen and listen, drowning in his words and in the melody, feeling as if the world slipped away and there was nothing left except for his music.

Finally, he started playing his guitar, like every night, and all other thoughts melted away from my mind. I didn't notice when he sat in the chair on the stage, so I didn't have time to admire his beauty, but now was the perfect time. He was looking into his guitar, his messy brown hair falling into his eyes, and he was wearing a black button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was sitting on a small chair and he was playing his guitar with his long, skillful fingers and he really looked like an angel.

But he was most likely the devil, since as soon as he touched the strings and produced a sound girls started squealing and screaming, "Jet!" making him smile.

Somehow, I knew it wasn't an honest smile, because it didn't quite reach his eyes.

And then he started to sing. I felt goose bumps travel along my skin, wherever his voice touched me. Tonight, he touched me everywhere. "When you wake up, turn the radio on, and you'll hear a simple song," he started softly and I closed my eyes, "That I made up, that I made up for you…"

I still didn't understand his music. I mean, he was singing to a girl that wasn't here, so why put all his emotions in the song? I never understood art, so I couldn't understand singing, neither, but while watching and hearing him, I believed I could, even if it was just for a moment.

"When you're driving, turn your radio up, 'cause I can't sing loud enough," he sang more fiercely now, "Hard these days, to get my message through…"

I tried to remember what happened before the car crash I survived, I tried to remember my life. I knew what they – or rather, Donna Stanton, my father's best friend – told me. I knew I was just a regular 18-year-old from a regular family and that I lost everything that connected me to my life before the accident. I knew I was homeschooled and that I passed all exams so that I could get into any university I wanted, but somehow, I didn't want to enroll anywhere. After all, my parents were rich and I was financially secured – at least until I found a purpose for myself, that is.

But I didn't have the strength to stay in the house that meant nothing to me, in Utah. I just packed suitcases and left, taking only a single photo of my family with me. I knew nothing about who I was, what I loved or hated, what kind of a teenager I was, because I had no diaries, no playlists with songs, no ex-boyfriends, nothing. I just had Donna Stanton's pleasant face, telling me "Good luck."

So I decided to go to Chicago and start a life there. So far, I only managed to drink alcohol and listen to a guy sing, so the situation wasn't good.

Jet continued to sing, making all thoughts disappear. "If time is all I have, I'll waste it all on you," he sang and I opened my eyes to see him look at me. He always glanced at me when he said important words, but he never kept my gaze.

This time wasn't any different. His gaze dropped to his guitar, and he hit the strings with more force. "Each day I'll turn it back, it's what the broken-hearted do," he sang angrily, and then dropped his voice so that I barely heard him, "I'm tired of talking to an empty space, of silences keeping me awake…"

The bar disappeared, and all the people in it. Even the teenage girls and their shrieks and gasps stopped existing. It was just me, Jet and his guitar.

And his voice. He was an angel without wings, I knew. "When you marry, and you look around, I'll be somewhere in that crowd," he continued, turning his head up to look at me again, "Torn up that it isn't me."

I felt as if he was singing to me, though it was ridiculous, of course, but it still didn't stop my heart from beating faster. "When we're older, and the memories fade," he said and closed his eyes, just to hit the strings harder and almost shout, "I know I'll still feel the same… Yes, for as long as I live."

And then he sang the chorus again, making me shiver. He was just so talented, and I was so unexplainably entranced by his performance and his very being, that it was all crazy. I mean, I fell in love with a singer from a bar? Really? As he started singing, "If time is all I have, I'll waste it all on you," I closed my eyes, drinking the alcohol from the glass.

It numbed the feeling of being empty, the feeling of missing something. "Each day I'll turn it back – it's what the broken-hearted do," Jet continued, "I'm tired of talking to an empty space, of silences keeping me awake…"

Then he suddenly stopped playing his guitar, and whispered, "Won't you say my name?"

I was so startled that I opened my eyes to see him looking at me sadly, as if expecting something from me. To shout _Jet_? Hell no. It wasn't even his real name.

"One time?" he whispered again, then closed his eyes and said desperately, "Please, just say my name!"

I almost shouted _Jet_, just to comfort him, but thankfully, he started playing his guitar and singing again. "But if time is all I have, I'll waste it all on you," he sang, and an image flashed before my mind – an image of me, holding Jet's arms, smiling and leaning up to kiss him. It was an image from one of those dreams I had, one of those dreams in which he and I were in love, and we were afraid of losing each other, and something bad happened…

I shook my head, willing the ridiculous thought away. Okay, I was obsessed with him and I was dreaming about him, but if he knew me, he would've said something. He was probably just wondering why I was there every single night so that's why he always glanced up to see if I was still there, and that's all. There was no further connection.

"Each day I'll turn it back," Jet continued, and we locked eyes. I expected him to look at his guitar or someone else, like he did every single night for over three months, but no; this time, he held my gaze.

And he continued singing. "It's what the broken-hearted do; I'm tired of talking to an empty space, of silences keeping me awake…"

Then he whispered, "Won't you say my name?" again, and I already prepared myself to shout _Jet_ from some unknown reason, but he smiled and sang, "When the song is over…"

My body decided to tune in to the situation in that moment, and I heard the annoying teenagers shouting _Jet! Jet!_, making me roll my eyes.

People applauded to him, but he didn't move, or say anything; he just sat there, looking at me with a sad smile, his eyes desperate, as if he was trying to tell me something.

But I didn't know what. I just know I wanted to make that sad smile disappear, I wanted to know why he was sad and make it right, I wanted to kill the girl that made him feel this way. I wanted to listen to him sing forever, I wanted to lie down and cry, and hug him, and kiss him, and stay with him forever…

So then something unexplainable happened. Jet broke the gaze and stood up, turning to leave, but I stood up, too, and whispered, "Adrian." I didn't know how, or why I said it, and I was thankful that nobody was able to hear it, but I just had that sudden urge to say the name.

I didn't know anyone named Adrian. It was a strange name, and it was definitely not what Jet Steele wanted to hear. So I closed my eyes, bit my lower lip and mentally hit the wall with my head.

But when I opened my eyes, Jet was still on the stage, and he was looking at me with wide eyes. It just made them look more beautiful and my stomach made a flip, but I couldn't move – we both just stood there, looking at each other, with me wondering how he was able to hear me.

And then he smiled a real smile, a smile that reached his eyes and that, I somehow knew, he kept just for me, and I had to smile back. I felt butterflies in my stomach, and I knew that I'd do anything to make that smile appear on his face again.

Jet said, "Thank you, everyone, and see you tomorrow," and he glanced me again, still smiling with that ridiculously handsome smile. But then he left the stage and disappeared, and I quickly made my way out of the bar.

As soon as I was out, I leaned my back on the closest wall and sighed happily. I was probably drunk and imagined all of that, but I was sober enough with the cold air hitting my face and a tingling sensation all over my skin.

I called him Adrian, and he heard. And it made him smile. Somehow, I knew his name, and somehow, it triggered something from deep within me.

Somehow, I knew he'd be there tomorrow.

And somehow, I knew I'd be there, too.


	22. The Voice Of An Angel, Part Two

**Author's note:** O_kay, so as I promised, I'm writing part two of the previous one-shot. I excited you all with that unfinished one, after not updating for so long, right? :D_

_Ah, don't worry, soon I'll have time for much, much more._

_And yeah, I'm trying to put my soul and my very being into this one, since music is my great passion and I can't help but connect these books to it, in any way possible. I hope it doesn't annoy you or anything :)_

_I've been writing this chapter the whole day and I'm not sure how it turned out, because I really don't have the strength to read it once more. It's how it is, and all I can say is: enjoy!_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

* * *

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed," he started in a near-whisper, making me shiver. Yesterday, we shared a moment - I was sure of it, and though I had no idea how, I knew his name.

Adrian. Adrian... Steele? That surname was so obviously fake, that I almost laughed. This man on the stage was able to make me smile by just existing, and I... I didn't remember the last time I smiled, or laughed. My world consisted of an infinite emptiness and not remembering my whole life.

But I knew who I was, at least from what they told me, that my name was Sydney Sage. My father's name was Jared Sage, and he was an accountant in a bank. Nothing special, nothing scandalous. Nothing to remember after his death.

"When you get what you want, but not what you need," Adrian continued singing, startling me out of my thoughts. He was on the stage again, but his hair wasn't simply messy this night - it looked as if he styled it to look at way. The thought almost made me laugh again, and I buried my face in my hands.

God, what was going on with me? If he had this effect on all girls in the world, then I was most definitely not going to fall for it. So I recollected myself, still feeling a tingling sensation in my stomach and a feeling of emptiness in my chest. And I listened.

"When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep," Adrian continued, looking directly into my eyes, and the verse made me notice bags under his eyes. Huh. Perhaps this song had some meaning, too, though it was beyond my comprehension. "Stuck in reverse..." he sang and closed his eyes.

God, he was so handsome, but not quite as with his eyes open. His eyes... they held something special, something I wanted, something I felt belonged to me, though it had no sense. How could his eyes belong to me, if we never even met?

"And the tears come streaming down your face," Adrian sang, "When you lose something you cannot replace." I was starting to feel as if he was singing to me, and again, the whole bar disappeared, because he was looking at me. And it wasn't a regular look - somehow, I knew it wasn't. It was an intense, desperate, sad look, a look that told me something, but I didn't know how to decipher it. Somehow, I knew many things about this guy - I knew how he looked when he was tired, or stressed, or nervous. I knew how his voice sounded when he was angry, or sad, and most importantly, I knew his smell. God, his smell. I wanted to jump him and smell him until I died.

"When you love someone, but it goes to waste," he continued and I could feel his voice slightly tremble from some unknown reason, "Could it be worse?"

I knew this song, and to be honest, it sounded awful without a piano, with a guitar. But it was somehow new, an interpretation, rather than just copying the original. Adrian took the song and made it suit him and his feelings, and it was beautiful. Every tone hit my heart, and I couldn't tear my gaze away from him. He was still looking at me, and he smiled.

"Lights will guide you home," he sang gently, "And ignite your bones..."

I frowned. _Ignite_ your bones? That made no sense, unless if he was singing about incinerating someone. This song just moved from 'cute' to 'creepy' category.

"And I will try to fix you," Adrian sang fiercely, as if directly addressing me. Fix _me_?

Nobody could fix me, or my memory. And he was just a guy who thought I was some random teenager who fell in love with his guitar, his purposely messy hair and his voice.

So I got up, picked up my coat, and decided to leave.

Adrian obviously noticed it, since he started playing his guitar furiously. "And high up above, or down below," he said, and I shook my head, taking a few steps in the direction of the exit.

He was just some random guy, I repeated to myself. He knew nothing about me, or my past.

I almost left this strange, confusing atmosphere, and I knew that if I left, I wasn't going to come back. I was going to stop drinking, stop indulging myself in Adrian's songs, and I was going to start a new life somewhere else.

But when Adrian sang, "When you're too in love to let it go," a jolt went through me and I stopped. My legs wouldn't move, my body wouldn't listen to me, so I just stood there, as if in some sort of trance, listening to his voice.

"But if you never try, you'll never know," he sang, "Just what you're worth."

I turned around to see him on the stage with his eyes closed, playing his guitar.

It made me remember a dream. A dream I had last night, after our… moment in the bar.

A dream that made me feel happy, and afraid, and a lot of things unknown to me.

Adrian saw it in my eyes as he continued to sing. "Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones," he sang, and I closed my eyes.

Trying to remember... but there was nothing in my mind, nothing but a big black hole that threatened to swallow me.

And then came a dream, a fantasy, or a memory - I didn't know, and with him singing, I didn't really care.

"Is that a noose?" I heard him say, a note of adornment and happiness in his tone.

I didn't care, though, because I was defending my pride. "It's a tie!" I practically screamed.

And then he laughed, and my heart started beating faster. These confusing, unknown feelings were terrifying me, but somehow, I still felt happy, because somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice was telling me it was okay.

"My mistake," Adrian said, still grinning, and I fought the urge to hit him in the arm. Yes, I had no creativity, but he had no right to laugh at me!

"He can go to a boardroom meeting," I said, trying to sound angry, looking at the... pirate skeleton riding a bike on the shirt in front of us. I tried to frown, but the memory wouldn't let me.

And I admit - the tie-noose was awful.

"He's very proper now," I finished, trying to defend my... awful work.

"Of course he is," Adrian answered in a low voice. "Proper and dangerous."

I looked up at him to see him studying me, all the humor disappearing from his face - and his eyes. What I saw there scared me, because I never saw it before, even though I felt as if I experienced these moments a thousand times already.

"Just like you," Adrian finished, and I realized how close he really was. To see that singer from this distance? Girls would kill, I knew.

But I wasn't scared of him, because I knew he'd never hurt me. "I'm not dangerous," I breathed, trying and failing to hide all the feelings from my voice. I was nervous, excited, scared... I was so many things, because of this guy I didn't really even know.

"You are to me," Adrian answered, and though I've never kissed anyone before in my life - at least, not that I remembered it - I knew, or remembered, that this was how a kiss was supposed to feel. There was nothing, except for my body, melting between him and the wall...

I gasped, and returned to reality - Adrian was still singing, and I was looking at him, wide-eyed, standing there like a lunatic.

"I promise you I will learn from my mistakes," he was singing gently, but it still wasn't enough to calm my rapid heartbeat. My lips were still warm from where he kissed me...

I shook my head and turned around, hearing the verse, "Tears stream down your face..."

Then I realized I was crying, and from the shock a sob escaped my throat.

Thank God, I was close to the exit. That way, I didn't humiliate myself as much as I could've. I saw people looking at me strangely, and my long hair was framing my face, free from the bun I tried to make for hours.

I ran for a few seconds, until I reached the closest alley, just to lean my back to the wall and slide down to the ground.

I noticed... that it was snowing, and that I forgot my coat in the bar, so that I was crouched there, in a cold alley, in a simple black dress, my knees and arms bare.

Good. If I froze out here, it'd be a relief. If this torture finally ended, I'd finally be free.

Images kept showing up in my mind - the image of someone, someone with an eye made of glass, pulling a knife during the length of my arm. Then the image of someone slapping me hard, and me, falling on the floor, touching my cheek with my hands. Then me, screaming after being woken up for the millionth time in the middle of the night by loud music.

Then music. Music, music and music. Someone playing a guitar, and me, lying down on the floor and laughing. Remembering names of songs... _Falling _by Richard Marx, being played to me by someone... the feeling of being loved, the feeling of being safe, being complete, without anything missing...

Paintings, paintings of someone's eyes, paintings purple and yellow, golden and fiery…

And then his voice, his angel-like voice, saying, "Lights will guide you home..."

But how, if there's nothing to help me? How, if there's no light at all?

„Sydney," I heard someone say gently, and I shook my head. I didn't want more memories. I couldn't even tell the reality from dreams. I was probably crazy.

But then I felt a familiar touch on my bare arm, and I had to glance up.

His eyes were showing concern, and I immediately felt myself being pulled into them. I had to know him somehow, from somewhere, I concluded. A stranger wouldn't be able to make me react this way, to make me lose control just by being present.

"How do you know my name?" I whispered, and a snowflake landed on his cheek, making me want to get up and wipe it from his face. Making my heart beat faster.

"I…" he started, then stopped himself, scratching the back of his neck. "I won't lie to you. I know you, but… you don't want to know how, or why."

I immediately nodded. "Did I get you out of jail? Did I help you escape, or murder someone?"

Adrian looked at me for a moment, then laughed. "First of all," he said, still laughing, "You _did not_ get me out of jail. Where did you even get that idea from?" He frowned, still smiling, and then he shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes and his smile disappearing.

"First of all, we need to get you out of here before you freeze to death," he said, looking at me emphatically.

I nodded, and he took my hand in his to help me get up. As soon as his hand touched me, I felt something strange. Physically, my hand was tingling and a jolt went through me, making my heart beat faster, and mentally, it felt right, as if I already did this a hundred times before.

But as soon as I was up, he released my hand and I felt kind of disappointed, with my hand feeling empty. I decided to distract myself by pulling my hair behind my ears and cleaning my dress from the snow. It was wet, but it could do. "I left my coat in the bar," I said in a low voice, not daring to look up at him, "So I'm going to get it. Thank you and… see you tomorrow, I guess."

"You were drinking," Adrian suddenly said, and I looked up, frowning.

"I don't think that's your-" I started, but my voice trailed off as I saw the expression on his face. It was somewhere between enraged, amazed, astonished and angry. "What?"

"Why?" he asked, ignoring my question.

I turned around, wrapping my arms around myself. "It's none of your business," I whispered, knowing he could hear me.

He took my wrist into his hand. "Has something happened? Did someone hurt you?"

I pulled my hand away, but when he didn't let me go I wasn't afraid, even though I should've been. My body was betraying me, telling me he'd never hurt me, but when I asked it why it thought like that, it didn't say anything.

"And now you're upset," he said, annoying me. I turned my head away from him.

"You know me, but I don't know you. If you don't want to tell me, then just leave me alone and go away." My voice broke after that, and I knew I wasn't able to say anything. My vision was suddenly blurry, and I realized I was on the verge of crying again. I didn't want him to leave. I knew that, if he left, I'd leave too and that'd be it. Id' be lost forever.

"Sydney," he said gently, and I found so many things and sentences in that one word. I loved the way he said my name. I loved the way I felt when he talked to me, even though I got only short sentences from him so far. _Sydney_ sounded like _Don't_. It sounded like _You don't want to know._ It sounded like _I want you to know._

I turned towards him again. "Do you know me at all? Because, if you do, then you must know how I'm feeling right now," I whispered desperately. "I want to know who I was so that I can figure out who I am now. And I know that you're the only one that can tell me. Please, Adrian."

I think it was the way I said his name that broke him. He took a deep breath, and said, "Okay."

And then he was kissing me, and it felt more right than in the dream. It felt real, not like a memory.

After a moment, the intensity increased and he kissed me more fiercely, growling against my mouth, "Damn it, remember!"

I told that to myself too, but no matter how right it felt, the memories didn't come. They were probably lost forever. That's why I broke the kiss off, and he immediately removed his hands from my face. I realized my hands were on his chest – it was as if they had a mind of their own.

This man and I had something, I was sure of it now. The way I responded to him was… almost animalistic. It was among my deepest instincts.

I finally opened my eyes, breathing hard, and we just looked into each other. "You don't remember," he finally said, and it wasn't a question. It was a certainty.

I shook my head. "No, I don't," I whispered. I wasn't sure what to do, but after I saw his sad, determined face, I sighed and turned away from him. "I just want to go away," I said to no one in particular. "I don't even know why I stayed here for such a long time."

"Just…" he said in a strange voice, sounding as if he was trying hard to keep the emotions out of it, "Just one last song? Can you do that for me?"

I swallowed, ready to say no, but before I even realized what was going on, I was pulled forward, back into the bar, and my body didn't protest.

This time, I wasn't sitting on my usual place. I didn't have time to back out, because I didn't realize Adrian was pulling me onto the stage with him. I heard cheers and saw that Adrian was smiling. Probably because I was shrieking and saying, "No! Are you crazy?"

"Okay, guys," he said, adjusting the microphone, "I'd like to sing one more song, if you're capable of surviving it."

The crowd was laughing, and I felt myself blush, but Adrian already put me on the stool he was sitting on every single night. I felt… privileged, somehow.

Adrian took his guitar, and started playing it, turning towards me but not looking at me.

I didn't know the song.

But it was the most beautiful song I've ever heard. The melody was unearthly.

"Did I disappoint you, or let you down?" Adrian sang, not opening his eyes, "Should I be feeling guilty, or let the judges frown?"

Suddenly, a memory came back to me. _Adrian Ivashkov._ That was his surname, I was sure of it, but it meant nothing to me. Just that he was probably Russian.

"'Cause I saw the end, before it begun," he sang, making me frown because there was obviously some deeper meaning I wasn't able to understand, "Yes, I saw you were blind, and I knew I had won."

Something else came back to me – it was a memory of Adrian, trying to shield me with his body, and someone pulling at my arms and dragging me away. Screams. Shouts. And his eyes, oh his eyes and the realization of defeat in them.

"So I took what's mine, by eternal right," Adrian made the memory go away. " Took your soul out, into the night."

He opened his eyes and looked straight into my eyes. I couldn't even blink, let alone move. My breath caught and I felt as if the time stopped. But then he started singing again, and I felt goose bumps appear on my skin. "It may be over, but it won't stop there; I am here for you, if you'd only care."

He started playing more fiercely, not taking his gaze away from me even for a second. "You touched my heart and touched my soul, changed my life and all my goals…"

Another memory hit me. A memory of Adrian, asking me if I could teach him how to drive stick. And another one – Adrian, getting angry at me for paying him the university fee. Then another one, Adrian, Adrian, Adrian.

I gasped, but Adrian didn't stop playing. "And love is blind – that I knew then, my heart was blinded by you," he sang. "I kissed your lips and held your hand; shared your dreams and shared your bed, I knew you well, I know your smell – I've been addicted to you."

Another memory – Adrian and I, a bed, and the feeling of him everywhere. Then another one – my head in the crook of his neck, breathing him in, and Adrian, so warm next to me…

"Goodbye, my lover," Adrian continued, playing like a crazy man, "Goodbye, my friend - you have been the one, you have been the one for me."

I gasped again and put my hand on my mouth to keep myself from making embarrassing sounds. Everything was coming back like a tidal wave, and I wasn't sure if I was able to take it.

Adrian continued to sing, but I wasn't listening. I was too busy remembering crazy, impossible things to stay focused.

My father.

The Alchemists.

Vampires.

Adrian Ivashkov, a royal Moroi.

The mission of taking Jillian Mastrano, the Moroi princess, into hiding and keeping her safe.

Spirit.

Edison Castile, a dhampir guardian.

Angeline Dawes. Marcus Finch. Trey Juarez. Neil Raymonds.

My sister, Zoe Sage.

Re-education.

Ms. Terwilliger.

The coven.

Magic.

Spirit darkness.

I suddenly tuned in – my brain was obviously shutting down, incapable of handling the flood of information into my mind.

"I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile, I watched you sleeping for a while," Adrian sang, and I noticed that his eyes were reddish, "I'd be the father of your child-" he said and closed his eyes suddenly, his voice breaking.

He took a deep breath and continued, opening his eyes to look at me. His emerald eyes were shining, and they were more beautiful than ever before.

"I've spent a lifetime with you," he sang fiercely, "I know your fears and you know mine, we'd had our doubts, but now we're fine, and I love you," he sang and his tone became desperate, "I swear that's true; I cannot live without you…"

But then it all stopped again, and Adrian's voice went to background. I was alone, with a memory of Adrian and me on top of him on his couch, our fingers intertwined and our faces impossibly close.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Adrian whispered, the emerald of his eyes putting a shadow to everything else in the room.

I blushed, and kissed his jaw. "You're just saying that to get me into bed," I said, and he chuckled.

"Nah. I can do that without complimenting your beauty." He twirled a lock of my hair around his finger, and his other hand roamed on my back.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right. Prove it." I raised an eyebrow in challenge, putting both my hands on his chest, as if trying to prove that I was going to defend my honor.

"Gladly," he whispered against my ear and the next thing I know, he's carrying me into the bedroom.

"And I still hold your hand in mine," Adrian sang in the real world. I couldn't understand how this song had the ability to affect me this way, when I never heard her before. "In mine when I'm asleep."

"And I will bear my soul in time, when I'm kneeling at your feet," he continued, tears streaming down his face. I was crying, too.

I was choking in tears. "Goodbye, my lover, goodbye, my friend," he continued, "You have been the one, you have been the one for me…"

I closed my eyes, trying to calm down, but I was betrayed by my body once again. And Adrian wasn't making it any better with his singing. "I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow," he sang, his voice as beautiful and as desperate as ever, and I had to stand up.

"Adrian," I whispered slightly, knowing he would understand what it meant.

And then I left the stage, the bar and I found myself in that alley once again, in the same pose but in worse mental state. Once again, I forgot my coat, and once again, I didn't care.

So I just put my hand in my hands and cried. I didn't cry because I lost my memory, because the Alchemists were able to ruin our lives, or because I was lost for months.

I was crying because Adrian had to endure all of it. He had to see me go away with my memory blank. He had to live alone for months, believing it was over.

But he managed to fix me. Was it too late for us, though?

"Oh my God, Sydney, I'm so sorry," I heard him say, and the coldness disappeared as soon as he touched me. He was as warm as I remembered.

"I'm so sorry," I echoed. "I'm so, so sorry for failing you. For letting them erase my memory. For letting them take me away from you. I'm sorry."

Adrian froze with one of his hands on the back of my head and the other on my back. "Sage?" he asked silently, uncertainly.

I nodded. "It's me. I remember everything," I whispered, not sure if it was a good or a bad thing.

Would he want me back? Did the pain damage us both too much?

"Sage?" he asked once again, leaning back to look at me. I smiled, because even though we were both looking like lunatics, with messy hair and reddish eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, sprawled on the ground in an alley while the snow was falling, both of us without our coats.

But it didn't matter - the setting was perfect. I could see his breath in the air, and then I couldn't see anything, because my back was on the ground, my eyes were closed, and Adrian was everywhere.

He wasn't content with just kissing my lips - he kissed my whole face, my head, my neck, my ears, and then hugged me tightly to him, making a sound as if he was going to explode.

I laughed, and it triggered another reaction - I was on the ground once again, and he was kissing me desperately, not letting me breathe or move. His hands were in my hair and he hugged me so tightly to him that I could barely distinct where I was, and where he was.

But that wasn't the end. No, for Adrian Ivashkov, that was only the beginning. He pulled away, both of us breathing hard.

"We're both going to get hypothermia," I said matter-of-factly, unable to stop myself.

"I don't care," Adrian said, and then kissed me again, and again, while the snow was falling.

I knew that I was going to love snow, and that every time it fell, I was going to remember this moment.

But for now, we had to focus on keeping us both from getting hypothermia.


	23. Dreaming And Waking

**Author's note:** _As promised, I'm here comes an alternative ending to my other story, TFH. For those of you who haven't read it, this might be a bit confusing and I'm sorry for it, but I simply had to open this possibility too._

_I'm also sorry for any grammatical mistakes – I'm writing this with my right eye totally closed, and it isn't easy, believe me. _

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

* * *

It was just another beautiful day in Capetown, South Africa. Adrian and I were playing with our children for a while, we were walking on the beach for an hour or so, spent some time relaxing, and then the kids decided to take a nap while Adrian went to paint and I decided to go be in the garage with my – our car for a while.

Really, it was just another of those careless, beautiful days in which I didn't have nightmares about Adrian and silver shadows and all those bad things from our past. I wasn't thinking about dad, or mom, or Keith, or even about the fact that we were still on the list of the most wanted for the Alchemists.

That day, I was simply happy.

The Ivashkinator was like new, but I always found time to check on everything over and over again – it was my way of relaxing. _Tires? They're okay. Are the windows clean? Of course. Are there any scratches on the car? Of course not_ – if something happened to the Mustang, I knew something would've happened to me, too. I checked the oil, the gas and found that everything was just how it was supposed to be.

But then I felt a strange presence in the room – the presence I liked and didn't like in the same time, the presence that somehow felt familiar, but I couldn't remember where or when I met it before.

"Sydney?" I heard Adrian say in a bit changed, desperate voice. "I actually did it?"

I turned around, raising an eyebrow. "You managed to paint my eyes?" I asked the most logical question, since he was supposed to be painting for another hour or so.

But when I finally looked at my husband, I realized it wasn't my husband at all. I was either dreaming, or he was pulling some new charm off, a charm I knew nothing about.

I took in his looks – he was wearing old dark jeans, jeans I've never seen in my life, and an emerald shirt that Josh destroyed by accidentally spilling a bottle of ink on it. The shirt was looking like it was new, but it wasn't what really captured my eyes.

It was _him_, as in _the Adrian from around 10 years ago._ The Adrian, moments before he healed my father and put himself into a coma, the Adrian with his messy hair – the look he stopped trying to achieve 6 years ago, the Adrian who smirked at me, the Adrian whose eyes seemed so much greener.

"Is this some kind of a therapy?" I asked uncertainly. "You're trying to make yourself look like you were ten years ago, so that I actually face my demons, or what? Because all you're managing to do is disturb me." My voice shook, and I didn't trust myself to act normally while he was standing there, looking like that, summoning up all those memories I tried desperately to forget.

Adrian either didn't hear me, or decided not to respond. He put his hands in his pockets and looked around, as if he never saw our yellow house – the house we put out very beings in – before. "Wow, this really is how I'd imagine our house to look like," he said in astonishment.

I furrowed my eyebrows. Was spirit darkness back? Was he going crazy? Or perhaps this was all a part of an act, to make me remember all those events?

Well, if that was what he was trying to achieve, he was definitely doing it. My eyes were already filled with tears, and I found it hard to breathe.

"I can't talk about it," I said in a small voice, backing up until my legs touched the hood of the Ivashkinator. It didn't feel normal – that touch, somehow. It felt weird. "Not now, not in the garage, not while I'm having such a nice day. I don't know what you're trying to do, but please, Adrian, you're upsetting me."

Adrian focused on me then, and raised an eyebrow. "But why? Aren't you glad I'm here?"

I took a deep breath, and a sob escaped me. I quickly covered my mouth with my hands, but it was too late – Adrian was already stepping closer, and I had nowhere to run to. "Please, just come back to your old self, and then we'll talk," I whispered.

"But Sydney, it's me," he said in a perfectly innocent voice, the voice that reminded me of him so agonizingly much, reminding me of a time before the coma, of my father and my mother and Keith and all the things I've done, and all the nights I've spent crying over his almost dead body…

I shook my head, closing my eyes and turning around from him. I couldn't hold back tears or sobs anymore, and as soon as he touched my arms, I knew something was definitely wrong here.

"Sydney, it's time to go home. I know you like it here, but…" he said in a low voice, his arms wrapping around my waist and turning me towards him, "I didn't know you created a whole world here. Let's just go home. I'll build a thousand houses for you, but just snap out of this."

"Snap out of this?" I repeated fiercely. "Snap out of what? Of our life here? How can I snap out of reality? And what did you even mean by saying _I created a world here_? As much as I know, we created it together!" I was already shouting by this point, but I couldn't understand what was going on. This had something to do with magic, I was sure of it.

"Sydney…" he said for the thousandth time, in that same tone he used all those years ago, before he almost died and changed. "Sydney, turn around and look at me."

I shook my head, refusing to move, but I let him turn me anyway. "Open your eyes," he commanded, his arms securely on my waist.

I involuntary opened my eyes, just to find myself admiring his beauty a few moments later – he was an exact replica of pre-silver-shadow Adrian. Nothing grey, or confused, or silent about him – just the man, the man I loved so much, looking at me with those honest eyes. "The world you've been living in isn't real," he said so easily, and it was so easy to believe into his words when he was looking at me like that. "You're dreaming, and I'm here to wake you up. I've been trying to reach you for weeks, but you weren't responding all until now. I don't know how I managed to get into your head, but I won't give up easily."

I rolled my eyes. "And now you're joking? Adrian, you don't need to lie in order to be skipped when I start hitting people. Josh earned his doze of magic anyway-"

"Josh?" he asked incredulously. "Who's Josh? Don't tell me your imagination created another man here, Sage! I thought I knew you better than that!"

My eyes widened. "Okay, this is past all the limits. Now you're claiming you don't know your own son? Your flesh and blood? Adrian, are you crazy? Have you been using spirit lately? What's going on with you? First you pull out a trick on your appearance, then you tell me I'm dreaming, and now you don't know who Josh is?" I shook my head in disapprovement. He was acting like such a child sometimes.

"My son?" Adrian asked silently. "Our son? Can I… can I see him?" he asked in a low voice, as if afraid I was going to tell him no.

I giggled. "You're impossible," I said and rolled my eyes. "Of course you can see him. Just please don't wake him up – last time he started crying and I couldn't calm him down for at least twenty minutes. Mary should be up, though – you know how she likes reading-"

"Mary?" he asked again, and I stopped.

"Adrian, you're becoming ridiculous with this act-" I started, but Adrian asked another question.

"Is there anyone else? How many children do we have?" he asked in that interested voice of his.

I turned towards him, shooting him a _You're kidding me_ look. His face looked innocent, so I rolled my eyes again and said, "Four. Josh, Mary, Jared and an unnamed child. You still haven't told me if it's a girl or a boy, so we still don't have a name for it."

"You're pregnant?" Adrian asked in an even more incredulous tone. "But, come on! This is all so realistic! You actually lived through all those births?"

I didn't want to comment, knowing he was just going to make me scream in frustration, with my raised blood pressure and hormones and everything, and it wasn't going to be good. I started walking, not even turning to see if he was following me.

But he was, of course, and when I gently opened the door of Josh's room, I heard him gasp.

"Oh my God," he whispered. "He looks just like me when I was a kid."

"I can't believe you noticed," I whispered mockingly, but he wasn't listening to me. He was already kneeling by his bed, kissing his cheek and hearing Josh say sleepily, "Hey, dad," reaching with his arms to hug him.

Adrian froze, and unfroze after a second, and a voice in my head started telling me perhaps this wasn't my Adrian. Perhaps this wasn't an act. Perhaps this was him, the real him, the boy from the past, the boy I ruined.

"Josh," he whispered, taking our son into his hands. "He's beautiful. I never thought I could become something so… perfect," he said, turning around to face me, his eyes reddish. "I hope our children really are so beautiful one day."

"Adrian, what's going on?" I asked him truthfully, and he sighed, returning Josh to his bed and getting up, just to immediately pull his fingers through his hair.

"You… you're in a coma," he whispered, making me wonder if I was just dreaming. "You've been in a coma for weeks, and I was so scared and frustrated because you didn't respond to spirit dreams, and nobody knew what happened – except for me, of course… and now I'm suddenly here, in your head, and you're living some future version of us in which we have this angel…" He glanced at Josh, shaking his head. "I wish he was real, Sage. We've got to start trying as soon as possible."

I, meanwhile, head no idea if I was supposed to believe in what he said, because he sounded like a lunatic to me. I was in a coma? For weeks? But I've been here for 10 years – how's that even possible?

"You healed Jared," he said after he saw my confused look. "You healed Jared before I was able to do it, and you did something to yourself – something that ended up as a comatose state. You have no idea how worried I was, and when they said you might be brain dead, it was so hard…" he took a deep breath and shook his head.

"But-" I started, then stopped myself, shaking my head. "But in this world, you healed him and ended up in a coma and then the Alchemists started chasing us so we had to run away with Jill-"

Adrian interrupted again. "Chasing us? No, no, we have Lissa behind us and believe me, they wouldn't risk a war with the whole Moroi race just because of one rogue Alchemist. You're in Court now, and we're all taking care of your body, but your mind isn't responding… I was going crazy, Sage. Crazy, because I thought you were dead. And then it turns out…"

"That I've been living in a dream world for ten years," I whispered as I let myself fall onto the couch.

"For ten figurative years, of course," Adrian added quickly, "Because you're still not even twenty years old yet. It's just…" He shook his head. "I don't have an explanation for this."

I put my hands on my face. "So what you're telling me is that this – everything that happened in the last ten years – that I've just imagined it?"

Adrian was silent for a long moment. During that moment, tears started rolling down my cheeks, and I tried to tell myself that I wasn't really having a panic attack because I wasn't really pregnant. It just made me cry harder.

"Sydney," he said finally and I felt him touch my hand with his fingers. _God, it feels so real,_ I found myself thinking. "Can you tell me what happened? Perhaps- perhaps it'll be easier for you if you tell me."

So I nodded, took a deep breath and told him. I told him how he became a silver shadow, how there was no way to save him, how my father died in trying to save me, how Marcus almost died, how Jill almost died, how we finally saved him and then I had to face the silver shadows and Alicia alone, and how I almost went crazy through all of it, and how it still haunted me, and how the Alchemists were still looking for us, and how Josh was born while I was in a coma, and how Mary came along and how he was never the same after he woke up…

"And so I find myself mourning something that I never really lost," I said through tears while he held me, "Because I still had you, through all that time, but I felt that there was something wrong with you. Now I finally know what it is – it was never really you. That's why your eyes never had that same green color, and I missed it so much…"

So he held me, he rocked me gently and murmured meaningless things in my ear, and somehow, it felt more real than my whole life during the past ten years.

When I finally stopped crying, Adrian gently moved away. I looked at him – he was so handsome, so much more handsome than the man I lived with for the last ten years.

"It's time to go back home," he said gently, touching my cheek with his fingers. He offered a faint smile as a support, and I nodded.

"Home?" I heard a new voice say in astonishment. "She is home, and I have no idea what the hell is going on, but step away from my wife!"

Adrian raised an eyebrow and turned his head, just to see a 10-year-older-version of himself. Adrian, a paintbrush in his hand, his eyes a shade duller, a single grey hair on his forehead, was furiously looking at the younger version of himself.

I was so going crazy.

"Am I supposed to look this ugly when I'm 35? Because, to be honest, this is awful," Adrian said mockingly, and the other Adrian started walking towards him.

"Sydney, what is this-" he started, but my Adrian just snapped with his fingers and he was gone.

"I can totally understand why you just cried," he said, turning towards me. "Because if I ended up like that, I'd be crying too."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. The past ten years seemed to become something very distant, but it still hurt, and the memories wouldn't go away. It was just Adrian – his older self disappearing from my mind, and this other, new, younger Adrian replacing him totally.

"Okay, can we go now?" he asked uncertainly, and I shook my head.

"I-" I started hesitantly, my stomach tightening, "I don't know if I can leave Josh. I know he's not real, but… but just the thought that I'll wake up somewhere and he won't exist – it's killing me."

Adrian took my arms and moved to hug me once again, but I shook my head, new tears falling down my cheeks. "I'm mourning a child we never had," I whispered. "I'm crazy."

"You're not crazy," Adrian said firmly, kissing my forehead and making me realize just how much I missed that simple gesture. "And I completely understand you. I would've gone crazy if I had to live through all of that, and then 10 years later you showed up, telling me it was all a dream and that now I had to live through all of it again. But I promise, Sydney," he said fiercely, "I promise that none of it will happen again. I won't become a silver shadow, your father won't die, we won't have to hide anywhere, you won't fight with Eddie or with Alicia or with anyone, and you most definitely won't give birth while in a coma."

I shook my head again, and then we were both silent for a while, while I remembered everything about Josh and Mary and Jared – and this new child I'd never have, while I remembered ten years of my life that didn't exist, and while I tried to say goodbye to it all.

"You know what I'm afraid of?" I said finally, my head safe in the crook of Adrian's neck. "When I wake up, I'll know that the child we'll have won't be Josh, or Mary, or Jared, and I'm afraid I'll hate it because of that. I'm afraid I'll hate my own child, because it'll be someone else. And Josh, or Mary… they won't exist, and nobody will ever be as special to me as them."

Adrian was silent for a long moment again and then he kissed my forehead again. He took my head in his hands and hugged me to himself tightly, and then he finally whispered in my hair, "But it'll be real. And what if… what if it really turns out it's Josh, or Mary, or the third one, when it's born? You can never know for sure. Or what if they're even better than these children, because they'll be raised home, in their real home, without some crazy ex-comatose father or half-crazy mother? They'll be real, Sydney, and no matter how attached I got to Josh out of seeing him for five seconds, I'm aware that he isn't real. And I don't want to lose you for something that isn't real. Hell, we'll have a thousand kids if you want, but just come home with me. Please."

I sighed heavily, then nodded. "I just…" I swallowed, then looked into his eyes. "Can I see them, one last time? After ten years, I can't…"

Adrian put a finger on my lips, then nodded. "Of course you can. I understand what you're going through. I'll go through it with you. Come on."

He put my hand in his and then we both got up, me rubbing my stomach absently while crying, and him holding me tightly, preventing me from breaking apart.

When we finally got to Josh's room, Adrian let my hand go and got into the room.

"Josh, buddy," he said uncertainly, making me giggle, "Could you get up and kiss your mom goodbye?"

I leaned on the doorway to see this real father-son scene that was unfolding in front of me. During those five seconds, Adrian showed so much love, so much real love for someone he never really met. And I had to believe Josh would be born again. It was the only way I could bear this situation.

I mean, the Adrian from the dream loved his children too, but compared to what I was seeing, it seemed so… unreal, without real emotions. I just started to notice it after the real Adrian showed up.

"But where is mom going, dad?" Josh asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes. "And why are you looking so… handsome? Am I dreaming?"

I closed my eyes, trying not to make a sound that'd disturb him, but I was crying hard again.

"Yes, you are," I heard Adrian say. "We're all dreaming, and mom needs to wake up so that she can be with me. She's too sad to wake up from this wonderful dream, but she has to let go. I miss her. You understand that, don't you?" he asked gently.

I didn't see it, but I knew Josh nodded and I smiled. "Mom?" he asked in a small voice.

"Yes, baby?" I answered in a broken voice, turning around to face him. His eyebrows were furrowed, but he didn't look sad – it was his thinking expression. _Just like his father,_ I thought to myself. I knew I was going to miss it so much.

"You know how you used to tell me that sentence – that sentence about dreaming and waking?" he asked slowly while Adrian ruffled his hair and I approached him.

"Yes, I do," I whispered, kneeling down beside him. "If your eyes weren't open, you wouldn't know the difference between dreaming and waking. Why?"

"Well, close your eyes, and you might realize you're dreaming. I do it when I'm having a nightmare," Josh said and touched my eyes with his hands, making me close them.

I wanted to say _Goodbye_, but there was no time. As soon as my eyes were closed, everything disappeared and I knew I was out of the dream. That realization hit me harder than I expected, because I wasn't quite ready to give up on my imaginary life yet, but I also felt relief, because my dad wasn't dead, my Adrian wasn't crazy, my Jill didn't die, and the Alchemists weren't after us. Everything was going to be okay, and the only person who really suffered through any damage was me.

And I was okay with that.

The first thing I heard was, "Give her some space, people!"

Then a voice – a voice that sounded like Adrian said, "You have no idea what she went through."

Then another one, saying, "Poor Sydney. I saw it all through the bond, and that boy… he was just so pretty…"

As soon as she mentioned Josh, I felt myself take a hard breath in. Then another one, and another one. I couldn't breathe properly – I was choking.

"Damn it, Jill, why did you have to mention it? Now she's having a panic attack!" Adrian shouted.

"Sydney," someone else said, and I became aware of a hand on my arm, "Sydney, calm down. It's okay. You're among friends. Nobody is going to hurt you. Just breathe slowly – one breath in, one breath out. Slowly and calmly. It'll be okay."

I recognized the voice as my father's, and my body responded immediately by obediently listening to his commands. I focused on breathing, and after a minute or so, I wasn't choking anymore.

"Good girl," he said, touching my forehead with his hand, "Now, can you open your eyes? It must be hard, after weeks of lying still, but at least try."

I tried to nod in understanding, but I couldn't move my head – everything seemed so different. Everything was much more… real.

Finally, I managed to blink a few times, just to become blinded by a bright light. I blinked again, but I couldn't keep my eyes open.

"Take it easy," my father said, "Your eyes were closed for three weeks. It'll take some time to get used to the light."

I made a low voice in my throat, annoyed with the fact that I wasn't even able to open my eyes properly. I tried to open them again, just to fail and become blinded by the light again.

"Let me, let me," Adrian said in a happy voice, and the next thing I knew, his hands were on my forehead and there was a tingling sensation in my eyes.

I tried to move away, and only managed to hurt myself in the process – my neck hurt from the sudden move.

Adrian sighed, then continued to heal that spot, too. "You have to let me do this," he said softly, "I'm absolutely okay. Healing your eyes won't kill me or make me fall into a coma."

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore him, and after a few moments, he kissed my forehead. "Thank you," he said through a chuckle, "now open your eyes."

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what was coming next – reality. I'd see my dad, the man I thought was dead for over 9 years, I'd see my husband, 10 years younger, and everyone else, totally different. And I'd be 10 years younger, and I wouldn't have children, and God knows how many things would be different.

Before I had the chance to open my eyes, though, Adrian leaned in to whisper, "There's a little aura in you, just like in the dream."

And I knew I was prepared for anything and everything, because this was better than anything else. Why?

Well, because this was reality, after all, and I had 10 more years to live. 10 more years in which I'd make sure to avoid the bad things, which I'd use wisely, and in which I'd cherish everything 10 times more carefully.

So I opened my eyes, looked into the emerald eyes of my life, and I immediately knew it was all real.


	24. Malibu

**Author's note:** _This one is for __**sheerio4ever**__. _

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

* * *

"Calm down," she said in that soothing voice of hers, and I sighed, putting my head in my hands.

How could I calm down, when it was happening all over again? I should've expected this, and I should've guarded my heart, and I should've been prepared for this, and damn it, it shouldn't have been hurting so much, but it was even worse than with Rose.

"She's not Rose," Jill said again, this time starting to annoy me.

Of course Sydney wasn't Rose. I had to be a moron in order to be unaware of that. Compared to Rose, Sydney was… it's like comparing a single leaf to a whole tree.

Jill giggled. "I'm not sure who's the leaf, and who the tree," she said mockingly, and I smiled involuntarily.

Damn it. Why was she making me smile? I was supposed to be freaking out!

"You're freaking out," Jill reassured me with another giggle.

_Thank you for letting me know,_ I said through the bond sarcastically.

So now it was official. I was freaking out, because the girl I fell in love with was leaving me.

_She was never really yours,_ a voice reminded me. I shut it out immediately. Of course she was mine. Of course she loved me. She kissed me back every single time, and in that spirit dream, in that spirit dream she proved it.

I shut the memory out, because Jill was radio-listening, and I didn't want to think about that spirit dream. But I couldn't help it – I was a guy and it was in my mind and…

Okay. Distract yourself with something, Adrian.

So now she was leaving to Mexico with another guy, a human guy, an ex-Alchemist guy who understood her perfectly, who didn't have fangs and with who she could go around and play top-secret-agents…

"Could you stop comparing yourself with Marcus?" Jill said, a note of obvious irritation in her voice. "It's really starting to annoy me. You're a million times more handsome, smart and any girl would choose you over him without even thinking about anything-"

"But she's not any girl!" I spoke out loud, and then sighed.

"About anything," Jill continued her previous thoughts, "So you and I we both know he's not the reason she's leaving. She's not leaving because she chose Marcus over you. It's because she's afraid she'll choose you, because you both know how she feels about you now. So he's just an excuse."

Damn it, now her words were actually making sense. I was letting a 15-year-old-girl calm me down. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Thank you," Jill said in a sarcastic voice, "I'll take that as a compliment."

"Are you sure you gave her the letter?" I asked as a change of subject – and failed, of course, because we were still talking about my Sage.

Jill sighed. "You asked me the same question five minutes ago, No, I didn't give her the letter. She's going to leave for Mexico and never come back and I'll feel guilty my whole life because I ruined my brother's life. Seems like a perfect plan for me." I actually considered her words to be truthful until she called me her brother. I sighed heavily.

"But what if she doesn't like it?" I whined. I was seriously starting to sound like a little child, and Jill was like my… therapeutic or something. I had to think that she would've made it easier, if she was there when Rose left me, too. I mean, of course she was on my side when she knew all my thoughts. The problem was, I wasn't sure if I was on my side anymore.

"… like it and you're not listening to me again," Jill finished and I nodded.

I also had to believe that she'd be able to decipher the letter. She was Sydney Sage, the walking computer. Of course she'd decipher it. Of course she'd realize what was written in the letter. Of course. And Jill gave the letter to her only two hours, seven minutes and fourty-five seconds ago. Not that I was counting or anything.

"Adrian, as your sister, I have to tell you something," Jill said in an apologetic voice. "I know it's still early, but she's not going to show up. She's already off to Mexico with that guy, and I'll say it again – it's not because she chose him over you, but because she had to choose him. She's too scared of this dangerous life she'd be living with you, and she has no idea what she's losing. The problem is, I don't want you to take her back when she realizes she's wrong and comes back crying into your arms. I want her to suffer, because she's making you suffer."

"Jill…" I said in a small voice, asking her to shut up. I believed in Sydney. I believed she was going to choose me. I believed in that because I was selfish, because I had to believe she loved me enough. It was because I loved her enough, and because I would've left everything for her. And now, when I needed her to prove her love to me, she was going to disappoint me and break my heart in the process.

"But Adrian, she loves you," Jill contradicted. "She loves you enough, but she doesn't want to end up God-knows-where, locked up somewhere because this is getting too dangerous for her. The Alchemists are just going to find out about her plans sooner if she's walking around with a vampire."

"But isn't it worth the risk?" I heard myself asking desperately.

I needed a bottle a whiskey. No, I needed a room full of whiskey. I needed to drown myself in it, then curl into a ball and cry until I fell asleep. And then I'd dream about her, and everything would be okay for a moment.

"I ask myself the same question," Jill finally answered, and I heard tears in her voice. "I tried to tell her, Adrian. I swear on God, I tried to tell her. I told her the bond wasn't a problem and that she should choose you-"

"Jill," I interrupted. _Jill, stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault. If she leaves, it's because of me, not because of you. _

"But I should've told her more!" Jill said and then sobbed loudly. "I should've told her just how much you love her and how much you'd sacrifice for her and how much she's going to lose if she chooses that stupid Marcus over you-"

_You think she would've listened?_ I asked a bit harshly through the bond. I was probably looking like a lunatic – sitting in a garden, a phone in my hand, without telling anything most of the time, but I didn't really care. _You would've scared her, and she would've been sure about her decision. I mean, I'm just a vampire, after all. What can I do for her? I'm not a warrior, or an ex-Alchemist. I can't help her in any way, because I'm useless. I'm just a crazy guy._

"Adrian," she said through a giggle, "Stop being so ridiculous. You're not useless. You were, maybe-"

_Wow, thanks for the compliment,_ I said and smiled, even though I felt as if someone was stepping over my heart over and over again.

"Maybe, before you met her, but afterwards… I remember how you threw yourself in front of her when those Strigoi attacked her, and that was so brave, something you never did for anyone ever before," Jill continued in awe. "You never cared for anyone more than for yourself. And then you kept helping her – going to those ridiculous self-defense classes, then following the guardians into a building full of vampire hunters who'd kill you on sight, then following her and helping her with Alicia… how could she _not_ choose you? She's got to be incredibly stupid to actually walk away."

I sighed, pulling my fingers through my hair furiously. "I don't know, Jill," I said truthfully. "I don't know what to think. I think- no, I feel- no, I hope she'll come. If she comes, it'll mean she chose me. She won't come for nothing. And I'll… I'll give her some fierce warrior speech and she'll swoon and everything will be okay."

"But what if she doesn't show up?" Jill asked, her voice full of fear. "Knowing you, it looks like I'll have to ask Eddie to bring you back home, since you won't leave. You'll wait for days, and God knows what will happen to you because you won't want to believe it. But if she doesn't come by 8PM, I'll call you, and I'll make you face the truth. If she's gone, she's gone and there's nothing you can do about it, okay?"

I laughed hysterically. Damn, she was scaring me and I was starting to tremble.

"Okay, Jill, then until Sydney arrives…" I said slowly.

"Or until 8PM," Jill added, and I rolled my eyes.

_Aloha_, I said, and shut her off.

So now came the hardest part. The waiting. I was an impatient person even without a huge pressure to keep me pacing the whole place for hours. Thankfully, at least the sun was stopping me from doing that.

And the day really was beautiful, and it just made me hate the fact that I was a Moroi more. I wanted to become a human, a regular human, just for a day. I wanted to become someone better for her, just for a day, just so that I could show her I was worth her time.

I mean, I had to face it – I wasn't someone a person like Sydney would even pause to look. She wasn't looking for someone like me – a pretty face, a useless body, too many vices and bad habits, narcissistic personality, forwardness and history with women. And the vampire part, obviously. I had to become someone responsible, smart, protective, strong in order to win her over – I had to change dramatically.

God, if only she gave me more time. But no, I pushed her too far and she fled. She ran away from me, and I had to face it – I probably wasn't going to see her ever again.

My phone started ringing, and I almost answered it, telling Jill to stop trying to make me feel better about myself, but thank God, I stopped myself in time.

Because once again, it wasn't Jill who was calling me.

It was her.

I almost answered, my heart beating faster, wanting to be near her in any way, wanting to hear her, wanting to tell her everything, but my mind reminded me she wasn't calling to say she loved me, but to say goodbye.

I argued with myself a lot – every time she called, my heart started fighting against my brain.

I desperately needed that whiskey.

So after a while, I found myself at the edge of the pool, looking at the wonderful sight before me, and wondering if I'd be able to share it with Sydney. Wondering if Sydney would come. Wondering if she'd accept my offer. Wondering if she'd be mine.

I found myself wondering if I'd ever touch her, hear her or see her again. Jill was right – if she decided to come back, I'd take her back. The funny thing was, I thought that too after Rose dumped me.

But I also feared that scenario. How would I live without Sydney? And what if I really forgot about her, if my feelings for her died? I was scared I'd fall in love with someone else, someone who didn't love me or appreciate me, and I'd become someone awful again.

God, I needed her. I needed her more than that whiskey.

Hours passed, and I didn't stop thinking about her even for a second. It's ridiculous, but I thought that if I didn't stop thinking about her, she'd come. If I didn't lose my faith in her, she'd believe in me too and come.

But the fears rose within me, and they strengthened after every heartbeat, and I had to accept the inevitable – she was gone.

Sydney Sage was gone. I looked at my watch, counting the time. She was probably across the border already.

So now I was alone, with those sweet memories, memories that'd kill me slowly and painfully. And as much as Sydney would hate it, I was going to get a bottle of whiskey and I was going to drown both spirit and my sadness in it.

I was feeling as if I was drowning. I was dying, but I couldn't do anything about it – I could only let go and hope to die quickly.

Jill would hate me for it, but she'd understand why I wouldn't come back to Palm Springs. I couldn't bear the sight of that place anymore.

Just as I was getting ready to get up and run away with my pride and my heart scattered all around the place, I felt something – something very familiar.

Then I saw it, too.

And so I realized I was either totally crazy or… there was no other explanation. I was crazy.

Golden and purple was all around my vision, and I had to stop myself from turning around – oh my God, she was here.

I was going to get a heart attack.

So I forced myself to act normal, even a bit sulky, and I had to fight a smile as I heard her small footsteps.

And with every footstep, I was more sure of it – this was too good to be true.


	25. Jeddie: The Middle Of The Night

**Author's note:** _Okay, this request was posted ages ago, but I found the list with the request a few minutes ago, so I hope the reviewer is still following my updates. _

_This one is for __**WhyAmIAMuggle**__, I really hope you like it._

_And since I'm already in the "man" mood today, I decided to write this one from Eddie's POV. Hope nobody minds? And this theme is probably a bit cheesy, but I've never seen anything like this from a man's point of view... it's probably a bit crazy, I don't know... okay, I'm going to start writing before I make myself stop..._

_Yes, imagine that Eddie and Jill have no idea about their feelings for each other, since I still don't remember how exactly it happened in TIS and I believe that this is just so much cuter that way… ;D_

_Okay, enough for today, but I'll be back tomorrow with at least one more! Love you all, and thank you! :)_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

God, I was so worried.

Jill wasn't anywhere in my line of sight for a few minutes already and with the battle raging in the room, it wasn't a positive thing.

It definitely wasn't a positive thing. I saw Keith look at her possessively, his look full of intentions I understood, intentions that made my blood boil, because Sydney told me once what he did to her sister... And I definitely wasn't going to let him do the same thing to Jill.

So I started running towards the place I last saw her - I didn't care about the fact that Lissa was cornered by Strigoi, or about the fact that Sydney and Adrian were fighting at least twenty Alchemists on their own...

No, I only heard her screams and I knew I was the only one who'd be able to save her. And after I did it, maybe she'd actually see me for the first time. Wasn't that how it happened with every princess? She waited for her brave knight in shining armor to save her.

I was that knight. I had to be. I had to be worthy enough to die for her.

But it was too late. Her screams weren't audible anymore, though her mouth was open in a gesture of pain. Keith let her go and ran away. I should've gone after him and chased him, I should've beaten the very life out of him, I should've killed him.

But no. All I was able to do was open my mouth, too, and fall on my knees beside her. I touched her face, her neck, trying to take the pain away, but I knew it wouldn't go away until she died.

"Jill," I said desperately while I scooped her up into my arms, bring her closer to my chest and kissing her sweaty hair, while she whimpered underneath me. I started rocking her gently, and tears blurred my vision – my Jill, my life, my everything…

I failed.

Keith cut her throat very badly, and I knew there was no way for her to survive this. I damned the Alchemists, Eric Dragomir and everyone who had anything to do with her cursed royal blood. She didn't need to be a princess. She was a wonderful person even without the title.

I leaned back to look at her for the last time – she really was heavenly beautiful, like a real princess. Her pale blue dress was too big for her small, fragile body, and it was bloody now. Her neck and throat were read, smeared with fresh blood that was trickling out of it, but other than that, her pale skin, blue eyes and blond hair were in perfect tone with each other…

And her lips, lips who were losing their color and becoming blue…

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by a forbidden desire, but my heart justified it to myself by the fact that she was dying. I wanted to kiss her so desperately – my whole body was burning with that desire.

Still, who was I to ruin her innocence, her perfection, her heavenly beauty?

"Jill, I love you," I whispered. "I always wanted to tell you how much I loved you, but I never had the chance, because I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for you, and I was right – I'm not…"

Jill's trembling hand found its way to my mouth, and she put a finger on it. A faint smile full of pain formed on her face, and she looked at me with a loving look. Was it possible that she felt the same way too…?

But then her eyes closed, and her hand fell from my mouth, and I knew life was gone from her body, and I screamed her name despite the situation and the war that was still happening all around us…

I gasped, suddenly and violently jumping into the air. I realized I was on my bed in Amberwood, sweaty and shaking out of shock or some other feeling that took over my body.

I didn't care, though. I didn't care about anything. My heart had only one goal – to find her, to make sure it really was a dream. I knew I wouldn't be calm until I saw her, until I touched her and assured myself she really was alive.

I got up immediately, and I didn't even bother to think about the dorm guardian or my roommate, Micah, saying, "Where are you going, dude?"

I was a dhampir, and a trained guardian, for the God's sake. I could get past Mrs. Weathers.

I got past her very easily, since I was faster than any human could ever be, and since she was almost asleep. Even if she caught me, I wouldn't care too much – I'd knock her out or something. In that moment, nothing mattered except for the person I lived for. My ultimate goal, and my only purpose.

The girl – woman – I was guardian. Jillian Dragomir Mastrano.

My legs found their way to her room easily. My mind was too occupied with reliving through those awful moments, showing me pictures of her bloody throat again, to think about anything. And since it was the middle of the night, I didn't have to pretend to be normal.

I opened the door to her room slowly, suddenly aware that she was probably asleep and that I was freaking out over nothing, embarrassed by my actions but still brave enough to go check. It was just Jill, anyway. She'd understand my intentions.

But then there was Angeline, too. She was probably going to laugh at me for the rest of my life, or even be insulted by my doubt of her guarding skills. I was starting to ask myself if I've done the right thing, but I knew I'd handle Angeline easily.

"Angeline?" I heard Jill say sleepily, and immediately stopped in my tracks. She probably heard my ragged breaths and thought it was Angeline. But why would Angeline breathe hard? "Are you back?"

My breath caught, and I didn't dare let it out. A thought hit me – _we were alone._ It was relieving and horrifying in the same time. I didn't trust myself to be alone with her. I forgot all senses of decency when we were alone.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, _I told myself. _What is she going to think when she sees you like this – _and I looked at myself, not wearing a shirt and in my loose pajama bottoms, the outfit I chose to wear since it was too hot for anything else – _at God knows what hour, breaking into her room? You're going to look and sound like a maniac, exactly what you're trying to avoid._

But it was too late for that. I wasn't looking at her, but I could feel her look on my back. Hesitantly, she said, "Eddie? Is that you? Am I- am I dreaming?"

I turned around slowly and swallowed when I saw her.

She was too beautiful to be true. Her hair was messy – I imagined it in that state so many times – and her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were half-open, and she was rubbing them, sitting up slowly. "Is everything okay? The bond is calm, which means nothing happened with Adrian…"

"No, no, everything's okay," I heard myself whisper, knowing she could hear me perfectly well, "Go back to sleep."

"I'm not going to go back to sleep," she said, annoyance evident in her voice, and I smiled, despite the mood I was in – fear mixed with relief and embarrassment, "And since you're in the girls' dorm in the middle of the night, there's obviously something wrong. What is it, Eddie? You're worrying me!"

"Jill-" I started, then stopped myself before I said something stupid. My body, though, decided to bring itself closer to her, because she was suffering, suffering because of me, and I extended my arms towards her, as if offering safety and peace.

But my mind was telling me we were too close, and I wasn't properly dressed, and I didn't want to know what clothes she had on, and she was 15, and she was innocent, and I had to get out of this room before I lost it-

"Eddie?" Jill asked uncertainly, getting up and taking my hands in hers. God, it was already too late. "Eddie, why are you trembling? What's wrong? Please, tell me, you're making me freak out."

How could I not tell her, when she asked me to with that desperate, innocent, pleading voice of hers? How could I do anything but try to satisfy her, no matter what she wanted?

I swallowed again, struggling to control myself. "I-" I tried, knowing how ridiculous it sounded, and how I was so selfish because I made her worry for nothing. "I had a bad dream, and I had to come check if you were okay."

I closed my eyes, waiting for her to laugh at me or hit my arm playfully or tell me to go away and let her sleep, but none of it happened. All I was aware of was our closeness, the frantic beating of my own heart and the warmness her hands were producing.

"Oh, Eddie," she said finally, pulling me down towards her, "If you want, you can tell me about it, but if you don't, it's okay. I understand."

I let her hug me, and even though she was so much more fragile and smaller, she was able to make me feel safer, there, on her bed, in her arms. I was also aware of the fact that we were on a bed, and I felt kind of dirty, somehow, for even having the thoughts I was having. All I wanted was to go away and die of embarrassment, because this was ridiculous – I was a guardian, and I let myself react like a boy.

Then I remembered how she was waiting for me to tell her about the dream, and I didn't want to insult her – never in a million years – so I cleared my throat and began my story.

"I dreamed about a battle, on a big field, and the Alchemists and Strigoi were fighting against us. The Strigoi were attacking Lissa, and Sydney and Adrian were fighting off Alchemists, but all I could think about was how to protect you, because I lost you out of my sight," I said with a sigh. The dream sounded even more ridiculous now that I said it out loud, but I'd have to endure it.

"So then you started to scream, and I ran towards you, but I was too late – Keith already cut your throat and you were on the ground, dying. I didn't even think about going after him – all I could do was fall on my knees, take you into my arms and try to make the pain go away. And then- then you died, and I woke up, and I had to check if everything was okay-" I tried, but Jill cut me off.

"But that doesn't make any sense," she said, and my stomach turned upside down. Of course she'd think it made no sense – she was just nice towards her guardian.

"You'd never leave Lissa to the Strigoi just to save me," she continued, and I had to fight a smile. "She's the queen, and your duty is to save her first. That's why you should've known it was a dream. I know that failing the person you're supposed to guard is awful, but you shouldn't have run off to my room just because you dreamed I died-"

I cut her off with a laugh, all too aware of the proximity of our bodies, of her warm hands on my bare back and her smell and my face in the crook of her neck and my arms around her waist and the bed and the whole scene and the fact that we were alone and every single detail in the room…

The Eddie that spoke was the Eddie whose mind shut down, too overwhelmed by everything his senses were telling him. "I'd never choose Lissa over you," I heard myself say, and tried to stop the words before I said something irreparable, but I wouldn't shut up, "I'd never choose anyone over you. Not just because I'm your guardian, but because you're a person worth saving. And to me, you're worth so much more than any other Moroi."

I heard Jill gasp. I leaned back to look at her, just to see her deep, blue eyes shining with tears. The moonlight was shining upon us from her window, and I noticed her outfit for the first time – she was wearing an oversized T-shirt and… and nothing else.

She was overestimating my self-control, that was so sure.

"This is the fever, or the nightmare speaking out of you," she said, her expression astonished, "You'd never choose me over your queen. Stop saying nonsenses."

"You just can't get it, don't you?" I asked with a smile. "You can't see just how beautiful, how important, how fierce and perfect you are, and just how much you mean to me."

It was the middle of the night, my mind shut down, and all that was left was the desire – it was burning through my veins, stronger than ever before. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold myself still for much longer, but I didn't care – she was going to realize that she was important, and I was going to make her see it.

"Eddie-" she started, and I knew there was only one way to make her stop talking.

My hands pulled her towards me fiercely, far more fiercely than was appropriate, but I didn't care for it anymore. I made a low noise in my throat and did what I wanted for months, ever since I first got assigned to her.

I kissed her, and there was no voice in my head to tell me just how wrong it was.

When she started kissing me back, I took it as a good sign and my hands moved from her waist into her hair, finally doing what I wanted to do so many times, what I dreamed and fantasized about for nights, what I never thought I'd actually do.

When I pushed her back so that she was trapped between the bed and me, she started gasping for air and I moved from her mouth to her cheek, then her throat, then her neck, making her gasp more and sigh heavily.

I took it as a good sign, too.

But I shouldn't have, and I shouldn't have been surprised when she said, "Eddie, Eddie stop."

Of course, I stopped immediately, but my body refused to move away from her. I settled on just being next to her, breathing hard and trying to get my mind to function again.

_Edison Castile, come back and make this animal go away,_ I told myself.

It didn't work for quite a while, and desire burned through me all until Jill whispered, "I think I'm freaking out."

I blinked, and it was as if someone threw a bucket of cold water on me – suddenly I was aware of the whole situation. I jumped her, scared her, we were both half-naked in her bed, and I was almost 4 years older than her, and she was 15, and I was acting like an animal, and now I felt so ashamed with myself that I simply wanted to disappear from the face of this Earth.

"Jill, I'm sorry-" I started, turning around to look at her.

She sobbed once. I immediately got up, but when I tried to touch her, she shook her head. "Just- just give me a moment, please," she whispered.

Oh my God. What have I done? I mentally hit myself, stabbed myself with a stake, because I caused her pain, and now she didn't even want me to comfort her. Did my act really repulse her that much – thank God, I didn't do even 1% of the things I wanted to do to her – that she couldn't even bear my touch anymore?

"Jill, I swear on God, I'll ask to be removed from the mission this moment if you want me to-" I tried again, hoping to let her know I'd go away if that was her wish, but she interrupted again.

"Can you give me a damn moment, Eddie?" Jill said in a low, fierce voice, and I knew that she wanted to scream at me, but it was the middle of the night, after all, "For the God's sake, I don't want you to leave, I've just never… nothing like that ever happened to me and I'm, I'm, I'm overwhelmed."

She fell silent after those words and all I could hear were our uneven breaths. "Can I hug you?" I asked in a small voice, expecting her to say something inappropriate again, but she simply nodded.

And the next thing I knew, we were both lying down and her face was in my chest and she was trying to take deep breaths and I was pulling my hands through her hair. "I really am sorry," I couldn't refrain myself from saying. "I was out of my mind, freaked out by that dream and then doing what my body was telling me to do-"

"Don't be sorry," Jill whispered, touching my abs with her fingers and making that desire try to burn in me once again, but I controlled myself by replaying that sob in my mind. "Don't be sorry for showing me your love for me. That's- it's- it's not the problem."

"What's the problem, then?" I asked, too flustered by the fact that she _didn't mind_ me jumping her like an animal to think about anything else.

"Eddie, I've been in love with you for, like, a month now, and all I kept thinking about was how it'd feel if you suddenly showed up and kissed me…" I could feel her blush, and I smiled despite the situation and kissed the top of her head. "And now I can't really believe that it actually happened."

"I can't believe it, neither," I heard myself whisper. "And I wanted to do it ever since I got assigned to you as your guardian, so it makes it much more shocking for me… I just, I can't believe you actually kissed me back."

Jill giggled then, and I let myself hope it meant everything was going to be okay.

"But there are other things, too," she said then, and the hope disappeared. "Like, for example…"

I knew the answer to the question immediately. It was what kept me at bay every single day and night and why I haven't told her about my feelings earlier. "I'm not good enough for you. I'm a dhampir, and you're a Moroi, and you, the Moroi princess, could never be with a dhampir."

Jill looked up at me then, and shook her head. "No, no, it's not that, Eddie," she said reassuringly. "Yeah, Lissa will be mad when she finds out, but I don't care about her, or the laws, or the Royal Council or anything. I didn't choose to be a princess, so I won't act like one."

I laughed then, and couldn't refrain myself from touching her cheek with my hand. "You're so ridiculous sometimes," I said, asking myself nicely not to kiss her again. "But what's the problem, then?"

I was acting like a stupid man, but I knew what it was, of course. "It's the age thing," she whispered. "I mean, you're 19, after all, and I'm an underage, and that's really making me freak out right now…"

I started to say something, but Jill shook her head. "And I know, Eddie, I know all about your intentions and I know just how honest and graceful and caring you are, but still, I'm… I'm practically a child compared to you. What could you even see in me, anyway? Like I said, I'm just a child, and I don't see anything that could attract me to you."

I kissed her then – it was a short kiss, not enough to make her freak out, but enough to make me prove my point. "Jill, you're the… the most divine creature in the whole universe. There isn't anything I _dislike_ on you. You have no idea how jealous I was, because other people had you, and I didn't, and that's how I learned to appreciate every single moment with you."

"But Eddie, I'm too tall and too skinny and Angeline is ten times more attractive than me-" she contradicted, making me kiss her again.

"Why did I start dating Angeline? Because I thought I'd stop being in love with you if I deceived myself I was in love with her," I said strongly, "But it didn't work. Nothing worked, so I had to break up with her. I felt as if I was cheating her, because I kept looking at her and I kept admiring you from afar, while my girlfriend was right in front of me."

Jill closed her eyes then, and took in a sharp breath. "Eddie, you don't really mean that. I mean, Angeline is gorgeous and you must be blind not to see-"

I rolled my eyes, knowing again what'd make her stop talking.

And it proved to be quite efficient, actually.


	26. Animalistic Behavior

**Author's note:** _Don't laugh hard, but I can't stop listening to James Blunt for days and it's really easy to write with him in the background. For those who have those "writer's blocks" (which I never experienced, so I don't really know how it feels), try this tactic – play the music you love and it might come on its own! :) _

_This one is for __**rebelde09**__, and I read your latest message, but I'm really sorry for not being able to respond. I won't be able to respond to PMs until tomorrow night, because I'm on mobile Internet and writing my responses with one eye half-closed would be really painful._

_Also, did I say that my eye-patch is gone? The lower lid is blue-yellowish now, but that's good since it means the eye is healing, and I can actually see the letters now :D _

_And I haven't responded to your reviews yet? Oh God, I'll do it soon and there are loads, so it's really time for doing it. I love you all, and thank you for all beautiful reviews! For those who just posted their requests, know that I already have around 30 requests so it won't be easy to do them all until November 19__th__, but I'll try :)_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

I wanted to kill her.

I wanted to go there, punch her in the face, rip her head off, put her on fire and then make her disappear from the face of this Earth.

Yeah, if that happened, my frustrations would've been eased.

But no. All I could to was stand there and watch it happen.

My blood was boiling by the moment it was over. Not even the sight of Adrian, smiling and approaching me with a cup of coffee, was able to make my blood pressure return to normal.

"Sage, Brayden told me to say hi to-" he started nonchalantly, then stopped and furrowed his eyebrows. "Why are you angry?"

I started to say something, but I remembered we were in a public place, at Spencer's, so I just sighed, turned around and started to walk away. I didn't want him to follow him, and I didn't care if he did it anyway. I just wanted to go lock myself up in my room in Amberwood until she died. I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Sage?" Adrian asked uncertainly as he ran behind me. "Sydney? What did I do? Is it because of Brayden?"

I took a shaky breath and stopped in my tracks. We were in the middle of the street, the street was deserted, thank God, but I didn't care anyway.

I turned on my heels and started shouting. "So now you're going to blame it all on Brayden and my imaginary crush on him? And you're going to pretend to be a fool, because you just didn't notice her hands on your chest? I could smell her cheap perfume all the way from the exit!"

By the time I was done, Adrian was raising his eyebrows and I was breathing hard.

I needed to go to the desert and throw a couple of fireballs.

No. I needed to throw thousands of fireballs.

"Are you serious?" Adrian finally asked, my coffee looking at me invitingly from his hands. "Of course I didn't notice that, when it doesn't mean anything-"

I made a growling noise, took my coffee from his hands furiously…

And ended up on the floor, with the coffee all over my new expensive white blouse.

I decided to lie there, on the pavement, with my back touching the hard stone, my head in my hands and my dignity buried two meters underground.

"Is this some kind of an attack?" I heard Adrian ask, his voice totally serious. "Or PMS? Or something? Because, God help me if I understand anything."

"Just let me suffer," I said in a defeated voice. "Pretend that it isn't happening and act innocent when I end up in a hospital after hurting myself."

"Okay, we're going to my apartment and then we're going to have a nice, long talk about this, okay?" Adrian said in a gentle voice as he scooped me up in his arms. "Just don't talk, or move, or anything. Focus on breathing. You might've broken something in the fall."

So I simply sighed, brought my head closer to his chest and tried to control myself.

I, Sydney Katherine Sage, acted like an enraged animal for days.

Why?

Well, because my relationship was endangered by a girl.

To be more accurate, with a Moroi 22-year-old runaway model kind of a girl. I had all reasons in the world to be jealous, and Adrian was only making it harder for me because he claimed he didn't even notice her cheap attempts to seduce him.

Adrian settled me in the back seat and drove away. I breathed the smell of the Ivashkinator in, and felt better, because this car and all the memories of it made me remember the fact that Adrian was my boyfriend.

Neither Adrian nor I said anything during the ride – I was too caught up in remembering one particular even that took place in the backseat of the car, and Adrian was probably caught up in his own thoughts, too. The silence wasn't really uncomfortable – nothing could be uncomfortable with Adrian, but it wasn't really wonderful, either.

I found myself thinking how it meant we were growing apart, and how with every passing moment he was more far away than ever before. Perhaps it meant I really was right, and perhaps it meant that this jealousy was eating through the love. Perhaps Adrian was annoyed by my childish acting.

By the time Adrian opened the door and carried me out, I was already crying. God, what was wrong with me? I was the reasonable person, who took care of the whole Palm Springs crew, who was there to keep everyone safe and happy, who had an important mission ahead of her. Why was I acting like a 7-year-old?

But just the thought of that Moroi girl… it made me want to punch someone.

"Can you tell me why you're crying?" Adrian whispered as he unlocked and opened the door to his apartment.

I sniffed, then nodded. "I'm… I'm afraid that you'll leave me because of the way I've been acting. I know you fell in love with a responsible, strong, fierce person and this – the way I've been acting, it's anything but responsible or reasonable."

I thought he was going to put me down on his couch, but no; Adrian carried me all the way to his bedroom and then lay me down gently on his bed.

He didn't say anything, though, so I simply closed my eyes and cried. I was right. He wasn't in love with me anymore.

"Tell me if it hurts anywhere," Adrian said as he started touching my arms gently. I didn't open my eyes or react in any way – of course, even if he didn't love me anymore, he'd still care for my health.

He turned me on my stomach and started touching my back, too, but it didn't hurt anywhere.

But when he touched my left knee, though, pain shot up my whole leg and I couldn't help but let out a small yelp. I didn't feel any pain until that moment – probably because of all that adrenaline.

"The knee?" he asked as he touched the spot one more time, this time more gently, and I nodded.

Adrian put both of his hands on my knee and, before I had the chance to move away or even realize what he was doing, he started healing me.

It was over in a few seconds, and he just kissed my knee, without saying anything. I sighed and closed my eyes again, focusing on my pain.

"Okay, so here's what I've got," Adrian finally said in a very calm voice, "You're jealous of Jennifer, and you think that I'm going to break up with you because you're acting unreasonable."

I nodded. I knew what was next – he was going to say _You're right – I think we should stop this before-_

"But, if you turned your mind on for only a second, you'd know that I find this amazingly," he said, then kissed my arm, "touchingly," then he kissed my shoulder, "beautifully," he kissed my neck, "ridiculously," he kissed my cheek, "cute-"

I was too busy with kissing him to think about Jennifer or jealousy or anything. He definitely knew how to reassure me he was mine.

After a few minutes… okay, no, more like an hour, Adrian laughed and leaned to whisper in my ear, "I'd never leave you, even if I really didn't like the way you've been acting." He kissed the spot below my ear, making me shiver.

"But, I know I've been acting like a crazy possessive girlfriend-" I started, but he cut me off by putting a finger on my mouth.

"Sage, the fact that the thought of another girl touching me makes your aura go all nuclear is so… it's beautiful. I mean, you'd actually care if someone else wanted me? You realize that I'd be just an adventure for her, and that she'd leave me after a couple of nights or something like that… it's how I used to be, and no girl ever minded it. But now you're proving to me that this is something entirely different, because I don't even see or feel her when she's there – all I keep thinking about is you," he said, looking at me with those green eyes of his, making me see just how honest and vulnerable he was being.

Yeah, he managed to reassure me.

But tomorrow, I felt the same. Replaying his voice in his mind, telling me he cared only about me, didn't manage to calm me.

Jennifer was standing next to Adrian in the living room at Clarence's and to say that she was dressed improperly was an understatement. She probably bought her shirt in the child's department, and her skirt could easily be qualified as a piece of underwear. I've never, ever seen such a tall woman showing so much skin.

But she was beautiful, and that was exactly what was eating me. Her long black hair was styled perfectly, the make-up she wore just made her look prettier and with her height and skinniness, she looked perfect. I knew that those clothes, that make-up or those high heels would make me look like a clown, so of course I was jealous.

Adrian eyed her oddly as she started saying in that high-pitched voice of hers, "It's so boring in this small town! I couldn't even do my shopping properly! And there are no Moroi parties. I mean, I kind of miss the thrill of biting a dhampir and a friend told me there's this party tonight in LA…"

"Jennifer, I'm sorry, but I have a date tonight," Adrian answered in his outgoing voice, while I tried – and failed – to do my Math homework. Zoe was already half way done through hers, so I definitely had to catch up with my work or she'd know there was something wrong with me.

"A date?" she asked in a horrified voice. "You mean… with a human?"

"No, no, no, of course not," Adrian said in panic, and I had to remind myself that he was just trying to protect our relationship, and that he wasn't ashamed of the fact that he was in a relationship with a human, "It's, uh, my bond mate, Jill."

I raised an eyebrow and looked at Jill, who was blushing, while Eddie looked at her with a very strange, almost protective look. Of course he was – he didn't know this was just an act, and Adrian was around 7 years older than Jill, so… it was weird.

"Oh!" Jennifer said as she threw a poisonous smile at poor Jill. Then she turned towards Adrian, who was looking at Eddie with an apologetic smile, and put her hands on his chest.

Uh. I had to ball my hands into fists to prevent myself from summoning a fireball up.

"I'm much more fun than underages, baby," she whispered fiercely.

Okay. I've had it. As soon as I started to get up, Adrian knew my exact intentions and, unlike me, he was aware of the fact that Zoe was in the room.

Not that she'd even notice anything – she was too caught up in looking at Neil and smile as he explained irrational numbers to her. She was going to fail Math if she kept going at this rate.

"Jenn, let's move away from the crowd," he said slowly. She beamed as she followed him out of the room. I caught Jill's eye and nod as I followed them.

"… going with me tonight, after all?" I heard her say as I closed the door behind me.

I knew exactly what I was going to do.

But neither Adrian nor that… that unholy creature expected what I did next.

I waked to her furiously, balled my hand into a fist and punched her in the face. Hard.

I didn't care for the fact that her nose was bleeding, or that my hand hurt like hell, or that Adrian gasped. I didn't care. I was going to kill her, and I wasn't going to stop until I did it.

"Stop harassing him!" I shouted as I put my hands around her neck and squeezed. God, it felt divine, letting all my frustrations go. "He has a girlfriend, and he doesn't need you to go anywhere with you! Let him the hell go already, and dress yourself properly!"

"Sydney, Sydney," I heard Adrian say behind me, but I wasn't listening – all I heard were Jennifer's gasps and her eyes rolling back in her head. Good. The more she suffered, the better.

"Sydney, stop," he said, and I blinked, all the fury disappearing from my body. Just like he asked me to, I let go, and Jennifer fell to the floor.

God, what have I done?

I turned around and started crying in Adrian's arms as he shushed me and pulled his fingers through my hair. "I'll need to heal and compel her in order for her not to remember this," he whispered in my hair.

"But Adrian, she needs to know that you aren't available-"

"We can tell her in a more civil way," he interrupted, and I nodded, moving away from him. He was right – she needed to forget I attacked her. We'd tell her without punching her.

And all I managed to do was make Adrian use more spirit than necessary. Bravo, Sydney. You're awesome.

That night I couldn't sleep – I almost strangled someone because of my jealousy. Did I really have a reason to be jealous? I mean, Adrian was mine, of course, but what if she really managed to make him fall in love with her? What if he really dumped me because of her?

No. Adrian would never do that – not after everything we've both sacrificed for this relationship. And not after Rose. He'd never make someone feel what he felt after Rose.

Well, at least not intentionally.

Ms. T. gave me the permission to go to his apartment next morning, instead of going on a regular coven meeting, so I decided to go surprise him and tell him I wasn't jealous anymore. I knew he'd never do anything dishonorable, and I knew he'd never cheat on me or leave me, so there was no reason for jealousy or… animalistic behavior.

But when I opened the door to his apartment, I knew immediately something was wrong.

The hallway smelled like her cheap perfume.

A skirt and a shirt were on the floor in the living room.

Adrian's shirt was in front of his bedroom door. It was the shirt I loved, the blue one. He'd never leave it on the floor.

I believed there was an explanation all until I opened the door to his bedroom.

When I opened the door, I gasped, turned around and left that unholy place as fast as possible.

My Adrian, the man I loved with my whole heart, was kissing Jennifer on his – our bed. He was shirtless, and her hands were on his trousers, and she was in her underwear.

Of course I left. What else could've I done? I wasn't going to act like a wild animal. I was going to handle this with dignity and grace, and I was going to ask to be repositioned as fast as possible. Zoe could go with me or stay, or I'd contact Marcus, or anything else, but I knew I couldn't live here anymore.

Not after I saw that.

"Marcus?" I said as calmly as possible while I choked in tears. "Marcus, are you still in Mexico?"

"No," he said carefully. "I told you this is an emergency number. Did something happen?"

"I- I-" I tried, but the words wouldn't get out of my mouth. "I need to get out. Immediately."

"Of course," he said, relieved. "But did they find out? Are they chasing you? Where are you now?"

"No," I said and swallowed a sob, "No, they didn't find out. I just can't do this anymore." He didn't need to know about Adrian or anything. His job was to get me over the border and break the spell, and after that I could do it alone. I also needed to get my sister out of this mess.

"Okay, then, take it easy," Marcus answered. "I'll call you in a couple hours. Pack and be ready."

"Thank you," I whispered and shut him off. Then I finally let a sob out. And another one. And another one.

I was in the desert, all alone, sobbing and crying, for hours. Marcus didn't call. Nobody did. Not Ms. Terwilliger, not my sister, not Eddie.

And thank God, he hadn't called. He was probably still busy with Jennifer in his bedroom.

The thought alone made me cry harder. But wasn't I supposed to be prepared for this? And why didn't he break up with me first, then have fun with Jennifer? Did he think he could get away with this? Did he think I wouldn't feel her smell on his skin? Did he think I wouldn't find out?

"Sydney," I heard someone say behind me, breathless. "Sydney, please, just hear me out. I've been looking for you the whole day and Eddie had to track you via your cellphone."

"If you're here to defend him, then go away," I said in a hollow voice. I was ready for this. I was ready for Jill. I could handle her and her excuses. It'd be a good practice for the real thing.

"But he didn't cheat on you," she said desperately. "I swear on God, they didn't do anything. She made him kiss her. It never escalated further because you came in and-"

"She _made him kiss her_?" I asked hysterically. "Do you even hear yourself, Jill? She's not a witch, and she didn't make him drink a potion which'd make him fall in love with her or lose his mind or something."

Jill sat down next to me, and put her head on my shoulder. I was arguing with her, but her presence made me feel better, somehow. "This is going to sound lame, but she drugged him," she whispered and I laughed.

"Yeah, right," I said mockingly.

"Lissa ordered the guardians to come pick her up. She's going to Tarasov," Jill continued. "They actually found out she was one of those Moroi assassins. Eddie found a gun and fake ID cards in her hotel room. Ever since Adrian told her about the bond, she planned to kill him, hoping that it'd kill me, too. It was some kind of an… experiment or something."

I didn't say anything – Jill was telling me too many things for it to be a lie, or an excuse. What if Adrian's life really was in danger? And instead of saving him, I ran away…

"She would've succeeded, but you stopped her," Jill continued. "When you came in, he caught a glimpse of your aura and it made him realize he was drugged. Eddie was already on his way, but by the time he came to knock her out, you were already gone. We feared- we feared you did something to yourself. You have no idea how scared I was," she said, then hugged me tightly. "Don't you ever do that again to me!"

I smiled. "I'd never do something stupid, Jill," I said.

Then I remembered Marcus and our agreement.

"Or maybe…" I started, then leaned back to hit my forehead with my hand. "Oh my God."

"What?" Jill asked in panic, and I shook my head.

"I…" I suddenly felt embarrassed because of the way I acted. "I called Marcus to take me away. He's going to call me any second."

Jill rolled her eyes. "Why is it all always between Adrian and Marcus with you?" she asked, but she was smiling. "Adrian will take care of him, don't worry. I just think that you two need to have a talk first, okay?"

I nodded, and then we both got up. "You realized you've just saved our relationship, right?" I said as I eyed her carefully.

She grinned. "Everything for my two favorite persons in the whole world."

An hour later, I was in the hospital, sitting next to my sleeping world.

Yeah, he was my whole world, and thank God, he'd be okay. The doctors assured me that the drug would find its way out of his system soon. He just needed to rest until then.

I pulled my fingers through his hair, sighing loudly. "I'm so sorry for doubting you," I whispered. "I'm so sorry for believing in it even for a second, but I was just so lost and hurt and jealous and…"

Adrian opened his eyes then, and when I saw his dilated pupils, my eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Adrian," I said and hugged him, starting to cry again.

"You're here?" he asked in a low voice. "But Jill told me she couldn't find you anywhere, and I was so angry with myself for letting her drug me-"

I shushed him and put my lips firmly on his. "It's not your fault," I whispered. "I should've known-"

"No, I would've thought the same if I saw you half-naked with a guy, in your bedroom-" he tried to interrupt.

"Let's just not talk about it, okay?" I said and looked into his eyes, reminding myself once again just how much I let him down by not believing in him.

But then we both closed our eyes, and we knew it'd all be okay, because nothing could separate us. Not a Moroi girl, not the Alchemists, not the end of the world, and not even jealousy, no matter how strong.


	27. Soon

**Author's note:** _Okay, I'm in a very good mood, I've managed to read around 500 pages of Anna Karenina and there's only 250 pages left, my need to be in the mountains was satisfied too, so I'm ready for one of those awkward requests… I still have no idea how this one will turn out. _

_And yeah, __**Daisy**__, you have no idea how privileged you are to actually have this request fulfilled. I usually avoid requests of this kind, but, well… I have no idea why I'm expecting this one not to turn out catastrophic. _

_May God help me in writing, and you in trying to read this disaster!_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

It was Thursday, the day I've been waiting for so long…

A week, actually, but it didn't matter – I was desperate, he was desperate, and instead of talking about strange things that were happening in Palm Springs or about Rose's arrival, we decided to use that free hour in a different way.

We always decided to use it that way. I was familiar with the way things developed – first, we were standing in the hallway, kissing, then the kisses became more heated, then I ended up with my back on the couch, then my shirt disappeared, then Adrian's shirt disappeared too…

I'd usually stop it at this point, but this time I was too desperate. Why? Well, because we've been together for months, and with Rose there, I felt as if I had to…. I had to give more, keep him with me. But it wasn't the only reason, of course – I also felt like it. I felt like there was no need to stop.

So when I guided Adrian's hands to my bra clasp, I expected him to accept the offer like a man and do it. Finally, too soon and in the right time… I didn't care. I wasn't thinking properly.

I wasn't thinking at all.

But of course, Adrian did the unexpected. He didn't accept the offer, and he moved away from me.

I was somewhere between insulted, astonished and flattered.

I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and decided to settle on _embarrassed. _I was half-naked in front of my boyfriend, and I just offered myself to him.

_Embarrassed_ was an understatement.

Adrian was kneeling on the floor, and he was looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "You did that intentionally, right?" he asked, breaking the awkward atmosphere in the room.

I bit my lower lip and nodded. Was it a mistake? _Perhaps he doesn't want you,_ a voice whispered in my mind and my stomach sank. What if he really thought I was disgusting and-

"Your aura is very confusing right now," Adrian exclaimed, furrowing his eyebrows. "Embarrassed, unsure, sad, uncomfortable, angry? What did I do?" he said in astonishment.

I turned my whole body away from him, perfectly aware of the fact that my back was bare, too. "You don't even want me that way, not with Rose here right in front your nose when you two did God knows what while you were-" I started in a cold tone, but Adrian interrupted.

"Oh no, this isn't about Rose and we both know it, so keep her out of it," he said in a tone he used only when he talked with Dimitri, and I flinched a bit. "And if you were decent enough to turn around and face me, maybe we'd even start talking about the real problem."

"_Problem_?" I repeated as I turned around in fury. "Is that how you call this? A problem? And you expect me to act as if everything's okay? This isn't the first time you rejected me, and we both know it. What do you even expect me to think when you act this way? Am I really that ugly that you don't even want to-"

Adrian's sigh stopped me. He put his head in his hands. "Dear Lord, kill me," he mumbled.

I crossed my hands over my chest, partially to cover myself, and partially to try to look as if I was angry. I knew I only looked like a 6-year-old after being punished, but I didn't care.

"You're acting like a blonde," he finally said as he looked up. He obviously expected me to smile, but I didn't, so he simply shrugged and took a deep breath.

"Okay, how do I explain this?" he started and ran a hand through his hair in something between frustration and annoyance.

He took another deep breath and then finally looked at me. I was pouting now, and it made him roll his eyes, breaking the tension for only a fraction.

"You've never been with a guy before," Adrian started. "And I'm the guy you want to be with, and I want to be with you, too, but I'm afraid it won't end up being how you expect it to be." He nodded, as if impressed by his speech.

I, on the other side, wasn't sure whether to laugh or bang my head on the wall. "And that's it?" I asked incredulously. "You don't want to… have sex with me because you're afraid it won't be how I expect it to be? But Adrian, I don't even expect something from a fairytale-"

"But I do!" he interrupted with another heavy sigh. I rolled my eyes and sank to the floor, trying to be as close to him as possible. I hoped he wouldn't be distracted by my inappropriate look too much.

I tried to explain it to him. "Adrian, I don't care if we do it on the couch or on the floor or in the bed or anywhere-"

He shook his head nervously, accepting my outstretched hands. "You don't, but I do." I prepared myself to begin talking again, but he shook his head again. "No, you don't understand. I've been with too many… women to take it carelessly. You are the first one that actually means something. I want it to be as perfect as possible-"

"What about Rose?" I asked in a low voice, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

Adrian froze for a second, but then relaxed. I thought he was going to lie to me, but there wasn't anything but honesty in his eyes as he spoke. "Rose and I never did it," he said quietly. "Yeah, we were pretty close to it, and I wanted to burn the whole Court down when I realized I blew that chance, but now I thank God for it. If it makes me even a bit purer, better or more innocent, then I'll gladly take it."

I moved closer to him and looked him straight in the eye. "Adrian, your history with women is definitely something I don't want to think about. That's how I cope with it – I don't think about it. I know that, if I thought about it, I'd be jealous and hurt and scared and I'd want to burn every single one of them for getting to be as close to you as I'd want to be…."

Adrian pulled me to his chest, then looked down at me. "None of them was ever this close to me. None. You're a thousand miles closer. Do you know why?"

He waited for my answer, but I had none. _Because I had him now? Because he didn't even remember their names?_

"They maybe had my body," Adrian whispered with an honest smile, "But none of them ever had my heart in their hands. And believe me, I never planned the whole thing for months and couldn't sleep at nights, thinking about how I might screw it up, for any of them."

I furrowed my eyebrow. "But that doesn't make any sense, because Rose also had your heart and still-"

Adrian silenced me with a kiss.

And I actually felt better after it. "I understand why you'd want to do that – even though I have no idea what _that_ exactly is – for me, but I still think it should happen naturally, like for example now…" I trailed off because Adrian was almost laughing. "What?"

"Now?" he asked and started to laugh. His laugh was contagious – soon I found myself laughing, too, even though I had no idea what we were laughing at. I loved his laugh, mostly because nobody else ever heard it, and because it was the real laugh, which meant he was happy.

He kept those laughs for me.

I looked at him passionately, being more and more sure that I made the right decision when I told him the moment was now, while he continued to laugh. He was so handsome, and so honest, and so honorable, wanting to make things perfect, and he was so caught up in it all that he didn't see that the perfect moment was now. Yeah, Zoe would probably call the FBI and tell them I got kidnapped by blood-thirsty vampires if I didn't show up in Amberwood in an hour, but I didn't care. We'd make an excuse or something. We always found solutions, and this was very important.

"I don't think the moment is now," Adrian said, catching my glance, "And as much as I'd want it to, I don't think it'll happen any time soon. For the God's sake, you're not even nineteen yet, and you never even kissed anyone before me, and now you just want to jump into something you know nothing about and I actually like it, and I want to do it, like, right now, but I have to control myself because otherwise you'll end up like all those other girls-"

"Breathe," I told him with a giggle, and he paused to take a breath. "Good. Now, let me talk for myself. First of all," I said and raised one finger, "You're not going to hurt me, and that's a fact."

"Of course," Adrian said, looking a bit taken back by me mentioning something like that.

"Second, the fact that I was homeschooled doesn't mean that I know nothing about sex, because unlike Angeline, I wasn't living in caves my whole life. Which means I know what to expect, what not to expect, and you have no right to make an argument out of something so obviously false. Okay?" I looked at Adrian in expectation, but his eyebrows were raised.

"Oh, yeah, I believe that your education is so, so wonderful," he said mockingly. "Believe me, you know nothing about it. Books can't help in these cases. They can't tell you what you'll feel, or won't feel, or stuff like that. And unlike you, I'm an expert in that field," he finished with a smirk. I had to roll my eyes – yeah, that was something to be proud of.

"Which means I'm lucky to have you, not someone like…" I tried to find an adequate example.

"Brayden, for example," Adrian said, still smirking, "And thank God for that, because if your relationship got that far, I would've had to interfere in a very inappropriate way," he finished with a grimace on his face.

I laughed then. "You mean, you'd punch him in the face or scare him to death or compel him?"

Adrian reacted – smirked – at the last one, and I rolled my eyes again. Yeah, I should've expected that, since he was Adrian Ivashkov, after all.

"So that means my fierce girl will have to wait until I'm ready," Adrian concluded, and I had to groan.

"Oh, come on, Adrian!" I said in annoyance. "What do I have to do to make you do what I – actually, what we both desperately want?"

"Desperately?" Adrian repeated, shifting closer to me. "Sage, believe me, you have no idea what that word means. Not like I do."

"You're just proving my point," I whispered, making a plan in my head to start begging him until he finally lost control. "And you're making me feel as if you made all of this up. I know I'm not…" I glanced at myself, "I know I'm not that pretty, but I hoped it wouldn't be too repulsive-"

Adrian made a sound in his throat, and I suddenly found myself with my back to the floor, Adrian directly on top of me, his eyes boring into mine. "You are ridiculous, and you know it," he said in a powerful voice, "And all you're trying to do now is make me feel guilty and seduce me because you feel like it today while you'll be hitting your head on the wall in an hour because you'll realize we shouldn't have done it yet."

I sighed, finally giving up. "Okay. I won't ask you ever again, and when you're finally ready, I might still be angry at you for…. For rejecting me for the millionth time."

"Sydney," he said immediately, not letting me move away by taking my wrists in his hands, "Don't be ridiculous. You're special to me, and please, let me do this my way. I don't want this to be rushed or ruined by a phone-call from Eddie in which he'll tell you Zoe got a heart-attack, or if the witches attack you, or if the darkness decides to hit me in 15 minutes, or if Rose decides to show up, or if the world decides to collapse and the apocalypse starts, and besides, it wouldn't feel right now. Not after this conversation. I'd be afraid not to break you and you'd be afraid and it's not how it's supposed to happen."

I didn't want to say anything, so I just leaned up a bit and kissed him. It was a long kiss in which we argued more and I finally decided to give in to him.

"For now," I whispered and looked at him warningly.

"Soon," he agreed and nodded.

I was a bit disappointed… okay, not a bit but a ton, but I could wait until _soon_ came. And perhaps Adrian really was right – perhaps neither I nor he was ready for this.

"We have fifteen more minutes," Adrian said suddenly, and I smiled in a weird way.

I smiled as if to say, _We'll continue the tradition and make out until it's time to go back to our lives._

And _soon_…

Well, it'd come soon enough.


	28. Zeil: Everything's About Sydney For You

**Author's note:** _Oh, I had fun writing this one. And poor Sydney, that's all I can say! It's one of those things, like that bet, which Richelle forgot, but I just couldn't resist the temptation, when the thought came to my mind… you'll find it ;D_

_And I want to do a… a prequel to this one, but not exactly, in which I'll talk all about Neil and Zoe falling in love with each other. I know it wasn't a request, but I have the urge._

_Another fact I want to share with you – the search for the car was hilarious. You have no idea just quite how much._

_And I know I got a bit off the theme which was "Neil jealous," but I hope this turned out okay anyway. I can't exactly control the way the story's developing :D_

_Okay, __**Regina**__, hope you actually tell me your opinion, since people mostly don't even bother. Why am I fulfilling these requests, people, if you won't even tell me if I did it well? _

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

"Hey, Zoe, Ms. Terwilliger asked me to translate a text for her, so I'm going to her house," I heard her say in that nonchalant-on-purpose way she often used these days, "I'll be back before 8. Take care, okay? And if anything happens, call me."

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled, knowing that she was already gone, and I turned in bed so that I was looking at the ceiling.

Only one thought was in my head – being an Alchemist sucked.

If someone asked me to describe Sydney to you a year ago, I'd tell them all about her brains and softness and the way she always cared about everything and understood everyone. I wouldn't mention her non-existent social life, lack of a boyfriend, grandma-clothes or minimal make-up, or the fact that she was _always_ doing something for that crazy history teacher.

If she was a Moroi, she would've been a witch, I was sure of it. I felt so uncomfortable around her… I really didn't understand how Sydney was able to cope with her.

But now, now all I noticed was the fact that she didn't have a boyfriend, that she didn't handle school, or rather, the people from it, well, that she dressed herself like a 75-year-old, and that she was so, so boring…

And so, so ambitious. My every single mistake couldn't go unnoticed – she was sure to scream at me for hours after I forgot to tell her Jill got sick because of the sun, she was also sure to tell me a billion times how I wasn't supposed to be an Alchemist, and she was so caught up in her glory that it really annoyed me.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved my sister, but she was really annoying and boring.

And pretty. She was insanely pretty, without even trying to be like that. I spent hours putting make-up on in the bathroom, while she just put on some powder to hide her Alchemist tattoo and that was it.

Yet, everyone looked at her when she passed by them in the hallway.

Okay, that's not true – not everyone looked at her, but one particular person did, and that's why I tried to be as charming, and as pretty, and as noticeable as possible.

But this life was nothing like I expected it to be. I was so envious because my sister was an Alchemist, and dad always praised her while telling me I was worthless. I was so envious because she got to go to missions, see the world, meet those super-secret vampires and wear those super-secret Alchemist weapons. She was fierce and fought against the evil and it was dangerous and she deserved to be praised because she had to keep track of so many things and not mess up all those super-secret missions…

Yeah, right. Living in a highschool, translating books for her history teacher and driving around every second day. It was so super-secret and so super-dangerous that I wanted to kill myself.

This life was already killing me. I was living in a desert with practically harmless vampires who got sick after an hour in the sun – I actually pitied them because it felt as if we were in an oven – and I was maintaining a social life with people I didn't even like. It was so boring, and it was always the same.

Sydney'd run off to her teacher's house and leave me alone to cope with Jill's impossible requests. "I'm too hot and I need ice," she'd say in that screeching voice of hers through the phone. "Where are my sunglasses?" she'd scream. "Find Eddie!"

She was so irritating that I was actually surprised by the fact that I hadn't killed her yet. And that other girl, the barbaric one, Angeline Dawes…

I really couldn't understand what Trey Juarez saw in her. Actually, I could understand what he saw _of_ her, since she was always wearing indecent clothes, but her lack of brains and animalistic instincts really tended to keep guys away.

And the fact that she was a dhampir, who was actually touching, kissing a human… I shuddered at the thought. It was just disgusting. Poor guy didn't even know about it – if he knew how evil her blood, her very being was, he'd run off and never even turn around to look at her.

But there were those cute vampires, too.

For example, Eddie Castile. Oh Lord, he was the one to convince me vampires were more handsome than humans. I found it astonishing, just how easy it was to forget all about their Moroi ancestors or blood origins after a while with them. Eddie and his muscles and his charming smile… I simply sighed quietly, hugging my pillow tightly.

Then there was the full-blooded vampire, Adrian Ivashkov. I studied his file for 2 weeks after I got here, because the guy really was an enigma.

One, he was royal. Two, he was hot. Three, he smoked and drank alcohol. Four, I never saw him with a cigarette or an alcoholic drink in his hand. Five, he was involved with a dhampir guardian, the scandalous one, the one that got Sydney into trouble, Rosemary Hathaway. Six, he didn't seem as if he was hurt at all. Seven, he was a spirit-magic user which meant he was likely to go crazy. Eight, it was true – half the time he either looked at the ceiling, or at one of us with a faraway look. Nine, he mostly looked at Sydney, and she didn't seem horrified by those crazy glances at all.

So conclusion, the guy was weird. And hot. But I was pretty sure he wouldn't try to bite me or drain my blood, so I found myself able to cope with his cheesy lines, crazy glances and emerald eyes.

And then there was someone else.

It was the guardian who came here around the same time I did – Neil Raymonds, the British one.

Okay, he wasn't from England, but his father was, so he sent him to a military school there for a couple of years and he proved to be quite strong, so they decided to send him as backup.

He was as lost as I was – when he came here, he had no idea what to do, how to do it or why to do it. We didn't understand the complicated relationship my sister and Adrian, or Eddie, Jill and Angeline, all obviously had, but we realized some things pretty quickly.

For example, I never asked Sydney what happened between her or Adrian, or why he looked at her crazily and she ignored him, but I knew that they were angry at each other. He'd stare at her, and she'd just do her homework as if she didn't feel his gaze. I felt it, and I was at least 5 meters away from him, so it meant she felt it, too. Angeline told me later that he obviously insulted her – she enrolled him at a local college, and instead of thanking her, he attacked her and got angry, and that's why the situation was how it was. I knew one thing for sure – the guy was weird, and my sister was incredibly strong because she was able to ignore his stares.

To be honest, I didn't even understand what the guy was doing here, or why my sister helped him enroll into a university, but I didn't question it. Everything that Sydney did was right.

The other situation was equally weird – as much as I knew, Eddie and Angeline were in a relationship until she cheated on him with Trey. And I had no idea what was Jill's role in it, but she was obviously in love with Eddie, but he either didn't care or didn't like her, so it was all a bit tense.

I didn't care about them, though; I only cared about the fact that Neil was going to be in the library in an hour and fifteen minutes, and I had to put make-up on, get ready, dress properly and pretend to be studying the whole time he'd be there.

Why? Well, that was a question without an answer. Because he was hot? Because the girl from my class, Leila, liked him? Because he was supposed to be my cousin, but he wasn't? Or because he liked my sister, and I desperately wanted him to like me?

I sighed, getting up from the bed. I didn't know why, but I wanted to be prettier. I glanced at the mirror and my insides turned upside down – I looked even uglier than yesterday. My hair wasn't brushed, I was too skinny, I was pale and my eyes were too common. Why couldn't I have one of those golden ones, like Sydney did? As desperate as I was, I actually found myself comparing my eyes to Jill's, wishing mine were as blue as hers was, not just regularly brown.

I sighed again, shook my head and headed to the dresser. A dress? No, who studies in a dress? Hmm. Shorts? No, we're in a school, and they'd kick me out. A skirt? No, of course not. A boring top, a blouse, a T-shirt? None of it would fit the occasion. Everything was too boring.

Guess who didn't have boring clothes?

I found myself opening my sister's dresser, hoping she wouldn't mind if I borrowed one of her shirts or a skirt or something…

Ten minutes later, I was on the floor, thick fabric in my hands. I was holding a coat, a coat that obviously belonged to a man, and smelled like a man, and I found that coat in my sister's dresser.

Where the hell did she find this? And God, it smelled… it smelled wonderfully, even a bit familiar. And it was huge – I wondered what guy could even wear this. He had to be very tall, muscular, if a bit skinny, but still.

What the hell was a man's coat doing in her dresser? We were in a desert, and this was a coat. There was obviously something wrong with this. Perhaps… someone gave it as a gift? No, impossible, why would someone give her a coat she couldn't wear properly? Perhaps… perhaps she stole it? No, why would she steal a coat? Perhaps…

Oh.

I smirked as a thought hit me. Suddenly it all made sense.

Perhaps she had a boyfriend, and she gave it to her in Russia, and she couldn't part from it so she brought it with her?

Oh my God, my sister had a boyfriend. She actually had a boyfriend!

Or she had him once. Perhaps it was a cute Russian guy with some 25-letters-long-surname and a palace in the countryside and they were maintaining a long-distance relationship?

I just had to ask her. I put the coat on her bed, giggled, wrote a message next to it in which I wrote, _Way to go, sis! I didn't know you hid a Russian guy in your closet?_

But then I had to stop wasting time and actually prepare for Neil. He'd have to actually notice me after I stole – um, borrowed – Sydney's clothes. He eyed her closely every single day and probably knew exactly what clothes she owned.

Ugh. I decided to simply take a white shirt, a black jacket and her black pencil skirt. I was going to look like an adult, not like a 15-year-old-girl, which I actually was.

I decided to apply only the eyeliner and a light lipstick to add to the "casual" effect I was going for.

But when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was still as ugly as before, and even a bit more ridiculous. Sydney's clothes were a bit tight, since she was so abnormally skinny, but they'd have to do.

So I took my Math book and headed to the library to pretend I was studying.

Bingo. I was half an hour early, which gave me enough time to actually do my homework. I sat down in the center, only a few people already there, studying, and I lost myself in the numbers and equations.

I was so lost that I didn't even notice a guy standing next to me. I only realized he was waiting for me to react when he coughed.

I turned around with a raised eyebrow. "Excuse me?" I said in a blank voice.

The guy smiled. He was actually a bit cute, with a devilish grin and dangerous grey eyes and I immediately identified him as one of the guys that went to the same class at me.

He was a football star, actually, and his name was… Jake?

"Hey, I'm Nate," he said in an outgoing voice. "You seem to be studying Math, and I'm having a bit of a problem, so could you help me study? Because, to be honest, any help would be great. I have no idea what these symbols mean."

Damn it, he was interrupting my plan.

But yet I found myself shrugging and saying, "Sure, go ahead and make yourself comfortable," because the guy wasn't my type, and really, what did he even have to ruin? An hour of glances and frustration?

So I started explaining things the best I could. I started with monomial and binomial equations, then with equations with two x-es, then with those complicated relations and graphs, and ordered pairs of numbers…

"Wow, I really found a good teacher," he said after a while, and I blushed without intending to.

"I'm not that good," I said in a near-whisper, not knowing why my voice suddenly closed in my throat, "It's all logical and when you get the concept you can-"

"Are you free tomorrow night?" he asked suddenly and all thoughts of Neil disappeared from my head.

I tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. So now I was actually nervous. Not a good thing, Zoe. He's just a football player, nothing more or less. Don't your heart dare to speed up.

"Sure," I said and smiled as he got up. He actually winked at me and said, "I'll wait you in the parking lot at eight," in an oddly loud voice, as if he actually wanted everyone to hear about it-

No. No, no, no, no, no.

But just like I feared, Neil was there, and he was looking at me with an odd glint in his eyes, and I could swear I saw him ball his hands into fists, and I had to get out of there, so I quickly picked up my books, just do drop them on the floor and curse loudly a moment later, making Nate hurry back to help me, and I humiliated myself and blushed…

I closed the door to my room and sighed loudly. Finally, it was over. I was safe in my room and nobody would ever mention that disaster again-

Sydney was sitting on her bed, biting her lower lip, glancing at me and then at the message I attached to the coat, and she was actually touching the coat gently, as if it was something very precious.

"A Russian guy?" she asked slowly, in a very unnatural, practiced tone, and I buried my head in my hands.

"I'm going out tomorrow night, and I just humiliated myself in front of the whole library when I dropped all my books, and I'm really tired of studying, so please, don't make it any harder," I said in a desperate voice.

Then I remembered she was the one who was supposed to be feeling this way, so I peeked between my fingers. "Besides, whose coat is it, anyway?"

Just as I hoped, Sydney's face became as red as blood when she heard me. She started doing something she never did – she stammered. "It's, um, something that, uh, something…"

I rolled my eyes. "It's a guy's. From Russia, I suppose?"

Sydney's eyes widened and she gulped, nodding. Well, bad luck for her – I wanted to know more. And here I thought Sydney was boring, when she actually… had a guy who gave a coat to her?

I became excited, imagining a guy giving his coat to me and standing there, in the cold, but happy because of me being warm.

I sighed happily. "What's the story behind it?" When Sydney shot me a panicked look, I giggled. "I won't ask for names, I promise."

Sydney nodded again, more to herself than to me, probably reassuring herself about something. Then she looked down and touched the coat with her fingers again. "Well, it's been cold and I went out of a… a building with a guy, but when I realized I hadn't put my coat on, we were already out, in the cold and in the snow, so there wasn't any point in going back."

Then she smiled to herself, and my heart skipped a beat. It was a romance! My sister had an actual romance with someone! "But I didn't even notice it, because we had a mission to do, but of course, he noticed and didn't let me proceed until I accepted his coat."

She looked up at me then, some unknown feeling showing in her eyes. I identified it as passion, and I had to bit on my lower lip to keep myself from squealing. "I forgot to give it back to him initially, but when I offered it to him later, he refused to take it. And that's it. I didn't want to throw it away, since it's very expensive, but I can't do anything with it, so it's just sitting there in my closet, picking up dust."

I threw myself on my bed then, and buried my head in the mattress. I couldn't keep the squeals away anymore. After a couple moments, I leaned on my elbows and asked her with a grin, "So? Are you guys still together?"

Sydney blushed then, turning her head away. I was expecting her to say _Yes_ and be embarrassed. But she shook her head and said, "We've never actually been together. He was just a gentleman and gave me his coat, and I accepted it. No deeper connection."

I raised an eyebrow. "You expect me to believe he almost froze to death out of decency?"

Sydney laughed then, and made me realize just how much I missed her laugh. The real one. We all hid under masks in this life, in this missions, but there were rare moments – like this one, in which we could be only two sisters talking about a Russian guy.

"Don't be ridiculous – he didn't almost freeze to death," Sydney said, still laughing. "But his hair gel froze."

I raised both my eyebrows, not quite understanding what she meant by it, but she laughed again, then shook her head. "Okay," she said when she finally calmed herself down. "Now let's see what we can do about you. First of all, I didn't know you needed to be dressed so casually to go study Math-" she said as she eyed my appearance, while I rolled my eyes.

"It obviously works on boys," I answered, "since a guy approached me and actually asked me out. And he's one of those popular guys."

"He isn't older than you, isn't he?" Sydney asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

I wanted to say, _Yes, he's senior, and you know him, and he's a part of the mission, _but I knew I could never tell Sydney about my crush on Neil. There was no logical explanation – he was a dhampir, for the God's sake! But trying to explain it to my heart when I saw him proved to be impossible, of course. Why did I always have to fall in love with weird people, evil people – though I saw nothing evil in Neil's smile when I told him I wanted to stab Angeline or in his eyes when they shone after I punched a guy for trying to kiss me – while my sister got to have adventures with cute Russians?

I desperately wanted to tell Sydney all about it, but I knew I'd never have the courage. _Hey, sister, I fell in love with a dhampir and I need your help in seducing him._ Even in my head it sounded stupid.

"Zoe?" I heard Sydney say as she snapped her fingers in front of me. "You must be very excited when you zoned out so quickly."

I nodded, but I knew I wasn't excited at all – I didn't even know why I decided to go on the date with the guy.

Tomorrow was hell. I couldn't focus on my Math exam because that morning Neil stared at me and I didn't understand why. Then he actually had a fight at breakfast with a guy from his class, and I ended up spilling soda on my shirt after bumping into a senior student.

Then we went to Clarence's, and Neil didn't come with us, claiming he had a headache. Was he avoiding me? But why? Because I had a date? But I wasn't his, and he had no right to act this way!

Yet I was so frustrated and the whole date thing seemed to look worse by the minutes. Neil's face kept flashing in my mind and I felt as if I betrayed him.

But Sydney, of course, didn't want to hear anything about the date being cancelled and she just said, "We're both taking a night off," with a wild glint in her eyes. I didn't want to know what it meant.

So I found myself on the parking lot, five minutes early, like Sydney preferred, in her black dress which was a bit tight, waiting for a guy I barely knew.

I mean, what was I expecting out of this? To become his girlfriend? Because I was in love with another guy, and that obviously wasn't going to help my case.

Just as I was about to leave, my legs already hurting since I was in high heels, I heard a car approach.

And trust me, I wasn't impressed. Both Sydney and I judged men by their cars, and Jake wasn't on the top of my list.

On the top, of course, was Adrian Ivashkov and his beautiful Mustang which Sydney called _the Ivashkinator. _I never understood why she chose that name, but it was kind of cool.

This car was Chrysler PT Cruiser Convertible.

And it was awful. I loved cars, but this… where the hell did he find that car? It was so ugly that I actually started to laugh, right there on the parking lot.

"Hop in, babe," Jake said with a smirk.

"I'm not getting into _that_," I answered through a laugh. "I'll rather walk. I don't want to insult the car, but it's too awful for my taste."

This date was already a disaster. I thought he was going to say "Okay," and go away, but he just muttered, "So that's how she wants to play," turned the engine off and got out of the car.

"So we're going to take a walk?" I asked, not sure if I was the socially awkward person here. I mean, the guy was a football player; he was supposed to be interesting and full of ideas and small-talk themes.

"Sure," he said, shrugging, took my hand in his and started walking.

This date was definitely a disaster. His hand was sweaty, and I felt as if I was going to puke, and he was going too fast so that I was practically running behind him on my high heels.

So I stopped. "Could you slow down a bit?" I said, annoyed.

He turned around, some unknown emotion on his face – it looked as if he was preparing for something. "No. I like you, Zoe, and since the moment I saw you in the library, I knew you were the one," he said in an attempt to be romantic.

I raised an eyebrow, wanting to tell him to get back to his ugly car and drive away.

But before I got the chance to do anything, my mouth was too busy.

Ew. He even tasted ugly. I pulled away after a moment, balled my hand into a fist and punched him in the face, hard.

He moved away and screamed, "What the hell?"

And then I heard a sound.

And then my cheek started to tingle in a very uncomfortable way.

He hit me. He actually hit me. I was too stunned to say, or do anything.

Jake said something very inappropriate, of which I only heard, "You deserved it," and he practically ran away.

Thank God, Sydney wasn't home yet when I came back. I cried and cried and cried, and managed to fall asleep before she was back.

The next morning, I woke up feeling as if it was all a bad dream. Sydney was still asleep, thank God, so I had time to make myself presentable. She'd ask how it went, and if she saw me with mascara stained all over my face, she'd immediately know what was wrong.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew I looked awful, but the most awful thing was the fact that my cheek was purple. He hit me hard, and it didn't really hurt, not physically. But just the memory of it was able to make me start crying again, because he hit my dignity. He hit my dignity, crushed it and left it on the floor.

So I covered it with make-up, hoping he'd feel worse if he saw my cheek was clean.

But of course, the whole school knew all about the date. They knew that he kissed me, and they knew which dress I wore, and they knew just how high my heels were, but he didn't tell them I punched him. He just told them I was a weirdo and that he decided it wouldn't work.

Beautiful. Everyone stared at me at breakfast, and I wanted to go throw myself off the bridge.

"So, I heard your date didn't go well," I heard a familiar voice say from behind me. I tried – and failed – to catch the carrot in my plate with the spoon.

"Yeah, join the whole school," I said, not raising my head from my plate. My heart didn't quicken, and I didn't feel anything. All I felt was that slap, and that humiliation.

"I heard he kissed you," Neil continued, making me try to catch the carrot even more furiously. "And I heard you kissed him back."

"Okay, what's your problem?" I said furiously as I looked up at his face. His expression was mirroring mine. "Yeah, I kissed him back, so what?"

He was so annoying! Of course, I didn't kiss Jake back, but it didn't matter for him anyway. And what right did he have to mess with my life? He wasn't a part of it, anyway.

"So what?" he repeated. "So you're becoming the school's latest attraction, while you're just a trophy for him! And you expect me to sit and watch you destroy your reputation and possibly endanger the whole mission?"

I rolled my eyes, looking at my plate and that carrot again. "Endanger the mission? Yeah, the mission is in danger because I kissed a guy back and Angeline almost getting thrown out of it isn't a danger for it. Not at all."

Neil made a noise of frustration in his throat. "Don't be ridiculous. If your sister finds out, which she will, she might have a nervous breakdown and _that_ might actually endanger the whole mission, because if Sydney falls apart, so does everything else."

I laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, I know, because everything's about Sydney for you."

I hit the plate with the spoon hard, but Neil was already talking. "Of course everything's about Sydney – she's taking care of everything in the whole mission and I have to grateful- damn it, could you stop doing that with that stupid spoon?" he said in fury and took the spoon from my hand.

I started to get up. "Well, then, if you want to know, my sister doesn't have a boyfriend, so you're free to ask her to marry you since she's so perfect."

"And you, on the other hand, have a boyfriend," Neil said poisonously as he got up, too. "So good luck with kissing him, and then ending up as the school's biggest-"

My eyes widened, and I turned on my heels and left, angry tears running down my cheeks. I didn't want to hear the end of that sentence.

Who was he to say something like that to me? Who was he to be able to make me cry? And who was he to tell me what was right and what was wrong?

I was endangering the mission? I? With my grades and my non-existent social life and with writing reports and taking care of everything while Sydney was running around to her history teacher?

How dare he?

The only rational thing I could do was lock myself in my room and wait for the doomsday to come. I sobbed and cried and cried, knowing I had at least a few more hours of peace before Sydney came, asking for explanations. She probably heard about my date already, and I knew I'd end up crying on her shoulder and telling her everything, so I simply enjoyed this pre-drama state. This was wonderful, compared to what was going to happen when Sydney found out about the slap. She was always overprotective.

Of course Neil was in love with her – she was perfect, fierce, innocent and smart. Was I any of those things? And could I even compare myself to my angel-like sister?

Before I answered that question in my mind, someone knocked on the door. "Zoe, I didn't mean it that way-" I heard Neil say in a muffled voice.

"Go away!" I screamed, more tears rolling down my cheeks. He meant it _exactly_ like that, and we both knew it. So what was the point in pretending?

"Open the door, Zoe," he said in a calm voice.

"No," I screamed again. "Go away or… I'll call the police."

He laughed. He actually laughed while I was crying on the other side of the door. Wasn't it amazing? Was he really enjoying my pain that much?

"I'm not afraid, and I won't go away, so you'll either open this door or I'll break them down. You know I'm able to do that." His tone wasn't humorous, so I knew I'd get myself in trouble if I didn't do it his way.

I got up slowly and unlocked the door with a sigh. "What do you want?" I said in a defeated voice. I couldn't fight him anymore, mostly because I had no idea what we were fighting about.

Neil entered the room and quickly closed the door. When he looked at me, he froze.

"Do I look that awful?" I found myself asking. I was wondering if this could get any worse.

"Your cheek," he said suddenly, his eyes widened. "What happened to your cheek?"

I was standing on the foot of the bed, and he started slowly walking towards me. "Did I do that somehow?" he asked, his voice full of fear.

I turned away and swallowed hard. The make-up must've faded and the bruise was visible now. I touched my cheek lightly with my fingers, reliving the memory. It made me cry harder. "No. of course not," I whispered.

"Zoe, who did that?" he asked suddenly, his hands on my shoulders, turning me towards him. I let him, mostly because I was so shocked after he said my name in that soft way nobody ever said it in before. "Who hit you?"

I tried to turn my head away from him, I tried to look away, I tried to look at anything but his eyes while I whispered, "I did it myself accidentally."

"Look at me and say that again," he growled.

I looked at him, and everything disappeared.

There was no bruise, no Jake, no room, no nothing. There was only Neil, and me, and his eyes.

But while I got all glassy-eyed, he seemed to be perfectly on the ground. "Who did it, Zoe? Did Nate hit you? If he hit you, I swear…" he trailed off, and I simply buried my head in his chest, crying hard.

"Son of a bitch," he said fiercely while he kissed the top of my head. "I knew there was something wrong with the whole date thing. Let me guess – you didn't kiss him back, but said something instead, so he hit you?"

I actually laughed, shaking my head. "No, I… I punched him in the face," I said and laughed again.

He held me closer. "That's my girl," he said, his voice full of affection.

I knew I'd just end up disappointed, but I looked up at him anyway, and once again lost myself in him. He was so handsome, his looks were so pure, so honest… how would I ever get over him? And how could anyone claim he was evil?

My cheek started tingling again, but in a positive way, and I realized he was touching it. "I'll call Adrian to heal you, and then I'll go and beat the hell out of the guy, and then I'll come back and do this-"

And then I felt another positive thing somewhere on my face.

Indeed, a very positive one.


	29. Zeil: James Bond

**Author's note:** _This one wasn't a request, but I feel like I have to do another Zeil one-shot. _

_This chapter was inspired by __**bukwurm13**__, and I found this, so I'll post it here before I forget:_

_If I could choose, I'd have this day,_

_But I gave my heart to you, and it's yours to break…_

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

I sighed and let my body fall onto the bed. Even though nobody could saw me, since I was alone in my room, I felt like a fool – I was grinning like a sheep and couldn't force my mouth to turn into a thin line.

I closed my eyes and sighed again, remembering what happened a few minutes ago.

I kissed her. She didn't move away, or scream and throw a bucket of holy water over my head. No, she actually wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer.

I didn't plan for it to happen this way. I thought it was too soon, I thought she'd be terrified or disgusted, but she told me she knew for a while, because she overheard my conversation with Sydney.

So yeah, I was basically a fool and a moron, but she still loved me.

And God, it felt divine.

I knew how she felt about vampires. And I knew that she felt even worse about dhampirs. I saw it on the first day, when she shivered and her eyes widened and she hid behind Sydney. I studied her for days, weeks and even months, trying to figure out why she was acting the way she did.

Why she hid in her room or in places with thousands of humans, for example. Or why she never went to feedings with us. Or why she didn't hang out with Jill, since they were in the same grade. Or why she didn't have many friends, or why she had a fight with a senior girl once.

The girl was an enigma. A beautiful enigma with those hypnotizing brown eyes and that long, stylish brown hair. She managed to captivate me from the first moment I saw her in her strange, casual clothes. I don't know why, but I immediately thought it didn't suit her.

Sydney told me her name was Zoe. I smiled and wanted to shake her hand, but her eyes widened and she shook her head. I found that honest gesture cute.

And that's how the madness or 'the observation' began. I, kind of, followed her around and studied the way she acted among normal people – humans, and then I observed how she acted when Eddie or Angeline approached her.

And before I knew it, I memorized the exact pitch of her voice, I knew her nervous habits, how she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was uncomfortable, or how she flexed her fingers when she was angry, or the way she walked, the exact number of steps she took on her way from the classroom to her room…

Yeah, I was creepy, I know it, but it proved to be a good thing – getting to know your enemy. At least, I thought she was my enemy. When Abe sent me to Palm Springs, he told me an Alchemist would arrive shortly and that he or she'd try to uncover all the weird things, among which was a secret Moroi-human relationship, to her superiors. I had to prevent that, at any price.

It wasn't hard to identify the relationship. Adrian Ivashkov, the slightly crazy Moroi who lived alone in his apartment and who was bonded to the princess, touched the older Alchemist, Sydney, all the time. He spoke softer to her than to others, and though they tried to hide it from me, they weren't able to contain themselves during those short visits to Clarence, an old Moroi. They obviously thought Zoe was a threat.

And so did I. I knew that I had to protect these two, so I approached Sydney and told her who and why sent me. She was a little upset at first, because she didn't know how Abe found out about her relationship with Adrian, but she began to trust me.

It all ended up kind of like a conspiracy against Zoe. But I knew just how awkward and lonely she felt at those dinners, not talking to anyone and not eating anything – her diet was annoying me and I felt the strange urge to make her eat a thousand hamburgers – so I tried to approach her too.

In that sneaky, James Bond kind of way, of course. I wouldn't get attached, I wouldn't fall I love with her or even develop any kind of emotions, but before I knew it, I as completely dependent on her smile. I don't know how or why she opened up to me, but I guess all she really needed was a friend, and I was the only one who cared and had time to listen to her. Sydney was too busy, after all.

We studied together, and I tried to make Math funny for her. She found my way of tutoring extremely interesting, and instead of looking at her studies, she stared at me. I claimed she'd never learn anything that way, but she got all As and I was kind of proud.

I tried to make her eat more, but she kept refusing, saying that she was already too fat. I didn't understand how she could ever think something like that, and I ended up almost kissing her once, when she spilled a bowl of ice cream on my white shirt, and I spilled my bowl all over her hair. The temptation was hard to resist – ice cream was all over her face, and she watched me with those dangerous eyes, and we were so close to each other.

But no. I knew it'd scare her – and 'scare' is definitely an underestimation. So I gulped, turned around and found something to help her clean up.

She told me stories about Sydney, about her high school, about her dreams, and how she always dreamed to become an Alchemist, but didn't really like the job, and how she wanted to do everything for her dad.

And I was still as cold as stone, ready to jump her and even kill her if she tried to expose Adrian and Sydney. But when she started crying, telling me about her parents divorcing and her in the middle of two fires, not sure who to choose or to choose at all, I broke.

I swore to myself I'd protect her from the people who wanted to hurt her. Of course, that was impossible, but I was her friend and I had to help her somehow, right?

But my worst problem was the fact that I didn't want to be her friend. No, I wanted something entirely else. I wanted for her heart to start beating faster every time I touched her, I wanted for her breathing to quicken when she hears my voice, I wanted for her to look at me with passion in her eyes. I wanted her to love me, and I wanted for her to let me love her.

But then she broke my heart without even knowing it. A guy approached her on the hallway, gave her a rose, and she smiled, smelling it. They went on a date the next way, and next morning she didn't sit on her usual place – beside me. She kissed him in front of the whole cafeteria instead.

I tried not to be jealous, but I was. Of course I was jealous – I wanted to be the guy that made her giggle or blush like that. I wanted to be the one for who she'd swoon, who'd send her roses and write poems for her and make her sigh happily.

No, I reminded myself all the time. No, I was just her friend. A forgotten friend, at that. She didn't go to the cinema with me anymore. She didn't study with me anymore. She didn't even look at me in the hallway anymore. She was so caught up in her new love and new life, and I tried so hard to be happy for her…

I tried so hard, yet I still wanted to scream in frustration.

Why didn't she choose me? I was handsome, after all, so how didn't she notice me? Or was I just too late? I didn't even realize just how much she meant to me until someone else took her away from me.

The guy was a total jerk, and it's not just my jealousy talking. I noticed his hand in some very inappropriate faces that made my jaw move and my hands ball into fists. He had no right to touch her back in that way, or to move it downwards or… I had no idea how she let him do those things, and I didn't want to think about all the things she let him do when they were alone.

I tried to keep it cool for her sake, I swear I did. If she was happy, then so was I, and I just couldn't know for sure. Her smile sounded honest, but not quite like it sounded when I made her smile. Her eyes shone, but not quite like they did on that day when I wanted to kiss her. She was the same, but not quite the same, and I believed it was because she loved him, and not me.

God, that discovery hurt, but I had to deal with it. She was a human, after all, and a 15-year-old at that, so I thought it was better to just walk away. She wouldn't endanger Adrian or Sydney, I knew it for sure, so I had no purpose here.

I was wrong.

One day, I heard the boy – his name was Nate – speak to other guys in the hallway. They were cheering him on, and with my unnatural hearing, I was able to hear everything he said.

"Yeah, guys, I planned it all out and tonight she's going to end up naked in the car," he said and chuckled. "She's kind of jumpy, but does everything I say."

"Nate found himself an obedient one!" the others responded. My hands were fists, and I closed my eyes, trying to breathe slowly.

"Do you want me to film it? It'd be so awesome-"

And yeah, as you probably already know, I grabbed his neck and threw him against the lockers as hard as I could. I swore at him, I screamed, I couldn't control myself because Zoe's innocent face kept flashing in my mind.

The face he wanted to ruin.

By the time I realized there was blood on my hands and that people were screaming, Eddie was already pulling me off of him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he screamed at me once we were safe in his room.

I didn't speak. I was still angry, and Nate's words still rang in my head, and I wanted to chop him into pieces for even wanting to do that to Zoe. Sweet, innocent, holy, perfect Zoe with her blushing face and her beautiful smile and her shining eyes…

"Get out, Eddie," I heard Sydney say. When he started protesting, she repeated it with more force. He sighed and got out.

"Neil, what happened out there, in the hallway?" Sydney asked as she sat down next to me. I decided to ignore her, too. "I know Nate's Zoe's boyfriend and… if he did something to her, please tell me. I can understand. And I can see that you care about her-"

"He didn't _do_ anything, but he's planning to do it," I said in a cold voice, knowing she'd understand. Realization hit her eyes and they widened. She gasped.

She got up and started pacing the room. "She's not going to see that boy anymore," she said in a panicked voice. "I'm not going to let her get out of her room and if I have to, I'll send her back home but I won't allow the same thing that happened to Carly-" she suddenly stopped and looked at me, searching for realization in my eyes.

And she found it, of course. I knew that Carly Sage was her sister, who refused to become an Alchemist and who was in college now. I also knew now that she could understand.

Sydney turned her head away from me. "Don't tell anyone, especially not Adrian," she whispered. "I promised to keep it a secret." I heard tears in her voice.

I swallowed and got up. "Sydney, I'm sorry, but it surely wasn't your fault-"

"Of course it was my fault!" she practically screamed as she turned towards me. Just like I suspected, she was crying. "I let her get out with Keith and he forced her into that and there was nothing I could do to prevent it!"

Her voice broke and sobs shook her body. I realized this was something she never shared with anyone, and though she was supposed to share it with her boyfriend, I was here now and she needed to be comforted by someone.

So I hugged her close to me and whispered reassuring things in her ear, hoping to calm her down.

"Sydney, why didn't you take care of the situation-" I heard a voice say, and then a gasp.

It was Zoe, of course, and Sydney immediately untangled herself from my hands. I saw the shocked look on her face, and knew how it must've looked to her – Sydney crying in my hands, after I beat a guy…

"I thought you said you didn't have a boyfriend," she whispered, turned around and left. Sydney ran out after her, and I was left alone in my room.

God, why were girls so hard?

Eddie came back a while after that, without even acknowledging my presence, and he was like some sort of a guardian for me now. I was obviously in forced jail, and I knew this'd become a serious problem since I actually hurt someone.

Not that I cared for that. All I cared about was Zoe's shocked face, and her conclusion – _that Sydney and I were together._ Did she know just how ridiculous it was? And why did she care, anyway? Wasn't she supposed to be taking care of her boyfriend's wounds?

An hour or so later, Sydney entered the room, sighed and threw me a significant look. Eddie disappeared after several moments, rolling his eyes, and then Sydney started talking. "First of all, you need to go tell Zoe that we _aren't_ in love, since she's up in our room, and she's crying. I mean, I knew she was in love with you, but this jealousy is ridiculous because it isn't true-"

"Don't be ridiculous," I said in a cold voice. "She's not in love with me. I'm a dhampir, and she has a boyfriend, and I actually beat that boyfriend, and that's why she's crying, and…"

"Are you in love with her?" Sydney suddenly asked.

I didn't answer.

Sydney sighed. "Okay, then. Let's start with formalities."

She took a deep breath and started talking. "You got me in some serious trouble because this is a mess. I had no idea how to explain this to the principal, so I had to tell Mrs. Weathers that you're taking some steroids which are making you aggressive and that we'll immediately start a therapy to get you off them, since you're becoming addicted. After a donation to the school was deposited, they decided not to expel you but to just give you a detention and you'll have to go to the school's psychiatric and everything, but it's settled. Now I hope that you'll have the decency to answer my question after I did this for you."

I swallowed. She was right – I owed her. There was no reason for her to keep me here – the mission could survive without me, yet she decided to solve the situation and help me.

I had no exit. I nodded, admitting it to both her and myself. "Yes. Yes, I'm madly in love with her, but I'm also aware of the fact that she'd never want to be with me, so it's better for me to suppress the feeling. Are you content now?"

Sydney smiled. "Yes, I am," she said. "But not completely. Go to our room and talk to her. Please, just try. I'm convinced she's in love with you, and if you look closely, you might see it too. Besides, what do you have to lose?"

She actually winked at me and left the room.

I sat there for at least an hour, thinking about all the possible scenarios.

She could hit me, or scream at me, or ignore me, or cry, or leave, or hurt me, or throw things at me… I imagined a lot of things, but in all versions she reacted badly. Not in a single one she smiled, or laughed, or kissed me.

Or kissed me back.

But I still found myself in front of her room, not daring to touch the door.

And then my hands knocked on their own, without my mind's support.

"Go away," she said in a muffled voice.

"I'm coming in," I said back, and opened the door, knowing they were unlocked. Sydney took the key with herself.

Zoe was on her bed, not looking at me but at the ceiling, and she was in her Amberwood uniform. All those thoughts that went through my head for months suddenly merged into one single one – _she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen_.

"Why did you do that to him, Neil?" she whispered. "What did he do to you so that you had to ruin his face?"

"You don't want to know," I whispered back, not daring to come any closer, knowing I'd probably lose control since her hair was all over her pillow, since her eyes were shining with tears and since her skirt was just an inch shorter than it should've been…

"Yes, I do," she said fiercely, finally daring to look at me with an intense look. She realized, or found out something, and I had no idea what that was, but my legs were suddenly weak and I wanted to do everything she asked me.

"He said he'd do something very bad to you tonight," I found myself whispering. "And when he asked his friends if he should film it, I lost it."

"Why?" she said immediately, her eyes widening only slightly as she realized what I was referring to. "I dumped you, forgot about you, and thought you hated me. So why did you defend my honor?"

And then my legs carried me to her bed. I was afraid of what I'd say if I looked into her eyes even for a second longer, so I closed my own. "Because you're Sydney's sister, and I love her," I whispered.

She was silent for a long, long moment. Then I heard a ruffling sound, and knew she was getting up. "I knew it," she said strongly. "I knew that it was all an act, and I knew that you could never be in love with me when my sister is so beautiful!"

I opened my eyes in shock. Did she just say…?

But she threw a pillow at me, just like I imagined she'd do. But the reason was totally wrong. "Zoe, I didn't-"

"Yes you did!" she screamed. "You pretended because you knew I was listening, right? And I actually believed Sydney when she said she wasn't in love with you! And you did it to Nate just because she asked you to keep an eye on me-"

In the next moment, I avoided a pillow and threw myself on the bed and pinned her on the sheets and we were both breathing hard. "Shut up for a second and listen to me!" I shouted. "I am not in love with Sydney Sage, though I do love her. I'm not in love with her, because I'm in love with her beautiful sister who is underage and who has a boyfriend and who I'm desperately trying to avoid but all I keep thinking about is how much I want to kiss her!"

I fell silent, and looked her in the eyes. She smiled. "Don't think," she whispered. "Do it."

And then I kissed her, and she kissed me back, and I couldn't believe it was happening.

_Thank you, Sydney,_ was the last thought that formed in my mind before I was lost in her.


	30. The Only One

**Author's note:** _Oh, she's going to kill me but I had to, I just had to merge my and your thoughts and Sydrian and make… this._

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

"Hey," I whispered, trying to get myself to start breathing. It didn't work.

"Hey," he whispered back, and a part of me hoped he was having problems with respiration, too.

We just stood there, in the middle of a shopping centre, surrounded by all that people passing by us, groceries forgotten and insignificant in this moment…

How could I think about anything, anything except for his eyes, and the way it felt to be the only thing they looked at? How could I do anything now, now that I remembered just how familiar it felt to be near him, to be touched by him, to be loved by him?

I lived all these years, all these years without turning back and reminding myself of it. It suddenly felt as if it all happened yesterday, as if he smiled only for me just a couple days ago and as if that smile faded this morning…

But no, every single year I remembered the exact date, and it was kind of like a countdown. One year. Two years. Three years. Four years. It's been four years, but yet here he was now, standing in front of me, looking so much more handsome and so much more beautiful…

"You dyed your hair," he said in a low voice, as if stating the obvious. My heart started beating even faster than a few minutes ago, when I noticed him in the crowd, and when his eyes widened in recognition, as if asking me: _Do you remember me? _Of course I remembered. How could I forget? How could I forget something that never, ever happened to me again? How could I forget something I knew would never happen again?

I also found myself asking him silently: _Do you like it?_ I dyed my hair brown after two years, deciding to change, deciding to cut all those curls and deciding to stop looking like a child, like something he loved so much…

He smiled. "You look so much older," he said gently.

I took a deep breath and started walking, trying to remember the list of all the things I had to buy. Milk, ketchup, salt, spaghetti, cheese, apples…

Adrian started walking along with me, of course. "I'm 23 now, you know, and you haven't seen me for 4 years, so it's probably the reason why you think like that…" I tried in a low voice, not trusting myself to talk any louder.

"No, you're not 23 yet," Adrian answered immediately, "You're turning 23 in a couple of months."

I stopped and turned to look at him, wondering if he really remembered when my birthday was. He looked so much different, yet so same, with his perfect pale face, and his perfect brown hair, though it wasn't messy anymore, and with his beautiful eyes, and I found myself remembering how it felt to touch that face, to pull my fingers through that hair and to just feel him close to me.

It felt so peaceful, but my hands shook, and Adrian had to take the cheese from me and wrap him up himself. I felt so stupid, yet I knew he wouldn't mind, and he wouldn't mention it, and my heart grew, because he hadn't changed.

"So how have you been?" he asked slowly, obviously aware that this could become dangerous within seconds. One wrong word, and I'd be crying, and he'd go away, and it'd all go back to the way it was before…

Yeah, before. How did it even end, I asked myself? Who was guilty? Who pushed who away? Was it the fact that he was a Moroi, something I couldn't change, or was it the fact that it just didn't work? That we just couldn't be together?

"Still reading those spell books?" Adrian continued with a smile.

He was actually able to smile at me after all of that, after never really saying goodbye. He really hadn't changed. "I'm fine, just buying groceries and then back to studying," I tried to ay in a cheerful tone. It sounded blank, somehow. It didn't sound right, Adrian and me talking so casually about life. After all we've been through, it just didn't sound right.

Still, he laughed and I had to smile, too. It was just the way my body always reacted to him. "So you didn't change that much after all," he said, looking at me with those life-altering eyes. The eyes I dreamed so many times, the eyes that made me want to start crying like a baby, the eyes that knew and held all my secrets. "You're still the hardworking girl I remember. You're still in college, right? So you're going to teach about Roman and Greek architecture after all?"

An image suddenly hit me – it was Malibu, and that wonderful museum of Etruscan art, the happiest day of my life, and it suddenly became hard for me to talk. "No, I'm actually studying science, I gave up on architecture a year after…" I trailed off, knowing fully well he understood what I was referring to.

God, it was hard, but it felt so easy, too. Remembering was the hard part, but talking to him felt so natural, it felt as if we never actually stopped.

"A scientist," he said, mostly to himself, his smile widening. "Suits you perfectly. I'm actually doing my final year on astronomy."

I raised an eyebrow. "Astronomy?" I repeated in disbelief. "What about art? Did you give up?"

Adrian's smile disappeared, and a new emotion showed up in his eyes. I couldn't decipher it, though. "You know all I wanted to do is paint, but astronomy is more realistic, and it's hard, but I'm actually very good in it. I was scared of Physics, but once I started studying, it actually paid off."

I was shocked. Adrian Ivashkov, the party boy, the royal Moroi, was telling me he was _studying Physics_? I should've been impressed, but I was simply horrified. This wasn't him, at least not _the him_ I knew. "You definitely changed, then," I said in a sharp voice, without intending to sound like that. "You were never a realistic person."

"Maybe you rubbed on me," he said with a shrug.

I shook my head as we approached the counter, all thoughts dissolving from my head and thousands of questions forming in my head.

Did our breakup hurt him that much? Did my disappearance really change him that much? I mean, astronomy was a bit… extreme for someone like him, someone who didn't even know what Physics was about. But I could believe it, somehow – Adrian was incredibly smart. He could do and become whatever he wanted.

_I wish I was there to witness those years_, I found myself thinking, but then I quickly tried to think about something else.

I wouldn't think about the past, I repeated over and over again. This was present, and this was how it was, and it couldn't have happened any different.

I didn't even notice Adrian was putting the groceries in bags and I frowned, mentally kicking myself for letting him be a gentleman. He was just… so much better now, so much more stable, so much better, and all I really wanted to do was hug or kiss him, but he didn't invade my personal space – not for a second. I thanked him so much for saving me from myself.

"So, where are you off to next?" he asked in a casual tone. "Anyone special waiting for you outside?"

I felt proud of myself for being able to say, "I'm alone, and there's no one special in my life." I knew that, if I told him I had a new boyfriend, and if he actually had to see him, it'd hurt him so much, so thank God, we were able to avoid it. I also told myself I should've been ashamed because even after all these years I still had nobody by my side, nobody except for my family, the family that was somehow miraculously saved from a disaster, with dad trying so hard not to be strict and mom not trusting him and Carly not wanting to come back after graduation…

But I had my peace, I reminded myself. I had my peace, and I couldn't let anything from the past harm it. "I definitely didn't expect that after all these-" Adrian started.

A high-pitched voice stopped him from speaking further. "Sydney? Oh my God, Sydney, is that really you?"

We both turned around, and I immediately had to smile, because a 19-year-old Jill was standing in front of me, and she was as beautiful as ever, now really looking like a runaway model, with all that make-up and amazing clothes and that general glamour that surrounded her. "Yes, Jill, it's me," I said weakly as she hugged me, in time to catch Adrian's sad smile.

And then another voice surprised me. "Sydney as in _Sydney Sage_? You're kidding me, Jill, it's not possible!"

I knew it was Eddie even before he hugged me from behind and suddenly he was spinning me, making me laugh like a crazy person.

"And who's this?" I said as I looked at a small blonde girl looking at me with Jill's blue eyes. "It's not your daughter, Jill, right?" I started freaking out, because Jill was barely nineteen years old, after all…

"Oh God, no," Jill said with a giggle. "It's Lissa's daughter, Jane, which makes me her aunt."

Adrian picked Jane up and made her hug me. A thought went through my mind – this child was a vampire, a Moroi. I blinked and it was gone, and Jane was just a regular 4-year-old, and Adrian and I were hugging her, and we were both laughing, stroking her cheeks.

I caught Jill's eye – she was looking at us with something like hope in her eyes. It immediately broke the spell and I remembered everything that happened, and the feeling of familiarity wasn't the only feeling inside of me anymore. There was grief inside of me, too, and I was grieving those wonderful times when I'd be so happy for seeing Adrian interact with a child, imagining that child to be ours…

No. I couldn't let it get through to me. I just couldn't. I had to keep it buried deep inside of me; otherwise I'd go crazy.

"Uncle Adrian, can you show me what's there?" little Jane asked, and Adrian immediately nodded, picked her up and started carrying her somewhere. It left me with Jill and Eddie, both of them looking at me weirdly.

Jill took a deep breath, then picked a paper out of her pocket and put it in my hand. "That's my number, and you're going to call me when you go give a good thinking to all of this, and you two are going to make up, okay?"

Eddie started saying, "Jill-" but she shook her head.

"No, Eddie, she needs to know this," she said in a strong voice. She looked so much more mature, like a real princess now, not like a child, I realized. Not like the child I knew. "He's never even had a girlfriend after her, and just look at him! I just want him to be happy," she said desperately.

We all looked over to see Adrian kneeling on the ground next to his little niece, a broad, honest smile on his lips, as he listened closely to what she was saying. My heart constricted, images of Adrian with our children flooding my mind again…

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

Four years ago, I decided that it just couldn't work anymore. I decided that Adrian and I couldn't be together anymore, because I had my own family to fix, and it was a family who'd never accept him. I had to choose between them and him, and I chose them. I just left one day, without a goodbye or anything, and I started rebuilding my life in Utah.

But here they were, in Utah, after four years, and I didn't even know I missed them so much until they showed up.

I didn't notice it when Adrian came back, so he surprised me by saying, "Is everything okay?"

He probably saw my aura and realized that something wasn't right here. I opened my eyes, willed all thoughts of the past to go away, smiled and nodded.

Jill sighed, and Eddie took her hand, looked at Adrian significantly and dragged her away to where Jane was standing. "Can I walk you out?" Adrian asked then, and I nodded.

Of course he could walk me out. He could walk me anywhere. He deserved at least that much from me, after everything I've done. "I'll be in Utah for the whole December," he said in a very low voice as we walked, "And I'd really like to catch up with you, see what's been going on in your world, and how's the rebuilding of the Alchemists and witches going. You still drink coffee, right? So we could go out when you're done with your exams."

I wanted to do that so badly, but the rational part of my brain was on, and I desperately wanted to just stop reliving all of it. I knew that we'd eventually kiss and it'd all just end up hurting us both again, and it'd end badly. I didn't want that – I wanted Adrian to remember me in a positive way, not like a person who dumped him. Not like Rose.

"I don't have time for this now, Adrian," I said honestly. "I really don't."

"Sydney, I don't want anything from you," he said, the wind ruffling his hair. My name on his lips still had that magical effect on me, the effect that made me stop and look into his eyes and see something inside of them, something I feared. "I just want to know how life's been treating you, nothing more. I don't want to disturb you, so please just call me when you want to see me."

There was only honesty in his eyes, only honesty, and despair and desperation and hope and realization and memories and the past and the future and everything…

And then I was left alone, standing out in the street, looking at the sky, trying hard not to cry and trying to make myself cry in the same time.

Because it wasn't Adrian's fault, none of it. I was the one who made dad see reason, who saved my parents' marriage, who made dad give up on his Alchemist career, who made them start living in their house together, who brought back myself and Zoe, and who now had a wonderful family, a family I dreamed of my whole life…

But what did I sacrifice for that peace? I sacrificed my love, and all throughout those four years I wondered if I'd ever fall in love again, find someone else, someone who wouldn't be anything like Adrian, but someone who'd still be able to make me forget and hope to marry and live a normal life. I wondered, and I still did, because I still didn't find anything, but I knew Adrian was out of question.

As much as my heart wanted him back, I knew I'd never actually do it, kiss him and tell him everything was alright, and we'd never be a couple again. It was the cold truth, the truth that hurt like hell, mostly because I knew I let him down.

It was all my fault. I traded him and my heart's happiness, for my mind's peace. I traded him for the wonderful state my family was in. I didn't deceive myself – I knew I was keeping them together, and I knew that if I started dating a Moroi dad'd go crazy, and mom would leave him, and it'd all fall apart. I had to sacrifice my heart for their hearts, and I was happy with things being like that, being so incredibly unfair.

But I wasn't happy because Adrian got hurt in the process, too.

There were no tears. No tears, just words, insignificant words I whispered in the wind so long ago, insignificant words I still wanted to say desperately, insignificant words who never reached their destination…

But somehow, they did, even without me saying them. Adrian knew, I realized. He knew how I felt, and why I felt how I did, and he knew he was my first and only love, and he knew I'd never forget, and he knew we could never be together, and he knew I was still hurt and lost and scared but that all of that was locked deep inside of me, and he knew he shouldn't touch that part of me.

But he already touched that part, and somehow, I was peaceful, because I knew he didn't mind. I just wanted us both to be happy, and perhaps we'd meet in heaven and kiss until we drowned in each other.

It was so easy to drown myself in him, even if he was just a memory. It was so easy to remember a snowy evening, just like the one I was living in now, and it was so easy to remember the way things felt so natural when I let him take care of me.

It was easy for me then. I chose him, and thought that I'd choose him before everything else. I betrayed myself when I betrayed him, but I could live with that.

I had to live with that. Not falling in love ever again sounded like a good enough punishment.

Yet I balled my hand in a fist and took care of that small paper on which his phone number was written as if it was my own heart I was holding.

It was Adrian's heart I was holding, and I wouldn't let go.


	31. Broken

**Author's note:** _Since it's not long until TFH, I'll try doing another totally new perspective on Re-education. Hopefully, we won't ever have to deal with it, but I don't think Richelle will exclude it from the series. No, it's too tempting to resist._

_Five more days, guys! _

_(All characters belong to Richelle Mead)_

Three days.

Three damn days without her.

I didn't understand how they were able to ruin her like that within only three damn days.

You see, at Re-education they broke them, and then they healed them.

Well, at least their bodies. They minds were scarred forever, and that's why they all looked like zombies.

It took us two days to find her, and another day to organize the breakout. It took us less than 48 hours to find that jerk Ian and to make him find out where she was kept. And then it took us less than 24 hours to break her out of that underground bunker.

I was in the front, of course. A few worthless humans didn't scare me. Sydney, on the other hand, and what happened to her, was a totally different thing. It scared me like hell.

I shouldn't have been surprised when I found her bloody, her left arm broken, her left knee out of its place, her whole body bruised, her nails bloody and broken, deep cuts on her arms and legs, and I was so scared that they did even worse things to her, things I wasn't able to see.

But I was surprised, of course, and I was so angry at them for doing that to her…

I didn't care about the darkness or about anything, really – I just wanted to heal her as soon as possible, I just wanted to take the pain away from her. But she made me promise I'd drink the pills, and I had no idea how long it'd take for them to wear off. I'd rather have her healthy and angry at me for helping her than bloody and traumatized and the darkness inactive.

I wanted to call Lissa or Sonya to take care of it, but I knew it'd drain them both and that I was the only one who cared for her enough to sacrifice my sanity for her health.

But I was unable to, so all I could do was take my shirt off, pull it over her cut and bloody clothes, and take her in my arms and carry her away.

The whole trip to the Court she cried, and the whole trip I pulled my fingers through her hair and whispered reassuring things in her ear. The whole trip she was in my lap, and I didn't mind because she was finally safe, and I wasn't going to let her go ever ago.

That… that damn sister of hers. What the hell was wrong with her? Why did she let them do this to her own sister? And oh, her father, Jared Sage… I was going to hunt him down and kill him. I wasn't going to stop until I got that satisfaction. This was all his fault – Ian confirmed as much.

That son of a bitch, who was able to do that to his own child. What kind of a sick person did you have to be to allow something like that? Did he just hate her that much for being so amazing so that he had to try to ruin her?

During those two days without her, a period which started with Jill calling me and screaming into my ear that Sydney was missing and that Zoe simply said that "she was where she was supposed to be," many thoughts went through my head. You see, I expected many things. I expected to find her drugged, or brainwashed, or in a prison cell, and even thoughts of Strigoi or Moroi drinking her blood went through my head…

But this, brutally beating her up, breaking her bones and leaving her in a room, crying and whimpering and gasping and barely being able to move, it was definitely not something I expected.

They weren't humans, not in the real sense of the word. They were beasts, able to watch her suffer like this and just leave her on the floor…

I shook my head and hugged her more tightly, reassuring myself that she was going to be okay. Yes, she was in pain, but it was all going to be okay. I could heal those wounds, I and time.

I just didn't expect her to be this broken after only three days. I just didn't expect them to do it so quickly, without wasting time. It was so dreadful that I wanted to scream in frustration or hit something.

I avoided Rose's looks from beside us, or Dimitri's glances in the rearview mirror, or even Eddie, looking at us with only sadness in his eyes from the front seat. I didn't want to think about them, or about the fact that I never got to tell them about Sydney and me being romantically involved. All I got to say was, "They kidnapped her and we need to save her as soon as possible!" and they didn't ask any further questions.

I sighed and closed my eyes as Sydney continued to cry silently. Somehow, I was in pain too and felt as if I was the bruised and the broken one.

I carried her to the hospital, of course, and told them all about the visible injuries. When they asked me to leave her with them for a while, I refused. I could've compelled them, too, but I didn't need to – when the short-haired middle-age woman saw the look of pure determination in my eyes, she let me stay.

Her injuries were… they were horrifying. Her whole body was covered in bruises, mostly purple, blue and black, but there were red and bloody places, too. I yearned to help her, I searched for spirit everywhere in me, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I hated myself for it. I was finally useless, stripped of my only ability that was worth something.

But I was sane. Until now, it was a good thing. But now, now I'd gladly become insane in exchange for those bruises and cuts disappearing from her body.

Just as I diagnosed, her left arm was broken and it'd take quite a while for that injury to heal. There was basically nothing they could do to her knee except a very thorough operation which I immediately forbid – her knee could wait until spirit came back. With God's help, she wouldn't wait long.

Sydney was sedated and asleep, but even with her eyes closed she looked as if she was in pain. I wanted to talk with her in a spirit dream, somewhere where she'd be safe from the awful reality, but I didn't have spirit so that was out of question, too. Thank God, the doctors diagnosed that my worst fear wasn't reality – they didn't rape her or anything like that. It was as if a great weight was thrown off my shoulders.

But on the other side, they diagnosed some pretty bad things – several of her ribs were broken, and it all caused internal bleedings. It was a very big problem, a problem which needed to be solved immediately or she'd die.

That's why I found myself in Lissa's chambers, my ears shining with tears and my dignity long gone. I would've gone to Sonya first, since she wasn't the Moroi queen, but there was no alternative.

"You understand that this could solve a very big problem?" Lissa said for the millionth time in her queen-like tone. "You understand that if she died, there'd be no scandal and no possible war between the Moroi and the Alchemists?"

"You could never let that happen," I said, tears in my voice as I considered the scenario. "You're a spirit user, Liss. I know you. Except for the fact that you feel the urge to run to the hospital and heal her immediately, you'd never hurt me like that. You know it'd kill me, and that's why you're not going to let it happen."

"I need you to promise me something," she said seriously. "I'll heal her, and she'll live, if you promise me to break up with her. I know it seems unfair, but I have to think about everyone and everything. I don't want to have a war because of a teenage romance."

"Okay, then," I said, wiping the tears as I tried to pick up shreds of my dignity from the floor, "Don't heal her. Let her die. Have her death on your consciousness for the rest of your life. And mine, too, of course. Now, if you'll let me go and be with her until God decides to bring back my powers."

"Adrian, I didn't mean it like that-" Lissa said in a soft voice, which didn't sound soft at all. It sounded fake, like everything else in the world. Why did all my friends have to stab me in the back? The only person who actually loved me and protected me from those things was in the hospital, dying.

I would've called Sonya, but she was useless. Somewhere in the Bahamas, enjoying life with her husband.

So how was I going to solve this? I was going to wait for a while, wait for spirit to come back, and then I was going to heal her and everything was going to be alright.

If that didn't work, then we were going to close our eyes forever together. I wasn't going to live without her, no matter how absurd it sounded. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with images of her, images of our ordinary life, images of something I never cherished enough, images of her sacrificing everything for me, and now dying for it…

"I love you," I whispered and touched her cheek with my hand. "I know you can't hear me, but I still want you to know that. I wish I could visit you in a spirit dream now, so that at least your last dream is a good one." I smirked to myself, tears blurring my vision as I moved closer to her bed, breathing her hair in, the hair which smelled of blood, but which smelled of her too.

Her breathing was shallow, her heart was beating slowly and she was slowly dying, but she was still alive.

My only hope was God now. God, in who I never believed in before. God, who I never found anywhere. God, who I never felt the need to talk to. God, who I desperately needed now. Sydney believed in Him, so I guessed I did, too.

So I found myself in the church, somehow, praying to someone I never connected with before. I didn't even know how I was supposed to do this. What would Sydney do, if she was there?

She'd laugh at me, clasp m hands with hers and murmur things in Latin. Then she'd translate them to me and suddenly it'd all make sense, and I'd be a converted Christian before I even realized it.

_God? Are you there?_ I said in my mind, feeling stupid for even trying. But there was nothing to lose now, right? Sydney was dying. There was nothing worse than that.

_Well, God, if you can hear me, than you know just what a sinner I am. And I'm not going to lie to you – I never really believed you existed. But now I'm desperate, and I have no one else to turn to, and so I'm trying to communicate with you. _

I was already feeling less like a fool and more like a believer now. _You probably already know that Sydney's hurt. I don't know why you let it happen to such a perfect person, but please just stop letting people torture her. Stop the pain. If she's supposed to die, then I guess she's going to die, right? But if she should live and have an awesome life with me, a life in which I'd always protect her – you know just how much, since you can see into my soul… then please let her live. _

_Please, just give me spirit back and let me save her, God. It'd be the only proof I'd need for your existence._

I got up, sighed heavily and decided to go back to Sydney. What if she died before I got to her? What if she really was gone? It was astonishing, how quickly things changed. Three days ago, we were two happiest persons in the whole world, and now she was almost dead and I almost crazy.

"Adrian?" I heard a familiar voice say from behind me.

"Now's not the time, little dhampir," I said in my last attempt to be funny, "She's going to die soon and I need some time. We'll talk about it after it's over, but I just don't have the strength to do it now."

"Adrian," she said again, her voice directly behind me now. She put her hand on my shoulder hesitantly. "Don't think like that. Sydney's tough – she's not going to die. She's going to make it through this and then you'll both be happy-"

"Of course she's going to die!" I said too loudly, my voice echoing in the church. "She's going to die, because Liss doesn't want to and I can't help her! And why did Sonya have to go to her honeymoon now? How did Sydney deserve this? I understand that my bad deeds make me a good candidate for a situation like this, but why her? Why does everyone and everything I love have to disappear?"

Rose was hugging me from behind by now, and my last sentence was a whisper. I shook my head in defeat. "Adrian, she'll be okay because you're going to heal her," Rose said firmly.

I chuckled. "You just don't get it, don't you? Anti-depressants can't just wear off when I want them to. I can't just turn magic on and off when I want to."

"But it'll come back in a few hours, right?" she said uncertainly.

"She might die before then," I whispered. "Now let me go. Let me be with her while I can."

Rose let me go and I turned to leave, but just as I opened the door she stopped me.

"Adrian?" she said in a broken voice.

I turned around, just to see tears falling down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, you have no idea how much."

Yeah, I guessed she could understand the pain of loss. Partially because she lost Dimitri, the love of her life, too, and partially because she caused me pain once. It didn't hurt half as much as it did now.

"Don't speak as if she's already dead," I heard myself whisper and in the next moment I was beside her, her state worsening and her face being paler every second. Even bruised, even bloody, even with deep wounds, she was still as beautiful as ever. I had such a wonder, and now God was taking it away from me…

So I sat beside her, and started thinking. I knew that when you died, your whole life passed in front of your eyes, so I tried to think about the past.

But my past without Sydney seemed like one big grey moment. It was all a distant memory, a memory I didn't want to relieve. And then the light came. I thought she was weak then, and I thought she was just arrogant. Yet I decided to help her, and since it was something I never did, I realized there was something going on.

After that I fell in love with her, so brutally and completely that I couldn't even focus on anything else except for her. Then I kissed her, and she kissed me back, but she was too scared for anything more.

I lived with the memory of that kiss for weeks, all until we finally kissed again while we were looking for those witches, and then I knew she loved me, too.

Then she almost left for Mexico with Marcus and his Merry men, but thank God, her heart was stronger than her mind and so we ended up kissing in Malibu.

And then it all became complicated, with Zoe and the Alchemists being more and more dangerous and kidnapping Jill, and Zoe being suspicious of Sydney being a magic user.

It's why she reported on her – because her sister was special and awesome. What kind of a sister was she?

And then they did this to her, they ruined her body and I wasn't able to help her. The only good thing was the fact that I wouldn't live long enough to even start feeling guilty.

_As soon as she dies, you'll die too_, I told myself. Life was meaningless without her, and it was all as clear as a day to me. Somehow, I was going to die.

But before that happened, I was going to try. I was going to try with my whole being, and I was going to heal her somehow. She didn't deserve to die – if she died, life wouldn't have a meaning. She was basically a saint, and saints deserved to live.

So I tried to find that spark of spirit within me, and I tried to pull at it, and I didn't care about the darkness or anything. There was only Sydney. _Sydney Sage, the only woman I ever truly loved. _

"Adrian," I heard a soft whisper, which made me realize I was asleep all until now. Were they here to tell me she was gone? Did I miss it, the moment she left this world?

"Adrian, what's going on?" I heard a more urgent voice. "Why are we glowing?"

I opened my eyes, just to shut them tightly after I saw a blinding light.

"Sydney?" I said, confused. "What the hell is going on? Are we in a dream? Aren't you supposed to be…" I swallowed, not daring to say the word.

"I don't know," she said softly. "I woke up a minute ago, and there was this light coming out my arm, and my whole body is tingling now. Like when you used spirit on me…"she stopped then, realizing the same thing I did – this was spirit.

And spirit… it was everywhere. I slowly opened my eyes and got used to the light, and it really was coming out of Sydney.

Her whole body was shining a silvery glow, and she was even more beautiful now. I thanked God for letting me do this, even though I had no idea what "this" was. I called spirit somehow, and it meant Sydney would be alright.

"Adrian, are you doing this?" she asked uncertainly. "Are you healing me?"

I gulped, knowing that she could hear me, a grin forming on my lips. "Just let me take care of you, Sydney, and you can be angry later, when you're okay and out of the hospital," I said cheerfully. "You have no idea how worried I was."

I looked up at her face, just to see her smiling, too, the silvery glow making all the bruises disappear. There was understanding in her eyes, understanding I loved more than anything in the whole world. She cared for me, and she cared for me enough to let me do things my way. "Please, don't use too much," she whispered as her eyes locked with mine.

I shook my head. Hell, I'd use all the spirit that existed inside of me, and I'd use even more, if it'd make the wounds disappear. I moved until I was on top of her, aware of the fact that she wasn't in pain anymore, aware of the fact that her ribs weren't broken anymore and that she wasn't bleeding and that her arm wasn't broken…

I kissed her, of course. I kissed her and I'd kiss her while she told me all about the tortures she went through, and I'll kiss her heart again and again until she forgot about it, and I'd never leave her out of my sight again, and everything would be all right.

She was alive. She was alive, and for me, that was enough. I let myself go and I didn't care about the darkness or the Alchemists or anything for a while. Just Sydney, and her heart beating fast, and her breathing shallow because of my kisses, not because of death, there to take her away from me.


End file.
